Unapologetic Apathy

Ray and Kelsie were starting to wonder when Gerard was going to go home.

"He has a huge manor!" Ray would say, "why must he stay here? Where I live." He had been here three nights, and they were starting to get angry.

"He's not hurting anybody," I would argue, "besides. We are going tonight."

"We?" Kelsie asked in a suspicious voice.

"Yes, we," I clarified, "the house was pretty....horrific after the blood moon, and the rebound had an affect on Gerard, and I was still recovering from giving all that blood. Now, since we're both healthy, we're going back to the manor to clean things up. You know, because there is blood stains on the wall and broken glass and smeared paint and ruined carpet."

"As soon as the sun sets," Gerard said. "I'll be out of your hair."



And Kelsie was starting to give me numerous lectures: saying how I'm like a son to her, that I should be careful, and that if I was hurt, it would break her heart.

"Don't you dare get hurt, Frank Anthony Iero," she said with emotion strong in her accent, "if you got hurt, my heart would break. You must be smart. I would not trust this vampire man. I trust you to make the right decision. You are like a son to me." The spatula she had been waving in the air was dripping frosting on the floor.

"I will, Kelsie, I will," I assured her.

"No, no," she said, as if I interrupted her, "when my parents and I came to America, they gave me the same talk when I moved out. I wanted to go to college. They said 'be careful at this school, Mi Chiquita, there are many people who are mean and cruel and you will think they are to be trusted.' And I met a boy, and he was everything I could dream for. But then he was not who he said he was, and he broke my heart. I don't want this to happen to you, Frank. You must be careful. Some people say they love you when they do not."

"Okay, Kelsie, thank you for the advice. But I think Gerard can be trusted."

"I thought he could be trusted, too," Kelsie said, with a sad and nostalgic look in her dark eyes.



So I went with Gerard as soon as the sun set. We walked back to the manor, cherishing the beautiful night air and bright streetlights. He walked with his chin up and his eyes closed in appreciation, and a small smile on his lips. He held my hand, and our hands lightly swung in between us as we walked down the sidewalk.

"Um, I have a question," I mumbled.

"What is it?" He asked, looking down at me with those glassy hazel eyes. Now that I was actually talking to him, I felt kind of afraid to bring it up. But I held my breath and asked he question.

"I know this is probably going to sound like brainwashing or some shit," I started, "but Kelsie said- well, um... I know this is irrational, but they said you're using me. Like, for blood and stuff."

Gerard frowned. "Frankie, when I'm human, I'll still love you. And I won't need to drink from you. I don't have to drink from you if you don't want me to, if that's what you-"

"So, you aren't just using me for a cure and a quick fix?" Gerard laughed.

"Well, that definitely helps things," he joked, "but even when I don't need to drink from you, I'll still love you. I love that you joke around a lot, I love how enthusiastic you are, I love how open minded you are, I love your face-"

I cut him off with a laugh. He grinned and his head leaned against mine as we walked. I stopped him under a street light with smiles beaming on our faces.

Then, I got on my tip toes and gave him a long kiss. He leaned into it and his eyelids fluttered shut. His hand reached behind me and landed on the small of my back. I brought both mine up and tangled them in his already messy hair. He shifted his hands to the front, and I felt my face get hotter as I blushed. His cold hands gave me a shiver when they played with the waistband of boxers, peeking out from my dark jeans.

"Woah, there," I giggled into his mouth, "we're in public. Wasn't public indecency this big deal back in 1800's?"

"I don't see anyone around," he murmured and nibbled on my lip. I sighed heavily, and kissed deeper. He took this opportunity to slide in a little bit of tongue. We stood there until we heard a car coming, and Gerard jumped back in surprise.

"Cars are really fast," he said, spinning to look at the passing vehicle. I chuckled.



We got to the manor, and the house was more trashed than I remembered it being. It cleaned up quickly enough, though. We peeled the carpet back over the spiral, which Gerard said we should leave. I helped him drag furniture back, even though he was much stronger than me. Then we picked up the shards of glass and scrubbed the stains off the carpet as much as we could. It was done in a few hours.

I'd gotten to know how to find my own way around. Even in the dark, I could find the rooms. The manor still creeped me out, though. I tried to convince Gerard to light some candles or something, but he just shrugged. "I like it dark. If you want a candle, I can find one for you." That's how I got my own antique oil lamp to carry around from room to room. It made the shadows even longer, though, and that made me jump. Everything looked so old and creepy. It was a wonder how Gerard managed for 200 years. What made it creepier was that the walls were full of dead people.

"If you chose to move in, I promise to take them out. I'll get rid of them," he promised.

"Why not now?" I whined, "how can you stand to have all these bodies in the hall, wherever you go?"

"It's only on the first floor," he argued, "and not actually that many. Well, it didn't feel like many, but over a span of 200 years....."

"Okay, I get it. I'm a vegetarian, stop talking about all this violence. Sure, I'm a badass hunter, but I don't like gore or cruelty or anything." He smirked a bit. In the dim candle light, his face looked younger, surrounded by his mop of messy black hair curling around his jawline. It had grown longer since the first time I'd met him, when it was up to his cheekbones. Instead of wearing the fancy coats he wore, he was wearing one of my larger sweaters and his own everyday dress pants. I was surprised he fit in my clothes. I was really short and skinny, and he was taller and had broader shoulders. But he looked more comfortable now, relaxing on the couch beside me.

"Okay, I'll move them. I'll burn them out back," he agreed.

"Just not in front of me," I told him, and he breathed a laugh. "No, I'm serious! It's just gross! I don't want to see the man I love hauling rotting skeletons out of his house!" He leaned in closer and bit his lip, looking out from under his eyebrows.

"So I won't get any help?" He joked.

"You didn't need help the last time," I reminded him, but he shrugged cartoonishly

"Well there's a lot more now," he pointed out. I sighed and laughed at the same time, rolling my eyes at him. He cuddled in closer so he was leaning on my shoulder. "Okay, fine, I can manage by myself. Just don't drop by this weekend. It'll all be sorted out in a few days." I gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks Gee," I hummed. "It means a lot."

"Don't worry about it, Frankie," he murmured and nipped my shoulder. I jerked back with a giggle. His face had a happy little laughing grin on it, the sharp points of his fangs poking into his lip. I leaned in and, avoiding the teeth, gave him a playful kiss. It's fun to kiss someone while they're smiling. His arms pressed my hands down excitedly while he leaned forward to kiss me back, then started kissing me down my neck and collar bone. He scraped a pointed tooth on my sweet spot, making me shiver. Then he brought a hand up to cup my cheek and he gave me a long, soft kiss.

"I love you," I said honestly.

"I love you, too," he replied.



I left for the weekend while Gerard said he'd fix the body-in-the-walls problem. It was weird dating someone who'd kill people and think lightly of it. Or maybe he did feel guilty. But I'd seen him change, into someone softer and more considerate. Maybe he would still do it, like that one time I'd walked in on him hiding that one body. But he said he wouldn't need to do it again, now that he had me.

It was weird, technically being the only thing stopping something like him from killing any poor pedestrian on the street. But in 5 months, he'd be human. We would go on dates, like a normal couple, instead of making out and then him drinking my blood. We would go to a fancy restauraunt. We could go to an amusement park. I could show him things like vending machines and self operating doors and watch him be excited about it. I thought of this a lot.

The only thing stopping Gerard and I from being a 'real' couple, is that one little hiccup....that he's not technically alive. Also, he's killed- brutally murdered- countless people in The past. But I could overlook that as survival. What would I do in his position? Starving yet unable to die, feral, possibly mad with hunger. I'd probably do that, too. He even admitted to feeling guilty, at first. But then it was just survival. Even if he wasn't hungry, survival meant keeping people from trying to kill him. It still wasn't right, though.
I could understand both sides of the story: the hunters and the vampires, and I think that's where Ray and Kelsie stopped understanding. Sam got it, now that he'd been a vampire and a human, and I understood it because I was dating a vampire. But soon, I wouldn't have to worry about it. Sam and Gerard and the gang could help me create a new business. Instead of travelling America and killing every vampire I see, I could change them back to human. I could stop this disease from affecting humanity any longer. And I could contact other teams about this. I could stop all the violence.

When I got to Gerard's house on Monday, there was a pile of smoke coming from the backyard still. I decided to go inside anyway, and see if he was done yet. The doors to the walls were open, but I didn't see any bodies like I expected. There was some dust on the floor, and a gross smell, but it was pretty clean. In one corner was a sheet, but there was nothing underneath it. A few strands of hair were on the ground, in the brown dust. And there was some dust that was red, like rust, the crumbled in piles on the floor.

Before I could even shut the front door, Gerard was beside me, in a flash. I jumped. He could be fucking creepy, and he didn't have to try. He just blended into the shadows, like he was built into the house; as much part of this place as the carpet and the wallpaper. He raised an eyebrow. Through the darkness, I could only see the vague outlines of his face, and his messy black hair. He wore a causal white work shirt, but one of his old ones from centuries ago. And he wore a pair of light brown trousers. He wore some dark brown suspenders, too. It was one of the rare times he wasn't wearing a lot of dark clothing. The shirt had some soot on it, from the fire.

"Hello, Frankie," he said.

"Hey. Are you almost down working?"

"Just...dont go outside. I hope people don't see the smoke and come investigating. There are....a lot of corpses out there that would have to be explained," he told me, looking and sounding distracted. From what I could see of his eyes, they were unfocused but I possibly glassy. He looked even paler than usual. He looked sick.

"Are you okay?" I asked, and he snapped out of his trance. He licked his lips.

"Yeah, yeah," he replied. I gave him a suspicious look.

"If I got a paper cut right now, would you be able to control yourself?"

"I wouldn't suggest you get a paper cut." Gerard scratched his hair, which was covered in soot and had ash in it. "And maybe stay away from anything that could injure you. But I have to get done with the fire, in case anyone sees. I just came in to say hello. I'll be back in a bit, I just need to get the...other ones in the fire."

"Be careful," I told him. He was acting very weird.

That's when I remembered. The last time he'd eaten was probably a Wednesday, and that meant he'd gone five days without blood. The hungriest I bet I'd seen him was when I first met him, and he turned harsh and demanding and sociopathic. But still, he'd been willing to spare me. Then the next time if seen him really hungry, he was back in my kitchen that morning. He wasn't cruel then, just rough and desperate. I figured it was only a matter of hours before his dazed state turned to desperation.

He came back in when the streetlights below were almost all gone out, and the only light would've been the fire. He'd extinguished it, and there were no candles inside, so I was in pitch blackness. I couldn't see anything. That's why it surprised me when the cushion beside me compressed, and I felt a hand in my neck. I let out a surprised gasp.

"Sorry if I scared you," he said in a rough whisper near my ear. I felt his hand travel up to my waist, no the other tangled in my hair.

"Just a surprise," I replied. He didn't say anything, just breathed heavily into the crook of my neck. It felt weird, as normally breath would be hot. His was cool and ice like, like he'd just recently eaten a Popsicle. For a few minutes, his head was resting on my shoulder, and his mouth nibbled on my neck. I felt kind of scared. I didn't know what to expect from this, if he was that hungry. The first time he'd bitten me, it hurt. But I assumed that was because I was struggling, not because how hungry he was. Then next few times he did it, it was careful, and he'd given me first aid after.

"I can hear your heartbeat,"he told me, "you know I'm not going to hurt you, right?" He made a humourless dry chuckle. It sounded painful.

"Usually, yes, but...I know you're hungry, and I don't know if you can control yourself....or be as gentle," I explained.

"I'll try to be gentle," he begged.

"Okay, fine, bite," I demanded, and he did t need to be asked twice. He bit down hard, which made me wince, but he lightened up and went slower.

If you e ever had blood taken, you'd understand the sucking feeling. That feeling was magnified and it stung like hell. Sometimes, when it was gentle, it was even enjoyable. But that's just me, kinky as fuck. But now, it felt like a bruise. And it felt longer than usual.

Part of me wanted to push him off, the other part wanted him to keep drinking until I passed out.
I had to wriggle away, pulling him by his hair to get him off of me. But he didn't listen. He ignored the pain in his scalp and kept leaning forward. He pressed my back into the armrest of the couch, and I was struggling to get him off of me. I hit him in the shoulder, hard, but he still kept licking at my neck, where it was bleeding.

"Gerard!" He shook his head and started mumbling at me through licks and bites.
"I'll get off.....in a second...." I thought I heard him say. I was too busy trying to push him away. He growled into my ear and shoved me back down.

"Gerard, you're hurting me!" I rolled to the side, or tried to, but he was blocking me. He grabbed a handful of my hair and held me against the armrest so I couldn't move. He licked his lips and bloodied hands. His entire face was red, and my vision was blurry. I gave one last effort at getting him off of me, and I landed a kick in the stomach. He jerked violently and took his hands off me to steady himself on the cushions. I took this opportunity to escape from underneath him and dart for the hallway, where I ran up the stairs and threw myself into a room. I locked myself there, and waited for the sound of footsteps to follow me.
Everything went black.



I woke up to Gerard stroking my hair and mumbling a soft, sad, tune in an old language. We were on the bed, in some bedroom, and my head was on his lap. The blankets were soft, but my entire body was stiff. I wanted to stretch and move, but I also wanted to curl up and die from the pain in my head and neck. He noticed I was awake when I stirred and let out a long groan.

"Frankie, I'm so sorry, never let me do that again," he said as soon as he saw me open my eyes. His face was wearing a look of pure worry and concern and regret. There was still blood on his mouth. I wondered how long I was out, because it seemed dried, and it looked bright outside. The curtains were drawn back tightly, but there was a faint glow coming from the fabric. I squinted and mumbled a response.

"I told you to stop," I said, which might have been the wrong thing to say. His eyes widened in shock and surprise.

"I-I don't remember that," he stammered. He bit his lip and frowned. "You're okay, though, right? I don't remember anything. How did you end up here?" His voice was tinged with the feeling you get when you don't want to know the answer to something.

"Long story. You said you weren't that hungry," I accused.

"I went overboard didn't I," he mumbled through a grimace. I nodded, but it stung my neck.

"How hungry were you? If you wanted, I could have just got you another bottle or something. Or ask sooner before you lose control," I told him. My head felt like a sharp stab.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, "I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?"

"I'm fine, I'm not a delicate flower, remember? And I know you'd never hurt me," I muttered. He nodded with his eyes still wide with worry. He sat me up and my head started hurting even more. I groaned. He ghosted a hand over the bite mark, a swollen gash still sticky with red. Gerard looked better, though. He looked more awake and less like death walking. He still yawned, though. I gave him a look. "What time is it?" I was exhausted.

"Noonday, I think," he replied. He yawned. Vampires were awake for very little time. This was probably like 1 in the morning for him. They woke up when the sun Went down and went to bed at dawn.
"I think I better go home. Ray and Kelsie are probably worried," I explained. When I got up, I was so dizzy I almost fell down again.

"Are you sure you can make it? I would carry you the whole way, but...... If you want to wait until dusk, I can help you there."

"I can make it. Thank you," I told him. I stayed until he wiped up my sound with a damp cloth and some rubbing alcohol. He bandaged me up quickly, all while humming the same depressing Italian tune. When I stumbled out of the room, he tried to help me, but I shrugged his hand off my shoulder. I made it to the end of the walkway before I fell over into a bush.

Everything blacked out again, and the last thing I remember is being afraid. Afraid that I'd be here until nightfall, hours away, unable to move. But I went through flickering stages of consciousness, like blinking my eyes really slow. I saw a figure coming towards me in a long dark coat and a scarf covering half his face. He wore leather gloves and a cloak on top of that, like a wizard. The hood covered his face, but I know who it was. He dragged me to my feet, then flung me over his shoulder. He trudged to the front door, and when he opened it, we both fell inside.

Gerard started to peel off his scarf and jacket frantically, while still on the ground. He wiggled out of his cloak and almost ripped off the scarf with a gasp. When he was in his regular clothes, I saw how burnt his arms and face looked, even through the clothing he wore. I smelled smoke, which probably was coming from his hair. I knew without any protection, he'd burn to ash. But this looked like a really bad sunburn from not wearing enough sunblock at the beach. His hair smelled singed, and he was very red and splotchy. He laid on the ground in the foyer, panting and staring at the tall ceiling.
"Gerard," I mumbled, "you look like crap."

"I feel like crap," he told me. "And you look like death. Call your friends to get you to a hospital."

"Okay," I agreed.

I pulled out my cell phone and phoned Ray. He picked up almost Immediatly. "I need you to take me to a doctor," I told him. He said something frantic and slightly angry into the headset, and then hung up. I knew he was on his way. I rolled over, as I was still on the floor, and met Gerard's eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said hoarsely.

"No, I'm sorry," I argued. "If I'd been reasonable, I would've called Ray first instead of walking outside, or waited until dark. Now you're all burnt."

"But it's my fault you're like this in the first place," he rebutted, "if I'd stopped drinking when you told me to- God, I am a monster. I thought I'd changed. I didn't need to be like this any more. I'm sorry I hurt you, Frankie." His voice cracked like he was close to tears.

"Never do that again," I told him. He nodded solemnly.

"I thought I was okay, now. That I didn't need to kill anyone now that I had a long term supply. But I still went overboard. I can't control it sometimes. You just taste so good, Frankie, " he told me. "I'm still the same person from when we first met."

"Don't say that," I demanded. "From what I've noticed is: hungry Gee is hungry Gee. Nice Gerard is who you are when you're sedated. That's who you are. It just being a vampire that makes you like this. We'll get over it soon. You'll be nice Gerard full time." He gave me a weak smile, then he closed his eyes. He wasn't sleeping as far as I could tell, just exhausted. I got up, my head aching and my vision threatening to go white again, and I pulled him over to the couch. I propped him up, gave him a kiss on his sleepy, sunburnt lips, and left to see Ray.

He picked me up in his car, and we went to the hospital.

"I knew he was dangerous," Ray repeated, for the fourth time. "He was too hungry. If he got like that again, I would stab him."

"I'm not stabbing my boyfriend," I said. Ray sighed in frustration.

"Frank, for the last time, you're being brainwashed and manipulated. He's a vampire. He only wants blood. Maybe you like him, maybe he's using some kind of vampire persuasion, or maybe you're just kinky as fuck. Fuck, I don't know. All ways you're crazy, actually, for having....relations...with a vampire. You know how many people he's killed?"

I rolled in my seat and closed my eyes.

"Don't go to sleep!" He shouted, then turned the radio on to a Metallica station, full volume. I lurched awake. "It's not healthy to sleep with this much blood lost!" I grumbled and kept my eyes open until we pulled into the driveway. He opened my door, unbuckled my seatbelt for me, then flipped me over his shoulder and carried me the rest of the way. Ray was strong, and he could carry me almost as easily as Gerard could. But Gerard was technically being burned alive while he did it. Ray was not, so he had an advantage.

The nurse saw us, and ran to us and led Ray and I into a room. I don't remember much after that.
Stitches and bandages and antiseptics and swabs. I woke up in a white room in a white bed with white floors. The other beds In the ward were exactly the same, with other people in them. I couldn't see them clearly from the pain in my head, throbbing and annoying. The only colour I could see clearly were my tattoos and the medical bag of blood beside me. Ray walked in the room soon after I woke up.

"He did a shitty job of stitching you up," he mumbled.

"He didn't stitch me up," I reminded him, "he's afraid of needles." Ray scoffed.

"One of his kind? Afraid of needles?" He laughed. I groaned a small smile, but it hurt so I looked around for a morphine button. Ray handed me a bottle of Advil when I gave up. I swallowed two or three dry until he handed me a glass of water. I drank the whole thing. I was so thirsty. "He needs to stop trying to drain you. Tell him to stop trying his limits."

"It was an accident," I argued. "He hadn't eaten in a while. He gets desperate when he's hungry. It's different than the real Gerard."

"And how do you know that? What do you love about him?" Ray wondered.

"Well, I love how he gets excited over little things, like cars or sprinklers. I like how considerate he is, that he literally through himself I got he sun so he could carry me back inside. I love his singing voice, his jokes, his stories, his confusion over technology, his hair, his eyes," I paused, "you better stop me before I get into detail about our sex life." Ray's eyes widened.

"Ew please don't,' he pleaded. I rolled my eyes. "But you can't know that much about him. You e only met this year."

"Well, I know he was raised by very Catholic parents, who arranged a marriage to keep their bloodline pure, but his fiancée turned him into a vampire. He had a brother who tried desperately to help him, and when he died, the townsfolk got suspicious, so he went into hiding. But he got hungry, and....well, he felt guilty, but he was still hiding. He went out every once and a while, but he was very careful about it. He likes to read in different ancient languages- that he taught himself- and he sings Italian and Romanian music. He collected art upstairs, and he draws his own. He puts on this mask and acts all scary and intimidating, but he's really not."

My head hurt. Ray shrugged, said something I didn't understand as I got groggier. He sat up and left, leaving the room. I looked at the Advil bottle, and it was blurry. I could make out tiny words: Advil extra strength night time. I sighed and passed out.

Notes