XoXo (Frerard)

'Gerard, wake up! You're gonna be late!' the voice echoes in my head, smashing against my skull, its shards pressing down on my brain.

"Mikey, I swear that if you don't stop yelling I'm gonna hit you with this pillow so hard that your skull will turn into a fine powder which I'll force you to snort through your-' the fresh smell of coffee invades my nostrils, my eyes snapping open.

'That's what I thought.' Mikey sais with a smile as I grab the cup of hot goodness from his hands and press it against my bottom lip.'So, are you ready for today?' he continues questioningly, his eyebrows rising in a manner that makes me think they were just two caterpillars casually strolling over his forehead.

Was I ready?

'I'm as ready as I'll ever be.' I answer with a shrug.

Of course I wasn't ready.

'Gee?' I move my gaze back towards him. 'Just know that we're all here to support you through this and if you ever need anyth-'

'Yeah, yeah, I know.' I cut him off.

'Oh... Okay. I'll leave you to get dressed.' he says before turning around and walking out of the basement and up the stairs. I watch as the door shuts behind him before getting out of bed and opening my closet.

Today is gonna be a long day.

****


When we get to our destination, my dad still hasn't spoken a word to me. I do my best to pretend that it isn't bothering me.

Once the car is parked, we both get out and start making our way towards the storm grey building in front of us. With every step the building gets bigger and bigger, giving me the impression that by the time I'll actually get to the front door, it will have already swallowed me whole.

Last Wednesday, I was flying down the streets in my car, windows rolled down and Green Day blasting out of the speakers, my firetruck red hair blowing through the wind. The world was moving too fast and my vision was too blurry for me to be able to tell what my surroundings were, but I didn't care. I closed my eyes, I could feel the car going faster, and faster, and faster-

and then it all stopped.

Last Thursday, I woke up in a hospital bed. The nurses told me I had crashed my car into a lamppost on my way home. I couldn't remember it. They said that they had taken my vitals. The second I found that out, I knew I was fucked.

Blood Alcohol Level: 0, 29 %

I walk into the room where the meeting is supposed to be held. People are sat around in a circle, only one empty spot remaining. Looks like I'm the last one to arrive.

I sit down, inbetween a lady who looks like she's around her forties and an old manwhose smell will surely not leave my nostrils anytime soon.

In the middle of the circle, a girl holding a clipboard is sat down on a chair. 'Well, it looks like everybody is here. Why don't we all introduce ourselves?' she smile forcefully at me and asks me if I want to start.

I nod slowly and I get up so that everybody can see me. My palms are sweaty and my knees are weak. I inhale deeply, and say the words I've been scared of for years.

'Hi, my name is Gerard and I'm an alcoholic.'

Notes