Domesticity At Its Finest

Gerard is not much one for holiday shopping. He tried to do Black Friday once and he got elbowed in the face by a lady with a microwave in one hand and a baby in the other. He decided that that was it for him as far as big sales went. Once you break your nose over a blender it’s just hard to come back from it.

Frank however has the energy of a small child. That is to say, all he needs is one candy bar and he will jump off the walls from adrenaline and energy. It’s quite amusing. He can get through a day simply on one bag of skittles. This astounds Gerard because he can barely get through a day on fifteen cups of coffee.

His spry nature is just one of the many things that Gerard will forever be completely baffled and admittedly completely attracted to about him. That and his face. It’s a nice face. Not a bad ass either.

Gerard’s grown so domestic, he sometimes rolls his eyes at himself just from his own internal thoughts.

That being said, there is something nice about having your own lawn. Or like your very own gardening pot in the window with ever-wilting but still hanging on flowers of every color. Your very own white picket fence with paint peeling off it every time you touch it. Mostly, there’s nothing like having two floors to yourself. Sure you get really pissed off in the middle of the night when you have to walk down a flight of stairs for a midnight snack, but there’s still more charm to owning a house with the person you love than there is to owning an apartment where you can hear your upstairs neighbors having sex at ridiculous hours. To be fair, the guy downstairs from Gerard probably had a similar problem, but Gerard is selfish and does not give a shit about the guy who used to live beneath him. Besides he once held the elevator for that guy and he didn’t even say thank you, so really, he deserved it.

He’s just really happy that he doesn’t have to do the dishes all the time. They have a schedule. Gerard loves it. A dishwashing schedule. He’s so enthused by simple things it’s a wonder he hasn’t exploded at the brilliance of online shopping. Domesticity is one of the best things that’s ever happened to him.

Part of that domestic life means that he has to sometimes to mundane things with his boyfriend or fiancé or whatever you want to call him. Frank has different interests when it comes to Christmas shopping.

Part of the reason for why Gerard is so grumpy on this particular day a week in advance to Christmas is because someone thinks it’s more considerate to go out and buy things in person, even though you’re less likely to find something that someone actually wants. But that might just be his opinion because of the damn lady’s elbow. He calls her Karen, because she was the kind of bland soccer mom that you would expect to be called Karen. Could’ve been a Barbara to be fair.

“I don’t think you understand how much easier it is to buy things people will actually want online,” Gerard says.

“I think you’re mistaking ease with heart.”

“Heart has nothing to do with it, it’s all about knowing what people want!” Gerard replies.

“It’s about putting effort into finding a perfect gift, not about how easy it is to buy said gift online,” Frank replies.

“You can say that all you want but I think Mikey would much rather have that portable record player that he’s been dropping hints about for the last six months than an animatronic singing squirrel.”

“I’m not the one who bought him the squirrel, okay, you have only yourself to blame for that one,” Frank frowns.

“That’s because it was midnight at a Lowes and I just wanted to go the fuck home,” Gerard says.

“You could have just not bought the squirrel!” Frank says, “and this is an argument we put to bed last year. Let’s just not have another squirrel incident, okay?”

“You could have just let me buy him something from ebay, but nooooo,” Gerard says, stringing the last syllable out long enough for Frank to punch him in the shoulder.

“We just have to buy people some gifts, I don’t see why you need to make a big deal out of this. It’s not even Black Friday so you can’t use your nose injury as an excuse,” Frank says. Admittedly, this is true. It’s not Black Friday, but it’s still the week before Christmas and the mall is so parked full that they had to go to the outer reaches of Lithuania to actually find a parking spot. Gerard’s pretty sure he’s got a stitch in his side merely because of the walk from the car to the mall entrance, conveniently located in the Sears.

They got assaulted by three volunteers for the salvation army who’s eagle like eyes tore into them as they walked right past without even a penny for the bucket. In his defense though, they probably wouldn’t have accepted Gerard’s money if they’d known he, a gay, had touched it.

“I don’t see why I’m not allowed to stay home while you do all the shopping. There’s a Next Generation marathon that I’m missing out on and it’s all your fault.”

“Gerard, that show is older than Adele, It’s not going anywhere.”

“Bitch, Adele is ageless,” Gerard replies.

“Speaking of, that’s one item off our checklist,” Frank says, because the second they step into the Sears they’re met with a giant cut out with at least a hundred copies of 25. It was more than a hundred very recently because almost all of the CD’s are gone, which is just one indicator of just how important Adele actually is.

“Who’s that for?” Gerard asks before Frank starts grabbing multiple copies.

“Who isn’t it for?”

“Touché,” Gerard replies. Frank drags him through Sears, making all sorts of excuses to get some ridiculous gifts for people who he doesn’t even really care about. The thing is, Frank gets off on giving gifts. Honestly it fuels him like nothing else to see someone smile after receiving a gift he picked out, wrapped, and poured his heart into. Even if that gift is a pair of socks with a penguin joke on them.

Honestly, Gerard thinks the problem is that Frank just cares too much about people, and that’s definitely something that Gerard does not empathize with. The list of people Gerard actually cares about is shorter than, well, Frank. Gerard’s favorite people, in order, are Frank, Mikey, Morrissey, his parents, and that’s pretty much wear the list ends, because Han Solo is a fictional character.

While Gerard is daydreaming about Han Solo, Frank keeps dragging him around and Gerard doesn’t even notice that he’s now in another store. What Frank intends to buy in a perfume store, Gerard doesn’t want to know.

“Does this smell like something I could give to my boss?” Frank asks, putting a small bottle under Gerard’s nose.

“I honestly don’t want to be the guy who helps pick out what your boss smells like,” Gerard replies, “just get her something you won’t mind lingering around for the next month.” Gerard looks at the vile and decides that it’s way too small for it to be a month, but he says nothing. He wants to be as unassuming as he possibly can be about this whole thing so that he can get out of here as quickly as it is possible.

Gerard just wants to go home and watch Santa Claus is Coming to Town on the Family Channel, he doesn’t need this.

“You’re no fun,” Frank groans. “What’s with all the Grinchiness?”

“I’m not being a Grinch, I just don’t like Christmas shopping,” Gerard replies.

“You just don’t like people,” Frank shrugs off.

“I like you.”

“Everyone does,” Frank replies, “my charisma is magnetic.”

“And mine isn’t?”

“You’re pretty,” Frank says, which Gerard knows, because he’s known Frank for four years, is his way of changing the subject because he knows that Gerard isn’t going to like the answer.

“Fuck you too,” Gerard groans.

Frank giggles and he wraps an arm around Gerard who shrugs it off, because he’s trying to be broody and reserved and Frank is too cute for that shit.

“You know you love me,” Frank croons.

“You’re a dick.”

“You deny nothing!” Frank proclaims, “come on, let’s try somewhere else, everything here is ridiculously overpriced.”

“Thank god,” Gerard says, because he was starting to get lightheaded off the fumes.

“We can try Macy’s,” Frank says. There’s no generic mall staple like Macy’s, and there’s very few places in the world other than Macy’s where you can find a pair of plain blue jeans for over three hundred dollars. Gerard does not shop at Macy’s. He’s more of a K-Mart person. Frank is a ‘I’ll buy anything if it’s actually small enough for me to wear’ kind of person. An astounding percentage of his closet is made up of boys larges.

And of course, as with all malls in the world, the store that you want to go to, is on the other side of the entire fucking mall. And of course, the stampede that killed Mufasa are all heading in the opposite direction to your destination. And of course, the escalator is broken.

All of these obstacles could be escaped by using Amazon, Gerard thinks. Sure you have to pay for shipping, but Gerard doesn’t consider this a shipping fee, but rather a ‘thank fuck I don’t have to interact with other human beings’ fee. And it’s one he is very much willing to pay.

Gerard had his groceries delivered to him for five years before meeting Frank. He really dislikes human beings. Now, he just goes in the dead of night when there’s no one there to judge him for his rather decadent indulgences, which is his term for a heap of chocolate. Gerard is of the belief that he actually has a Dementor living inside his stomach.

“What did you want to get Mikey?” Frank asks.

“I told you already,” Gerard groans.

“Yeah but what did you want to get him that we can find while we’re out,” Frank asks. ‘While we’re out’ is quite possibly the saddest phrase in all of existence. It basically translates to ‘what second rate item is it that you want that I will not be able to find so will therefore have to purchase the closest thing?’ ‘While we’re out’ is how “get me some boysenberry syrup” turns into “get me some glue with food coloring in it.” ‘While we’re out’ is simply a phrase that should be banned from ever leaving the tongue of any person ever.

“I’m not going to get him something he doesn’t want just because you like doing all your shopping at once,” Gerard says. “And why do you always save it to the last minute if it’s so important to you?”

“I get what I think they’ll want in a few days, not what they wanted three weeks ago,” Frank says, because apparently minds are so fickle that a desire can dissipate in a fortnight.

“Well I’m getting Mikey that record player, and I don’t care if it ships on time, that’s what he wants, so it’s what he’ll get” Gerard says.

“Is there anyone else who you need to shop for?” Frank asks.

“I got your present six months ago, stop dropping hints,” Gerard rolls his eyes.

“How do you know I want whatever it is that you bought all that time ago? Six months is a long time.”

“And I know you better than anyone else in the world, dumbass,” Gerard says as they finally step into the canned, department store smelling, over heated hell that is Macy’s.

“If you say so,” Frank sighs.

“You’re being a little hypocritical, aren’t you?” Gerard frowns, “don’t think I don’t know what’s hiding under the couch.”

“You looked?” Frank asks, worriedly, and disappointed.

“I didn’t say that, I’m just noting that you have a very lacking ability to hide things,” Gerard replies. “And you also need to erase your search history more often.”

“I don’t even watch porn? I live with you, why would I even need porn?” This is a valid statement as it cannot be denied, Gerard is one kinky motherfucker.

“Yeah but you do watch the Vampire Diaries.”

“I-” Frank starts, and then stops, and walks away to look at the winter garments displayed right in front of them. They’re not really necessary. It’s winter, but it hasn’t gone negative more than once or twice in the entire season so far. But then again, Gerard doesn’t leave the house much, so it might be colder than he thinks it is when he’s huddled up indoors refusing to take off his sweatpants.

Gerard is somewhat of a hermit. Or at least if you consider a hermit to be someone who works from home, rarely leaves the house for any purposes other than for necessity, doesn’t know the name of his next door neighbor, and a whole assortment of other social dodging loopholes, then he is indeed a hermit.

Gerard doesn’t dislike people per se, he’s just overly anxious around them. He likes little kids, free from any prejudice, and he likes the occasional freakishly small, overly energetic, sexy, musical genius, but that’s a rare find.

Gerard often thinks that there are only too people in the entire world who he feels actually one hundred percent comfortable being around at any time of day, anywhere, whenever. Those too people are Frank, and his brother. Not even his own parents can do that for him. Frank makes him understand what it would be like to be the outgoing bubbly sort without him actually having to put himself into a place of extreme fear and paranoia, and that’s what makes Gerard smile so completely to himself when he sees Frank pull a cookie monster hat over his head.

“What’ya think?” Frank asks, “Does it suit me?”

“You look so stupid,” Gerard groans, walking over to him and resisting the urge to make out with him right here in the middle of the store.

“Well what else is new?” Frank asks, “the question is whether the stupid outweighs the swag.”

“You did not just say swag,” Gerard says, groaning so hard internally that he hears himself actually make the sound out loud.

“What? Am I not hip? Can I not get down with the kids of today?” Frank says.

“I’m going to walk away from you,” Gerard says, shaking his head, and turning sharply to the left, which happens to be the lady’s department.

“Aw, come on,” Frank groans, and Gerard can hear him following behind him, and Gerard’s patiently waiting for them to find a dressing room to casually make out in, because at least that’s not the middle of the store.

Gerard slips past the casual wear, into the fancy clothing, where he’s surrounded by long flowing dresses of every color and style. He spots Frank, who’s taken off the cookie monster hat, but he’s still holding it which is a good sign that says he just might buy it. Gerard would love to get the opportunity to make fun of Frank in that hat on a regular basis.

“Wait hold up,” Frank says, and Gerard looks to see that he’s stopped completely with his eyes locked on something on a rack.

Gerard sighs, wondering what could have captured his gaze so fully. Gerard walks back to where he stands, and follows Frank’s gaze to a short dress on display.

It’s a deep red dress, made in that fabric that looks and feels as though it’s made of water. Gerard is immediately hypnotized by it. It’s too elegant to be a dress that you just wear, and it’s also somewhat unfortunate that it’s still too nice to rip to shreds in a fit of extreme sexual desire. Gerard’s lost quite a few items of clothing to that.

Frank however seems completely entranced by the dress and Gerard can see a devilish little glint in his eye.

“You know who would look amazing in that dress?” Frank asks, turning to Gerard for the first time and giving him a once over that is not too hard for Gerard to decipher.

“Scarlett Johansson,” Gerard replies. “Oh, Beyoncé!”

“Okay, both true. But I was thinking more along the lines of you,” Frank says, and his mouth twitches upward slightly as he looks pleased with his own thought.

“Me?” Gerard asks, “yeah… I’d probably look really good too.”

“You know the best way to find out?” Frank asks.

Gerard smiles, reading his mind, and sorts through the hangers until he finds the right size, because Gerard’s the kind of guy who knows what dress size he is.

“Wait here,” Gerard says, shaking his head at how easily it is for Frank to talk him into things. He’s like playdough in Frank’s hands, he’s honestly such a pushover. But it is a pretty amazing dress.

Gerard finds himself a dressing room, getting a sidewise stare from a grandma sitting on a bench outside of the dressing rooms, but he doesn’t care. Gerard closes his door and then holds the dress up to himself in the mirror and when he realizes that Frank was more than right he’s far more excited to get it on.

A minute or two later, Gerard grins to himself, because yeah, he looks fucking amazing. He checks the tag to look for the price and groans to himself when he sees it’s definitely out of his price range. But Frank still needs to see it, so Gerard opens the dressing room and heads toward the store again. He gets an even more critical glare from the grandma on the bench and just rolls his eyes at her, because fuck her. It’s not his fault she’s an asshole.

Frank is facing the other way, looking at a rack of socks when Gerard comes back to show off to him. Gerard clears his throat, and waits as Frank turns around.

The look that Frank gives him honestly makes Gerard feel better than he probably ever has. Frank is looking at him like he’s looking at the entire world and more. Frank looks at him like he’s the most beautiful thing in the world. It’s just a look, but it’s like everything Gerard has ever wanted from Frank, after all, Frank’s opinion means more to him than almost anyone’s.

It’s the kind of look that makes Gerard grin right back at him, so widely that his mouth starts to hurt from the sheer degree of it. He knows he’s going to get all giggly now. He sometimes gets drunk just from how much he loves Frank. Love drunk, he calls it. It’s like its own degree of high that makes you feel a million times better than any other substance in the world. Gerard’s pretty sure he could survive just from the way Frank looks at him. He’ll never need to eat, sleep or drink again if Frank keeps looking at him like that.

“I was right,” Frank says, grinning.

“You absolutely were not,” Gerard replies, biting his lip nervously because of the way Frank’s looking at him like he’s mentally undressing him, which Gerard is not opposed to in anyway. It’s only fair, Gerard hardly ever looks at Frank, clothes or not, and pictures him actually dressed. Most couples get over their honeymoon phase after a year or so. Gerard’s pretty sure he’s still riding that rollercoaster, and with Frank’s unending energy, it’s no secret that he is too.

“What? But-” Frank starts, presumably to tell Gerard that he’s jaw dropping.

“You said I would look amazing. Excuse you, but I look fucking perfect,” Gerard continues, and Frank grins even wider. Why does he love Gerard so much? Why does every word out of that man’s mouth sound perfect to him? Why is he incapable of thinking about anything but how killer Gerard would look on a catwalk? Or naked? Or with that dress hiked over his hips? Frank really needs to stop thinking that way because that will make his entire shopping experience very awkward.

Frank’s smile gets, if it’s possible even wider. Gerard can count every single one of his teeth and he’s seriously going to jump this man any second if he keeps looking at him like that.

“I am so buying you that,” Frank dress says.

“But it’s-”

“Gerard, it could be a million dollars and I’d buy it for you,” Frank admits. “I’ve honestly never seen anyone more fitting for anything before. That must have been made for you.”

“Frank-” Gerard starts, thinking that it’s not a good idea. They can’t afford to just go around buying hundred dollar dresses, especially when they need to buy other people presents.

“But what about buying gifts for everyone?” Gerard asks.

“Fuck everyone,” Frank says, and Gerard is taken aback. Frank loves buying presents for people. If he loves the dress that much, then that means he loves it a lot.

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes I most definitely do. I’ll buy them all mugs, or something. Go get your clothes,” Frank orders, “you’re wearing that out of the store.”

“Frank…” Gerard says, sounding skeptical.

“I’m buying it for you,” Frank says resolutely, “that’s it. You hate Christmas shopping, anyway. This will cut the trip shorter.”

“That’s true,” Gerard says, “you’re sure?”

“I’m more than sure.”

“Alright,” Gerard nods, trying to sound concerned still, but he’s feeling more than amazing in this dress and he can’t help but to blush at the way that Frank keeps looking at him. He’s never felt more special in his entire life.

Gerard goes back to the dressing rooms, finds the one he was in and picks the pile of his clothes up from the small seat. He goes back to Frank who eagerly wraps an arm around Gerard’s waist, as if to alert to anyone who might look upon them that Gerard is his. And honestly, Gerard doesn’t know how long he can actually wait when Frank keeps looking at him like that. He just might burst from excitement.

“There’s one more thing we need,” Frank says, and he steers Gerard to the makeup section which is pretty close to the women’s clothing.

“What’s on your mind, Frank?” Gerard asks.

“Nothing in the world goes better with a red dress,” Frank says, stopping, “then bright red lipstick.” Gerard happens to know that Frank’s got somewhat of a thing for lipstick.

“You’re sure about this?” Gerard asks as Frank grabs a few different shades of red lipstick and holds them up to the dress to find the closest match.

“More sure than I’ve ever been about anything,” Frank says, finally finding the one that he likes.

Frank gets impatient when he’s excited. He’s definitely excited right now because he’s practically dragging Gerard behind him as they run to the checkout. They get a couple more curious stares from the employee who rings them up, but Frank doesn’t even seem to notice, because he just keeps looking back at Gerard, and Gerard, who would normally be so unbelievably panicked about strangers looking at him like that, lets it slide off of him, because it’s hard to feel embarrassed when you’ve got Frank looking at you like the only thing he wants in the world is you.

He can actually feel Frank’s imagination doing some pretty kinky shit to him, like Gerard can read Frank’s mind and there’s nothing he wants more than to make every single one of those thoughts come true.

They buy the dress, lipstick, and as Gerard insists, the cookie monster hat, even though it takes them a little while due to the line. Still, Frank can’t take his eyes off of Gerard. He pulls him back through the store to the entrance through which they came.

“Oh my, what a fine day it is indeed to be arrested,” Frank says as they walk back into the wide expanse of the mall.

“Why would we be arrested?”

“Because we’re gonna have sex in a mall bathroom,” Frank replies.

“I approve of this plan,” Gerard nods, as Frank grabs his hand and pulls him through the crowd of very annoyed Christmas shoppers.

Notes

Thanks for reading! Expect to see part two sometime in the next week. Please leave a comment if you enjoyed it!