Chasing Stars

My phone rang and I pulled it out to see Devon's name on the screen. I groaned looking at it. "What's wrong? Who is it?" Gerard asked looking from me to the road.

"It's Devon." I sighed and answered the phone. "You do realize it's 12:30 here right?" I said into the receiver.

"Yeah and you aren't in school why?" Devon said in a snarky manner. "I was going to leave you a message but since you are skipping, plug your phone into the stereo and pull this live feed up that I'm sending to you. It's a feed from your favorite rock station," he said in an excited manner. I was confused at what he was trying to get at, but he was intriguing me.

"Hang on," I said switching him to speaker. I set the phone on my lap pulling out the cable Gerard kept in the glovebox to connect my phone.

"You're going to freak the fuck out. This one wasn't even me. This happened on it's own."

"Umm you're on speaker," I said after receiving a glance from Gerard due to Devon's language.

"Whatever. I'm texting it right now. Call me later but Ry, you gotta get back to Jersey on the 27th. You have to. You need this," Devon said. I finally got the cable and hocked it up to the stereo.

"What's on the 27th?" Gerard asked before I could stop him.

"Oh, now I get why you said I was on speaker… Hi Mr. Way." Devon said in a shy manner.

"Hey Devon. What's on the 27th?" Gerard asked again.

"The concert. Just listen to the feed and call me later. Love you Rylynn."

"Love you to Devon," I said and ended the call. I hooked the cable into the car.

"What concert was he talking about?" Gerard asked.

"A concert he's playing, that's all," I lied. I clicked the link and the station began to play.

{My phone rang and I pulled it out to see Devon's name on the screen. I groaned looking at it. "What's wrong? Who is it?" Gerard asked looking from me to the road.

"It's Devon." I sighed and answered the phone. "You do realize it's 12:30 here right?" I said into the receiver.

"Yeah and you aren't in school why?" Devon said in a snarky manner. "I was going to leave you a message but since you are skipping, plug your phone into the stereo and pull this live feed up that I'm sending to you. It's a feed from your favorite rock station," he said in an excited manner. I was confused at what he was trying to get at, but he was intriguing me.

"Hang on," I said switching him to speaker. I set the phone on my lap pulling out the cable Gerard kept in the glovebox to connect my phone.

"You're going to freak the fuck out. This one wasn't even me. This happened on it's own."

"Umm you're on speaker," I said after receiving a glance from Gerard due to Devon's language.

"Whatever. I'm texting it right now. Call me later but Ry, you gotta get back to Jersey on the 27th. You have to. You need this," Devon said. I finally got the cable and hocked it up to the stereo.

"What's on the 27th?" Gerard asked before I could stop him.

"Oh, now I get why you said I was on speaker… Hi Mr. Way." Devon said in a shy manner.

"Hey Devon. What's on the 27th?" Gerard asked again.

"The concert. Just listen to the feed and call me later. Love you Rylynn."

"Love you to Devon," I said and ended the call. I hooked the cable into the car.

"What concert was he talking about?" Gerard asked.

"A concert he's playing, that's all," I lied. I clicked the link and the station began to play.



"She may not be here now but she was here. She was never just a voice, never just a girl. She moved the world right here in Newark. She is our generations hope. She made us feel not so alone. She would hit that stage and people would shout her name. If I could say one thing to her now, I would say Black Mariah I miss you, come home. That was a letter sent in from Casey in Newark."

"Sarah from Newark says, I miss Black Mariah not because she was a good singer but because she gave me something in life to believe in again. She gave me hope."

"For all of you joining us now, we are dedicating this afternoon to Black Mariah. Although she is not performing, her spirt lives on in everyone of us. We hope you find what you are looking for out there Black Mariah."

"Oh my god," I muttered, "He wasn't lying." A cold chill came over me. That was me, I was Black Mariah. I was who they were talking about. That was me or at least, who I used to be. I stared at the phone. Did I really want this back. or to even acknowledge it. Music began to play, it was the prequel to one of my songs. I wanted to hear it, I wanted this so bad but instead. I yanked to cable out of the phone sending a loud noise through the speakers.

"Who was that?" Gerard asked.

"It was a performer I liked in Jersey. She quite preforming awhile ago," I lied looking out the window. I wanted to hide to not allow myself to let any of this out.

"You know, you lie just as well as I do," Gerard said simply. I stared at him shocked by his comment. "You don't have to tell me what you're hiding. But I'd rather you just say that than lie to my face." I instantly felt shameful. I looked down at my feet.

"How did you know?" I asked looking at him in shock.

"You and I are a bit alike you know," Gerard said simply. He pulled into a lot and turned the car off taking his seatbelt off. I stared at him in shock. "Stop looking so surprised. Lets go in." I pushed the confusion away and got out of the car. We walked into this whole in the wall restaurant.

The waitress took our orders and left. I looked around at a bunch of pictures of surfers and musicians.

"This place reminds me of Fleets in Newark," I said continuing to look around the place.

"Your mom took you there?" he asked sounding surprised. I laughed at his comment.

"No she would freak if she knew I went there," I said laughing.

"Really? She used to love that place," Gerard said clearly playing back memories in his head. I watched him for a moment. Our food quickly arrived and we began to eat.

"When you were there did Marianne still work there?" He asked.

"Yes, the old lady is still walking around that place. She got so pissed when they banned smoking in the restaurant," I said making him smile. We continued to talk about the restaurant comparing how it used to be and how it was now. By the end of it we were both full of crapy but delicious burgers.

"Thanks," I said after our waitress took the cash. Gerard stood up followed by myself.

"For what?" he said as we exited the building.

"For listening I guess."

"You never told me why she never wanted you to go to Fleets," Gerard said as we got in the car.

"Oh well… you. She didn't want me to go because of you," I said simply putting my seatbelt on. Gerard glanced at me as we got on the highway heading back toward the house. "Like I said this morning, I have been mad at you a very long time," I said. Silenced engulfed the car.

"Did ah… did she not want you to find me or…"

"It's complicated," I answered in a short manner. I wasn't sure why all of a sudden I was throwing my walls back up so high. I glanced at Gerard. He looked on edge, slightly hurt. "Sorry," I muttered quietly. "I just… She told me about you when I was nine. She had odd rules I had to follow my entire life. She never wanted me to see you or try to find you. When I was younger, I couldn't even talk about you. I don't know the whole back ground story between you two just that things got messy but whatever happened, you really hurt her. So I kept quiet until two years ago when I started to get in trouble. I bribed my mom to talk to me about you, in exchange I would try to stay inline."

"What kind of trouble were you getting into," Gerard asked as he turned off the highway. I studied him for a moment.

"Just stuff," I said softly and turned to look out of the window.

"What did she tell you? About us, I mean?" Gerard asked glancing at me.

"I don't want to talk about her right now, please," I said praying he would drop the subject. I closed my eyes seeing flashes of her face. I took a deep breath as the car came to a stop. I pushed the feeling of guilt, remorse, anger and sadness down as I opened my eyes flashing Gerard a small smile.

We exited the car and walked into the house. "Come here," Gerard said softly. I turned around and he pulled me into a hug. "I know this sucks. I know missing her… it sucks. But you still need to open up. You still need to move forward. Just take it a day at a time okay?" he said sympathetically.

"Thanks," I muttered pulling out of the hug before I began to cry. "I'm gonna go work on some stuff upstairs. okay?" I asked not completely sure why. Gerard nodded and walked toward the kitchen. I had just pulled out my paints when a knock came to the door. "One second," I said quickly putting stuff away and then opening the door.

"I know you probably don't want to hear this but your appointment is in about two hours," Gerard said rubbing the back of his neck. I threw my hands in the air out of anger.

"But I've been talking to you all day," I whined. He sighed attempting to find the words.

"You're right you have," he said stepping forward and rubbing the side of my arm gently. "But yesterday you had a few freak outs and this afternoon you were thinking about her quite a bit." I glared at him with pure anger. "Stop it," he said referring to my look.

"I did the one thing that you wanted. I opened up," I pleaded.

"Tell you what, I promise I wont let them put you on drugs. All that you will be given is a place to talk. That's it, I swear," he said.

Notes

~Nailsntacks