Runaways
Chapter 5: Dirty motels
“I don’t know. I heard that this part of New Jersey was small, I thought the smaller it is the better, the less people I would have to deal with. Besides, since this is considered to me a small part of New Jersey, at least to me; no one would come looking for me, especially here.” I replied, sealing my lips around my cigarette and taking a drag.
“Looking for you? Sounds like you had just ran away from someone.” He replied without hinting any sort of sense of humor in his sentence, I shrugged my shoulders and nodded my head swiftly.
“The reason it sounds like that is because I did in fact ran away from someone.”
As I finally spilled the truth he looked at me in the most confused possible way as possible, but honestly I wasn’t going to examine his facial expression just to figure out what kind of emotion he was currently feeling, let alone to what he was thinking about. Perhaps he thought I was a little crazy, maybe he thought I was an idiot, although honestly I could care less to what he thought because I tend to ignore people’s negative opinions. The only thing I could do was just to turn my head around and look forward, sealing my lips around my cigarette, taking another drag and tipping my head back, exhaling the smoke while I gaze at the stars for a brief moment. Although the stranger didn’t say anything, he just nodded his head swiftly and took a drag of his own cigarette, I wasn’t sure whether he was pretending like he cared or he just had nothing to say, maybe this is why he was silent all of the sudden.
He tilted his head back a little and parted his lips, exhaling the smoke, a soft hum passing his lips. “I wish I had that kind of courage to run away from my own problems, just to take my money and leave this town and go anywhere that no one would find me at all. Maybe I could just disappear and let everyone forget about me, but then again something holds me back; it takes a lot to run away from your own problems, I give you that.”
I furrowed my brows and shrugged my shoulders a bit, “I didn’t run away from my problems, I just ran away from the hell that I was experiencing. I couldn’t last their any longer.” I didn’t look at him this time either, I pursed my lips and focused my attention at the building standing in the distance, watching the flashing red sign ‘Motel’, but clearly the tensions between me and this stranger was going to make me crazy, but at the same time he hadn’t said anything bad yet that had upset me.
“Don’t mind me, but, I know I’m just a simple stranger to you and I know it’s not any of my business to pry into your business, but may I know why you ran away from hell as you claim?”
I shrugged my shoulders once again, turning my head I captured his gaze and looked into his eyes for a brief moment, realizing that he was just a simple stranger who just wanted to know some things, and besides I probably wasn’t going to meet him ever again and I knew that I wouldn’t be risking anything. I kind of realized that whenever you enjoy a nice smoke session with someone, even a stranger, you are naturally prone to engage into a casual conversation.
While I parted my lips I exhaled a soft heavy sigh and let out a soft chuckle as I reached my hand to ruffle my hair a little, pushing them back as the wind had messed them up already.
“It’s kind of a long story.” I said, a soft chuckle chuckling passing my lips as I realized that he wouldn’t waste him time listening to him, or at least I thought that.
“I have time.” He answered briefly.
“I don’t know where to start, actually. I mean, the reason I ran away from my own home is because I got tired of the same thing. My mother has been an alcoholic for the past seven years, my step father on the other hand does nothing but spend his time in his office looking at porn and not giving a shit about me nor my mother. I mean I’ll be honest, I love my mom, but another side of me hates to what she becomes when she drinks. When sober she’s the best mother you can ask for, but when she drinks she turns into something else and it’s a little hard to describe, we didn’t look for help at all, everyone rejected to help my mom and even our own family too. I was kind of the only one who helped my mom and stood by her side. I kind of got tired cleaning up after her, I mean when she started drinking I was only thirteen years old, she should have been raising me but I ended up not only taking care and raising myself but I had to become a mother to my own mother. It was a little frustrating because my step father never gave a living damn about what happened to my mom. Not only did my mom suffer, but she made everyone around her suffer too, by the next day when she sobers up she doesn’t even apologizes for the things she does, she doesn’t even thank me for taking care of her and cleaning up after her. She acts like nothing happened, and I couldn’t take that anymore. A week ago I was at a coffee shop, she called me and I knew I had to go back home. I entered my house, my step-father being in his same place as he is, and I found my mother in her bedroom, everything in her room was scattered and thrown and broken; I began to clean up, and she asked me if I bought her some alcohol. After that something snapped inside of me and I just got up, slammed the door shut as I walked back into my bedroom, grabbed my money and my purse and went off; and here I am.” As I began to explain my story to this fellow stranger I realized the deeper I got into this story the more guilty I actually felt, something inside of me had made me realize how I was the only one their for my mother; my heart began to break as I thought of my mom, I felt guilty. I knew that she needed me and no matter what she does to me or how much we fight we are always their for each other because we are family after all.
I suddenly began to regret my decision, I shrugged my shoulders and closed my eyes as I shook my head and chuckled to myself, bringing my shaky hand up to seal my lips around my cigarette; taking a drag I tipped my head back and exhaled the smoke.
“Shit.” I murmured to myself as I once again had found another reason of being the true idiot that I am.
“Understandable. It takes a lot for a human to take all that in, humans are fragile creatures and we can go mad by the most silliest of things. For someone like you to put up with all of that crap for seven years is kind of, well, you should be proud of yourself that you kept going on for such a long time. I can see why you made this choice, though. Obviously I’ve never been in your shoes before, but, you just needed escape probably.” The stranger broke the silence by being sympathetic towards to what I had just said, I was taken by surprise once again as I looked at him.
“I felt like a stranger back in Chicago, I got tired of the familiar situations, the familiar faces, everything. I felt like a complete stranger, I just want to find myself and I hope New Jersey is where I’ll find myself. I hope.” I shrugged my shoulders and threw my finished cigarette bud on the cold pavement, stepping on it a couple of times before I lifted my gaze up at the stranger.
“Maybe and good luck with that.” He nodded his head and did the same thing as he finished smoking his cigarette.
“Thanks.” I muttered back at him, knowing that he will now leave and turn around and how I won’t ever see him again, for some reason that thought had made me a little upset but I knew I couldn’t show any emotion or hints about that. Instead I sipped on my drink as I tried to finish it, already feeling the greater affects of the alcohol.
“By the way, I hope things work out for you.” He said once again, almost repeating the same thing as he said before.
“Thanks, once again, you’re quite nice for a mindless stranger. Maybe New Jersey won’t be so bad after all.” I said with a soft smile as I glanced at him.
“Well, not everyone in New Jersey is like me.”
I furrowed my brows a little, I was taken back, even though I couldn’t exactly understand the hidden message in his words, but I was honestly hoping that he meant that he was the only nice guy around here and how everyone else in New Jersey were a bunch of assholes; I hoped to god that wasn’t going to be true.
“Anyways, I’ll probably have to move back to Chicago because I kind of realized to what kind of a bad idea this is. I mean I’ll spend my night in cheap motels until I’ll run out of money, what’s the point anyways?” I shrugged my shoulders, taking another sip of my drink until I realized the can was empty.
“You could spend night at cheap motels, but you can get a job somewhere and if you get lucky, you can start off like that. Surely once you get a job you’ll have enough money to at least live at motels for as long as you can. Don’t give up now though, everything happens for a given reason.” He stuffed his hands back into his pockets and looked at me as he spoke to me. I nodded my head swiftly and threw my empty can out into the trash that stood beside me, knowing that I needed to be a little more optimistic about this.
“Well, I have to go anyways.” He muttered quietly under his breath as he slowly proceeded to walk away from me.
“Maybe I’ll see you around.” He spoke once again before turning around, his back facing me.
“Maybe you’ll even see me begging for money on the streets.” I answered back a little jokingly, hoping to get a laugh from him, which of course he did. I chuckled as well and started to walk my way towards the motel that had stood in the distance.
“By the way, what’s your name?” He shouted at me as he turned his body around to look at me, as I stopped I looked at him, seeing that he was now close to his car and in the process of opening his door.
“Just Nichole.” I answered briefly, while capturing his gaze he nodded his head swiftly, and before he got back inside of his car he said, “it was nice meeting you, just Nichole.”
After that he closed the car door as he got inside and drove off to wherever he was going, and I myself had gotten into the motel and rented a room for at least a night. I honestly hated motels because they were dirty and filthy, who knew that the last people who slept on this very bed had done something very disturbing on his bed and I would now be sleeping on it; I was a little upset to know that I wasn’t unable to find out the strangers name, and maybe it was for the best because I knew I probably wasn’t going to ever meet him again. But the night was still young and I was exhausted. Currently lying in my bed I closed my eyes and drifted off into sleep, hoping that the next day I wake up everything will settle down and that this is just a bad dream.
“Looking for you? Sounds like you had just ran away from someone.” He replied without hinting any sort of sense of humor in his sentence, I shrugged my shoulders and nodded my head swiftly.
“The reason it sounds like that is because I did in fact ran away from someone.”
As I finally spilled the truth he looked at me in the most confused possible way as possible, but honestly I wasn’t going to examine his facial expression just to figure out what kind of emotion he was currently feeling, let alone to what he was thinking about. Perhaps he thought I was a little crazy, maybe he thought I was an idiot, although honestly I could care less to what he thought because I tend to ignore people’s negative opinions. The only thing I could do was just to turn my head around and look forward, sealing my lips around my cigarette, taking another drag and tipping my head back, exhaling the smoke while I gaze at the stars for a brief moment. Although the stranger didn’t say anything, he just nodded his head swiftly and took a drag of his own cigarette, I wasn’t sure whether he was pretending like he cared or he just had nothing to say, maybe this is why he was silent all of the sudden.
He tilted his head back a little and parted his lips, exhaling the smoke, a soft hum passing his lips. “I wish I had that kind of courage to run away from my own problems, just to take my money and leave this town and go anywhere that no one would find me at all. Maybe I could just disappear and let everyone forget about me, but then again something holds me back; it takes a lot to run away from your own problems, I give you that.”
I furrowed my brows and shrugged my shoulders a bit, “I didn’t run away from my problems, I just ran away from the hell that I was experiencing. I couldn’t last their any longer.” I didn’t look at him this time either, I pursed my lips and focused my attention at the building standing in the distance, watching the flashing red sign ‘Motel’, but clearly the tensions between me and this stranger was going to make me crazy, but at the same time he hadn’t said anything bad yet that had upset me.
“Don’t mind me, but, I know I’m just a simple stranger to you and I know it’s not any of my business to pry into your business, but may I know why you ran away from hell as you claim?”
I shrugged my shoulders once again, turning my head I captured his gaze and looked into his eyes for a brief moment, realizing that he was just a simple stranger who just wanted to know some things, and besides I probably wasn’t going to meet him ever again and I knew that I wouldn’t be risking anything. I kind of realized that whenever you enjoy a nice smoke session with someone, even a stranger, you are naturally prone to engage into a casual conversation.
While I parted my lips I exhaled a soft heavy sigh and let out a soft chuckle as I reached my hand to ruffle my hair a little, pushing them back as the wind had messed them up already.
“It’s kind of a long story.” I said, a soft chuckle chuckling passing my lips as I realized that he wouldn’t waste him time listening to him, or at least I thought that.
“I have time.” He answered briefly.
“I don’t know where to start, actually. I mean, the reason I ran away from my own home is because I got tired of the same thing. My mother has been an alcoholic for the past seven years, my step father on the other hand does nothing but spend his time in his office looking at porn and not giving a shit about me nor my mother. I mean I’ll be honest, I love my mom, but another side of me hates to what she becomes when she drinks. When sober she’s the best mother you can ask for, but when she drinks she turns into something else and it’s a little hard to describe, we didn’t look for help at all, everyone rejected to help my mom and even our own family too. I was kind of the only one who helped my mom and stood by her side. I kind of got tired cleaning up after her, I mean when she started drinking I was only thirteen years old, she should have been raising me but I ended up not only taking care and raising myself but I had to become a mother to my own mother. It was a little frustrating because my step father never gave a living damn about what happened to my mom. Not only did my mom suffer, but she made everyone around her suffer too, by the next day when she sobers up she doesn’t even apologizes for the things she does, she doesn’t even thank me for taking care of her and cleaning up after her. She acts like nothing happened, and I couldn’t take that anymore. A week ago I was at a coffee shop, she called me and I knew I had to go back home. I entered my house, my step-father being in his same place as he is, and I found my mother in her bedroom, everything in her room was scattered and thrown and broken; I began to clean up, and she asked me if I bought her some alcohol. After that something snapped inside of me and I just got up, slammed the door shut as I walked back into my bedroom, grabbed my money and my purse and went off; and here I am.” As I began to explain my story to this fellow stranger I realized the deeper I got into this story the more guilty I actually felt, something inside of me had made me realize how I was the only one their for my mother; my heart began to break as I thought of my mom, I felt guilty. I knew that she needed me and no matter what she does to me or how much we fight we are always their for each other because we are family after all.
I suddenly began to regret my decision, I shrugged my shoulders and closed my eyes as I shook my head and chuckled to myself, bringing my shaky hand up to seal my lips around my cigarette; taking a drag I tipped my head back and exhaled the smoke.
“Shit.” I murmured to myself as I once again had found another reason of being the true idiot that I am.
“Understandable. It takes a lot for a human to take all that in, humans are fragile creatures and we can go mad by the most silliest of things. For someone like you to put up with all of that crap for seven years is kind of, well, you should be proud of yourself that you kept going on for such a long time. I can see why you made this choice, though. Obviously I’ve never been in your shoes before, but, you just needed escape probably.” The stranger broke the silence by being sympathetic towards to what I had just said, I was taken by surprise once again as I looked at him.
“I felt like a stranger back in Chicago, I got tired of the familiar situations, the familiar faces, everything. I felt like a complete stranger, I just want to find myself and I hope New Jersey is where I’ll find myself. I hope.” I shrugged my shoulders and threw my finished cigarette bud on the cold pavement, stepping on it a couple of times before I lifted my gaze up at the stranger.
“Maybe and good luck with that.” He nodded his head and did the same thing as he finished smoking his cigarette.
“Thanks.” I muttered back at him, knowing that he will now leave and turn around and how I won’t ever see him again, for some reason that thought had made me a little upset but I knew I couldn’t show any emotion or hints about that. Instead I sipped on my drink as I tried to finish it, already feeling the greater affects of the alcohol.
“By the way, I hope things work out for you.” He said once again, almost repeating the same thing as he said before.
“Thanks, once again, you’re quite nice for a mindless stranger. Maybe New Jersey won’t be so bad after all.” I said with a soft smile as I glanced at him.
“Well, not everyone in New Jersey is like me.”
I furrowed my brows a little, I was taken back, even though I couldn’t exactly understand the hidden message in his words, but I was honestly hoping that he meant that he was the only nice guy around here and how everyone else in New Jersey were a bunch of assholes; I hoped to god that wasn’t going to be true.
“Anyways, I’ll probably have to move back to Chicago because I kind of realized to what kind of a bad idea this is. I mean I’ll spend my night in cheap motels until I’ll run out of money, what’s the point anyways?” I shrugged my shoulders, taking another sip of my drink until I realized the can was empty.
“You could spend night at cheap motels, but you can get a job somewhere and if you get lucky, you can start off like that. Surely once you get a job you’ll have enough money to at least live at motels for as long as you can. Don’t give up now though, everything happens for a given reason.” He stuffed his hands back into his pockets and looked at me as he spoke to me. I nodded my head swiftly and threw my empty can out into the trash that stood beside me, knowing that I needed to be a little more optimistic about this.
“Well, I have to go anyways.” He muttered quietly under his breath as he slowly proceeded to walk away from me.
“Maybe I’ll see you around.” He spoke once again before turning around, his back facing me.
“Maybe you’ll even see me begging for money on the streets.” I answered back a little jokingly, hoping to get a laugh from him, which of course he did. I chuckled as well and started to walk my way towards the motel that had stood in the distance.
“By the way, what’s your name?” He shouted at me as he turned his body around to look at me, as I stopped I looked at him, seeing that he was now close to his car and in the process of opening his door.
“Just Nichole.” I answered briefly, while capturing his gaze he nodded his head swiftly, and before he got back inside of his car he said, “it was nice meeting you, just Nichole.”
After that he closed the car door as he got inside and drove off to wherever he was going, and I myself had gotten into the motel and rented a room for at least a night. I honestly hated motels because they were dirty and filthy, who knew that the last people who slept on this very bed had done something very disturbing on his bed and I would now be sleeping on it; I was a little upset to know that I wasn’t unable to find out the strangers name, and maybe it was for the best because I knew I probably wasn’t going to ever meet him again. But the night was still young and I was exhausted. Currently lying in my bed I closed my eyes and drifted off into sleep, hoping that the next day I wake up everything will settle down and that this is just a bad dream.
THAT SOUNDS TERRIFIC!!!!
1/13/15