Three is a Crowd

The next fortnight passed by without a hitch. They stuck to their rota and to Amanda’s surprise it worked very well. She enjoyed her time with Frank, who was much more laid back and relaxed than Gerard. With Frank she could just let go and have fun¸ she didn’t feel self conscious or ridiculous around him. He made her laugh a lot and when they spent time together she felt as though she didn’t have any cares in the world. The sex was good too, she couldn’t deny that. It was less intense than it was with Gerard, although Frank always ensured he was the one in charge. She had accepted long ago that she was more of a submissive type in the bedroom, and she was lucky she had found two men who seemed to be satisfied with taking control.

Gerard was…Gerard. All intense, overbearing and he had her completely wrapped his little finger. That fact stung a little as she knew it wasn’t reciprocated. He was almost her entire world while she was nothing but a bit of light entertainment for him. She saw how he looked at Frank, the adoration in his eyes and she knew she would never ever compete with that. The emotions in those golden eyes were far too real to be easily changed and she was not fool enough to think that she could be the one to change it. She also knew the guilt would be too much to bear. She adored Frank in her own way, and she would never want to be the one to hurt him, even if she hurt herself in the process.

Amanda rarely felt the stinging jealousy she used to be afflicted with. It came up only once during those first two weeks. She had been making her way to bed, having been up reading later than normal when she heard the moans. She knew she should just ignore it and go to bed as though she had heard nothing but, curiosity got the better of her. The door was open a tiny fraction and she felt like something was physically pulling her to the door. She crept up quietly, not wanting to be seen or heard. She was invading their privacy but she just couldn’t resist. The only light that entered the room was from the sliver of moonlight that peaked in through their blinds. Even from the doorway she could see the glistened sweat on Gerard’s back as he took Frank from behind. It wasn’t the act that caused her jealousy though. It was the gentleness of his actions that made her heart stop for a moment. He took his time, ensuring Frank was enjoying it as much as he did, pumping Frank’s erection in time with his own gentle thrusts. He was never that gentle with her. His moans were different than the animalistic ones she was use to hearing. It was more than just pure pleasure; there was a deep affection that laced those deep breathy moans. He cared about Frank deeply, loved him even, and it showed. Frank’s response was similar, his moans less intense but with more feeling. There was slight pain in his moans but she knew the pleasure he was receiving was far outweighing the discomfort. She stood there watching for as long as she could before she felt like she would die if she witnessed any more.

She had gone to sleep that night with tears streaming down her face, feeling totally inadequate and hopeless. She knew she would never be on the receiving end of a love like that. She wondered if there was something fundamentally wrong with her that made her so unworthy of love. She knew she had her faults but she always tried to be the best person she could be, but somehow it just wasn’t enough. She wasn’t overly pretty or attractive but she had no obvious flaws or scars that would make her entirely unappealing. She had dreams of dying alone and unloved that night, waking up more than once during the night covered in sweat and silent tears. When she woke up in the morning she was determined to forget about her feelings of inadequacy and just get on with the situation at hand. It had worked for a few days until Gerard made an offhand comment at work.

‘Make sure to clear my schedule for Friday next week, won’t you? Frank and I are heading away for a long weekend’ he had muttered distractedly as he went over his schedule for the following week. She had opened her mouth to question him, but closed it quickly when she realised it wasn’t the right time or place. It would be a stressful day and the last thing either of them needed was for an argument to happen. So she bit her tongue and poured all her energy into her work, ignoring Gerard as much as she could. She couldn’t tell if Gerard had noticed or not, although judging by his concerned glances he cast her way perhaps he did. Still, he never mentioned anything and Amanda continued with her work. It wasn’t until they were in his car later that he finally broke the silence.

‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine’ she muttered, looking out the window.

He sighed as the car braked to a stop at a red light. He rested his elbow on the window and leaned his head into his hand.

‘It’s been years since I dated a woman but if memory serves ‘I’m fine’ means you’re really pissed about something. What did I do?’

‘Nothing.’

‘…Which means I definitely did something. I can’t make it right if you don’t tell me.’

She huffed, annoyed. ‘I said I’m fine, please just drop it’

‘Fine, if you say so.’

When they finally reached the house Frank had already prepared dinner, something he seemed to enjoy doing now there was more than one other person to cook for.

‘Hey’ he greeted cheerfully as they entered the kitchen.

‘Hey’ Gerard replied cheerfully as Amanda merely nodded to Frank. She saw the ‘what-the-fuck’ look he gave Gerard as she pulled the fridge door open to get a bottle of water. Gerard shrugged in response.

‘You okay Amanda?’ Frank asked.

‘I’m fine’ she said a bit louder than she intended, trying her best to hold her anger in.

‘Well, we’re fucked’ he said to Gerard with a smirk that only riled her up more.

‘Piss off’ she muttered before she walked out of the kitchen, slamming her bedroom door behind her for good measure as she tried to find another way to vent her feelings. She wanted to scream, shout, kick, or do something physical to release her frustration and anger. She knew she was being irrational but she couldn’t control the feelings that were overwhelming her.

She changed out of her work attire and threw on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, not even caring that she looked like a slob. She could be dressed up to the nines and it wouldn’t change how Gerard felt about her, so why should she even bother? Why was she putting herself through this emotional rollercoaster that she would never get anything out of. At that moment all she wanted was to pack her things and leave, and forget about it all. She knew her self esteem would go from barely existing to pure nothingness if she didn’t. She stared at the suitcase that was lying carelessly on the floor beside the large walk in closet that she was told to call her own. Her feet wouldn’t move even though her head was telling her to go. Her gaze didn’t shift as she heard footsteps coming up the stairs and tentatively walk towards her opened door with quiet footsteps that were afraid of some sort of impending meltdown.

There was a knock on the door, and she could tell by the rhythm of the knuckles meeting the wood that it was Frank. He would be the one to see if she was need of comfort. She knew in his own way he cared about her, probably more than Gerard ever could. Their bond had grown quickly and the feelings between them were mutual and reciprocated to both their satisfaction. They each filled a void in the other that they hadn’t known existed.

‘I’m not gonna bite you know’ she muttered her invitation, not wanting to talk to him but knowing any more dramatics would be futile and aggravating to all three of them. She hated how childish her instincts were; they were one of the things that would be her downfall. They made her easy to rile and manipulate.

‘Are you sure about that? Last time I saw a bitch that angry she took a bite out of my ankle. I still have the scars.’

She smiled, knowing he was only trying to ease the tension and make her feel better. It was working, and she turned around to look at him, trying to hide her smile and failing.

‘Bet you deserved it though.’

‘We just had opposing views on what ‘fetch the stick’ meant. I meant fetch the piece of wood I threw, she thought I meant ‘chew the fuck out of my ankle and make me a cripple.’

She laughed, feeling the anger literally dissipate from her body and her shoulders relaxing from their previous tense position.

‘So, what happened?’ he asked, putting his hands in his jean pockets and leaning against the door frame. He looked utterly adorable and boyishly innocent as he studied her through his hazel eyes that were framed with gorgeously long black eyelashes. His bangs were almost in his eyes and his expression was a mixture of calm and curiosity.

‘Nothing.’

He gave her a disbelieving look and took his hands out of his pockets to fold them across his chest.

She thought about telling him exactly how she was feeling, about her insecurity, her anxiety and her heartbreak. Maybe he could offer her comfort, or reassurance that things could get better. That Gerard cared for her deeply. That someday it would be her he would clear his schedule for so he could show her just how much he loved her. That she would be the one that would be by his side at functions and family events. But she knew even if he offered her those assurances that they would be lies. The truth of the matter was that she could only ever be in the dark. She would never be called his ‘girlfriend’ or publicly acknowledged. She knew he wasn’t the person to make things right or offer her comfort.

‘Really, nothing happened. I’m just…emotional today or something. I think I’m PMS-ing.’

He continued to watch her with a critical eye as he debated whether he should believe her or not. She could tell he didn’t but he nodded at her in defeat and accepted that she wouldn’t be divulging her secrets to him. Not now at least.

‘Well, if you want to talk you can always come to me, okay?’

‘I know, thank you.’

‘Dinner’s ready if you want to come down.’ He stood up straight and took a step away from the door, a silent plea to join them in the kitchen where they always ate their dinner together.

‘Sure, sounds good.’

She forced a smile on her face as she walked towards him and followed him down the stairs and into the kitchen, hiding her devastated heart behind a fake laugh and a hallow smile.

Notes

Hi Everybody,

another chapter for my lovely amazing readers. I hope you enjoy this chapter, its not very action filled but next chapter shall have an interesting twist.

As always, please please please comment, it really gives my motivation and it gets me uber excited about writing so please don't be afraid to drop a line!

I hope you enjoyed, until next time :)