Kill All Your Friends

Whenever Gerard woke up, he expected Frank to be there, still holding him, but he was surprised to see that he was alone. He spotted a paper on the pillow next to him and picked it up, his eyes scanning the words sloppily sprawled across the paper.

'mom, sister, birth, hospital.'

Gerard quickly got up and slipped on his shoes. There was oly one hospital in town, but it was a long walk. He took his wallet from his back pocket and looked at the money he had. $30. He called cab. He always hated doing that, but it was needed. He wasn't even sure why he felt obligated to go. Sure, Linda was very nice and treated him like her son almost, but... it didn't feel right to go. Before he could change his mind, the cab pulled up in front of him. Feeling almost thankful, he got in and told the driver the address to the hospital.

After arriving and paying the man, he walked into the hospital. Suddenly, his phone began to ring loudly, echoing down the hall and causing a few people to look his way. He quickly took his phone out of his pocket and quickly answered.

"Hello?" He said.

"Gerard, hey, did you see my note?" It was Frank. He noticed how tired the younger man sounded.

"Yes."

"I'm scared," Frank whispered. This caught Gerard off guard.

"Why?" He asked. Had something happened with Linda or Frank's sister? He felt his heart speed up.

"It's just final, you know. My mom has really moved on. My dad really is gone. I don't know why this is barely sinking in, Gerard. I've had about nine months to prepare for this, but," he sighed, "my dad really will never know this little girl. He will never see either of is grow up. He won't grow old with my mother. He won't die from old age in his bed surrounded by the people who love him." It was then that Gerard tealized that he and Frank's thoughts were exactly the same. Gerard's brother and Frank's father had chosen a different solution. It was hard to say who was really being punished. After all, all they did was pass their pain onto other people.

"Frank, it's okay to be scared," he answered.

"I wish you were here to tell me this in person."

"I am. I'm at the hospital in front of the entrance." The call ended without another word. Minutes went by and Gerard became worried about what happened to his new friend. Without warning, a body slammed into his amd clung to him. He looked down at the person, fully prepared to push them away, when he recognized the person as Frank. Instantly, his arms wrapped around the shorter male.

"Thank you for coming, Gerard," Frank mumbled against his chest.

"Of course. How long as your mom been in labor?" He asked.

"I think about six hours. I got the call around 3 last night." Gerard nodded and and then looked back down at Frank to stare into his eyes.

"It's okay to be scared," he repeated. Frank gave him a wobbly smile.

"Come on. Let's head to the waiting room for my sister to finally come out," Frank said as he grabbed Gerard, who was trying not to laugh at his choice of words, by the wrist and pulled him along. Rather than let them be swallowed by the silence of the sterile building, Gerard decided to speak.

"Has you mom decided on a name for your sister?" Frank nodded.

"Helena." This caused Gerard to stop in his tracks, stopping Frank as well.

"Helena? Why?" He asked.

"Whenever my dad killed himself, my mom disappeared for a couple of days, leaving me in the care of my grandparents. I was terrified she wasn't going to come back, but when she finally did, she told me she met an elderly lady who really helped her accept what my dad had done. Her name was Elena, but also went by Helena, I believe. I don't think my mom ever saw her again and I'm not exactly sure how she helped my mom, but I will forever be grateful that she did," Frank explained. It was something his mother only ever told him about once, but it wasn't something forgotten so easily. In a way, it was like your eyes looking at a random building and having a feeling that you will remember that same building years from now at random moments of your life.

Gerard was shocked to hear Frank's story. It made sense though, because both he and Mikey were with his grandma that day. He smiled amd continued to let himself be dragged by Frank.

"Why did you ask?" Frank asked him.

"Because that was my grandma's name," he answered.

"Was she your grandma? The one who helped my mom?" Gerard nodded.

"Mikey and I were there with her when we ran into your mom." They came to the waiting room and took a seat.

"So what happened?"

"Well, we didn't live here then. We lived about two towns over. My grandma took Mikey and I out for lunch every Friday after school and that Friday, we met your mom. I can't believe I didn't remember her face," he explained. "Your mom came into the dinner right after us and I think she'd been crying. My grandma, being the person she was, asked her what was wrong. I remember her telling my grandma and then crying. My grandma held her and then invited her to have lunch with us. I don't really remember what they talked about, but I do remember her having a smile on her face when we parted ways. On the way home, I asked her why she did it. She told me that no one deserves to feel alone. It's like what you told me," he finished.

"Wow," Frank breathed, "She probably saved my mom's life that day. How is she doing?" He asked. Gerard's face turned somber and Frank needed no explanation.

"Oh," he said, reaching over and giving Gerard's hand a squeeze. They sat in silence for a while. Hours went by and they heard nothing. This caused Frank to worry.

"It shouldn't take this long, right?" He asked Gerard.

"If it helps, my mom was in labor woth me for twelve hours," he said as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Didn't want to come out?" Frank chuckled. Gerard cracked a smile.

"I was warm," he smirked. Frank laughed, throwing his head back. At that moment, John came into the room with scrubs,on, carrying a little bundle of blankets in his arms. Frank froze, looking to Gerard for guidance. Gerard nodded his head towards them, telling him to go. After taking a deep breath, Frabk stood and walked over to John, who looked to him with tears in his eyes.

"Frabk, meet Helena. Your sister," he sniffled. He held her out to Frank who carefully held her in his arms. When he peered at her face, he choked out a sob. Her tiny face looked identical to his mother. His thoughts went back to his father, and how much he suddenly hated him. Frank went to last few years thinking his arms were only meant to hold a death, but here he was, holding the life of his little sister. In a matter of five seconds, she convinced him that he didn't have to end up as lost as his father had been. He stepped up to John and leaned against him.

"What's wrong, Frank?" He asked him as he hugged both of his kids.

"I was just thinking about how fucking stupid my dad was to his give all of this u," he murmured. Although John seemed troubled by his words, he said nothing. Gerard stared at the scene in front of him and his heart clenched in his chest. He thought about how much Frank is going to love that little girl and be upset whenever she is. He thought about all the lessons he would teach her and how much she's going to look up to him. Just like Mikey. He really didn't understand what he was doing there, because he only manged to torture himself.

"Gerard, do you wanna meet her?" Frank asked him. He was glad Frank didn't try to force him to. He felt conflicted for a moment, but decided to anyways. As soon as he laid eyes o, her, he turned away and quickly walked back to his seat, putting his head on his hands. All of his memories of Mikey growing up flashed in his mind and it suddenly became hard to breathe. He didn't know when Frank came to hug him, but he was thankful. He could feel the eyes of others on him and buried his face in Frank's chest. As if he sensed Gerard's discomfort, he placed one of his hands on the back of Gerard's head, stroking it soothingly.

"It's okay, Gerard. It's okay to feel angry," Frank wispered. That's when Gerard realized what it was that he'd been feeling toward his brother lately. He was angry at him. He'd never been angry at Mikey for anything other than taking forever in the shower.

"I hate him. I hate him so much," he cried, his tears staining part of Frank's shirt.

"You won't hate him forever. You may never know why he did it, but that's all right, because he's happy where he's at right now. And one day, long in the future, you will be right there with him." His words seemed to calm Gerard down.

"Frank, it may not be right to ask, but how did your dad, um, do it?" He asked. Frank took a seat next to him and sighed softly.

"He shot himself in our restroom. I found him after I came homefrom school." Gerard took a deep breath.

"Mikey hanged himself. I found him after school, too. He was only sixteen, Frank. He had all of his life left. It would've gotten better," he paused, swallowing the lump in his throat, "I need to know why he did it."

"Gerard-" Frank started.

"I know I may not find anything," hes aid, cutting him off. Frank out his hand on Frank's knee.

"I'm afraid that you won't like what you might find." After some silence, Frank spoke again. "Why don't you go home and get some more rest?" I'll call you later and let you know how it goes," he saus. Although Gerard wanted to stay, he did suddenly feel sleepy. He nodded and stood up, Frank repeating his action.

"How did you get here?"

"I took a cab," Gerard answered.

"I'll drive you home," Frank said, smiling as he started walking toward the entrance.

"You should stay here with your mom, Frank." He shook his head, giving Gerard a bittersweet smile.

"I don't want her to see me. Not during this happy moment," he explained. Gerard gave him a questionable glance.

"I look like my dad," and that was all he said as they approached the front door. Gerard didn't give an wer, knowing there was nothing he could say.

After both getting in the car, Frank drive him home in complete silence. Without realizing, Gerard hadbe gun to stare at Frank. He didn't know what it was about the man driving, but something was alluring about him. It was something subtle; something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"What?" Frank asked as he came to a stop in front of Gerard's house.

"Oh. Nothing. I was just staring off into spance. Sorry," he apologized. Frank chuckled, causing Gerard to slightly sink down in the seat.

"I do that a lot, too," Frank assured the man.

"I'll see you at school, Gerard. Thank you for coming. I'll be sure to let my mom know you came by. She'll probably want to see you, so I'll call you." Gerard nodded and got out of the car. When he got insode, his parents looked up at him.

"Gerard? Where did you go?" His mother asked.

"Just out. I'm going to my room." Before his parents could say another word, he rushed up to his room. He knew he was probably being unfair, but he knew Mikey would be just as angry. Deep down, he knew that was a lie. His brother would be jumping at the opportunity, but he just couldn't bring himself to be the same way. One day, he'd forgive them, but that wasn't anytime soon.

He sat on his bed and began undressing himself all the way to his boxers. He fell back against his bed and stared at the ceiling. Even though he'd woken up from sleep not too long ago, his eyes felt heavy. He supposed it was something Frank did to him; made him feel content enough to sleep.

Notes

Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. If there are any typos or anything, please excuse them for now. I'm on my phone. Um, my updates will take a while to post because I will be working to raise money to go to Arizona and then visiting said state. So please bear with me and don't give up on me :D

Thanks.

Feedback much appreciated and needed :3

-OAIF <3