What the fuck am I doing? I yelled to myself. Seriously, Mikey! You let him come over so you can get some answers and then, again, tell him to get the fuck out! Not let him give you a goddamn hug then freaking hug him back!

I'm going to be the death of myself. I'm only letting Frank help me. I went to bed that night feeling troubled, yet oddly content. I really did miss him, a lot more than I was allowing myself to think. He was my best friend, and maybe we can be that again.

But he loves me.

And I think I still love him. At least, enough to not date anyone else, yet not enough to actually date him.

I woke up the next morning to a message from him.

Unsaved Number: Good morning!I was wondering if you wanted to come over and maybe watch some movies with me and the kids?

I placed my phone back down next to me and turned over on my back to stare at the ceiling. I was trying to think of any excuses to tell him, but I had absolutely nothing. I'd already done enough class planning to last until Thanksgiving. I could always just plan more, but I kind of didn't feel like it. I sighed and grabbed my phone again.

Me: What time should I head over?

Maybe I should've been a little more rude. Maybe it would turn him off and I could clean up this mess before it got too out of hand and I got used to him. I don't think I want to. I think I want him to mess me up again. My thoughts are so jumbled. I sat in complete silence until the ringtone of my phone went off, causing me to jump. I picked up my phone as I slowly got out of bed.

Unsaved Number: Well, I still have to get ready honestly. We can pick you up.

Me: I'm capable of driving. I've yet to get ready myself. I will be over in 45 minutes.

Now I'm sounding curt.

Unsaved Number: Okay... Sounds good. We'll be ready.

Now I feel like an asshole.

I don't know what I'm feeling.

Fuck you, Frank Iero, for fucking me up.

Fuck you, Mikey Way, for letting him.

Notes

So.... Haven't outlined this at all. And it's bad cx

Also, I decided that I won't be attending college anymore. I honestly never wanted to, but college was pretty much pushed down my throat all throughout high school. I was liking it at first, and don't get me wrong: The teachers are great and I enjoy the school itself, but I am not happy. I thought maybe it would pass, but it hasn't. I don't want to look back on these days and regret it. I was struggling with telling my mom, because she has been so proud of me and in everything I do. I could hear the disappointment in here voice, but I still had to do it. I just want to be happy, even if I have to disappoint my mom for a little bit. I just have this big feeling in my heart that I have to leave this school and raise up enough money to get a camera and finally, finally film the things I want to, because that makes me happy.

Sorry for, like, spilling this everywhere on the Notes. I just had to say it somewhere and I trust everyone here who reads this. Me struggling with this decision has been the reason I've been slow as fuck on updating. It caused a writer's block and maybe finally coming to terms with it will help me write again.

Once again, sorry, guys. For getting so personal. If you really did end up reading this, then thank you for taking the time. If not, I understand.

-OAIF <3