Kill All Your Friends

“Frank, I really don’t know if I can do this,” Gerard said to the younger man as they were walking to school. Frank put his hand on Gerard back and rubbed it reassuringly.

“Gerard, we’ve studied a lot for this. You’re ready, okay? I believe in you.” Gerard gave Frank a shaky smile, but trusted his words. If Frank had faith that he could do it, then he had no doubt he was right. He took a couple of deep breaths and managed to calm himself down just as they reached the school.

“Are we getting together after school today?” Gerard asked. Frank gave him a bit of a sheepish smile.

“Actually, I have to head to that bakery and, um, talk to that boy,” he muttered. Gerard stopped in his tracks, causing Frank to stop as well.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to lead him on,” he said, his heart suddenly racing again. He felt a sinking in his stomach and he didn’t like it. He was jealous and he hated that feeling. It took a lot to get him jealous, but all Frank had to do was give some kid his number.

“I’d explained it to him and he said that he only wanted one date and then he would leave it at that, so I agreed. I just,” he sighed, “I couldn’t say no.”

“One day, Frank, someone is going to walk all over you because of your incapability to say no to anyone. You’re lucky I’m here. Next time, I’ll say no for you,” Gerard huffed. To Frank, he looked like a protective friend and that warmed his heart, but Gerard was really saying it so he could have Frank all to himself. He was growing too attached to Frank, but he didn’t want to separate himself from him.

“Yes,” Frank giggled, “get my best friend to do all the dirty work.” Gerard gave him a smile and they continued walking, parting ways in the hallway after Frank gave him another pep talk.

“Remember, Gerard, no matter what, Mikey is damn proud of you!” Frank yelled after him. He didn’t turn around to face him, but smiled as he kept walking. As Frank walked to his own classroom, he felt his phone vibrate. He pulled it out, thinking it was from his mom, but instead, it came from Ray.

Ray: I’m ready to tell him.

Frank froze. No, he wasn’t going to tell him today, Frank assured himself. He’d set up a meeting between the two within the next few days, that way Gerard could focus on his testing and maybe relax a little before all hell broke loose. He’d need to be there for the older man as much as he possibly could and keep a close eye on him.

Frank: Okay. I’ll let him know in the next few days. The placement test is today and he’s studied hard for it. For Mikey. I’d like for him to focus on that. I’ll let you know more details later.

He walked to his first period class to wait to be assigned to a testing classroom. His phone vibrated.

Ray: Thank you. Good luck on the test!

Frank: You, too!

He slipped it back into his pocket. He wasn’t worried about where he placed in his class, because he was confident. If there was anything he admired about himself, it was that he was smart. Sure, he did stupid things every now and then, but he was academically smart, and that was something he’d never doubt about himself.

Gerard sat in his homeroom class, slightly shaking in his seat. He didn’t know if he could do this. He hesitantly fumbled with his phone and dialed Frank, not caring about the teacher giving him concerning looks. The line rang a couple of times before Frank’s smooth voice came on.

“Gerard, what’s wrong? Everything okay?” He asked, his voice was laced with nothing but worry. Gerard sighed shakily.

“Frank, I really don’t think I can do this. What if… we did all of this studying for nothing?” He asked, almost frantically.

“Gerard, listen to me. You trust me, right?”

“Of course.”

“Nothing anyone does in their life is never for nothing. Every decision we’ve ever made, or any of the things that went wrong and we thought life was unfair, it was only leading us down our path the way it’s supposed to go. Gerard, if you don’t think you’ve done well on this test afterwards, then we’ll work even harder for the next time. I believe in you, though, I know you can do this.” By the time Frank had finished talking, Gerard found himself confident, more than before.

“What would I do without you, Frank?” He laughed. Frank laughed, too, not knowing how to answer. Just then, the bell rang.

“Okay, Gerard, I’ll see you right after testing. Come to the bakery with me?” Frank asked. Gerard honestly didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to see some other boy all over Frank, and Frank possibly doing the same, but he wanted to be near him.

“Are you sure I won’t be interrupting anything?” He asked, causing Frank to chuckle.

“There wouldn’t be anything to interrupt. Come with me, and then we’ll go home and watch shitty horror movies,” Frank said softly. Teenagers began filing into the classroom, barely giving him a second glance. Ever since his association with Gerard, the people who’d called themselves his friends, had all not bothered to try talking to him. It was fine with him. All he really needed was his family, Gerard included.

“Okay, I’ll go. Buy me more ice cream though,” he said. Frank smiled softly, tilting his head to the side.

“I’d buy you the world if I could,” Frank nearly whispered. It was loud enough for Gerard to hear, making his heart flutter. After a brief moment of silence, Frank cleared his throat, slightly catching the attention of a few of his classmates, and began to speak once more.

“I’ll see you after the test, okay? You can do it.”

“Okay. Thanks,” Gerard responded, hanging up the phone and tossing his phone into his bag. He bit his bottom lip, trying to hide the blush he felt on his cheeks. He sighed quietly, trying to convince his mind that Frank didn’t mean anything romantic by it, but his heart was rooting for the other side. It was safe to say that Gerard definitely wanted Frank to mean it romantically.

As soon as testing began, both Frank and Gerard breezed by the questions with ease, and Gerard’s confidence boosted high by the time the first section came to an end. He thought back to those late nights he and Mikey would spend helping Gerard study for this very same test. Each grade level was required to take it. It was timed, and all his brother could be happy about was the fact that school was over as soon as testing was done. Gerard found himself smiling at the memory of his brother whooping at the top of his lungs as they exited the building. He chuckled at the squint in Mikey’s eyes as he smiled and maybe the sun was too bright. Yes, he loved his brother dearly and missed every moment of the day to the point of exhaustion, but it was getting easier. Not exactly better, but easier to get through the day even though he knew his brother was gone and that he wasn’t going to see him until after his time came.

Gerard, himself, didn’t exactly know if Heaven or Hell existed, but he liked to think they did. He liked to think his brother was happy where he was and he was spending his time as an angel playing video games and watching horror movies with their grandma, because she was really cool and could easily beat them at Mario Kart. Aware, he let his mind drift to his new friend, wondering if he too had doubts about a higher being in the sky or if he embraced any religion. Frank had, in a way, been through a lot more than most people in his age and he still managed to smile, even if it were broken. He still shivered at the memory of the day he’d rushed to Frank’s house and the younger man had admitted to him in a feeble voice that he was broken, just like him.

Frank finished each section in half the time each section was limited to, not allowing his mind to drift to other thoughts. He didn’t want to disappoint his father, who had always taken pride in how smart Frank was, and even if he weren’t here to get him celebratory ice cream or show him that big goofy smile, the memory of it would be enough until he met his father again on the other side. He shook his head; he was letting his thoughts drift from the test and he couldn’t have that. This test deserved one-hundred perfect of his attention after all the studying he and Gerard did. Gerard. He’d fallen in love with him sometime in past few weeks, he was sure of it, but he didn’t know how he should tell him, or if he even should. He didn’t know how Gerard would act. He was loveable, but there were still chances that he was a homophobic prick no matter how slim they were, and he didn’t know what he, himself, would do if that actually happened. Not only would he lose the man he loved, but he’d also lose his best friend, and so would Gerard.

No, he scolded himself, Gerard is a great guy and he wouldn’t judge me.

And he knew it to be true, because, thinking of it now, Gerard hadn’t made a disgusted face or used a certain tone when he mentioned that he’d given that boy at the bakery, whose name was Pete, his number. All Gerard said was that he shouldn’t lead the boy on, feeling that it was wrong and not at all like Frank.

“All right, Time’s up, everyone. After you’re done turning in your tests, you’re free to go.” Frank glanced at the clock and saw it was only noon. Since Pete was probably still in school, he and Gerard had some time to kill and that made him happy. He was hoping to spend more quality bonding time with his friend.

They met at the front gate and Frank couldn’t help but smile at the content look on Gerard’s face, a very small (yet happy) smile gracing his features. The midday sun shining over Gerard causing his red hair to shine, and Frank flinched at how beautiful Gerard was. He made his way outside and tapped Gerard on his shoulder.

“Hey. How do you think you did?” He asked.

“I think I did the best yet. You?” Frank smiled.

“Same here. You wanna go to the movies and see something? We have quite a bit of time before we head to the bakery to see Pete,” Frank explained and found himself confused at the look that quickly flashed by on Gerard’s face.

“Oh, that’s his name?” Gerard asked nonchalantly.

“Yeah. He’s pretty cool. Likes the same bands we do and stuff. I think you’d like him,” Frank offered, confused even more by Gerard’s behavior as they walked their way out of the school district and towards Frank’s house. After school, they normally went to have lunch with Frank’s mom and occasionally John if he was off from work before taking the car and going out for a drive or out somewhere.

“That’s cool. But I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want me to like him, Frank,” Gerard retorted, feeling himself become angry.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Frank asked, curiously.

“Nothing. Forget it.”

“Gerard, I’m not interested in him, if that’s what’s bothering you for some reason,” Frank tried to explain, hoping to help his friend to calm down. With what his words were insinuating, he was hoping Gerard wouldn’t explode at him.

“Why would that bother me?” Gerard snapped, walking faster, hoping to get to Frank’s home soon before this conversation got weird.

“Nothing. It’s okay. We don’t have to go to the bakery, if you don’t want to,” Frank offered. He would pick Gerard over Pete any day of the week, no offense to the boy, but that’s just the way it was.

“Okay, cool. Let’s just theater hop the entire day.” Gerard instantly perked up at the offer Frank made. Frank quickly pulled his phone out and started tapping on it, catching Gerard’s attention.

“Sorry,” Frank said, noticing Gerard looking over at him. “I’m just sending a text to Pete telling him I can’t make it.” For some reason, this made Gerard feel guilty. He was jealous of Pete even though he had no reason to be. For the past few months, it had always only been them two and now that Frank was making friends with Pete, who had an obvious crush on him, Gerard couldn’t help but feel threatened. He felt he could lose Frank. There could come a time where Frank could reciprocate those feelings Pete had and they could start dating, and Gerard felt his heart break at the simple thought of that possibility.

“If you wanted to go, Frank, we can,” Gerard mumbled, his guilt beating his jealousy. Frank smiled up at him and patted him on the back before sending his message.

“I’d rather spend the day theater hopping with you,” Frank said, the smile growing bigger on his face. Gerard instantly relaxed, returning his smile. They walked in silence the rest of the way, letting the calmness set between them. It was breezy, the leaves of the trees rustling and a bird chirping every now and them.

“It’s a nice day, huh?” Frank said absentmindedly.

“Yeah. Maybe we should spend it at the park instead of in the theater.” Frank nodded his agreement and began digging in his pocket for his key as they came to his driveway. John’s car was gone, meaning it would only be Gerard, Frank, and his mother for lunch.

After lunch with Frank’s mom, they retreated to his room and found a movie to put on before laying down on his bed. It was a twin sized bed, enough room for both of them, but they still laid close to one another, neither of them minding.

“Hey, Frank?” Gerard murmured half way through the movie.

“Hm?” Frank hummed.

“I’m sorry that I’ve been acting so weird about your new friend.” Frank tore his eyes away from the screen and looked over at Gerard. He wasn’t looking at the movie either, but rather at the wall in front of them.

“It’s all right. I don’t see anything wrong with it, so don’t worry, okay?” Frank explained, rubbing his hand to Gerard’s shoulder. Gerard smiled back at him, taking in how beautiful Frank looked in the dim lighting of his room. He wanted to kiss him, but instead settled on laying his head on Frank’s shoulder. Frank wouldn’t want him anyways; he was sure of that. He was too damaged and Frank need stability. While lost deep in thought, Frank’s phone began to vibrate loudly and repeatedly indicating he had a call.

“Sorry, let me get this,” Frank said as he sat up. “Hello? Hey, Pete!” He said cheerfully, causing Gerard’s stomach to twist. “Yeah, sorry I can’t make it. I’m with my best friend right now.” Pause. “Yes, he’s the one I was with when we met.” Pause. “What do you mean?” Pause. “Oh, yeah. You’re right. Sorry. That’s why I can’t date you.” Pause.

What? Gerard thought, What does Pete know that I don’t?

“We can totally still be friends though!” Frank argued. Another pause. “Yeah. Thanks for understanding! Talk to you later. All right, bye.” Then he hung up and turned back to Gerard.

“Um?” was all Gerard managed to say.

“Oh, it was just Pete. Don’t worry about it,” Frank explained as he laid back down. Gerard physically began to struggle with not knowing something Pete did about Frank.

“Frank? Did, um, Pete wanna hang out? We can still go,” he offered not even five minutes later, hoping that would make Frank crack.

“What? No, Gerard, it’s okay now. He figured something out and just let it be. He’s not going to be pursuing me anymore, had he been planning on it,” he reassured the older man.

“Oh? What did he figure out?” He asked. Frank gave him a soft smile and shook his head gently.

“It’s not important right now. Within time, you’ll understand why.” Gerard tilted his head at him, thinking about pushing it, but then decided not to. If Frank said it wasn’t important at the time, then it probably wasn’t. If there was one thing Frank and Gerard hadn’t seen, it was that Gerard would do anything Frank asked of him with no questions and Frank would drop everything to be at Gerard’s side and that wasn’t a good thing. Independency is key to any type of relationship and without it, eventually it would fail.

Notes

Sorry for the short and uninteresting chapter, but I promise things will start to pick up within the next couple of chapters :)) Keep the faith in me and I'll deliver, so believe in meeee <3 Cleo has been helping me a lot whenever I start remembering horrible things so yay! I hope you've all enjoyed this chapter

Feedback would be amazing!

Much love,
-OAIF <3