It was nothing out of the ordinary when I started my day off with a panic attack. I had anxiety issues and couldn’t remember a time I wasn’t depressed. Sometimes I wondered why I always felt so miserable and hopeless; I mean, I had a great home life overall, I enjoyed the part-time job I had been working at after school on weekdays and even though I only had two people I could really call friends, I didn’t seem to find myself constantly feeling lonely. High school is rough and so are these shitty teenage years. Maybe I was always depressed because I felt like I was going nowhere fast with my life and that I was trapped in this small town, well at least until I graduated. I’m only a junior so I’ve got another year after this to figure something out.
After I calmed myself down from the adrenaline rush and heavy breathing, I made my way downstairs following the scent of mom’s famous pancakes and the sweet, warm smell of maple syrup.
“Good morning Frankie!” my mom was a morning person and was always way too happy to be awake at 7AM.
“Morning mom. Pancakes smell delicious, have you made the coffee yet?”
“Of course dear, but are you sure you want coffee? You’ve been drinking so much of it lately and studies show it can stunt your growth.” My mom always worried about my eating habits and me taking care of my body because “I’d regret not taking care of myself at a young age when I get older “
“Mom, I’m 17 years old and I haven’t grown since I was 15. I think I’ve hit my maximum height unfortunately, so drinking coffee everyday isn’t going to change anything” I was hardly 5’4 and maybe 130lbs. I was a little shit and always had been. I developed an addiction to coffee as a young kid when my dad would secretly let me drink his coffee without mom knowing, so hell, maybe the theory on coffee stunting your growth was true.
I sat down at the table with mom and we ate our pancakes and drank our coffee in silence, mom reading the newspaper, me tangled up in my thoughts about not wanting to go to school. Dad was out of town for the week which was very common so it was just mom and I. Dad was a vice president for IBM, a big computer company, so he was always traveling. I grew up with him constantly gone so it was nothing new to us. Mom did a great job of supporting my dad with his career and practically being a single parent, she did one hell of a job raising me and always making sure I knew how loved I was. Like I said before, I had an amazing home life. My parents were happily married, mom was like a best friend to me and when dad was in town, we got along great. We traveled a lot as a family because dad would let us tag along occasionally on his business trips. Dad worked hard for our family and it showed with the amount of income he made; Mom didn’t have to work, but she chose to so she wouldn’t go crazy sitting at home all day while I was at school. I didn’t blame her. She worked four hours a day during the week at a boutique her friend owned downtown and she loved it. It was fun for her and kept her distracted.
“Thanks for the breakfast mom. It was great, as always. I’m gonna head out for school now. See ya later”
“Have a great day Frankie, don’t forget your dad is coming home tonight so you need to be home for dinner, ok?”
“I work today after school mom and wont get off till 7.” I said back.
“Oh, I forgot. Well we will wait and eat with you honey. Have a good night at work. Love you!”
“Love you to mom” and with that, I headed out to my car. I drove a four door black jeep wrangler that my parents had got me for my sixteenth birthday. Needless to say, I was surprised when I walked outside on my birthday to my childhood dream car and it has been my baby ever since.

---

When I got to school, the bell for first period to begin had already rang, so I was late for the third time that week. I was so glad it was Friday because I needed the weekend. It had ben a rough week with my anxiety and depression. I spent a lot of time writing in the journals I kept and listening to sad music. I’m really into music and writing songs, I even play guitar thanks to my grandfather who taught me growing up. I always used music and writing as an outlet because I didn’t know how else to silence my demons.

When I got into first period, Ray was sitting there with an annoyed look on his face. Ray was considerably my best friend, seeing as how I only had him and Bob and between the two, Ray was definitely the better friend. Ray and I just sorta clicked I guess. We played guitar together a lot and we had almost everything in common so when we met back in 5th grade, we became best friends instantly. We had somewhat grown apart through the years, mainly because Ray got a girlfriend in 9th grade and they’ve been together ever since. I liked Christa; she was cool, but I always had a bit of resentment towards her when she started taking up all of Ray’s free time.
“Dude, you’ve been late to this class everyday this week. I’ve covered for you every time but I’m pretty sure Mrs. Green isn’t buying that ‘you’ve been sick in the mornings then randomly started feeling better’ excuse that I’ve been giving her.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s the excuse you’ve been giving her? I wouldn’t believe that shit either Ray. You could’ve done better than that; and for the record, I’ve only been late three times.” I chuckled.
“Yeah well I wouldn’t have to make up horrible lies if you could get your shit together and actually make it on time.” Ray acted annoyed but in all honesty, he didn’t mind covering for me. He’s been doing it for so long now, it was second nature to him.
“Nice of you to finally join us, Mr. Iero. Toro has kept me informed of you not feeling well the past few mornings. I hope everything is… ok” Mrs. Green said in a sort of sarcastic way. Ray was right; she wasn’t buying it, but what could she really do about it besides throw me a couple of detentions? Luckily Mrs. Green and I were somewhat close, due to her being my English teacher and me being one of the best writers in the school. She was always impressed by my literature and she made me feel a bit more confident in my writing. I genuinely enjoyed her class which was surprising because I hated school. God I hated school.

---

After class, Ray and I parted ways, me going to World History and him heading to Biology.
“Meet you after class dude and hey, good luck on that test in World History. I’ve heard from a lot of people that it’s a bitch!” Said Ray as he started walking down the long hallway. Shit… I knew I had been forgetting to do something that was school related. I was about to bomb this test and if I did, there was really no hope for saving my grade at this point in the semester. I just stood there lost in my thoughts, watching Ray as he walked down the hall until I could no longer see his curly fro, trying to conjure up an escape plan so I didn’t have to take this test.

The nurse was the only thing I could think of, so I headed to her office, trying to think of ways I could make her believe I was sick.
“Come sign in honey and take a seat, I’ll be right with you.” Our nurse was a middle-aged, sweet and caring woman that seemed to really enjoy her job. She was the kind of nurse that always made you feel like whatever was going on with you was truly important and she always seemed so intuitive to students needs. I use to see her a lot my freshman year when my anxiety attacks started happening. The first one I ever had happened in the middle of my Algebra class and I could’ve sworn I was having a heart attack. When I was rushed to the nurses office, she helped calm me down and listened to me about how I was feeling and ruled out that I actually wasn’t dying, I was just having a bad panic attack. This woman should’ve been a therapist; she always knew how to talk to students and what to say to them. After that first incident, I found myself ending up in her office anytime an attack would strike. I probably spent half of my second semester of freshman year in there with her if I’m being honest, but she never seemed to mind. She’d welcome me in with her warm smile and let me sit in her office and just talk about anything I wanted, or if I were having a bad day with depression too, I’d just sleep on one of the beds until I felt calm enough to return to class.

When I came in, she was already with another student so it took her a little while to get over to me. I watched and tried to listen as she was talking with the boy she was with. I had never seen him before in school, but I guess I didn’t pay attention to anyone when I was here and nobody really paid any attention to me either besides Ray and Bob. The boy was tall and thin with black hair that almost touched his shoulders and looked like it hadn’t been washed in days. He was very fair skinned and had a great complexion. I noticed his facial features like his hazel-green eyes, his nose that sort of pointed out then curved up at exactly the perfect point, his tiny teeth that reminded me of lined up white tic-tac’s and how his eyebrows looked so perfectly maintained. Why have I never seen this kid around before? He must be new or something. After eavesdropping on their conversation, I collected some information on the mysterious boy I had never seen. For starters, his name was Gerard and he told the nurse he had only been attending this school for a little over two months, so that explained why I had never seen him. Second, once he stood up and I could fully see him, I realized he was wearing a misfits T-Shirt from their tour last summer and that made me instantly even more intrigued by this kid. The misfits were my favorite band and their music practically raised me; they got me hooked on punk music and were a big influence on me when I started writing my own songs. Lastly, at the end of their conversation, I realized he was suffering from an anxiety attack so the nurse had him lay on one of the beds. I couldn’t help but feel some serious sympathy for the kid because I knew all too well how he was feeling; it was written all over his face. Scrunched up eyebrows, heavy breathing, his mouth slightly open and a look of terror pierced through his eyes.
“Sorry for the wait Frank, what can I do for you?” the nurse asked happily.
“Uhh.. Hi…um, I was walking to class and I started feeling really sick all of the sudden. I feel like I need to lay down for a little bit or something.” I had just told her the biggest bullshit of an excuse and I knew she didn’t believe it, but she didn’t say anything about it either.
“I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well honey. Go lay down for a little bit and see if that helps any. What class are you in right now? I’ll send a note down letting your teacher know you’re in here not feeling well.”
“I’m in Mr. Grims World History class right now.” I said in my best “sick” tone. I was in the clear from the “bitch of a test”, at least until monday, so I had time to study for it over the weekend… how thrilling.
I went to lie down on the empty bed and seeing as how there were only two in the office, I had to lay next to Gerard. He was still laying there tensed up, but his breathing had gone back to normal and he was slowly calming down. I sat on the edge of the bed and slowly laid down on my back and stared up at the ceiling. My original plan was to come in here and take a nap for the next hour, but I couldn’t stop my mind from wanting to say something to Gerard. I wasn’t the kind of person who started conversations. I stayed to myself mostly and avoided people I didn’t know. Why was I so interested in knowing Gerard? What was so interesting about him that I couldn’t just leave alone? Why did I feel like such a creep for knowing his name due to me being nosey? It was that thought alone that made me muster up the courage and say something.
“The misfits? Badass dude. I’m a huge fan. Did you go to their summer tour too?” Shit, why did I ask if he went to the summer tour? He was wearing the summer tour shirt, of course he fucking went you idiot. He opened his eyes and looked down at his shirt, then back up at me with a blank face and I couldn’t tell if he wanted to just ignore me and the question or if he was trying to figure out if I was actually talking to him.
“Um, yeah. Yeah I went.” His voice was kind of feminine but it matched his face.
“Wasn’t it such a great concert? I’d have to say it was probably the best one of theirs I’ve ever been to, besides it being hotter than hell outside.”
Gerard’s tensed up eyebrows relaxed and the left side of his mouth curved up into a small smirk.
“Agreed” he said, “that concert was nuts and crazy good, but the heat was awful.”
“Most definitely dude. So are you new to this school? I don’t think I’ve seen you around before.” I acted dumb like I didn’t already know he had only gone here two months because I didn’t want to feel like the creep I really was for listening in on his conversation earlier.
“uhh yeah. Um I’ve been here a little over two months now. I mean, I’ve lived here in Belleville all my life but I went to private school.”
“Private school, huh? How was that?”
“Awful. It was pretty miserable if I’m being totally honest. We had to wear uniforms and couldn’t wear our hair certain ways. It’s been liberating to wear all my band shirts and to have my hair grown out a little bit. I’ve always been in private school so this is the first time I’m really getting to be myself.”
“That sounds like hell” I said, pondering about how much a private school would hate my guts if I ever attended one. I had piercings and unevenly cut hair that I was always changing. I’d be the poster child for how not to dress at a private school.
“Yeah I guess it kind of was. My brother and I are a lot happier now that we’re in public school.” A brother? There was another boy running around this school that possessed the same genes as Gerard? I was nothing short of curious about this.
“Oh, you have a brother that goes here too? What grade is he in? Hell, what grade are you even in? I asked.
Gerard kind of laughed, “Well I’m a junior this year and my brother Mikey is a freshman. Oh, and I’m Gerard. Gerard Way.”
Gerard way… I liked the sound of it. I had never met anyone named Gerard; the only time I had ever heard it before this is when my mom was obsessing over Gerard Buttler in the movie “P.S. I love you”
“Well it’s nice to meet you Gerard, I’m Frank. Frank Iero.”
He smiled back at me like I had just said the most interesting thing he had heard all day and it made me smile, too.
“What class are you missing out on right now?” I asked him
“English, unfortunately.”
“unfortunately? Who do you have?”
“Mrs. Green. She’s really badass.”
“Ahh, Mrs. Green is the best! I have her first period. It’s my favorite class of the day which makes coming to school a tad bit better.”
“I believe it. Her class is my favorite, too.”
“What does the rest of your schedule look like? I’m surpised I haven’t seen you around before. This school isn’t exactly big.” I chuckled
“Well I haven’t really made friends here yet so I keep quiet and to myself. I have History first period, English second, Science third, Math fourth, then I have fifth period lunch, sixth I have advanced art and seventh I have gym”
“Woah our schedules are a lot alike but we seem to be going to class that the other one came from. How have I not seen you around? Who do you have for Science?”
“I have Mrs. Smith” Gerard said.
“Oh, I’ve got Mrs. Salvatore right across the hall. I have fifth lunch too though, so if you haven’t made any new friends and wanted to sit with me, you can.” I was really hoping he would agree to sit at lunch with me. Right now my lunch table consisted of me, Ray, Christa, Bob and Pete who was really strange but was friends with bob, so we just sort of accepted him at the table.
“Oh I don’t want to intrude on you or anything. It’s fine, really.”
“Do you already sit with some other kids or something?”
“Well, no. I usually go to the library during lunch hour with Mikey. We luckily have the same lunch so it works out for us.”
“You sit in the library alone with your brother during lunch and y’all have been here for two months?” I didn’t realize till after I said it that I sounded like an asshole.
Gerard blushed and looked down at his feet.
“yeah… we just.. we don’t know anyone here yet so-” I cut him off at that point because his made up excuse was almost as shitty as the ones I make.
“How about you and Mikey come sit at my lunch table today? You can meet my best friend Ray and our other friend bob. They’re really cool guys… well, actually no, they really aren’t that cool. But I dig them and they aren’t assholes so it could be worse.”
Gerard laughed at my description of my friends and I could tell he was thinking about rather or not he wanted to sit with me.
“Ok… yeah, we’ll come sit with you. The library is getting a little old so a change of scenery and some social interaction that isn’t with just my brother would be nice.”
I got a weird feeling in my stomach when he said yes to sitting with us at lunch. Did I just get butterflies in my stomach? Is that what that was? Why did I get butterflies from that?
My train of thought was interrupted when the bell rang for us to head to third period, so I stood up, got my back pack and was about to head for the door.
“Hey, want to walk to class together? I know we have different teachers but our classes are right across the hall from each other.” I asked Gerard.
He looked up at me and smiled with his mouth and his eyes, “yeah that sounds good”
We walked out of the nurses office, waving bye to the nurse and thanking her for letting us lie down for the period.
“So I know you must have a great taste in music since you’re wearing a misfits T-shirt.” I chuckled, “But what other bands do you listen to?”
“I listen to a lot of different music actually. My favorites would have to be The Misfits, Iggy pop and David Bowie. Oh, especially Bowie. I’ve also recently become a big fan of Black Flag.”
“Man you do have a kick ass taste in music! I love Black Flag. They’re easily in my top five favorites.”
“Ok so what are your top favorites?” Gerard asked me.
“The misfits, Black Flag, American Nightmare, The Bouncing Souls and The Beastie Boys”
“Really? The Beastie Boys? I didn’t have you pegged as a beastie fan.”
“What? I have weird hair and piercings so I cant dig a band like the Beastie boys?”
Gerard blushed “No, no that’s not what I meant at all I was just saying that-“
“Dude, I’m kidding with you.” I smiled at him and laughed so he knew I wasn’t serious. I had definitely made him uncomfortable joking about my appearance.
“Oh… well I actually really dig your hair. It’s cool. And I wish I had the piercings you do, but I’m terrified of needles so it’s not something I’d ever have done.”
“You’re scared of needles?” Gerard did not look like the kind of guy that would be scared of a needle. Hell, he dressed a lot like me. Band shirts, tight skinny jeans and obviously dyed black hair. Kids like us just didn’t fear needles. We kind of worshiped them seeing as how they gave us all the piercings we had and would eventually give us all the tattoos we would want and hoped for.
“yeah, its weird, I know. But its my thing so whatever.”
“Hey, not judging you for fearing needles. It will save you from having that dumb tattoo you’d get when you turned eighteen, just for the satisfaction of getting one and never being able to really explain why the hell you got it.”
Gerard laughed, “That’s true. I’m safe from the life-long bad tattoo.”
By this point, we were right outside our science classrooms and the bell to start class would be ringing any minute.
“Well I guess I’ll see you after class dude. Meet you out here after class?” I asked Gerard
“Yeah, that sounds good.” And we turned to go into our separate classrooms.

---

Science felt like it lasted a century for some reason and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t focus on anything Mrs. Salvatore was talking about. I was too caught up with thinking about my new friend Gerard. He seemed so cool and he had a really great taste in music. I couldn’t help but feel excited to learn more about him and become better friends. I also pondered the thought of his little brother Mikey. He didn’t really say much about him, so I wasn’t sure what to expect.

The bell finally rang and I got up faster than I ever had before in that class, eager for what was waiting for me right outside the door. When I saw Gerard, I felt my mouth pull into an automatic smirk and I walked over to him.
“Learn anything interesting in class?” Gerard said
“If learning how to make a punnett square and how to determine if genes are co-dominant or not is interesting, then yeah, I learned something interesting.”
Gerard laughed and looked down at his shoes, rubbing his left hand on the back of his neck.
“Yeah, we learned the same thing so I guess neither of us learned anything interesting today. So what class are you headed to now?”
“I have music this period so I’m headed towards the arts hallway”
“Oh cool! I have math so I’m actually headed the opposite way of you.”
I don’t really know why, but it kind of bummed me out knowing I couldn’t walk to class with Gerard this period.
“Alright well meet me in front of the library when you get out of class. It’s in the middle of our classes so it’ll be easy to meet up there and we can grab Mikey so he knows you guys are sitting with us today.”
“Sounds awesome! I’ll see you after class Frank. Have fun in music.”
“Yeah, you have fun in math” Gerard smiled and rolled his eyes, turning around to head down his hallway. I started walking towards the music hall and ended up thinking about Gerard again… I was already excited to see him after class… I was excited to meet his brother Mikey… and I was definitely excited for them to eat lunch with us and to meet my friends. There was no way in hell I’d be focusing in music class either with thoughts like this surrounding my mind.

Notes

Ok so this is my first time ever writing anything so your feedback on it would be REALLY appreciated! Also, if you have any good ideas about where to go with this, let me know! I'd love to hear what y'all think!


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