I'M TRAGIC

It was ten til one. One o' clock is like deadly hour. It's the hour where time doesn't exist, where my deepest thoughts haunt me till 2:00 am comes, and it's the hour where I have the biggest suicidal tendencies. It's the hour of where I say and repeat three single words. The hour I lay on my bed and rethink my life over and over. Now, this hour could go pretty quick for other individuals but I on the other hand it doesn't. It goes by so slow that it feels like I spent a whole 24 hours with just an hour.

I sigh to myself and flick my second cigarette of the night out my window. I bring my body back inside and put on the Pixies. The carton of cigarettes remained in my pocket and I reached in my pocket to grab another cigarette. I light the cig and fall backwards on my bed. Pixies play in the background and my thoughts takeover the body of flesh and bones I call mine.
I once thought about falling asleep at one, bad decision. I was given night terrors for a week. I guess it was because my thoughts at 1:00 am don't go away and they just entered my dreaming zone and basically performed an attack.

As the Pixies play my eyes blurred everything and I was beginning to space out. I was sitting up on my bed, my back against the headboard and my arms wrapped around my favorite pillow. I stared off into space and put out my cigarette as I did so. I'm not so sure what happens to me at 1:00 am but I know there's just an intense silence throughout the house and nothing is heard except my music echoing throughout the dead house.

Time swept by faster than most nights, it surprised me actually. I guess it was because I was thinking about that new kid for like I don't know twenty minutes? I don't know. My body was sprawled across the wooden floor and I took a long drag from my cigarette. I held in the toxic smoke in and a few seconds later I let the smoke I didn't inhale, escape my lips. I guess I spent the last forty minutes laying on this cold wooden floor, thinking about dying.

I heard the record player stop and I got up from the floor. Slowly pacing towards my record player. I take the record out and put on The Cure. Instantly, Boys Don't Cry rings throughout my ears. I smile and walk to my window, I take another drag as I look out my window. Opening the sill I look out and look to the sky.

"Shit." I mutter to myself.

The clouds covered the beautiful night sky. I only saw the lights of this town reflecting off the clouds, I sighed and my smile disappeared. Boys Don't Cry ended and Plastic Passion fills the room. The songs fade out and becomes the faint background music. I stay at my window and smoke what is the remaining of my cigarette. I look at the sky, waiting for the clouds to pass by but they don't. Instead I'm star searching and so far no luck at all. I take my eyes off the sky and look at the neighborhood, I rarely take in the looks my neighborhood gives off. I guess I decided to do so now. My eyes instantly looked at the right across from my house. A light at the bottom of the house was left on. The basement. Someone must be a night person like me. That's cool.

What surprises me most is that house has been empty for about a five months now. Why is there sudden light? Why is it alive now? Well not alive but, you know, awake? Did the owners come back? I remember one of the owners. He really liked his booze. I remember I ran into him at the bookshop and he was shit faced. Then again on the street when I was walking home from school. He was sober so I asked if he was an alcoholic. He replied with a simple no and that he just really likes booze. He wondered why I asked him that and I of course replied with the fact that I've seen him shit faced a couple of times in the same week. Not lying. I guess I formed some kind of relationship thing. It wasn't friendship but just like friendly neighbor that listens to good music and gives me good books to read. Which reminds me I didn't return some books to him. Maybe I should give it back to him some day.

It is now 2:45 am and I replayed The Cure record. My eyes are still fixed on the light and then I spot a figure walking past the small window and blocking some of the light. I try to see who it was but the house was too far away and I don't have good vision. Before I draw my eyes away from the light I see it shut off. I put my full attention on the house and look for any activity. Man, I feel like I'm on a night watch. I think I'd be good at night watch but I think I'd be easily distracted by something. I wouldn't be surprised if that were to happen. Then I saw a reflection move at the middle of the bottom of the house. It must have been the front door.

There was a small glow, an orange red color. It was a cigarette. It faded out a few seconds later and I couldn't see anything. Then I started to crave a cancer stick. I pulled out a cig and covered the end and put the lighter close to the cigarette. The lighter made my face glow and probably became visible to the person smoking across the street. I inhaled and let the lighter rest in my hands. I exhale and look across the street. Then I bring my eyes to the sky, the clouds are disappearing and the moon light is read to shine onto the town. A few stars can be seen but not all. I smile at the sight and wonder if I can take a picture of the sky. Probably not but I can try. I leave the window and grab my camera, the lighting is terrible. I bring it to focus on the moon and sky. It doesn't look like how it does from my eyes but it's okay. I take two pictures and set my camera back on my desk. My cigarette hangs from my mouth as I struggle to sit on my window sill correctly. I inhale the cigarette as I position my body and took the the thing out of my mouth. I'm still and I exhale.

I play with my lighter and look back at the person sitting on the house's porch. The clouds cleared out and I could only see some of the person's body. I looked closely and noticed who it was. It was Gerard. I stopped playing with my lighter and looked away from him. I bring my eyes to the sky then a cold breeze hit the of my face. There was a whiff of coffee and it brought my attention. I didn't move my head but I moved my eyes, I saw steam coming from a coffee cup. I saw the person take small sips and then taking a drag from his cigarette. Which led me to inhale some more toxic fumes.

I look away towards Monroeville and I think about my schedule. Let's see. I ate food, took pictures of the sunset, listened to music, thought about some stuff, want to die, watched the clouds go by, smoked, and now looking at my neighbor, Gerard. Not bad of a schedule.

Suddenly, more wind started to hit me and I was getting cold. It was also getting close to getting ready. I decide to leave the window and put out my cig as I did so. After returning my body inside I am surrounded by warmth. I start craving coffee so I leave my room after I put the record away. I open the door and tiptoe my way to the kitchen. I put on some coffee and lean my body on the counter. After five minutes the coffee was made and I brought a cup to my room. Most likely leaving a trail of a sweet scent of coffee. I always like the smell of coffee. A small smile spread across my face after I sipped some coffee.

It was about 3:00 am and I was already ready. So I decided to get out Dracula and watch it. I haven't watched Dracula in months and I felt the need to watch it again. It was a childhood favorite and a family favorite. After getting the movie in the CD player, I turned the T.V. and quickly walked to my bed with a remote in my right hand. Some trailer started to play but I rolled my eyes and pressed fast forward. I kept ignoring the trailers until the menu came. I snuggled into my blanket and rested my head on a pillow and held my favorite pillow close to my chest. I pressed play and the screen went black.

Notes

UPDATE! YAY!

I'll probz update tomorrow or something..I don't know

weenie

PS Gerard's pov will be next in the next 3 chapters