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Chasing Stars

I'm Not Crazy

"Wanna skip?" I asked Jeremy as we left our English class. I had decided I needed destruction from my home life. From Gerard and fighting and from my phone conversation with Derek.

"Are you serious?" he asked. I nodded. "Okay, well I think Devon is in C hall and Sarah may be on the second floor of D," he said readjusting his backpack and looking around.

"Not them, just us," I muttered looking at him in a flirtatious way.

"Okay, lets go," he said as we walked toward the gym entrance.

"So where would you like to go?" Jeremy asked as we walked toward his car.

"Somewhere far far away," I said jumping into his car.

"Okay I'll come up with something." We ended up driving for awhile, which lead to listening to Rise Against.

"Tomorrow we'll give it one last chance, but tonight we dance, but tonight we dance," we both sang along.

"You have a nice voice," Jeremy said to me as he grabbed my hand. I looked down at our intertwined fingers, my smile fading slightly. "Sorry, I thought," Jeremy said as he tried to pull his hand away.

"It's fine," I said reaching for him again. Our hands intertwined for the third time and I smiled. "Pull over," I said looking into his eyes.

"Okay," he said and found an old lot to pull into. He circled around the back and stopped. I sat up and leaned toward him. Our lips touched ever so slightly at first, followed by a harder kiss. Jeremy leaned toward me, pulling his seatbelt off. I reclined my seat and he smiled at me. Jeremy moved his body to end up on top of mine as we began a full blown out make out session. My hands were in his hair and his on my hips. My mind was nowhere near me. I blocked my thoughts out, focussing instead on the way my lips where moving. Suddenly Jeremy's hand where placed on either side of my shoulders and he pulled his head away. I tried to pull his face closer but he did not allow it. I pulled my hands down.

"I know you're upset about something. I know you aren't yourself and I don't want to take advantage of you," he said rolling off and back into his seat.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm doing and I defiantly don't know what I'm thinking." I swallowed hard.

"It's alright. What's going on? Do you want to talk?" I shock my head. "That's the point right? I get that. I get that." He started the car.

"Your Mom?" I asked thinking that maybe that's how he understood.

"My mom is never around. My mom would rather get drunk than be at home," his voice came slowly.

"I'd rather never see Gerard if it makes you feel better," I said looking down at my fingers.

"So what is your deal with him?" I shrugged.

"It's, complicated." Jeremy shifted the car into gear and began to drive forward.

"Try to explain," Jeremy suggested.

"I can't, I just… there are some things about my life, some aspects I can't talk about. Memories I can't quite grasp. It's like they are just barely there. Just barely a glimpse."

"You think about her a lot don't you?" He suddenly asked driving back toward the school. There was a moment of silence.

"Yes, in every breath I take, I think of her. You know what's funny?"

"What's that?"

"You are the first person that has asked me that since I moved here."

****************************************

"So how was school," Gerard asked me after picking me up from school.

"Fine, a normal Friday," I said looking out the window.

"Do you want to go to the movies tonight or do something fun this weekend?" he inquired.

"No, I'm fine. I have tons of homework to get through," I said calmly.

"What's going on with you, you've been distant all week."

"What do you mean?" I asked not removing my gaze from the road.

"You been spacey and lacking motivation," Gerard stated.

"Well maybe the head doctor can explain it to you," I said with contempt.

"At least that's some emotion," Gerard said as we pulled into the drive. I rolled my eyes. Truth was, I had been thinking about what Derek said about the band the entire week. I didn't want them to loose out on an opportunity because of me. At the same time, I didn't want to go back to New Jersey. That entire state was a memory of her. My band was an entire memory of her. Maybe it was a good thing I was moved to California. "See that right there," Gerard said as he opened my door. Making me jump back slightly.

"You just got all spacey, I know you don't want to go to the doctor on Monday, but I'm afraid we are going to have to keep that appointment," he said grabbing my backpack for me.

"I don't need to go to a shirk," I said with attitude.

"He's not a shrink, he's a neurologist," Gerard said shutting my door for me.

"Same fucking thing," I said walking inside the house. Gerard shut the door and grabbed my arm as I began to walk away.

"I will not tolerate that language from you. I don't care if that was okay in your mom's household but it is not acceptable here. Do it again and you're grounded," Gerard said looking straight into my eyes. I lowered my head. I didn't know what to say. "Got it?" Gerard asked.

"Yeah, sorry," I said. Gerard let go of my arm and I walked up stairs.

****************************************

"Did you and Derek have fun tonight?" My mom asked as I jumped in the car.

"Yeah, actually we got a phone call from the the Sun Fest, they want us to play the main stage on opening night," I said smiling wide.

"I'm assuming you want me to tell you it's fine and that you can do it?" she asked raising her eyebrows.

"Well since that's our stupid agreement for me playing in a band, yeah," I said with attitude.

"That rule is there because I'm worried about how this will change your future."

"Why does it matter who I become?"

"Because I want more for you Ry so much more than this."

"Mom, come on, I already told you I wont get in any trouble if you let me go," I pleaded my case to my mother to let me go to the festival.

"Ry, it's not that I think you're going to get in trouble. In fact it's the opposite, I think you're going to get a complex and then some agency is going to come get you. Please sit back and put your seatbelt on," she said kicking up the whipper speed.

"I'm not like him. I'm not going to be like him."

"Ry put your damn seatbelt on, now." I obeyed. "Listen it's not that your father was a bad person. I just don't want you to be taken advantage of."

"Right because I'm such a delicate fucking flower."

"Rylynn, come on don't get that damn attitude," she said kicking the whippers up to full speed. I pulled my seatbelt off just to piss her off. "Really Ry, in this weather." I looked at my mom.

"Please, trust me," I asked. She was silent for a moment.

"Fine you can go," Mom finally told me.

"Yes, Mom you wont regret it," I said with a big smile and through my hands in the air.

"Now put your seatbelt on," she said with a laugh. I smiled and began to put it on. "Rylynn!," she yelled as she instinctively through her arm in front of me. I looked up to see bright head light and a wall of darkness.


I heard screaming.

A wall of dark hard metal.

I forced my eyes open as I found myself in my bedroom.

I felt the impact and the car spin.

The door flew open and a messy haired Gerard appeared in the room.

The feeling of my body breaking through the side window.

I realized the screaming was coming from me.

The feeling of cement contact on my arm as I wrapped my arms around my head.

I blinked hard trying to distinguish reality from my dream, still unfolding in front of my eyes.

Watching the car roll down the hill and the semi flip on it's side.

"No!" I screamed as Gerard reached my bed. Without hesitation I wrapped my arms around his neck. His arms held me tight. "No, no no no no no," I kept repeating.

"Shh Rylynn it's alright, it's fine, you're fine I've got you," Gerard cooed to me as he continued to stroke my back. I buried face into Gerard's chest. Visions continued to unfold in front of my eyes. The accident I so desperately wanted to forget. The images slowly began to fade away and I realized I was shacking. "Come on," Gerard whispered kissing my forehead as he wrapped one arm under my legs, picking me up. He set me on the couch and wrapped a blanket around me.

"Do you want some tea?" Gerard asked pushing the hair out of my face. I shock my head. "What was your dream about?" I was silent for a moment. I couldn't find the words.

"I'm not crazy Gerard, I promise I'm not crazy," I said with urgency for him to understand.

"I know, I know your not," he said nodding. He was still knelt down in front of me. "I ah, I used to have nightmares after 9-11. I would wake up terrified. Sometimes when you see horrible events, there are images you just can't get ride of. I know you're not crazy."

"I didn't think I remembered… because… I don't want to remember," I admitted to him. Gerard nodded and kissed my forehead as he sat next to me on the couch. He wrapped my arm around my shoulder.

"It's okay."

Notes

Let me know what you think!

~Nailsntacks

Comments

@action.cat
Thanks

nailsntacks nailsntacks
5/26/18

Sorry for your losses :-) hope you're doing well! Love the story so far :-)

action.cat action.cat
5/15/18

@JJJJ
Thanks!

nailsntacks nailsntacks
3/12/18

Good story. I've just read it this afternoon and continued reading nonstop until the latest chapter and its almost midnight. Probably will read it til morning if there were more. I'm really excited for an update.

JJJJ JJJJ
3/4/18

Sorry for the wait

nailsntacks nailsntacks
11/21/17