Egg Roll Paradise

The bullets of freezing water cascades over my body, sending shivers down my spine. That’s the cost of being so poor you can’t even get heated water. It has it’s perks though, like always having cold water to drink so I don’t have to worry about buying those expensive refrigerators that make ice and shit.

Today I decided to wake up earlier than normal, so I would have time to talk to Gerard about the job. I quickly get ready after hearing my door slammed upon the hands of the debt collector. And once again I escape through the back door just like yesterday. For some odd reason the mutated birds don’t seem to screech this morning, perhaps it’ll be a good day….or I just woke up earlier than them. Luckily the banker didn’t see me leave the house so I can walk instead of running like usual.

The ‘P’ wasn’t lit up at the employee door, so I assume I came too early for Gerard. I sit there for about ten minutes until I heard a car door slam. It was only 3:40 a.m. so we still have 20 minutes to go over my duties. I get up and stand by the door till Gerard comes around the corner, screaming at his lungs. “Oh my god, Frank…you scared me so much!” He exasperates, holding his chest. I laugh then apologize for scaring him, “Yeah, I’m sorry. I came early so we could talk about my schedule and how to do everything around here. Maybe even some juicy gossip about my coworkers.” I say, raising my eyebrows. We both laugh as he unlocks the door to the factory. I walk in, almost gagging as I do so. “You know, this place smells like shit.” I complain. “Really? I never noticed it.” “Seriously? It’s so bad, ugh, well I guess I’ll just deal with it.” I reply. “No- no, it’s fine. I have some flu masks in my office. Just follow me.” He orders, even though I remember where it is.

We get into his office, which is the only place in this goddamned factory that smells decent, and he goes searching through the many file cabinets of his. I stand in the corner waiting for him to find the masks. “You know, it’s really fine, I don’t need them. I can live one more day in here.” I console. “Ah-hah! There they are!” He bursted out. “Here you go, Frank.” He says while handing my a mask. “Thanks Mr. Way.” I replied. “Oh no, call me Gerard. Gerard is fine, I mean I already took you out on a date, you don’t need to be so formal.” He corrects. I laugh at his comment, if only that was true, but I’m too needy for him and he’s not serious enough for me. I like a guy to be funny sometimes, but hen it comes down to it they need to be serious about certain things in life. And well, Gerard owns a fucking egg roll factory for a company that’s almost out of business since they taste disgusting.

"So what am I even supposed to do?“ I ask, not knowing really anything about my job. ”-Um-, I think I assigned you as director of the egg roll wrap department..." Gerard questions, not sure if he's correct. "Oh so I won't be doing anything hands on?" I ask, secretly relieved. "Yes, I decided last night that you're more controlling than docile. You're assertive and can think quick on your feet. Those are amazing traits to have as a manager." "Thank you." I thank him. "Oh don't thank me, thank yourself. Those are your damn traits, not mine." He laughs, placing a hand on my shoulder. I look at my watch, noticing we still have 10 more minutes left. "What do I do exactly? Questions? Things I should look out for?" I ask, trying to get him to explain fully in detail my job orders, but he just isn't and doesn't seem to understand how important this job means to me. "I don't know, just tell me when you're running low on ingredients." He drones, and I can tell he's already bored talking about the job. I nod, understanding that no matter how hard I try he won't tell me. I leave the office, frustrated, and head off the my department.

Thirteen hours later and cramps in my feet, I head home, walking quietly so the debt collector won't hear me. I really don't want to deal with his shit right now. I hop over the fence and walk into my home through the back door. I lie in my futon, unable to sleep, even though I'm extremely tired. I didn't realize how hard it was to work in a shit egg roll factory with a boss who seems more and more like Michael Scott by the second. Why can't he be serious for just a second? At least Gerard doesn't make racist remarks...

Notes

Michael Scott is from The Office if you didn't know, just wanted to point that out so people won't be confused or anything.