A creaking noise came from the other side of the door. Bonnie hadn’t left her room and was peacefully laying on the thin layers of her mattress. Her eyes had been fixing the moon that lighten up the night’s sky. A gigantic pool of tiny stars were glimmering in sync, reflecting a blue halo across the chamber.

“Knock knock” A soft voice spoke out from the hall. The sudden sound caused her to sit on the edge of her bed.

“Yes? Who is it?” She cleared out her throat and passed a hair through her messy hair. The heavy wooden frame slowly opened and exposed the figure of Ghoul, wearing his usual devilish, childish smile. ‘Wanna join us? We’re having a little party outside…’

“A party? What for?” What on earth could they be celebrating anyway?

‘Well, Kobra fixed the car, which is, quit impressive, coming from him.’ He laughed silently and entered the small room. He pressed his back on the wall right across her bed, a shy but genuinely happy expression came from his face. “And you know, since all of the mess that happened in the last few days is behind us now, I thought, I’d be a good time to act like teenagers again. You know, have a blast, with friends…” He chose his words wisely, scared she’d refuse and turn him away. He knew he couldn’t tell her the real reason; he wanted to celebrate because he found her. Because she was his new hope, and possibly to every other Killjoy.

But Teenagers? Again? She doesn’t have any memory of ever being one. Though the word friends and the timid and inviting smile that this boy wore created something new inside of her. She hesitated before speaking up, having a brief look at the ground around her.

“Look, if you don’t want to come, I understand. It’s been a hard time for y-“

“NO! It’s fine, it’s okay. I mean, I’m fine. I want to come but, I don’t have anything… to wear.” She caught him abruptly.

Bonnie has had enough of hiding and suffering. For the first time ever her brain functioned properly. She didn’t have to worry about if this would be the last day the sun would have caressed her skin. She didn’t have to worry about how cold would be the sand when she’d rest her head at night. She didn’t have to be alone, so alone that she would feel a hole inside her stomach. At least for tonight, she could try and remember to be something she never was, free. Free from the burden that traced her deepest scars, the burden that made her feel like drowning even when she desperately needed water. She found a place and maybe someone she could trust, someone she could call a friend.

Bonnie shrugged while peaking an eye on the long and old looking shirt she was wearing. The clothes belonged to one of the boys, making her look quit ridiculous to show up at party. But that wasn’t the worst part, no. The very loose underwear she wore underneath was the main reason for her concern.

“Oh, I see, well…” Ghoul’s eyes widened when he realized she did indeed looked a bit strange.
“I think we got female’s clothes, somewhere in this room. They belonged to one of my…friend. Well, if I should call it like that. She used to live here. I remember seeing a jacket or something…” His attention suddenly shifted while he rushed to the back of the room and opened the boxes that were stacked on top of each other.

The rough sound of carton being crushed filled Bonnie’s ears as she watched the Killjoy desperately searching inside their contents.

She waited silently on the edge of her bed while nervously playing with her hands when something from outside suddenly caught her attention. Distinct voices were heard, she reached the window, wondering where they came from. A series of cars was approaching from the road, all of them were colourful and vintage looking. She watched carefully as they parked side by side a few meters away from her emplacement. Bonnie was fascinated by what she saw, different figures of young people escaped the vehicles, all of them were so different, from the clothes they wore and the flamboyant hair styles. All looked so unique, but also looked like belonging to the same tribe.

“GOT IT! Perfect, just PERFECT!” Ghoul exclaimed wandering in the pool of boxes behind her.

Bonnie’s eyes examined the small crowd that was starting to vanish away from her view just before the Killjoy rushed to her side.

“There you go, my friend. You’ll now have a proper outfit for tonight, and probably all the other days…”

“What are those?” She asked as she examined the clothes he placed on the surface of the bed.

‘“See for yourself, I’m sure you’ll look ravaging…” He winked at her and smiled widely. “I’ll be outside with the others, just come and join us… I’ll be waiting for you.” Those were the last things he told her before walking away and shutting the door behind him.

Bonnie was left alone again, fixing the pile of intriguing fabric. She grabbed the first thing her hands touched. A dark and shiny crimson leather jacket was now reflecting in front of her eyes, it definitely looked time-worn but that only enhanced the mysterious look it held. There was a curious symbol at the back of it, a spider just like the one from the Trans Am. But this one was black, smaller and the legs of the insect were spreading across the surface, creating thin lines on each side of the jacket.

“This is gorgeous.” She whispered to herself while her gaze meticulously observed her new coat.

When she grabbed the other piece, at first she couldn’t quit figure out what it was. ‘Oh…’ She exclaimed quietly once realizing that the thing she was holding was a suit. A one piece. The jumpsuit was even more fascinating then the jacket. It was dark grey, some sort of sad bluish shade, but beautiful nonetheless. There was a zipper in the middle, tracing the length of the upper part and the sleeves were long enough to cover her arms. The material felt thick, but airy at the same time. This was definitely something that was created for combat. Solid enough to take a hit, but also expanding and thin, so you could still feel agile and comfortable when moving.

Lastly, a small pair of black boots were standing at the edge of her feet. There were plain and chunky. Bonnie grabbed the three items and proceeded to take her clothes off. She changed rapidly and struggled for a few seconds when trying to zip her new outfit. The clothes were tight but felt extremely comfortable, giving her a sense of confidence. She grabbed her hair with both of her hands, shaking them roughly to give herself a look similar to the group of people she saw outside. She took a few deep breaths before opening the door that led to the hallway.

This is it, Bonnie, it’s time to act like a normal person, time to discover the unknown…


*

A tall fire was dancing in the middle of the night. The flames were wild, almost reaching up the sky and loud creaking sounds echoed all around, as the large pile of wood burned simultaneously below the bright scenery. A crowd of people are chanting and cheering as more of them are joining in. The desert, the never ending landscape stretches out, creating a surreal atmosphere. There’s only a few times during the year when the Killjoys from every zones gather together and celebrate. The constant battle with BLI makes it hard for them to enjoy the little spare time they have on their hands. But Ghoul wanted Bonnie to feel welcomed, he also wanted to create a new force, a revolution. He wanted every Killjoys to reunite, find the spark that was lost so long ago. Now that everyone was safe and sound, while they still had time.

Before death would try and knock at the door.

He had contacted Dr. Death and asked him to broadcast an announcement to every Killjoys. The main reason, he told, was to celebrate the fall of the HeadQuarters, but all of them were unaware that the one responsible for those explosions, was now joining them for the night.

“Whooooa there buddy, what’s this?” Jet shouted when he saw Kobra approaching with a wide and heavy wooden barrel.

“This, my friend, is the nectar…of all your sins.’ Kobra told while lifting the barrel on the top of an abandoned and rusty washing machine that they used for whatever purpose they gave to it. A lot of old devices wandered like that outside, some from the city or just left overs from the war.

‘Hm, you shouldn’t say that, I’m not the type to confess.’ Jet stated sarcastically, clearly aware of the huge amount of alcohol the barrel contained.

No seconds were wasted when the Killjoys were invited to serve themselves as the fountain of toxic juices poured down their cups.

*
Bonnie pushed the back door opened once again. But this time, she wasn’t running away, this time she knew exactly where she was going. She could see the lights shining in the distance, sounds of laughter and joy gathering all together. Feelings of anticipation and doubts were forming inside of her. But she kept on going, until the flames of the fire could almost touch her. There she was, in the middle of the wild crowd, shadows and movements circling all around. She felt pairs of eyes watching her, all with eagerness and fascination. They were people burning flags with BLI logos printed on. Other people were playfully fighting against each other, while some others laid on the ground, admiring the savage show coming from the fire.

‘Bonnie!’ She turned her head around when the sound of her name came from behind.

‘Bonnie! Whoa… You look…’ Ghoul approached the girl quickly, trying to get a grip of what he was seeing. ‘Stunning…’

His remarks made her blush slightly but an awkward smile overpowered her expression.

‘Uh… thanks.’ She scratched the back of her head, subtly eyeing the ground.

“Gosh I’m so glad you came! I have so many people I want to show you! They all want to meet you it’s amazing! Come with me!’ Ghoul didn’t give her the time to answer and grabbed her arm, dragging her to a bunch of people a few meters away.

“You wanna drink? This is good stuff.” He told her, showing her the barrel standing on top of the washing machine.

“…I don’t know.” She told him, she was still trying to realize what was happening around her. So many sounds, so many people, so many light and different feelings all at once. She felt herself becoming overwhelmed. “Actually, yes, give me some, a lot.” She would need it for tonight.

“I like the sound of that...” Ghoul poured a large cup of what seemed like a golden-orange liquid, it was sparkling and smelled like apples. “There you go, m’lady! Cheers, to us and to this wonderful night!” The Killjoy handed her the cup with the brightest smile she’d ever seen. The sound of their two glasses hitting against each other being the start, of what would be a long, long night.

*

1 hour had passed since the first drop of alcohol invaded her senses. At first it was all easy and funny, but when she finished her first (large) cup, she started realizing why this was called the nectar of sins. Ghoul hadn’t stop talking since the second he found her, presenting her to other Killjoys. All of them seemed nice and welcoming, others sounded a bit strange and suspicious, probably wondering if she was the girl they heard about on the radio. But all had been friendly and open minded. They trusted Ghoul and the 3 others more than anything in the world.

“So yeah, it was a bit risky at first, but I knew I had to find her you know…’ Ghoul bragged to a tall man with fuchsia hair, he was wearing a baby-pink jacket that perfectly matched his leathery pants.

Nodding a few times before having a decent look at her, she felt the gaze of the not-so-long-ago-stranger examining her.

‘Nice to meet you, my name is Suicide Flash, but call me Flash…’

‘Pleasure, Flash.’

‘So you’re the girl then? Our new saviour?’ He said jokingly. But the weight those words carried caused Bonnie to spew nectar out of her mouth. She could barely handle a conversation without flinching and there was this guy, saying she was the saviour of the world.

‘Whoa, you’re all right there?’ Flash asked her, obviously aware of the sudden change in Bonnie’s mood.

‘Yeah yeah, I’m good. Would you just, excuse me for a moment?’

‘Sure no problem…It was nice meeting you…’

She nodded briefly before walking straight to the wooden barrel standing in the back. Ghoul was still caught up in different conversations and hadn't realize her absence. She was getting sick of all this meeting and greeting. She just wanted to enjoy the night, without having to put up a face. Without hesitation she pushed the small lever and watched as the nectar filled her cup.

She took a long sip and pressed her back against the wooden surface of the tank. Her mind was feeling dizzy but she liked it. She liked the feeling. The feeling of numbness, the feeling of being comfortably numb.

Trying to take a hold of the moment she closed her eyes and breathed out loud.




‘Tired?’

A familiar but strange voice bursted her bubble out. She opened her eyes slowly and there it was, in front of her, the figure of the flame haired boy. The lightings of the fire were reflecting behind him, causing shadows to surround his face. She didn't say anything and tossed herself to the side, realizing she blocked the access to the barrel.

Party approached slowly, he kneeled down on the sand and pulled the lever to fill the empty space of his cup. The liquid poured slowly, as if almost every drop made a different sound and he wanted to hear it. This gave him the time to watch her closely, from head to toe.

She could see him noticing her new outfit. The fact that she looked so much more like one them now. The fact that she wasn’t covered in blood or shaking from exhaustion. The fact that she was standing tall, with hair, dancing in the wind.

A new kind of look played across his face. His eyes soften a little and he bit the inside of his lower lip. He looked dazzled and perplexed, or something in the middle. A short and silent laugh escaped his mouth when the sound of the last drop hit the surface of his cup. He could see the way she was eyeing him, her black eyes, reaching out on him.

He stood up from the ground and cleared his throat before slowly opening his mouth.

‘Look Bonnie, I’m fucked up, I’m a fucking mess. But…you could at least try and talk to me. This staring contest is starting to drive me crazy…’ His voice was barely hearable from all the noises around them. But Bonnie was surprised to see him actually talking to her.

‘Well, you’re the one who started this…’ She replied with a small hint of attitude, trying not to get impressed by his looks.

It was still hard for her to realize this was the same man who screamed at her, the same man who carried her naked being, right after she got….
No, no I’m not letting those thoughts destroy me, not tonight

Party's free hand grabbed his bloody tangled hair to pushed them back, causing his head to lean slightly to the side. Eyes lighting up from the fire’s gleam.

“I know, I fucked up. But can we just act normal around each other? Like, if that’s cool with you…” He replied awkwardly, his ego almost trying to take over.

‘Uh yeah, totally, normal is... fine.’ She answered wanting to sound confident, while shifting the weight from her legs.

‘Okay.’ He nodded calmly, still unsure if this conversation was going anywhere. ’Cool, then.’

The Killjoy started walking away. But something felt wrong inside of her.

She spoke softly but loud enough for him to hear her.

“I never thanked you...'

His feet stopped moving, staying still, he was waiting for her to finish.

'For saving my life...' She finally admitted.

The Killjoy turned his head to look at her once more.

And there it was, that sadness in his eyes. Bonnie recognized that look, it was the same look he'd given her the first time they met. The look of a broken man. But this time, a subtle smile delicately formed at the corner of his lips.

He didn't say anything and walked away.

Bonnie was still standing at her exact same spot. She urged herself to drink what was left in her cup before proceeding in filling it up again. She watched closely as the flame haired man joined a group of people.

All were calling his name. She saw a young woman immediately reaching his side, taking a hold of his waist while his arm made his way around her shoulders. The Killjoy’s expression seemed so very different from far away, he was laughing, loud and clearly. He looked confident and strong, not the usual confused or awkward looked he’s always given her. Was it the alcohol helping him being so different? Or was he only this way when she was around him? Anger took ahold of her, realizing she was spending too much time thinking and analyzing this man. She couldn’t help but fight the sudden annoyance as she watched the woman placing kisses on his neck.

‘Fuck this shit.’ Was the last words she told herself before emptying her cup, once again.

*

’Awww Party, come on take this, it’s completely insane!’

A green haired boy shouted while handling him a tiny glass, Party Poison shrugged and grabbed the small recipient before gulping down the liquid it contained. He didn’t know what it was, but the taste was so strong that water came out of his eyes.

‘Aaarrfffhh, this is fucking gross!’

‘Come on Party, you can take it! You’re the strongest Party…’ A girl whispered playfully to his ears while the images surrounding him became more and more blurry. He felt a hand travelling down his back. He smiled and didn’t know why. This was all messy and trashy, like a regular Killjoy party.

‘Come on Party, one last time!’ The green haired boy said. Without hesitating, Party grabbed the small glass and drank it all again.

‘Fuck baby, you’re so bad.’ The girl teased at his side, grabbing him tighter. The sudden need for touch invaded Party’s senses. He moaned slightly when she started kissing the side of his jaw.

“Stella, baby…’ He tried to speak but she wouldn’t stop kissing him. ‘B-Baby wanna get to my room?’ He finally asked her with an intoxicated voice.

“Always a yes, with you.”

*

Bonnie had found a place near the fire and enjoyed the company of a weird looking couple who were playing instruments she’d never seen before. Various psychedelic melodies danced inside her ears, wrapping her around with feelings of stillness, making her enjoy every bits of the moment. She fixed her new boots that were proudly reflecting with the fire’s light. Kobra and Jet were sitting a few feet away from her, enjoying the music, drinking god knows what. They frequently looked at her, smiled sincerely, hoping she’d stay.

And Bonnie smiled back, the best she could. She tried not to think of the things that made her feel broken inside. She tried and looked at all the bodies spinning around her, trying to grasp their temper, their need to stay together, united. She felt like the outcast, the figure standing in the middle, the plastic bag, wandering chaotically in the wind.

The moon in the sky came shining through the clouds, more radiant than she’d ever seen before.
And then from a distance she saw Party, he was walking away from the others, the same girl was wrapped all around his body. She nervously watched him and could almost tell she caught him looking at her. But it was all too fast to tell because Ghoul arrived and crashed right beside her, grasping weird noises and laughing uncontrollably.

‘Oh man, this was the best idea eveeeeeeeeeeer!’

She laughed quietly when she saw the expression across his face. He looked wasted but blissful, and overjoyed. Bonnie joined his friend that was laying on the sand and pressed her back to the ground. The feeling was familiar, but the emotions she felt were different.

Making her feel alive, awakened; a rebirth.

Ghoul was facing the stars in the sky, both thinking this moment was surreal. So surreal, she couldn’t move. She didn’t want this moment to end. The raven haired Killjoy gently turned his head to look at her, his lips started moving and at first she was unable to hear the sound they made.

But as the movement of his mouth captured the white of her eyes, she understood.

At that very moment, she knew she’d never forget the words he said;

‘Welcome to the tribe, Bonnie’

*

Notes

ohlala