I Mean This: Never Again

The first thing that happened when Gerard got home was being attacked by Frank, his boyfriend's scrawny arms wrapping tightly around his middle. "Oh my God, Gee, are you okay?" He whimpered into Gerard's shoulder.

"Not here," Gerard said quietly. A warm wind blew through the front yard and the two moved inside, quickly making their way to the basement.

"What happened?" Frank asked as soon as the bedroom door closed. "Are you hurt?"

"I... I..." Gerard started, sitting down on the bed. "I don't know. I mean, I guess I am, but I..."

"What is that smell?" Frank asked over Gerard's mumbling. ""It smells like... Beer."

"... And I can never get clean again and..." Gerard was still muttering, his eyes looking at a patch of carpet but not seeing it.

"Gerard, did you drink?" Frank asked.

"I'm so sorry, Frankie," Gerard said, not looking up from the carpet.

"Why?" Frank asked. "Six months. Six months wasted, Gee. Why did you drink?"

Gerard struggled with his next words: "I was... Taken advantage of... By my employer." He refused to use the dirty r-word.

"Taken advantage of? Babe, I don't understand," Frank said.

"I was raped!" Gerard yelled. "There! Alex put my cock in his mouth and I didn't want him to but he said that he would hurt you if I didn't let him!"

Frank stared at Gerard, stunned silent. "Gee..." He started, placing his hand on Gerard'a knee.

Instinctively, Gerard flinched away. "No!" He cried, then he realized what he was doing. "Frankie, I'm so sorry."

"Can't you report him?" Frank asked quietly after a few moments.

"To who?" Gerard asked. "I can't complain to his boss, because he is his boss."

"Report him to the police," Frank suggested. "Rape is illegal."

"No!" Gerard cried again. "No, we have to finish the record!"

"Gerard, you were sexually abused, I think this is more important than some stupid record," Frank told him.

"it's just nine more days," Gerard said quietly. "I can deal with it for nine more days."

"Gerard, I'm sorry, but, no, you can't," Frank said. "I'm not letting it go that long without something happening to Alex."

"Frankie, please don't hurt him," Gerard begged. "Please just don't do anything."

Frank sighed, realizing that Gerard wouldn't let him do anything. "Okay," he said quietly. "Do you just want to sleep?"

Gerard nodded. His head hurt from drinking and crying, and he wanted nothing more than to sleep with Frank at his side. He stripped off his clothes and slipped into bed, feeling Frank get in next to him moments after. Gerard slipped his arm around Frank's shoulders, and Frank nuzzled his face in Gerard's neck, letting his fingers trace along Gerard's stomach. It wasn't long before Gerard's breathing evened out, and he fell asleep deeply.

This time, there's more red than anything else, coming from the man's fire engine red hair. He stands in front of a fogged-up mirror, looking at himself in the reflection. His fingers skim across the flat plane of his stomach, yet the man scowls. "Damned baby fat..." Gerard mutters, and slips his yellow shirt on, leaving the warm, humid bathroom.

Frank is still in bed, his body visible through the thin, white sheet, showing off an impressive array of tattoos. The sleeping man is clutching the pillow as if his life depended on it, his long, black hair matted from sleep.

Gerard crouches down to get level with Frank and kisses his forehead softly, letting his hand caress Frank's body. Slowly, Frank opens his eyes and smiles softly at Gerard. "'Morning, baby," Gerard says, kissing Frank again.

"'Morning, Gee," Frank says. He yawns and slowly gets out of bed, searching for his clothes.

Before he can even find a single bit of fabric, Gerard has his arms around Frank, giving his shoulders and the back of his neck small kisses, not large or dark enough to show. "So pretty, Frankie," Gerard mumbles, his lips on Frank's shoulder.

"Gerard," Frank scolds playfully. "We have a show in a few hours. We can't be late."

"Fuck being late," Gerard says. He turns Frank in his arms and softly kisses the scorpion on Frank's neck, once again not hard enough to leave a mark. "I want you, Frankie."

"But you already had me," Frank teases, pressing his body against Gerard's. "Several times."

"That's too fucking bad, pixie boy," Gerard says and his hands move down to Frank's thighs, giving Frank's ass a firm squeeze, before pulling Frank up on him. Frank wraps his legs around Gerard's waist, kissing him roughly.

"Wembley's waiting for us," Frank pants, moving his head to give Gerard a better angle to kiss at his neck. "We can't-
can't be... Late. Mikey and Ray'll wonder... Fuck."

Gerard turns and falls onto the bed, repositioning slightly so that Frank is comfortably on top. Frank, much to Gerard's pleasure, is already hard, his whole body flushed pink. Frank puts his hands by Gerard's shoulders and rolls his hips, moaning at the friction that Gerard's jeans has against his cock. "Goddamn, Frankie," Geard whispers and leans up to kiss Frank, his tongue immediately invading Frank's mouth.

Then, Frank starts to pull Gerard's shirt over his head. Panic courses through Gerard and he unconnects their lips, gripping Frank's hips to a stop. "I'm sorry," he whispers and gently pulls Frank off of him, smoothing his shirt down.

"Gee, are you okay?" Frank whispers, wrapping one of the sheets around his body. He's still achingly hard, but he can look past that for a few minutes.

Gerard didn't get to speak again, as he yelled out and bolted up in bed, his breathing labored and his heart beating rapidly. Another nightmare.

This one, Gerard and Frank both seemed years older— Gerard would estimate maybe a decade. If that held true, the dream was taking place in 2011 or 2012. Also, based on what Dream Frank had said, it seemed as if Gerard expected the band to still be together at that point in time. And performing Wembley!

Real Frank stirred, awoken by Gerard's outburst. "Sweetie, what's wrong?" Frank mumbled, pressing his nose against Gerard's neck.

"Nothing," Gerard lied. "I get weird dreams when I'm drunk or hungover. Don't worry about it."

"If you insist," Frank muttered and kissed Gerard's chest, letting himself fall back asleep.

Another thing that bothered Gerard about the nightmare was that he had refused Frank. His beautiful, naked, hard, Frank; Gerard had pushed him away because he was afraid of Frank seeing his body.

Gerard was sure it was because of his weight, which always seemed to be an increasingly constant topic in his head. As was a naked and hard Frank, but that was there all the time.It bothered Gerard that he had reacted the way he did: pushed Frank off, crossed the room, refused to look at Frank. Gerard, in the nightmare, seemed to be ashamed of his body, even thigh there was nothing to be ashamed about.

"Frankie, are you still awake?" Gerard asked and Frank nodddd slowly. He was closing in on sleep. "I really want to kiss you right now."

"Do it, then, you dumb fuck," Frank muttered, smiling slightly, and Gerard pressed his lips to Frank's. He refused to do anything past moving his lips; that's not what this kiss was.

This was a Holy crap, I love you kiss. An I genuinely care about you kiss. A just for the hell of it kiss. A because Gerard could kiss. He could kiss this beautiful man next to him all day, and he would still never be able to get enough.

Even if he could kiss Frank forever, he knew it would never be enough. No amount of kisses of hugs or anything could measure how much Gerard loved Frank. He just couldn't get enough.

Notes

3:55AM: I am thirsty. Not horny-thirsty, but legitimately thirsty. Like, I need water. I'm always horny-thirsty, though, so that too, I guess.

Current mood:


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