Three is a Crowd

'Can we talk?'

The words greeted her eyes when they flicked on the screen of her cell phone, which had been lying on her desk quietly all morning. It was from Andy, who she had been ignoring for the past two weeks. She was putting all her efforts into her relationship with Gerard and Frank, desperate to make it work now that Gerard had spoken the words she had longed to hear. He told her he loved her and she was floating on air since it had happened. Nothing could bring her down, not even the knowledge that Gerard was leaving in less than half an hour to go to some wedding with Frank. She felt secure and needed for the first time ever.

The text from Andy was unwelcome, making her feel a pang of conscience. She hadn’t forgotten the kiss they shared that night in the alley way, as much as she tried to erase it from her memory. It had been a stupid, thoughtless thing to do but for some reason she had been dreaming about Andy ever since that night. She was certain it was due to a mixture of guilt and anger but she knew deep down it was something else. She sighed heavily as she picked up her cell phone, biting her lip fleetingly as she focused on the text. She unlocked her phone and gave a quick reply before practically throwing it on her desk. Avoidance wasn’t going to make Andy go away, not from her thoughts at least so she figured the best course of action might be to confront him about what the hell had happened.

Gerard chose that moment to step out of his office with his briefcase in one hand while the other was still on the door handle, closing the door behind him quietly instead of his usual careless shove that would always cause the door to slam.

‘I’m going to head off now Amanda. You can go when you finish up writing up those notes for Franco’s meeting.’

‘Okay’ she gave a forced smile, hoping Gerard wouldn’t see her agitation.

He gave her a sweet smile that told her it worked.

‘I’ll see you on Monday’ he left her with a nod, unable to do or say anything else while in front of their colleagues. More than likely he would send her a text later to tell her he would miss her and he would be back early Sunday morning. She knew a little part of him was worried that she was secretly upset that he was going away with Frank again, but she was surprised herself that she was nowhere near as bothered as she thought she would be. She had assured him and Frank that she was perfectly fine with them going away. Part of her was actually looking forward to a day or two of solitude, something she hadn’t had in a very long time. She decided to stay in for the entire weekend, her body was desperate for some rest and relaxation and a weekend lounging on the couch was the perfect way to do it. She wanted no distractions and no company.

She had a feeling she would need it after her talk with Andy.

****

She told Andy to meet her in a café that was close to her work. She had a good reason for this, considering how alcohol had been an influencing factor in almost all her previous dealings with Andy and she wanted to keep a clear and level head. Her stomach was in knots as she walked into the café, where she spotted Andy straight away sitting at a small table towards the back of the café. Even from the other side of the room she could see he looked exhausted and pale, his blue eyes which were normally shining bright seemed to have dimmed. She hoped maybe it was just the lighting of the room distorting his features. He was slouching on his chair and staring at the table in a daze, unaware of her arrival. She tried to control the rush of guilt she felt as she approached him, he was obviously going through a hard time and in her selfishness she had dropped him because they had both made a mistake.

‘Hey.’

Nothing could have prepared her for the rush of self loathing that hit her when he looked up at her. The vulnerable look made him appear like an overgrown boy, his clear complexion and dark eyelashes would make anyone believe he wasn’t a day over sixteen. He scrutinised her without shame.

‘Hey stranger.’

He didn’t smile like he normally did when he saw her. She hesitated before she sat down on the chair opposite him, uneasy with how little she knew about what was going on in his head or in his life.

‘How are you?’ She couldn’t think of another way to get the conversation going, not when she was so concerned over Andy’s state of mind.

‘I’m okay I suppose. And you?’

‘I’m good.’ She gave him a small smile, their conversation interrupted by a waitress who took their order.

‘So, you wanted to talk?’ she prompted Andy, unsure of what direction this get together would take. He left her question to linger between them for dramatic effect.

‘Are you happy Amanda? I mean, like genuinely happy?’

The question surprised her, she hadn’t seen it coming. It was an honest question with honest intention. What shocked her more was that she hesitated a fraction of a second before she could answer him.

‘Yes, yes of course I am.’

‘I don’t think you are.’

She wanted to groan, but she repressed it along with her frustration.

‘No Andy, I think you’re unhappy and you’re trying to deflect it onto me. I want to help you Andy but you have to open up and let me in. I know what it’s like to feel trapped and afraid and have no one to turn to. I don’t want that for you. You said you wanted to talk, so talk to me. Don’t give me some bullshit ‘I’m okay’.’

He sat up on his chair and leaned forward on the table.

‘Honestly, I’m not even sure what to say to you. I thought that when I saw you it would come to me. But here’s my problem - you say I can talk to you, be honest with you, but the truth is, if I told you what I wanted to say to you, you’d walk out of here in a heartbeat. You want to hear me sprout some bullshit about how I’m all torn up about my ex because the truth is something you won’t want to hear.’

‘That’s harsh and completely unfair.’

‘Maybe, but its how I feel. Shit, there’s just so much I want to say but-‘

‘Then just say it’ She didn’t mean to snap at him but her hurt feelings were shortening her patience.

‘Fine. I can’t stop thinking about you. All the fucking time you’re in my head, even when I’m asleep I dream about you. I’m not going to make some dramatic declaration of love but…this, me and you, there’s something here. You feel it too, I know you do and it fucking kills me that you’re wasting your time with a guy who’s using you. ‘

‘He’s not using me. He loves me.’

She heard the sentence in her own head and cringed at how it sounded. She sounded like one of those pathetic girls who couldn’t see the truth about the guy they were madly in love with. The words came out desperate and whiney, and were promptly met with a sarcastic raised eyebrow from Andy.

‘Can he really love you when he’s willing to share you with someone else? When he’s not willing to make you the only priority in his life?’

She shivered, suddenly feeling exposed and vulnerable. He was bringing back the old thoughts that she had finally learned to push away, the ones that made her insecure and doubtful of Gerard’s intentions. The words stung, because as much as Gerard professed his love for her she knew there was a little bit of truth behind them. Loving someone and being in love with someone were two different things.

She didn’t want to start thinking that way, not after all the progress they had made. She took a deep breath to try and reign in her agitation and anxiety.

‘Why are we even talking about this? My relationship with Gerard isn’t any of your concern.’

‘It is when I know I could make you happier than he does.’

‘I’m not going to listen to this.’ She stood up without warning, pushing her chair back roughly and marching out of the café. Anger was clouding her judgement and making her act impulsively. The anger she felt towards Andy was nothing compared to the fury she felt towards herself. She was letting his words get under her skin, she was giving him the power to make her doubt Gerard.

‘Amanda wait!’

Andy’s deep voice could be heard loud and clear even on the busy afternoon street. She hesitated for a second, giving him enough time to catch up with her and grab her by the arm. His blue eyes were intense as they held her attention, her focus solely on his face as they stood on the sidewalk.

‘Just tell me something before you walk away. You say you’re in love with this guy, but you still kissed me that night. Can you really stand there and say you feel nothing for me at all, that you don’t want me?’

He didn’t want for an answer before pressing his lips to hers. She gave in at first, her mind on automatic as she responded to the kiss. She was about to break away when he suddenly tore his lips away from her.

‘Just think about it.’

He left his words to hang in the air, giving her one final pleading look before walking away from a confused and bewildered Amanda.

Notes

Hi Everybody,

Yes I'm alive. And I apologise for the delay. But, as I shall me officially unemployed as of tomorrow I shall be updating more regularly from Monday hopefully. Also, this story may be coming to an end soon. As in, like 3-5 chapters. I think.

As always, please leave a comment and let me know what you're thinking.

I hope you enjoyed, until next time :)

P.S, Here's a one shot story I posted a couple of weeks ago. please read it and let me know what you think x

http://www.mychemicalromancefanfiction.com/Story/18126/Happy-Birthday/