Three is a Crowd

Amanda held her phone in her hand, her thumb hovering over the screen while her eyes lingered on the screen. She wanted to call and hear his voice. She wanted the comfort he would bring if he chose to give it to her. She sighed, frustrated with herself as her fear held her back from pressing his name on her screen and calling him. Would a phone call suffice? She knew it wouldnt. He was a man of action, not of words. Gestures are what got his attention. She decided to swallow her fear, pick up her keys and drive. The journey wasnt very far and she was thankful for that, it gave her less time to freak out.

As she pulled up the driveway she began to panic, believing she had made a mistake in coming. She wouldve been better off staying at home that night and giving Gerard the night to cool off. She knew his temper was volatile at times, but Frank had told her once he never brought that home. Would he just ignore her then? Give her a cold look before asking her to leave? She dreaded the idea of him turning her away, after everything it had taken to get her here. If she believed Frank, and she really wanted to, Gerard did love her. Would that be enough cause for him to give her another chance?

She took a deep breath as she killed the engine, leaning back in her seat for a moment to gather her nerves before she entered the house. This could easily be the last time she saw the house so she admired its beauty undisturbed, in case her worst fear came true. She longed for the place to be her home too, a place she could feel safe and at ease. She prolonged her procrastination for as long as she could before she knew she was just dragging out her inner turmoil for longer than necessary. She got out of her car with heavy feet and quickly walked into the house. She could hear the TV blaring from the Living Room, her legs automatically turning to take her to the source of the noise. The door was ajar slightly and moved noiselessly when she pushed it open. She saw Frankie slouching on the couch wearing a pair of faded, ripped grey jeans and a black hoody. He held a beer in his hand, which was resting on his stomach as he stared at the TV with a bored expression.

Hey she spoke softly trying and failing to not scare him as he jumped into a sitting position, spilling his drink over himself in the process.

Motherfucker he cursed, glaring at her slightly before his expression softened.

Sorry, I didnt mean to frighten you she giggled, not feeling very sorry at all.

Its fine he muttered, grabbing a box of tissues that were on the glass coffee table in front of the couch. Hes upstairs in his office.

She bit her lip, feeling her stomach twist in a knot.

That is why youre here, isnt it? Frank asked, worried he was mistaking her nerves as something else.

Yeah&do you think hell listen to me?

Frank shrugged Only one way to find out.

She gave him a nod which he returned with a smile before she left him to his boredom. She walked up the staircase with trepidation, unable to stop herself from biting her lip and making it bleed. When she got to the office she was stunned to find it wasnt closed over. Gerard was always very secretive about his office, abhorring any kind of interruption while he worked due to a fear of losing his rhythm if disturbed. She knocked on the door lightly and quickly, part of her hoping he wouldnt answer.

Come in his voice was low, but she could hear the defeat in it loud and clear. She opened it with shaking hands. He was sitting in an extremely comfortable looking leather chair that was situated behind a beautiful dark mahogany desk. The room was painted in dark rich red, making the room appear smaller than it was. The desk was scattered in pages, some were scraps with writing and others were sketches. He had a wooden pin board behind him, with notes and a calendar. His home office was the opposite of the office he occupied at work she noted with slight amusement. He looked up in surprise as she entered, before it turned in a scowl.

What do you want? His voice was almost as childish as his words as he glared. Leaning back in his chair he inspected her, searching for signs of remorse or guilt she suspected.

I wanted to talk to you.

Im not sure if thats a good idea right now Amanda. I might say something youll regret hearing so its best you leave.

The words stung and ignited her desire to fight.

I can take whatever you want to throw at me Gerard. Im not going to run away over a few hurtful words. Give me your best.

His expression became guarded at her words, his gaze intensified as he refused to look away from her.

Why did you do it?

The question, blunt and straight to the point caught Amanda by surprise. She expected an argument, some long winded to-ing and fro-ing before they got down to the hard questions.

Why?... Im not sure. Maybe because I was hurt, jealous and insecure. Maybe because I was just plain scared. She refused to meet his eyes as she spoke, fearing that would lose her confidence if she met those beautiful golden hazel orbs that were always burning with emotion.

Scared? The words left Gerards mouth in a small voice, fear of a dj vu lacing his tone as his face began to show a trace of hurt and fear breaking though the neutral expression.

This, all of this, was never part of my plan Gerard. Not that I had one really, but I suppose I had this vague idea of what I wanted. I wanted a career, not necessarily successful but one I was happy in and that I carved out through my own hard work and patience. I hoped that I would meet somebody slightly more successful than me, who would find something about me that maybe they could love enough to marry me, have a family with. The same shit a lot of people of want I suppose. Instead life, fate, whatever you want to call it, gave me you.

She looked at him, needing to know he was listening to her. His eyes burned into her and she knew she had his full attention.

The thing is, all of the things I thought I wanted went out the window when you came into my life. All I wanted was you. Thats not something I ever thought I would feel. You& God sometimes it feels like Im fucking ensnared in some kind of trap and youre the only one who can release me. The thing is, I dont want to be released. Last night made me realise that the whole family thing doesnt mean anything if you cant have it with the person who means the most in the world to you.

Gerards attempt to not give in to her seemed to crumble, her eyes begging him for forgiveness silently.

I want you to say it.

His words were harsh, almost choked with passion as they filled the room. She knew exactly what he wanted her to say. He was testing her and she knew it. Would she overcome her fear and admit the thing she had tried to hide from him or would her pride and foolishness take precedence like they had for Frank? If she admitted her feelings she was giving him a power that she couldnt take back. She would break down the last remaining wall of self defence she had around him, making her completely vulnerable and open. She would have to trust him with her heart completely, and with it her mind too. The two were connected for her. Any damage to her heart would break her down mentally.

Is that what it will take? She whispered hoping for a way out.

Yes. The single word was curt, showing his impatience.

I&I love you.

The words seemed to break the tension in the air, filling the space with nothing but silence as Amanda began to wonder if she had made the right decision.

Come here. His words were commanding as he pushed his chair away from his desk, patting his lap indicating what he wanted. She shakily made her way over to him, pleading for her legs to not give up on her. She was within his reach he grabbed her hand gently, guiding her onto his lap. His scent was overwhelming her as she inhaled it greedily, feeling comforted and on edge with desire at the same time, He pulled her body into his own as she curled herself up onto his lap. He rested his chin on her head, kissing it briefly with light lips before whispering softly into her ear.

I care about you too sugar&dont ever forget that.