Victimized

I feel dirty. That was my first thought the moment I woke up. I felt filthy because of what Gerard had done.
I needed to clean myself up.
I started rubbing my arms harder and harder, but it didn't help the matters. I stopped when I realised my skin had turned red and had scratches from my nails.
I was startled the moment the door opened, but took a deep breath when I saw Pete standing there.
"Hey, you okay?"
"Um, can- can I take a shower?" I asked softly.
"I don't know..." He trailed off, scratching the back of his head.
"Please, I need to clean myself up, it's been a whole day since... you know." My eyes were wide, begging him.
"Yeah, alright." Pete nodded. "But I don't have any clothes because I don't live here. I'll have to ask Gerard, I think he's the only one awake right now, is that okay with you?"
No.
"Yeah." At least they would be clean clothes.
-
When I got out of the shower my whole body was bright red in a hard attempt to get clean using my hands to rub my skin harshly, and I had scratches in my arms and stomach due to my fingernails trying to get rid of the feeling.
I felt like I was gross. I felt guilty. I felt like all of this was my fault.
I opened the bathroom door only to find Gerard standing there fucking smirking at me.
"Hello, Frank." Then his eyes were scanning my body, which was only covered with a towel. I saw a pair of pants and a t-shirt on Gerard's hands. He was here to bring me some clean clothes.
He started walking towards me and I took one step backwards, then another one until I was pressed against the wall with Gerard in front of me. My breathing got faster. He couldn't be doing this again; this was completely and utterly for fun, because I hadn't done anything wrong now!
"Relax, I'm just messing with you." He stated and turned around, walking out of the bathroom, and I locked the door as soon as I could, waiting for my heart to go back to normal, and started getting dressed.
Once I was ready, I waited in the doorway for Pete to come back, fearing Gerard would return. But instead of any of them, I spotted Ray walking calmly towards me. I relaxed a little.
"So..." He started, "When Gerard went to your room, he was going to show you the house so you got familiarised with it. Because you're not supposed to be a prisoner, you're like, um..." He adopted a thoughtful expression. "A guest, yeah."
I stared at him. "I thought guests liked to be in the place they were invited to." I told him coldly. Then I realised what I had said and my chest tightened in slight fear. "Wait, no. I'm so sorry-"
"It's okay, you're forced to stay in here." He said in a hushed voice.
We got to the room I was staying in, and Ray opened the door for me. I frowned but walked in, turning to see Ray looking at me.
"What?" I asked nervously.
"Nothing," He sighed. "Just... You don't deserve this, I'm sorry." His eyes were pitiful when he shut the door, separating me from him.
I was alone now, and I started thinking about what had happened. Everything bad that had happened to me in a short amount of time.
The images of Gerard wouldn't stop playing in my head, making me feel dirty all over again. I just wanted the memories to go away! I thought about him being forceful with me, slapping me when I was trying to fight back, and using me for his own good. I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't stop thinking 'what if he does it again?' I didn't think I could handle it a second time, I was losing my mind as it was now.
I sat down on the floor with my back against the nearest wall. I didn't want to sit on that dirty bed, I don't know how I did it yesterday. I drew my knees to my chest and hugged them, burying my face in my arms. I couldn't help the few stray tears that came out, either. This just was not fair.
"This is not your house! What the fuck, stop right where you are!" I heard what I thought was Gerard's voice outside my room and I stood up from the floor instantly. Then I heard someone talking but I couldn't understand anything, and I couldn't quite put my finger on who it was. "Yes, but not now!" I heard again. I believe the only reason I could hear him was because he was yelling.
I walked towards the door and pressed my ear against it, trying to overhear what was going on.
"But I need my money, Gerard." Said a male's voice in a calm tone, unlike Gerard, who sounded angry. Gerard angry was not a good thing for me, it was something that terrified me to death. Gerard terrified me to death.
"Well then go get it somewhere else." Gerard grumbled. "I bet you don't even need it right now, you just want it back because you don't trust me."
"Maybe you're right." The man chuckled. "Gerard Way always sticks to his word, no matter how much he wants to fucking kill you." He added with slight sarcasm.
"Fuck off. What if I pay you with something else?"
"Mm, it could work. For now, just so I can be patient and come back later."
"Alright. What do you want?"
"You tell me. What do you have to offer me?"
"Well, what do you think about getting a life so you don't have to be interfering with mine and other's?"
"I'm not fucking kidding, Gerard." I heard a second of shuffling and then a loud sound filled my ears. It sounded like when someone used a gun in a movie, only this made so much more noise, and it made me let out a loud, terrified scream. My eyes widened and I put my hand over my mouth, my heart racing as I heard pure silence from the other side of the door. I was hoping they hadn't heard me over the sound of the shot; but because my luck was that bad, I had screamed a bit longer than what I would have liked, and they heard me instantly after this man shot his gun.
"Oh I see you guys have someone over. This is interesting." I heard footsteps, and if I was not mistaken they were coming towards my room. I was still standing where I had been before when the door flew open. I saw a man with long, brown hair and a twisted smirk, looking down at me. He was getting his gun back into his jeans, and from what my eyes could reach beside him, I saw a bullet's mark on the floor, and my brain processed quickly that he had shot the floor as a warning. "Hello there, kid. Hey, do you know overhearing other people's conversations is bad?" He raised an eyebrow and my cheeks turned a light pink color, then he turned back to Gerard, who was standing there him with Ray, Mikey, Pete and Bob. "Gerard, you lucky bastard. This boy's pretty good looking, if I do say so myself." He turned back to me, "What's your name, uh?"
"I'm- uh, Frank." I choked out, my cheeks burning because of his 'compliment', and the nickname he had called me.
"I want him." The man turned back to the other guys.
"What?" Gerard asked incredulously. "No, Bert. No way."
"Common, you're so boring sometimes. Look, here's my request: I'll borrow him for a day. Just a day. You know I'm clean and everything. You know it more then anyone." He said the last sentence in a low voice, as if he was trying to sound seductive. But for me he sounded disgusting. That also made me think about Gerard and this man named Bert together, as they said they'd been, and I felt sick to my stomach.
"Yeah, about that... Just because we've done stuff together doesn't mean I'm letting you borrow someone else." They were talking about me as if I was an object, and I bit my tongue before I said anything that would get me into trouble.
"You're not serious, are you? It's just for a day! I can have some fun too." That made my stomach drop. Fun? They couldn't do this, not again! "I'll get him back tomorrow morning. It's me borrowing him or you giving me my money right here and now. Deal?"
"Gerard, don't." It was Pete now, who was ignored by Gerard.
"Deal."

Notes

Chapter's title by Mayday Parade