Tell Me I'm A Bad, Bad Man

The doors closed. I don’t know how long I’ll be here and what’ll happen when I get out. I can’t handle this shitty fucking room. I can’t stay here. I can’t. The walls begin to close in on me. They move closer and closer, chasing me as I give up. I slump into the corner, pressed against the cold, hard wall designed to trap me in this torture block. FUCK! I close my eyes, letting my head droop to the floor, shutting it all out.

The door to my bedroom creeps open, the slightest bit of light entering the room through the gap. “Frankie” a voice sings. It was him. It was going to happen again. His footsteps pad towards my bed as I hide under my covers. His feet were so heavy yet he made no sound. I turn over and hide, dear God let him think I’m asleep, please let him think I’m asleep.
My whole body is shaking and I can feel him crawling under my skin. Tears are running down my cheeks, splashing against my pillows as I try so, so hard not to move. Not to make a sound. Then I feel it. The dip in the bed next to me, the large hand on my back; low enough that it makes me cry harder.
Mommy. Please. Stop him please. She never did though, and I knew she never would.
His hands run over my skin, it burns like sand paper, every touch feeling like acid on my skin. I’m crying so hard now as he whispers in my ear. Things you should never hear from your father. Things you should never hear from anyone.
My childhood stripped away as he made me scream and cry in agony. My mom hiding under the covers in the next room, willing herself to go back to sleep; it’s not happening. Mommy. Why? I cry and cry. My stuffed animal now fallen, abandoned on the floor, staring at me with it’s cold eyes as he shreds and rips at my life with his bare hands and teeth. Mommy why?

“GET ME OUT OF HERE! GET ME OUT HELP ME PLEASE!! PLEASE!!!” I scream so hard I’m unrecognisable. I’ve been in here so long that I can’t even remember being put here. My fists bloodied and broken; tears streaming as I thrash and scream with every part of my being. My chest is so tight. I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t…
I writhe in pain under the searing lights of the solitary room.
His hands are on me. His finger tips leave dirt on my skin, dirt that never comes off.
Years spent bathing myself in bleach.
Metal scourer scratching at my skin as I scrub for hours. He’s under my skin. Branding me for the rest of my life.
“WHY WON’T YOU HELP ME!? YOU WERE MY MOM YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT ME!!”
My fingers scratch and rake at my skin. It hurts so bad. I’m numb as I begin to tear at my hair, pulling clumps of thick, dark brown hair out and letting it fall to the floor. I’m going to die in here.
“GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE IM GONNA DIE!!”
His entire body weight is on me; crushing me underneath him. I’m pressed so hard against the harsh solitary floor; blood pouring steadily from my hands. I can’t breathe…
“help me, mommy” I whimper.
My vision starts clouding, blotches of black everywhere. The overwhelming feeling of needing to vomit waves over my entire body as I twitch and squirm against the cold floor. The lights blinding me. I can’t breathe.
Everything just becomes background noise. Floating away softly as I lose consciousness. Hands all over my body, pulling and pushing me in a direction I can’t feel. The door slams behind me as I’m wheeled away on a bed. Ever fading away.

Notes

Hey beans! This chapter is kinda dark and was super hard to write, and it took a lot. There were so many green error lines on this it looked like a fucking Christmas tree but I haven't read over this so there might be some errors. Anyway, as usual, comments are sexy ;) Love you all and would love to hear some opinions! P.S me and Candycxnt are both british, so although we are writing in American English, we may have a couple mistakes, like accidentally using 'mum' once during a chapter (which I did by accident and edited out)

Songs while writing: (this is a pretty sad one)
O Helga Natt- Nils Bech (this song is from Skam, check it out it's beautiful!!)
Goner- Twenty One Pilots
Breathe Me- Sia
Fix You- Coldplay
Wasting My Young Years- London Grammar
Cold- Jorge Mendez
The Light Behind Your Eyes- My Chemical Romance
Shattered- Trading Yesterday