I'm kind of miserable, too

Even if 3 weeks had passed since then, I was still afraid of that dream I had. I was scared something will happen to Gerard and I won’t be able to do anything, even though I knew he was happy. We were happy together. We got more comfortable with the idea of being in a relationship, and saying ‘I love you’ wasn’t hard at all. It was natural, and we both knew it. Although I was sure he wouldn’t do anything stupid like that, I hadn’t slept well since that dream, and if I did manage to fall asleep I would make sure I’d wake up early to check if he was still there.

“So overprotective” I mumbled, trying to concentrate on the song I was writing to show Gerard when he got home. We both started writing music, and he would sing a lot to me whenever I was in a bad mood. Mikey kept practicing guitar in his room, so I wrote lyrics for the melody he created. I didn’t give it a name yet, therefor I needed to keep working. Don’t you try escape this, you lazy ass! I told myself. “Wait... ‘Don’t try’ sounds good! That’s it!” I cheered and went straight upstairs to tell Mikey I got an idea for the song. I almost tripped over my feet on the stair and reached his room in a hurry.

“What are you doing here?!” He shouted and closed the door. I apologized for walking in on him and girlfriend. I didn’t know Mikey was in a relationship. He seemed kind of lonely type, just like Gerard, even though Gerard had me. Gerard was always lonely. That’s why I was so skeptical about my dream.

I went to the kitchen and found Gerard talking to a man. They greeted me and I kissed Gerard’s cheek and shook the man’s hand.

“My name’s Ray. Nice to meet you!” He told me.

“Nice to meet you too” I told Ray politely.

“I met Ray at the comic shop. He’s interested in having a band. He said he likes our songs. What do you say?”

“That’s kind of straight-forward, but I’ll think about it. I just finished the song we were working on. Do you wanna listen to it? ” I explained to Gerard and Ray. We all went in the basement and Gerard started singing after examining the lyrics-filled paper, as I was playing the guitar. Ray looked excited and gave us his phone number to contact him if we decided to form a band, along with Mikey, whom he met before. Then, he left, leaving Gerard and I practically alone, and so I took the chance and pinned him to a wall.

“Someone’s horny here, uh?” He asked sassily and let me kiss him harshly and sloppily. He returned the kiss as I caught his waist and left no space between us two. Just slow and passionate kisses, and when we pulled apart to breathe we locked eyes lovingly as I tangled my hand in his jet black hair and pulled down his t-shirt a bit. I started sucking at the skin around his neck and he moaned loudly and so I let him go.

“We can’t do this here. Mikey’s home” I told him, breathing hard. He shook his head and forced us in his room and we both fell on his bed, Gerard on top of me. He slid his tongue in my mouth, like searching for something. Love, maybe? He already had it all from me. I took his shirt off and he took mine, sucking at my collar bone and grinding our hips and undressing till we were both completely naked and slid under the blankets.We closed the bedroom door and everything got on like that the whole night: Loud moans, French kisses, purple love bites all along our sweaty skin. After a while we got tired and went to sleep holding tightly on each other. I didn’t want to sleep. I didn’t want to wake up screaming and crying again, but no amount of caffeine could save me from the soft, warm paradise I felt when I slept with Gerard. I felt my eyelids get heavy, my vision going blurry and dark from tiredness and fell asleep in an instant as I completely forgot why I was worried.

I woke up pretty late, still naked, covered in sweaty blankets.

“Last night was pretty rad” I said, my eyes still shut. No answer. I opened my eyes and found myself talking alone and yawned loudly. I was exhausted, but I still had to take a shower as I smelled horribly. I got up but stopped as I noticed Gerard’s phone vibrating through the bed sheets. It was Ray calling so I go back to bed and answered.

“Hey Ray! What’s up?!”

“I found a producer that wants to help us with the band!” He greeted. You could hear his smile through the fucking phone. He gave me all the details and hung up to call the guy.

“Eyeball Records!? That’s huge!” I shouted happily, hoping Gerard would hear me. This room seems freakin’ soundproof. He probably didn’t hear me. I thought. I got dressed and went to take a quick shower, but the door was locked. “Baby? Are you there?” I said loudly, and knocked at the door demandingly. I was growing more and more worried. I waited a couple of minutes and no sound, and so I pushed the door, breaking the locker.

Gerard was holding tight on the pills bottle in his hand, an empty bottle, using his other hand to slice his other wrist with his new razor blade. There was blood everywhere on the bathroom floor, and vomit and pills and alcohol and cigarettes. Drunkenly, he tried to push me out of the room but he slipped and fell to the ground, mumbling some curses and begging for help; and then everything got mute, my vision got blurry and I collapsed on the floor. I dragged myself to him and hold his bleeding wrist, trying to stop the flood coming from it. I got my cellphone from my back pocket and called 911 with all the power I still had and they picked up after what seemed like ages of pain, like a million years of hearing my heart pound in my chest ready to rip my flesh apart from inside out.

“911, what’s your emergency?” Asked an operator, but I couldn’t answer. Fuck, I couldn’t even make a sound. “Sir, are you okay? Sir, are...” The last words faded and soon enough, everything turned black.


I woke up in an empty and bright hospital room. I looked at the machine monitoring my heart which started beeping loud and fast as I was shouting and crying, needing to know what happened and if Gerard was okay. A nurse hurried in the room and tried to calm me down. I remembered there were other patients that needed her there, not me, so I just asked her silently.

“M-my boyfriend. Gerard Way... is he okay? Is he here?”

“I’m sorry sweetheart. We don’t have anyone that was with you here.” My heart skipped a beat and I laughed bitterly.

“It must be a mistake... I called 911 for him... there was... so much blood and he was... he was dying and I couldn’t do anything” I breathed hard as my pulse went way too fast again. “Where is he?!” I shouted again and the nurse shushed me and squeezed my hand softly.

“I’m sorry sweety...” She apologized. I closed my eyes shut once again, hoping to wake up in bed next to Gerard.
And I did.

I opened my eyes and saw Gerard watching me closely, petting my back. I pecked him on the lips and hold back my tears, but my pillow was already salty and wet.

“Another nightmare?” He asked me, even though he knew the answer. I nodded.

“I won’t ever sleep again...” I assured myself. “I’m so fucked up.”

It was already morning, 10 a.m. exactly when I felt Gerard’s phone vibrating underneath me. As I expected, it was Ray, but hopefully Gerard was in bed snuggling close to me, excited by the news Ray brought that morning about our new band. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad after all.

Notes

This is kinda short again. Sorry. But I have this idea stuck in my mind for the ending already and it fucks me up a bit. This is my first shot at writing fanfiction so it'll be short.