The Story I Paint, The Story You Chase

Gerard had been in a considerably better mood, however there were days where he wasn’t capable of getting out of bed. Being at the office upset him, and as of recently his boss made a point to pick on him. He always came into the bookshop with tired eyes, and picked up very few books. Sometimes he came in early and sat at a table and hunched over, laying his head on his arms. At this time Beth was getting increasingly annoying. He was a smart girl. Large round glasses sat at the tip of her nose, and their arms disappeared into her slightly above shoulder length silver hair. She had freckles that graciously dances across her cheekbones, and she often went for a cat eye makeup look, with some eyeshadow that suited the season. It was fall so during this time of year she typically wore a combination of oranges and rusty reds so they would complement her eyes. She enjoyed dressing like she was from the sixties despite her hair colour, but her fashion wasn’t limited to that. She would be such a decent human being if she just shut up about how hot Gerard is, for just one second.

“Do you see how his hair gets all messy and sticks out at odds and ends when he gets up?” She asked me. My reply was a small and short grunt. “Yeah, well, I think it’s quite adorable. He comes in often, I see him every time I work a shift with you, or rather, half of one. Do you think he comes in to see me?” I sighed and turned around abruptly.

“I actually live with him, so that’s why he stops by, Beth. We carpool.” I snapped. I didn’t mean to sound so rude, but I was getting fed up. She worked a small shift, for her this was a part time job, and she always left before Gee and I did, he never even bothered to speak to her other than a simple hello.

“Oh. I didn’t know you lived with him.” She whispered and looked away, proceeding to unpack a large order we had received this morning. “You know,” she began speaking, “since you live with him, maybe you could set us up?” Haven’t you ever heard of being gay?

“I don’t really think that’s a good idea… He has a lot on his plate.” I try to make an excuse and then put on an apron when a customer comes in. I needed to be ready to take an order. It was actually a pretty good job. Especially the little coffee shop portion. We had a few circular tables, and old futons to suit those who wanted to drop in for coffee. We served the coffee over the bar, and most of our treats were vegan because we wanted to accommodate everybody. Some man walked in and the small silver bell at the top of the door made a little ‘ding’. He asked for a latte, and bought a gingersnap cookie.

“Maybe after that-” She was cut off by Gerard walking up to the counter, his hair sticking out like it does in the morning. He rubbed his bloodshot eyes and made a small yawn and I couldn’t help but feel my cheeks flush a rosy pink. “Oh, hello there.” She blushed hard as she addressed Gerard. He shifted his weight from foot to foot and bit his lip hard. “Can I get you something?” She pressed.

“Can you get me my Frankie?” Gerard incoherently mumbled, sleep laced into his voice. I forgot to mention, he had been working overtime for the past few weeks, and as a result, so have I, however he always seemed like the life had been taken right out of him. He recently started to work a regular schedule, and on top of all of this, he was finishing his pitch to Grant. After all, he had one more character to design, and then write up a brief summary of his comic.
“Come again?” She questioned. She didn’t quite catch what he said, all she heard was the word ‘Frankie’.

“Can you get Frank for me?” Gerard spoke louder, shooting a look in my general direction. I stuck my tongue out at him for a brief moment and sauntered over. “Never mind, he seems to have appeared at my call.” A small smile graced his thin pale lips.

“What’s up loser?” I grinned and jumped up onto the counter. “Need anything?” I kicked my feet around so that I could face him, but was brought into quite the awkward situation seeing as Gerard decided to stand right between my legs. His face was just at the right level for me to kiss him, but he seemed to pay no mind.

“How much longer will you be? I’m tired and want to pay for a book. I also need you to drive tonight, please?” I nodded gently and he pressed closer to me, ignoring Beth. Out of the corner of my eye, I swear I saw a jealous glare shot in my direction from the silver haired girl. She also seemed hurt.

“I don’t think I’ll be long, Gee. Just hang in there, and hey, want me to get you a blanket? We keep some in the back for winter months.” But Gerard shook his head. I didn’t understand why he shook his head. We had couches, we had blankets, and he was tired, he could use some rest. He was overtired and would soon start speaking incoherently.

“Mm, no Frankie, I want you.” He extended his arms and hugged me tight, burying his head into my shoulder and sniffling. I held him tight even though my heart leapt into my throat. He wanted me? Why me? What good did I do? When I really paid attention, Gerard was shaking. Small whimpers slipped past his thin lips and into my work clothing. They got muffled, thank god, but I knew that Gerard was crying, and that I needed to leave right now.

“Beth? Beth, please- please sign me out, I have to go. I have to go now. Can you do that?” I pleaded her. She was honest to god a really good person, but she got defensive when she fancied someone. Why did she have to fancy, Gerard.

“If you let me take your place you can sign yourself out.” She spat out. Gerard froze, and let out a choked sob that was clearly heard through the store. “Oh fuck. Is he okay?” Her demeanour suddenly changed. I shook my head and pleaded with my eyes. “Okay, give me a sec.” She picked up the log and signed me out. “I signed you out for your regular time, slightly earlier, and wrote emergency. I hope that’s sufficient.” I nodded and held Gerard tighter.

“Come on, Gee,” I pushed him away and moved my hands to his face, wiped his tears away and looked at him in the eye, “go get in the car, I’ll be there in a second. I’m going to brew up two coffees, one for you, and one for the customer, okay? He’s been waiting for a little while.” Gerard nodded, took his keys, and slowly made his way to the car. I quickly spun around on the black wooden counter, and jumped off. With long strides I made my way to the coffee machine, ready to brew a classic latte. Not like at Starbucks though, god no. My family taught me to brew a proper Italian latte at some point in my life, and it stuck with me. That’s why coffee shops hire me; for my café lattes. I made one special for Gerard, and brewed one for the customer. “Soy, almond, skim, one percent, or two percent?” I listed off as a question.

“One percent, please.” The stranger’s deep voice boomed out. It was as if he was expelling all the air from his own lungs.

“Of course.” I smiled and made sure not to mix it with Gerard’s almond milk latte. Once I finished making it for the man, I handed it to him and smiled. “Have a good evening.” I received a small thank you, a five dollar bill, and a quiet ‘keep the change’. I smiled and picked up the book Gerard wanted and walked over to the check out, ripped off my apron, and hug it up by the door to the back room.

“Do you want me to call someone in so they can finish your shift?” Beth asked me. I shook my head no.

“If you can handle it, then you don’t need to. They just hire extras in case it gets busy, it never is.” I sighed. “Can I just pay for this? Please?” Beth nodded and then stopped.

“Actually, no, it’s cool. I’ll cover for him this time. It’ll be my way of wishing my future man well.” She giggled. I wanted to kill her but I smiled through my resentment at her remark. Why was I getting so worked up over it? Was it because I knew Gerard was gay? Yeah, yeah that was it… Probably. I mean… There was the fact that I fancied him slightly, but that couldn’t play that role.

“Thanks. I’ll see you in a few days.” With that I walked out to the car holding Gerard’s coffee and his copy of Batman: Europa. I opened the driver’s door and slipped in carefully. “Hey, so I made you a special coffee,” Gerard’s head shot up immediately and he gently stuck his hands out to take it, “careful though, it’s still hot.” He nodded slowly and said a small thank you. “And Beth paid for the comic book.” I handed him the book and picked up the keys, shoving them into the ignition.

“I don’t like her talking about me.” He whispers. He was showing this insecure side of himself that I barely saw. “I just- I come in, and she’s always talking about me. One can only stand so much of that.” I nodded and got out of the tight parking spot.

“I know, Gee. She practically wanted to kill me when I hugged you. Anyway, home?” I earned a small nod and passed him an album as I drove down the street. He knew this meant I wanted to play it but I couldn’t, so he set down his special coffee and slipped the Smashing Pumpkins album into the CD slot. The soft sound of the piano echoed through the car, and Gerard drank his coffee in silence, breathing deeply, and softly. It calmed me down as well, and I realised that maybe I wanted dates like this, that maybe we could drive out to the country and live in the moment, watch the stars, go on nature walks, listen to music and drink coffee. No, you can’t. Right.
We got home soon, and I was the first to walk in. Gerard followed soon after, kicked off his beat up converse, and went straight to his work desk. I went to the kitchen and began preparing a small but simple dish. I cut up vegetables, and pulled out some rice vermicelli noodles, then made spicy peanut sauce. I ended up frying some tofu after I had coated it in corn starch, just to make it crispy, coated it in the peanut sauce, and made a peanut sauce for the noodles. I pulled out a pot and started to boil the water. Everything was quiet, you heard the typing of keys, the sound of graphite on paper. Hell, you heard my feet padding around the kitchen. Theoretically, I should have heard Gerard, but I didn’t. I turned around and came face to face with the man.

“Why?” He asked me and inched closer to me. “Why do you do things for me?” I swallowed hard, he was getting too close for my liking. “Why did you buy me a comic? Why did you give me a discount on the Misfits book? Why did you make me a coffee on the house several times, and treat me to diner? Why did you call up Grant Morrison and ask him to look at my work, and why did you take photos as a gift to me?” His chest was pressed to mine, and my back was against the wall, faces inches apart. My breathing wasn’t right, I was trying to regain it, but it was erratic. “Why are you making it so hard for me?” Gerard leaned closer and his eyes flicked to my lips for a brief moment. My eyes were too focused on him to dare move. All too suddenly he pushed away from me. “I’ll be home in half an hour, on the dot. We’ll eat then.” He promised, stormed up to the closet, ripped it open, and took out a duffel bag full of spray cans. I couldn’t find my composure.
Half an hour later, Gerard burst through the door, seemingly he felt better, and wasn’t even a second late. The minute the clock struck 7:30 he was through the door and in the kitchen, washing his hands and helping me drain the noodles. He even poured the correct sauce over the noodles and mixed them so it was all even. I took out the bowls and set them down, poured in the noodles and arranged the vegetables and tofu in a neat fashion, making sure the avocado went on last, and sesame seeds over top.

“Come get some knives and forks, l- Gee.” I almost messed up. I almost called him ‘love’. Why? Were the events of half an hour ago that intimate? Did they really take that much of a toll, on me? The answer was yes, they did.

“Yeah, sure.” He said, a new tone to his voice. One I couldn’t place. I wanted to ask if he was okay, or I something was wrong, but I knew he went out and did some graffiti art. I wanted to see it. “So I went to the business district downtown,” he started, “and I swear to god it’s my best piece to date. I don’t- I can’t wait to see it on the news, plastered on twitter, fucking Facebook too. God, it’ll be amazing.” He breathed.

“How the hell did you get away with it?” I asked, curious, as I put his bowl in front of him.
“You find the nooks and crannies.” He grins. “Maybe one day you’ll see it. One day when the time is right.” He waited until I sat down so we could eat. It felt like there was an elephant in the room, but at the same time, it didn’t. It didn’t because there couldn’t be with Gerard around.
“Gerard?” A small hum came from the taller man. “What was earlier about?” His face paled. “I have an answer, but I want to know why you were that close to me, why you did what you did? And what did you mean I make it hard for you?”

“Frank, I think we should put that behind us and paint on a large canvas tonight. I- I just- need to process what I did.” At least he wasn’t pushing me away. A small part of me thought about his actions. I liked it. I want him that close to me. He’s so warm, and want to press my hips to his, and pull him close. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the proximity. It was too sudden. But I didn’t like it because I loved it. I was scared.

“Okay.” We barely spoke for the remainder of the meal. I had got us both some water at one point, and he had complimented my cooking skills. Other than that a word wasn’t spoken. It wouldn’t be spoken until we were to paint. The two of us casually brought out paints. Reds, oranges, pinks, salmon, silver, black, and white. I ripped out some tape, and carried the paintbrushes to the sheet we set up. I even got an old paint bucket and filled it with water so that we could rinse the brushes. This time was somehow different. Gerard started, and he painted the canvas a gradient from salmon, to orange, to red. I added to it, splashing a maroon across the canvas, followed by Gerard taking out the silver and dipping a sponge into it and dabbing it over the dried paints. Gerard was the one to mostly work on it, and in black paint he created a realistic looking heart. He stuck a pin through it and with black string tied the pin. He stuck a pin through the other end of the canvas and tied the loose end of the string to it. He put his raw emotions into it, and it made me question if he was okay. With some white paint, I created a text box of sorts, off to where the empty space was, and painted in the words ‘here’s to the heartache you gave me’. As soon as the raven haired graffiti artist read what I had written, he looked at me for a long while. His eyes were fixated on me and wouldn’t leave mine. He walked up to me with one step, and licked his lips. Very slowly he brought his hand to my cheek, his beautiful hazel eyes still boring into mine.

“You have paint on your face.” He whispered, and then slipped his hand to my waist. “Sleep with me tonight?” He asked, voice shaking horribly. My mouth betrayed me, and I couldn’t get a word out as a result. Without a second thought, I nodded.

Notes