After Frank leaves, I feel my breath rapidly increase. I rest my fists on the wall and put my head on them, trying to regulate my breathing. "Gee-"
"FUCK MIKEY!!" I cut him off, turning to look at him. He stares at me, wide eyed and stunned as I never raise my voice, let alone to him.
"Gee, calm down.... I.... I-I know you're upset but it's my fault. I lied to him about my age, he didn't know! But trust me, the spark has long died, if it was even there in the first place!
Gee, I can tell he likes you-"
I simply laugh and shake my head as this contradicts everything he said while Frank was here, "Do you think that is what I'm worried about?! WheTHER OR NOT HE STILL LIKES ME?!
MIKEY! DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF POSITION YOU BOTH HAVE PUT ME IN?!"
"Well with the schoo-"
My frustration comes over me and I can't help but slam the side of my fist into the wall, "NOT THAT MIKEY! THE FUCKING LEGAL PROBLEM! BECAUSE THIS GOES BEYOND FRANK LOSING HIS JOB! THIS GOES TO FUCKING JAIL TIME MIKEY! THAT WAS ILLEGAL!"
His face pales, "Gee- no, please no. He had no idea! I told him I was 23 and was planning on it only being a one night stand! Gee please, this isn't on him!"
I run my hand through my hair, trying to calm myself and steady my voice, "Mikey. Go to your room. I have a lot of shit to think about."
He sighs and shakes his head, turning and starting to walk away, "He didn't molest me, rape me, or do anything I didn't ask for. It was all, 100%, consensual."
After I hear Mikey's door shut, I really fucking want a beer.... But no.
No!
I will not give up my sobriety because of an ex, a crush, a realization that my crush had fucked my baby brother, and the fact that my baby brother kept all this from me.
I instead make a cup of decaf French vanilla coffee, and add in my prized Girl Scout Samoa coffee creamer and I walk to my bedroom, place my coffee on my nightstand before face planting the bed with a groan.
I draw my knees to my chest, curling into a tiny ball and pull an almost flat pillow close. I bury my face in the musty pillow case and allow myself to completely shake apart after the events that just unfolded.
Frank hooking up with my underage brother at the time.
Mikey keeping this from me.
Frank having the audacity to fuck one Way and try to bed the other.
The fact that I had to find out about this on the day Bert almost barged in and did God only knows what.
The legal issue that has now been slammed on me.
Bert... Frank.... Mikey.
Bert who dared to come back into my life after what he did....
I squeeze my eyes shut as the memory comes flooding back.
I was alone in my small two bedroom home, I heard a knock at the door and I perk up, hurriedly running to answer it, expecting Mikey. My eyes land instead on the long, black, almost dreadlocked hair that obscured his face like something out of a horror movie.
I feel terror rise in my chest, but slap myself. Hard. To keep my mind from replaying that awful day. I drink my coffee and curl up in bed as Mitch walks in, rubbing against a leg of my bed before he jumps up onto my stomach, making me let out a soft grunt. Susan is close to follow, she trots in and jumps onto the foot of my bed, circling it until she is satisfied enough to lay down. I smile at them, "Night, tiny animal Way's." And slowly drift off to sleep myself.

---

(GERARD'S FLASHBACK/NIGHTMARE, THIS IS THE PART THAT CONTAINS WHAT COULD BE CONSIDERED TRIGGERING. IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY BREIF MENTIONS OF RAPE, PLEASE SKIP DOWN TO THE END OF THE ITALICS)
I had attempted to close the door as fast as I had opened it, but his hand flew out and caught it, "Really, Gerald?" I hear him say, "After how good I made you feel?" He shoves the door open and slams me against the wall, I can smell the pot smoke on his clothes and hair and can taste the whisky in his mouth as he roughly jams his tongue down my throat. I shove him off and try to run, but he grabs my shirt and pulls me back. "You're always fucking second best, Gerard." He plants unwanted kisses to my throat and harshly says against it, "Everyone only wants you for sex. Frank. Me. And any other hook up you've had." He forces my head to the side where I can see Frank and Mikey heatedly making out and quickly shedding clothes before Burt slams me to the ground.

I sit bolt upright, drenched in cold sweat and shakily breathing. I turn on my lamp with a shaking hand and cover my face with them.
Flashbacks turning around and adding fiction.
I'm not going to get much sleep tonight.

Notes

Hi there,
so, here's my chapter! I hope it's okay and y'all like it.
if you wanted an update with me well, I'm doing slightly better. Last week was complete hell, my academic honesty was questioned, depression levels were insane, I had to go almost that entire week without my ADHD medication, my mother wants to put my on an antidepressant/antiaxiety but medication like that really scares me. I had an EKG, everything's fine, don't worry. But my best friend (who I'm pretty sure is trying to pull away) didn't really care. There were a lot of days where I didn't want to wake up the next morning and mayve slightly considered making sure I didn't... and seriously considered breaking my 15 months of being clean from cutting. But don't worry, I didn't, clean wrists and legs. And I keep questioning my sexuality, which has been hell as well.
So
yeah! My reasons for complete silence.
I'm hopefully getting my hair cut short tomorrow, kinda my way of getting past this, and I'm going to see my new therapist (my old one left) on March 11th.
Love all y'all, stay safe stay strong and God Bless
XoxoS