Nothing is better than killing yourself, slowly. Very slowly. It is 3:00 in the morning, I've been sitting by my window ledge since midnight. Three hours of smoking and thinking about what would happen if I just jumped and ran. I don't live in an abusive household but I'm just thinking. I haven't slept a good eight hours since about a month ago? I don't know. The thing is, is that I've been obsessing over this thought of me dying or me killing myself. It hasn't stopped since like I was in the fourth grade, I'm in my junior year. Sure they'd go away and then come back from time to time, but now once I started my junior year it hasn't gone away. All I want is to die, but I don't want to die. I'm too young to die. I don't want to be in the Monday morning newspaper with the headline saying, 'Boy Dies because of Curiosity" that's just fucking sad.

It is now 3:50 and I, yet again, lit another cig. I think this is my second pack of cigarettes, I smuggled one from the kitchen drawer. I wrap my lips around the filter and hold it in my mouth. I take my lighter in one hand and cover the cigarette with my other, blocking the November breeze. The lighter makes my face glow and I hold it for five seconds and inhale, inhale all the toxic chemicals. It is now 4:00 in the morning and I think I should get ready for school. I'm not finished with my cigarette but I put it out and place the "halfy" in an ashtray I found in our basement. I get off the ledge of my window and go back inside my room. Before I continue to get ready I check the time, it must have been about five minutes. It was 4:05, damn I'm good at telling the time.
I hum a tune as I get my clothes ready and whilst I turn the shower on, I look in the mirror for the first time in about three days. "Frank, you look like shit." I whisper to myself as I analyze my face. There were cuts and small bruises, must be from two days ago. Then my hair, it was a little greasy because I haven't showered in a week. My eyes were blood shot, I must have been crying, my eyes only get bloodshot when I cry. I must have not noticed I was crying. The great wonders of being depressed. I sigh as I undress myself. Then I hop in the water.

---

It's exactly 5 o'clock, the sun will be rising in approximately an hour. I slipped another cigarette in my mouth and listened to The Cure. After about forty minutes I noticed that the sun will rise and everything has to feel romantic. I change the record to The Ronettes and quickly go back to my window. I climb out and sit on the ledge, I also have brought a camera. Every time the sun rises there is a new scenery and yet I'm the only one who sees such a beautiful thing. I look over Monroeville, a small neighborhood about ten minutes outside of town, it looks so amazing with the sun peeping over it.

"Fucking beautiful." I whisper and hold my camera up and take the picture. The pictures I take are printed out by the end of the week and the end of the week is in two days.
I suddenly hear footsteps outside my door and I quickly get my body inside. "Frankie?! Get up!" I hear my mom's voice echo throughout the house.

"I'm already up ma!" I yell as I get my bag and pants on. I don't wear pants from 4:00 to 6:00 in the morning. That's just weird.
"Then come down and eat!" I hear my dad's voice as he passes my door.

"Okay." I comment, not loud enough for my parents to hear.

I leave my room and walk downstairs to the kitchen. Once I arrive I find my mom making something with meat. Ew. I think to myself. I walk to the fridge and get an apple.

"You're not hungry son?" My dad walks into the kitchen.

"Not really. I'll probably eat something during lunch." I smiled.

"Okay, well where are you going? School doesn't start until like 7:30."

"Oh, I was going to go the bookstore and then to that movie place to rent a movie. Kinda want to rent Dracula."

"Okay son. Make sure you don't arrive late."

"Okay."
I walk out the door and walk towards my car, I start the engine and sit in my car for a few seconds. I go through several CD cases to see what I should listen to. I choose the Misfits and then I take a cigarette out of my jacket's pocket. I light up my cigarette and drive my way to the record shop, it was also a place where I could rent movies or buy.

The record shop wasn't far of a drive but it still took me about ten minutes to get there. The record shop surprisingly opened at 6:30 in the morning. The owner though let's me in early on Wednesdays, so it's cool with me arriving at 6:10. Once I arrived, I check if he had left the door open. To my surprise he did, he usually doesn't but I guess he was being generous. Once I enter, the bell rings, I hear footsteps, and I see a shadowy figure.

“Hey Frankie boy!” The man greets me.

“Hey John.”

“So great to see you! What brings you here at this hour?

“I wanted to rent Dracula for the night.”

“Oh, how about you have it for three days.”

“Really? That's so cool. Thanks John.”

“No problem, here let me get that for you.”

John takes the movie case and scans it. I start rocking on my heels and look around the shop. Then I hear him say the amount and I give him the money. I thank him once again and leave the store. I start walking to the bookstore. It's about 6:20 and the bookstore opens in ten.

The sun is visible throughout the town and it casts shadows. I look at mine and smile at the figure. I remove my eyes from the pavement and look around. The bookstore is about a block away and my car is about two. School starts in an hour. So much is happening today, Let's hope that nothing get's in the way. I arrive at the bookstore exactly at 6:30 and I see Elena, the owner, opening the shop. I smile at her and she smiles back.

“Did you just get here?” She asks as she holds the door open for me.

“Yeah, I was taking my time walking here so.” I shrugged.

“Oh, I see. So, what book would you like to get?”

“Maybe...another Edgar Allen Poe?”

“Oh..hmm, you know my grandson likes to read Edgar Allen Poe. He's into the whole horror movies and books.” She smiled.

“That's cool. I never met someone that likes the stuff I like. They're usually “too cool for books” and stuff like that.”

“Oh, well those people don't worry about them. The ones who say such a thing have no souls.”

“They definitely don't have souls.” I chuckle and she does as well.

After about ten minutes of looking at books, Elena found a book for me. She said it was one of her grandson's favorites and that I could only rent it. I was okay with it, if someone holds the same interests as me, they can read it themselves. Elena offered me to stay longer but I declined. I would've loved to but I have to get to school and I also wanted to get coffee.

I arrived at the school at 7:25, the sun was again being it's beautiful self. Before going inside I admired it's brightness. Sure my skin was sensitive to the sun and that I hated it whenever it blinded me from waking up from a nap but there were some pros to it. I'm not going to list them but there are pros to the sun. My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a ringing, guessing the bell. My small smile faded away and I turned to the school.

“Another day in this shit hole.” I rolled my eyes and walked inside the building.

I walked passed the bodies of raging hormones and security guards. Trying to reach my locker, safely. As I'm walking, I feel a different presence. I feel something new, something unfamiliar. Once I reach my locker, I take a look around the corridor. Every person I see, I know their faces and then a few minutes later I see his.

Notes

I felt like starting another story because one of my stories is coming close to its ending. SO yeah, hope you guys enjoy this n.n

xo weenie <3