Amanda, for the most part was always quite lucky. She had been fortunate enough to never have an overnight stay in hospital or require stitches. She had a small number of good friends, a mix of friends from school and college. She had a good relationship with her parents and her siblings. She managed to pass her exams even after a night of partying and she never had any mistakes come back to haunt her. Until now.

The last few days had been the worst of her life. Frank had left, leaving a devastated and barely functioning Gerard behind. The moment Frank had slammed the front door something broke inside of Gerard. Gone was the confident façade he kept up in front of everyone. His normally clean shaven face was sporting a five o’clock shadow; his hair was greasy and unkempt. It was the bleak look in his eyes that was the most difficult to look at. He wasn’t eating, it was coffee and cigarettes that maintained his body and kept it running. She had held him while he cried the first night after Frank’s exit, staying up with him all night in fear of what might happen if she left him alone. He had clutched unto her with such a strong hold she wouldn’t have been able to move, even if she wanted to. By the time he eventually fell asleep at three in the morning her clothes were tear stained and her wrist ached from the constant stroking of his hair in an effort to soothe him. It hurt her to see just how broken he had become. She managed about four hours sleep, her eyes screaming in protest when she opened them to shut the alarm off quickly before it woke Gerard up. She debated for a minute whether she should wake him up or not, but he looked an awful state. His face was pale white with red eyes and tear stained cheeks. The bags underneath them from all the crying would put an insomniac to shame. Aside from his physical appearance though, she knew that he wouldn’t be fit mentally. Deep down Amanda understood he wouldn’t be for a long time, but right now he was raw and cut open. He couldn’t work, not in the state she knew he would be in. All she wanted to do was to stay with him, cuddle him, soothe him in any way she could but people would naturally get suspicious if the two of them were out sick. She got up and showered quicker than she thought was possible and left a note for Gerard, letting him know she was going to work. She would make an excuse for him in work if something came up. Being one of the bosses meant he only had one person to answer to, and he was never around so Gerard could get away with it.

Upon coming home that evening Amanda wished she hadn’t left. Work had been dreadful; picking up Gerard’s workload had been a nightmare. She fielded phone calls from clients and colleagues asking where he was, reorganised five meetings and helped keep the office running smoothly. Then she came home to find Gerard in a drunken stupor in the kitchen, clutching a bottle of vodka which was half empty. It was quickly joining the other empty bottles on the table. She’d stopped in her tracks at the sight, unable to comprehend it at first. She closed her eyes tightly, pushing her frustration back in the box where all her other emotions had been stored that day. It was a bad idea but if she were to start thinking about what was going on and how she felt about it she was afraid that she would have a breakdown herself. She let out a sigh and focused her eyes on Gerard. Amanda had never seen Gerard drink before so to be greeted with such an extreme sight was confusing and unsettling. The tears had stopped, his cheeks were dry and the redness around his eyes was gone. The pale, lost expression remained. When she gathered her wits she slowly walked to the table and took the seat beside him. She bit her lip, mentally debating what she should say, or if she should say anything at all. She decided to do the latter and simply put a comforting hand over one of his warm soft hands. He was startled at the contact, he hadn’t heard or seen or come in. His eyes were glazed from the amount of alcohol he consumed, but the pain still shone though.

‘I…I don’t know how to do this Amanda. I don’t know how to live without him.’

The words were spoken with such childish petulance that it physically hurt to hear them. She immediately felt the sting of guilt, and worthlessness. Despite what Frank had said, she knew it was her fault. If she had never entered into the picture Gerard wouldn’t be sitting here, his fist tightly holding onto his poison as though it was a life jacket that could save him from the misery he was drowning in.

‘I’m sorry’ she murmured, blinking back tears that would be far from helpful in their situation.

She needed to be the calmer, more rational person in order to get Gerard through this.

Gerard shook his head adamantly, so sharply that he had to grip onto the table to stop himself from falling off his chair with dizziness. Amanda had been drunk enough times to know that the world was probably spinning for him right now.

‘ It’s not your fault’ he slurred ‘…was gonna happen sooner or later…he didn’t want…he didn’t want…god I don’t know’ he rambled, confused and anguished as he fought against his desire to upend the table and ruin everything in sight.

‘I’m going to go get-‘

‘No!’ he gripped her hand tightly, squeezing it to the point of hurting her ‘don’t go, don’t go please!’

She didn’t expect him to have the strength to yank her by the arm and pull her off her chair, making her stumble from the sharp tug. He cradled her on his lap, wrapping his arms around her effectively pinning her to his body.

‘Sush’ she tried to soothe ‘I’m not going anywhere; I was just going to run you a bath. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.’

It took her half an hour to convince him she wasn’t leaving, then another hour to get him to drink something other than alcohol and get into the bath. He made her join him, which on any other occasion would have been welcomed but right now she couldn’t feel any positive emotions. Everything was been channelled into the ‘I’ll deal with later’ part of her brain. She focused all her energy on getting Gerard up and on his feet. She tried to get him to eat but he refused, although he took a cup of coffee which she took as a good sign. She convinced him to take some pain killers and dragged him to her bed. He started tearing up when they approached the master bedroom, making Amanda panic and brutally shove him back down the hall before he could react. He got into her bed without any protest once he saw she was climbing into the bed with him. The night was filled with restless sleep for Amanda, due to the heat from Gerard wrapping himself around her body and her dreams which were filled with images of Frank. Her subconscious was trying to force her to deal with what had happened, but she refused to let it win. She was just thankful Gerard was knocked out cold from all the alcohol, giving her some respite.

When he woke up on Tuesday morning, he didn’t look any better. He was sober though, and not very hung over. Amanda guessed the heartbreak was masking the symptoms from his alcohol indulgence. He appeared to go on automatic, getting ready for work and drinking a cup of coffee but his eyes were unfocused and listless. She was worried for their safety when he started the car, but apprehension held her back from voicing it. They arrived in one piece and Gerard promptly shut himself away in his office. Any meetings he had planned were rescheduled for the next day in order for him to catch up with the lost day. That was the official reason at least. In reality Amanda knew he just wanted to lose himself in work but he wasn’t ready to put a fake smile on and deal with the world yet. She understood; if she had a choice she would have done the same thing herself. Gerard managed to get through the day somehow, again not eating anything bar the sandwich she forced him to eat when they got home.

Wednesday was when things went from bad to worse. It started when she woke up, her head feeling fuzzy and her stomach filled with bile. She barely made it to the bathroom on time before she puked her guts up. The retching had woken Gerard up, and for the first time in two days he wore an expression other than despair. He rubbed her back and watched her with concern while she finished getting sick.

‘Shit…maybe you should stay at home today’ he murmured with worry.

She knew the concern was twofold; he was genuinely worried she was sick, but also afraid of how he would cope if she stayed at home. She had been his rock for the last two days, even if it seemed like he hadn’t noticed or appreciated it. Seeing her sick and vulnerable, needing him, seemed to have taken him out of his stupor just a little. It gave him a new focus, something else to think about other than the pain he was going through.

She shook her head vehemently.

‘No, I feel better now I’ve thrown up. I’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll go home early if I still feel ill later.’

The fuzziness she felt went away, but the vomiting plagued her throughout the morning. She was far from her normal self, but she was unwilling to go home. If she went home, she would be alone and if she was alone she would just think, over analysis and pull apart everything that was going on. She was terrified of the consequences of doing so. She was able to ignore the massive void in her heart when she was working or taking care of Gerard but once both of them were taken away she had nothing to distract her from her own destructive thoughts. When it hit twelve o’clock Gerard had sent her home to her disappointment and surprise. He wasn’t one for letting people go home sick, but she supposed seeing her vomit all day was proof enough she was unwell. He was answering his own phone calls most of the morning due to her frequent trips to the bathroom. While she walked out of the building she checked her phone, seeing the time and date light up brightly. In the back of her mind, she knew was forgetting something but it she decided it wasn’t important. Whatever it was could wait. She walked down the road, passing a pharmacy when it hit her. She was due a new prescription for her pill, which meant her period should have started three days ago. She double checked the calendar on her phone, hoping she was wrong. She stood outside the glass window of the store in the middle of a busy street in shock. Everything that was happening was nonexistent as the colour drained from her face. People were looking at her, worried as she stood horrified at was quickly becoming a nightmare.

‘Dear, are you okay?’ An old lady came up to her and asked with alarm, placing a friendly hand on her arm.

The physical contact snapped Amanda out of her mind for a moment, becoming aware of where she was and what was happening.

‘I’m fine, thank you’ her voice was barely audible, her brain was barely functioning.

She convinced her that she could be wrong, that she had no proof. She was under a lot of stress emotionally, which she had heard could screw up your cycle. She stepped into the pharmacy with trepidation, feeling the fear that every woman felt when they picked up the one product that could give them a life altering answer.

An hour later, the blue line was the sole focus of her horrified eyes. She had taken two tests to be sure and both had given her the same answer. She was pregnant. Knocked up. With child. Her mind was numb with shock, the adrenaline pumping through her body ensuring her heart kept beating rapidly as a reminder that what was happening was real.

How could I be so stupid? were the words that kept on racing through her mind like a mantra, it was the only coherent thought her brain could process. She was on the pill and took it religiously every day. She used condoms for the most part when she was with Frank and Gerard just to be extra sure this didn’t happen. But it seemed to have happened anyway.

She kept her bathroom door locked just in case Gerard magically came home early and decided to come into her bathroom for some unknown reason. Her uneven breathing was too loud, her ears barely registered the volume of it though through the pounding in her head. She was screwed and she knew it. If it was just Gerard that was the possible father maybe she wouldn’t be so panicked. She wouldn’t be delighted about it but she would be okay with it. Frank was just as likely to be the father. Her body flooded with shame when she realised that according to the time line Andy was a very small, but still very real, possibility. She had never in her whole life imagined she would ever be in a situation where she was uncertain of the paternity of her child.

Sitting alone in the bathroom, she realised that the one person she wanted most to comfort her, the one person who could probably make her smile somehow even as she felt like her world was falling apart, had walked away from her with a slammed door and a broken heart.

In her hour of need, all she wanted was Frank.

Notes

Hi Everyone,

I've no excuse for my delay in updating this other than I'm really sad to be ending this, so I've been putting it off. I love this story and I'm sorry that it's coming to the end. This chapter was meant to be one really long chapter, but I've been avoiding writing it so in penance for my procrastination I'm splitting it into two parts so that you don't have to wait another few days or a week for an update. So, that means that they're two chapters left, not one. The next chapter will up soon, hopefully by Monday or Tuesday.

As always, please leave a comment and I hope you enjoyed reading. Until next time :)

P.S I wrote a new story, it would be ever so nice if you checked it out and let me know what you think x

http://www.mychemicalromancefanfiction.com/Story/22039/Stay-With-Me/