Gerard pov




I wake up the next morning, and can hear the soft sounds of rain hitting the window and the clapping of thunder pounding throughout the sky. I stare up at the ceiling totally forgetting what happened last night when I look over and see Frank, still asleep and lying next to me without a shirt on. Shit..did, did I sleep with Frank? I begin to panic and then realize the events of last night. Oh. I feel like an idiot for that being the first thing that pops into my mind. I mean, why would Frank fucking sleep with me? We're best friends, for gods sake and my only friend at that. I mean, I can't lose him just because I have a childish crush on him. Oh, and I doubt he feels the same way, I mean, I'm me. I mean tragedy follows me everywhere I go. If this were to work or with him, we'd be a nightmare, a mess, I mean we both are at critical ages in our lifetimes, we're dealing with so many things right now. Especially me and Frank. We're going to help sessions for a reason, we can't deal with our problems on our own, much less others problems. I can't help but wonder though, what it'd be like to kiss those thin, red lips with silver ring on them, or run my hands through his greasy, dark brown hair with the fringe. It crosses my mind everyday, and almost crushes me to think that he never does or will think of doing those things with me. I try to focus on remembering what happened last night and I remember the pain and suffering I went through. The deep sadness I felt and that I tried so hard to get rid of. Then I remember Frank coming, and telling me what happened to him and me completely breaking down. Wow, only a few seconds later Frank pops into my head again.

I continue to stare at the ceiling taking in the sounds of rain and thunder, when I hear Frank sigh beside me. I see him move from under the blanket a little, and roll over, facing me.
He has his eyes closed still, but a smile is plastered onto his face and I can tell he's awake. His fringe is sticking up to the side and the top of his hair is matted down from being pushed against the pillow all night. He then opens his eyes, and I can see the golden and green specks glistening. We make eye contact for a while, and then both burst into laughter at each other's expressions. I missed the feeling of pure joy.

"Hey Frank." I say, and he sits up, yawning. The blanket slides down and I can see his bare chest, covered in tattoos. I look at all the patterns swirled around, all of the colors permanently sewn into his skin. That must of hurt like hell.

"Hey Gerard." He says, and quickly brings the blanket up to his chest when he notices I'm staring intently at the patterns on his chest. "Oh..sorry." He apologizes. I shake my head, chuckling a little.

"Frank, why are you always sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for." I tell him and he gives me a look.

"I don't know, I guess I'm just afraid I'll do something wrong and lose you as a friend." He admits.

The room goes silent for a minute and me and Frank just stare into each other's eyes.
"Frank, you dumbass," I say shoving him a little. "You can't lose me as a friend when you're my only friend."

That seems to make him feel better because he leans back, a content look on his face.
"I guess I just need reassurance."

I give him a small smile and I lay back down, bringing the blanket up to my chest, and wallowing in the warmth of the comforter.

"We both had a pretty fucked up day yesterday didn't we?" I tell him, as i begin to stare at the ceiling once again.

"Yeah, we really did. I'm hoping today will be better." He says, and lays down next to me.
"You know, we can hang out all day if you want. It'll help take both of our minds off of you know, what happened." I say, and he gives me a smile.

"That'd be really cool."

"Do you want to just, lay here for a while? I mean just like talk about anything and everything." I ask.

"Sure."

"So, what's like going on in your life right now?" I ask him and he sighs a little, preparing himself to tell me his problems. I'm not sure if I'm ready to hear, but I know I need to because he's my friend and his problems are becoming mine too.

"Lots, actually. I mean you know what happened last night, I've been dealing with that for a while, like six years, maybe? I just never told anyone until recently. I just have these thoughts that bring me out of reality, it's like they bring me to another world, a world where happiness doesn't exist and it's all dark. Everything is dark, there's no light and no light ahead for me. My past, present and future are all a black abyss. And...well my parents don't know I'm, uh gay, so I'm not sure how they're going to react to be honest. I'm kind of scared about it. What's going on with you?" He says, and I mean I sound like a twelve year that just got told their crush liked them, but I can't help but feel a tiny twinge of happiness when he said that.

I give him a sympathetic look before speaking. "Yeah, I mean I'm not sure how my mom is going to react when I tell her that either." I say, hoping he gets the message. At first, he doesn't seem to react, but when he gets it, his expression changes to a mildly shocked one.
"Oh, you are too? That makes things easier, I was afraid you were going to be like a homophobe or something." He says, laughing.

"Nah, I'm anything but, really. And I mean I've got lots going on too mainly my..problem. It's gotten worse, the sadness, it just takes over me and brings me into this dark place, where I can't..i just can't think and I feel like I can't breathe and it's almost like I'm trapped inside a box containing my feelings. Or like I'm just stuck. Stuck in a place I'll never get out and no one will ever be able to help me." I say, and can feel a few tears in the corners of my eyes.

"I'll help you." He says softly.

I look over at him, and he has a few tears in his eyes too. I can feel a lump in my throat and I know the tears ahead of me are inevitable. There's no stooping team, and with Frank I feel like it's ok to cry, like he won't judge me. We make eye contact for a long time and tears both begin to start streaming down our faces.

"I'm so fucked up, I'm just so fucked up." I say, my voice cracking and the lump in my throat rising.

"Gerard, we've been friends for three months, you should know that you can't be more fucked up than me." He says, smiling even though tears are still streaming down his face like a waterfall. I smile back at him, through the pain that courses through me.

We both sit up straighter and I wipe the remaining tears from my tear stained face and he scoots closer to me.

"I won't leave you." He whispers.

A chill gets sent down my spine when he says that. I can't help but feel like what he said has more meaning behind it than what it appears to be.




******




"What movie do you want to watch?" I ask, looking through the cd's I have while Frank sits on the couch staring down at me.

"What horror movies do you have?"

"The Ring, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Saw-"

"Saw! Definitely Saw." He says enthusiastically, and I grin.

"Saw it is." I say and place it into the DVD player.

I turn off the lights and plop onto the couch next to Frank. He has a bowl of popcorn, which he's crunching on loudly, and I sit next to him watching as they introduce Lawrence and Adam, the main characters in the movie.

"I love this movie," Frank says, almost absentmindedly. "I love how it's not just an average movie, it's almost like a mind game. You truck yourself into believing you truly have to pick something when I'm reality, it's just a movie." I look over at him and his eyes are glued to the TV.

"This is the only good Saw movie though." I say, and he quickly turns his head towards me.
"Gerard I don't know if we can be friends anymore." He says jokingly. "I'll admit, the first ones definitely the best, but the rest of them are still genius. The torture devices they come up with, it's so cool to learn about all of the new characters and their stories and how Jigsaw has planned all of these killings even maybe twenty years after his death."

"Alright, alright, the rest of them are ok, just not as nearly as good as the first one." He looks back over and pushes me a little.

"Told you I was right."

A man with a pig mask on jumps out on the screen and I jump a little, accidentally moving so me and Frank's arms are touching. I can feel him stiffen up a little, and. I do too. His face is frozen on the TV and I can tell he doesn't want to look towards me. Did I fuck up?

"Frank, are you ok?" I ask and his face turns a little red, I can still tell in the dark.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He says, reassuringly.

He turns to face me, and we keep getting closer, almost close enough until our lips are touching, but then there's a scream on the TV and we both jump, looking at the TV.
What just happened?

Notes

So it's like two am and I'm bored as hell and can't sleep so I updated again XD. I hope you enjoy it and I hope I redeemed myself from the badly written chapter earlier today. Oh and I just wanna tell you guys I appreciate the comments you leave so much!

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