Three is a Crowd

Andy’s words haunted her for the rest of the evening. There was no distraction big enough to keep the thought of him out of her head. His vulnerable boyish act in the café had permeated her defences and left her wondering if she had really done the right thing by walking out the way she did. What got to her more than anything else was that he was right, about everything.

She did have feelings for him, at least on some level. She wasn’t in love with him, that she was certain of. But if circumstances had been different there was no doubt it was a real possibility that she would have. He was a good person, who had a good heart and who seemed genuine in his feelings towards her. She knew that he would be good for her, in many ways. He brought out her caring side; he made her feel as though she was needed, as though she was wanted. That was something she didn’t feel with Gerard. In spite of his profession of love she was still not the main priority in his life. That she was okay with; she was reconciled to her co existence with Frank. But did acceptance mean she had to settle for it?

She bit her lip as she sat on the edge of the couch, too wound up to sit back and relax. In spite of the bottle of wine she was consuming she was still full of pent up energy and anxiety. She found herself hating the isolation she now found herself in. She badly wanted to call her friends but she wasn’t prepared to talk to them about what was happening. She knew she would only face a barrage of questions if she was to face them now and it was something she was unable to handle at that moment. Gerard had inadvertently made her slowly cut her only true friends out of her life. She knew it was unintentional, it wasn’t part of his plan to do so, but he had done it nonetheless. And now here she was, alone and restless and upset and she had absolutely nothing to show for the effort and patience she put into the relationship. Or maybe it was just the alcohol talking.

More than anything, she just wanted to hear his voice. Or even Frank’s voice if truth be told. That was another conundrum she didn’t even want to try and figure out. Frank had grown on her, there was no doubt about it. As much as she hated the idea of sharing Gerard there was another part of her that couldn’t see her life without Frank being a part of it somehow. Where Gerard was intense, Frank was relaxed. When Gerard wanted alone time she had Frank to keep her company. And on the odd occasion where she couldn’t find comfort in Gerard she would find it in Frank. Sometimes she skipped Gerard and went straight to Frank, knowing he was the better person to make her forget about whatever it was that had upset or agitated her. In some ways she found herself enjoying Frank’s company more than Gerard’s. He didn’t ignite her the same way Gerard could, but he was had steadily wormed his way into her affections and her heart.

Her cell phone buzzed, sounding obnoxiously loud in the otherwise quiet room. She jumped, spilling a little of her wine on the wooden floor. She grabbed the phone automatically, and couldn’t help how happy she felt when she saw Gerard’s name flash up on the screen. The fact that he was thinking about her even when she wasn’t around reaffirmed in her mind that he did love her.

‘Hello?’ her voice was breathless when she answered giving it a higher pitch than normal.

‘Hey sugar’ she could tell he was smiling by how cheery his voice was ‘are you missing us yet?’

‘You know I am. How’s the hotel?’

‘It’s okay, nothing special really. It’s got room service so it could be worse. How are you? Are you meeting the girls tonight?’

‘I’m…good. I think I’m going to sit in tonight, spend a bit of time with Ben and Jerry and Mr. Gosling.’

‘I’m starting to worry about your fascination with Ryan Gosling, if I didn’t know any better I’d think I have a bit of competition on my hands.’

She gave a half hearted laugh that was so ridiculously fake it made her cringe.

‘Are you okay?’

No, I’m not okay. I’m hurt, angry, confused and right now I just wish you were here to tell me you love me and that everything Andy said was wrong.

‘I’m fine; I’m just tired, and maybe just a little drunk.’

She heard a hurried whispered conversation take place, but she was unable to clearly hear anything other than Frank’s voice responding to whatever Gerard was saying.

‘Amanda, if you want us to come back we-‘

‘No!’ she all but shouted down the phone, panicked at the thought. As much as she wanted them home, if they saw her in her current state they would force her to talk about what was on her mind, and she wasn’t ready to tell them about Andy.

‘Are you sure?’ Gerard’s voice was doubtful, he clearly wasn’t happy that she was getting drunk alone.

‘I’m sure. I just want an evening alone. I’m good. You two enjoy yourselves and have fun at the wedding.’

‘We’ll be back Sunday afternoon at the latest.’

‘I’ll see you then.’

She wanted him to say the words she desperately needed to hear. She needed to hear those three words that would make her current turmoil dissipate.

‘Take care of yourself sugar. ‘

She disconnected the phone call with a quick stab of her thumb. Dissatisfaction was beginning to manifest itself in her mind. She took in the living room she was currently sitting in. While it was meant to be her home there was no indication that she lived there. The house was as cold and sterile as it had been when she first came to stay. It was nothing like the apartment she lived in. She had yet to let the place go, due to her fear that things might not work out. She knew Gerard would be angry if he found out, he would see it as her doubting the relationship which, if she was being honest, was exactly what it was. How on earth could she ever be one hundred per cent confident in a relationship where there was no security or long term commitment? There was no way this relationship could ever become more. In the end, a part of her knew that whether it was in a few weeks or a few years she would eventually become dissatisfied.

Something inside her snapped, and before she was fully aware of what she was doing, she was going through her contact list and dialling a number that was becoming too familiar to her. She bit her lip when she heard Andy’s deep voice her greet her ears.

‘Are you free?’

She heard him sigh, probably unsure whether he wanted to see her. She couldn’t blame him if he said no. A part of her wanted him to say no, to turn his back on her and make her choice easier. She couldn’t be tempted if he didn’t give her anything to be tempted by. In her drunken mind all of this was his fault, if he had just been happy with remaining friends she wouldn’t be in her current state.

‘Meet me at McClaren’s bar on Fifth Avenue in half an hour.’

He hung up on her abruptly, leaving her in a daze until she realised she had limited time to get herself together and ready to meet Andy. She knew how the night was likely to end, in fact she welcomed the idea as she changed out of her jeans into a dress and put on a pair of killer heels. She was stumbling as she walked out of the house, which she convinced herself was because of the high heels and nothing to do with the entire bottle of pinot grigio she had consumed.

She couldn’t help but relish the way he eyed her up when she stalked up to him and she sat at the bar, drink already in hand. She took the seat next to him and gave him an easy smile.

‘So can I ask why I get the privilege of your company tonight, considering how you couldn’t wait to get away from me earlier?’

‘I don’t know. It could be because I’m fucking drunk, or pissed off. Or maybe I just like being around you more than I want to admit. But I think you already know that. So how about tonight we don’t fucking talk about it and just see how it goes.’

He took a calm sip of his beer, giving himself time to respond to her flippant reply.

‘Whatever you want’ was his eventual reply.

‘Two shots of tequila’ she ordered when the barman came over to her ‘and a double JD and coke.’

Andy raised a questioning eyebrow at her which she ignored.

‘Just to make myself clear, I have no intention of being a gentleman tonight.’ He whispered into her ear, his hot breath making her shiver as she clasped her shot. She knew exactly what he meant.

‘I’m counting on it’ she countered, downing her drink.

Notes

Hi Everybody,

I didn't realise it had been over a week since I updated. I've had a lot going on, between moving house and other personal stuff. But updates shall hopefully become more frequent I hope.

As always, please comment and let me know if you're still enjoying the story. Constructive criticism is welcomed, and if you spot any mistakes please let me know. I'm an impatient writer who doesn't like to check over my work too much. Or maybe it's just laziness.

I really hope you enjoyed, until next time my dear lovely readers :)