Mikey was right.

Frank didn’t want procedures.

The discussion about it was a nightmare, a conversation straight from hell. Two day's after Gerard had seen Frank for the first time was when they decided to tell him about exactly what happened to his hand. There was no reaction at first which made it seem like Gerard was more upset about his hand than Frank himself actually was.

"We can get surgeries," Gerard had told him. Frank didn't want to hear it.

"You're not spending money on me." Frank replied. He was irritated beyond belief that after fifteen minutes of arguing, Gerard still couldn't understand what the word 'no' meant.

He wasn't going to give up though. "How are you gonna play guitar Frank? What the fuck are you going to do if you can't write with your fucking dominate hand because it shakes constantly? Why can't you just let me do this for you? You won't be able to do anything! I don't want you to fucking end up helpless!"

In all honestly, if Frank had at least a tiny bit of energy and wasn't being watched by a nurse along with Mikey standing outside the hospital room door, he would've slapped Gerard across the damn face. Frank knew it was bad, but Gerard had called him helpless and made the situation seem worse than it actually was. Frank was upset about his hand, definitely, but he was grateful that that was the only wrong with him.The car accident was brutal, and for his hand to be the only thing damaged was a miracle.

"Don't call me helpless." Frank spat. "I have two fucking hands, Gerard. It's not like they decided to fucking amputate it."

"I'm trying to help you-"

"By what? Wasting your money on something that has a thirty percent chance of working? It's fucking ridiculous," Frank was starting to yell now, anger overtaking him. "I'm trying to help you. If you actually loved in this moment right here, you would fucking listen to me. But whatever, be a fucking stubborn asshole, Gerard. I don't care."

Gerard didn't come back after that. Frank was kind of freaked out since they'd never really had a fight like that before, Gerard never usually stayed mad for that long. Frank kept expecting him to walk through the door of the room, a beautiful smile plastered on his face while his black hair draped over his long eyelashes, making his skin seem almost porcelain. It never happened. Frank set himself into an overwhelming cloud of depression.

Frank's parents eventually showed up, praying over him as he tried to convince them that he was perfectly fine and wanted to leave. Unlike Gerard they listened to him. He was signed out of the hospital and was required to attend physical therapy three times a week to at least try to strengthen the nerves in his hand that he actually had left.

The first week of being at home was difficult, or a 'pain in the dick' as Frank had told his mother. Christmas was awful, his mother had to help him rip open his presents from the family. He couldn't pour drinks with his right hand. He'd learned that the hard way when he tried to pour a glass of milk and his hand spasmed which caused him to drop the whole thing on the floor. He couldn't shave, when he tried he ended up slicing his jaw.

He felt alone. Gerard hadn't bothered to text him back or return his calls. He called Gee on Christmas, begging him to call him back. Frank was worried although he shouldn't have been, Gerard was the one who decided to pick a fight with him anyway. He was fearful, of course. Even if they did fight, he still loved Gerard with all his being and hated that he was still upset.
About a week and a half after Frank was released from the hospital, his mom was driving him home from physical therapy. It had been his fourth appointment, he didn't exactly love it and he didn't exactly hate it. It was sixty minutes full of the therapist, named Mr. Urie, sittin across from him, trying to get him to do normal things with his hand. Squeezing a stress ball, trying to hold a pencil and write his name, stretching a rubberband between his two fingers, things that should've been simple felt almost impossible to Frank.

His mother could tell he was troubled as she drove. "I'm sorry your father and I didn't come right away." She said softly. Frank didn't answer.

Mrs. Iero sighed, "Mr. Urie says your hand is already improving, that's good, yeah?"
Silence. He knew she was talking, he just didn't care about her enough to respond at this point. She was never there for him at all throughout his life, she only gave a shit when he was majorly hurt, like now. Frank told himself day after day that if she were to drop dead at the randomest time, he wouldn't shed a single tear.

His mother sighed again, but deeper this time. "Frank, I know you're depressed about your hand and everything-"

"I'm not depressed about my fucking hand, Mom." Frank snapped. He rubbed his temples with his undamaged hand, knowing he was in for a lecture.

"Then what are you so upset about? I feel like you don't tell me anything."

"Yeah, cause I don't."

Mrs. Iero paused, "Why?"

"You don't listen. Ever. And don't me you do because if you did, you would know who Gerard is. You'd know why I failed 7th grade. You'd know why I was even in a God damn car accident."

"I'm listening now, Frank." She answered with a slightly sympathetic tone. Frank could tell she was scared of his temper.

"Okay."

"Who's Gerard?"

"My boyfriend. Mikey's brother."

"Oh." She whispered slowly. "You never told me you were gay."
Frank huffed, "I'm not gay. I'm pansexual."

"I don't know what that means but I'm not going to ask because I don't feel like fighting with you." She said.

"You're disappointed." Frank said meekly, leaning back into his seat.
"No, honey-"

"You don't have to sugarcoat it. It's okay." It wasn't okay though. Frank felt as if he was going to cry which was ironic given the fact that he didn't care about his mom, let alone her opinions. "I don't wanna go home." Frank said abruptly.

"Um, okay?" His mother replied, "Do you want me to drop you off somewhere?"

"Mikey's house. Please."

The rest of the drive was silent, Mrs. Iero's emerald eyes focused on the road as she pulled up to the Way's house. She knew where the house was from all the times she'd driven Frank there before he could drive, she figured she'd be driving him here a lot now often as well.

"Bye." Was all Frank said as he got out of the car and slammed the passenger door shut before his mother could say anything else to him. He rushed up the porch stairs of the house, hesitating before knocking on the door. He had no intention of seeing Gerard, he was satisfied enough with just having some alone time with Mikey. Their friendship had almost become non-existent when Frank started getting involved with Gee, everything started revolving around their relationship and Mikey somehow got pushed out of Frank's interests.

The door opened after a few seconds to reveal Mikey. Frank smiled slightly, studying him and his awkward stature. Mikey's dirty blonde hair was a nest on top of his head. He wore a plain black T-shirt and some nerdy Spiderman pajama pants. The bags under his eyes were prominent, showing that he wasn't getting a lot of sleep. Frank watched as his eyes lit up as he realized who was standing on his doorstep.

"Shit, Frank! Hey." Mikey beamed, "Gerard isn't here-"

"I'm not here for Gerard." Frank said.

Mikey's smile grew even wider and he let Frank inside. They sat next to each other on the couch, Mikey crossing his legs while Frank tucked his up into his chest. They were quiet for a few minutes, watching an episode of Dexter that Mikey had left on the TV.

"How's your hand?" Mikey croaked.

Frank looked at him sadly and held out his right hand, showing him the scars on his fingers as his whole hand shook at the gesture. Mikey frowned. "I'm so sorry Frankie."

"S'ok."

"You want anything to eat? I can order pizza?" Mikey suggested.

Frank nodded. "No meat."

Mikey got up and ordered the pizza quickly, then sat back down next to Frank, a little closer. They didn't talk.

"I'm not trying to be rude or invasive or anything," Frank said breaking the quiet and capturing Mikey's attention, "But where is Gerard? I'm not saying you're boring or anything Mikes, I love you. But I'm just curious."

Mikey sighed. "He's out with a friend. Think they went to an art show or something."

"Is he with Lindsey?"

"No. Bert... McCracken."

Frank could only nod. Bert was in the same grade as him and Gerard, Frank was pretty sure they had third period together. He never really liked Bert, he reeked of alcohol and cigarettes and came to school completely stoned pretty much every day of the week.

Mikey faced Frank and looked him in the eye. "Okay, I know I shouldn't tell you this since you have enough shit going on, but you're my best friend and I shouldn't have to hide things from you."

Frank gave him a concerned look. "Are you pregnant?"

"I wish." Mikey chuckled, "But seriously."

Taking a deep a breath to help keep himself calm, Mikey began to talk again. "Bert and Gerard are really close. I don't know how else to put it. They were practically fucking awhile ago, way before you came along. Bert was a bad influence, hence why Gerard had his...issues. I'm not sucking up to Gerard or giving him pity in this moment, and I'm not trying to start shit for no reason. But they were here together last night and, God, Frank I'm sorry." Mikey grabbed Frank's hand that was shaking more visibly.

Frank could feel panic start to rush through his body, "Sorry for what?"

"Frank, they hardcore made out." Mikey said. "Gerard had a brutal hickey and the only other person he's been around lately is Bert, so it can't be anyone else."

Frank clenched his jaw and avoided all eye contact with Mikey that he could possibly manage. "Has Gerard talked about me at all?"

"Once. Maybe twice." Mikey told him. "I'm sorry Frankie, I know you really love him and that this must fucking suck ass. What even happened between you guys?"

Frank sniffed but he couldn't find tears to let out no matter how much he wanted to cry. "We had a fight that was barely even a fight. He was being stubborn and wouldn't leave me alone, so I called him an asshole. He picked the fight anyway so I had the fucking right the defend myself and tell him to fuck off, right?"

Mikey nodded. "I'm sorry. I really am. I know he can be selfish and conceited sometimes, I hate saying that but it's all truth. I think he was just overwhelmed and he wanted you to be okay. There's no excuse for his actions, though."

Frank was at a loss for words. If God was real, he would've thanked that fucker for Mikey, everyday of his life.

"Do you need like, a hug?" Mikey asked sheepishly and gave Frank possibly the most awkward smile in existence. Frank smiled back as he let Mikey engulf him in his skinny arms. Frank didn't pull away, although it felt wrong, it was comforting and peaceful. Mikey didn't have as much meat on his bones as Gerard did, and he wasn't as warm or soft, but Frank didn't need to complain.

They pulled away from each other awkwardly, not really knowing what to say. They'd never really made affectionate physical contact before, so it was a whole knew feeling. They scooted away from each other.

Frank felt all his emotions whirlwind. If Gerard really had done anything with Bert, he'd be fucking broken. He'd finally learned to invest his emotions into one single person to have them fucking screw him over while he was in a hospital. Frank didn't want to say he had trust issues, but in that moment, that's what it felt like. He didn't want to fall in love for the sole reason of this type of thing happening. If Gerard actually loved him, why would he go get hickeys from Bert as Mikey had claimed? If their relationship really even meant anything, wouldn't Gerard at least text him back?

"Mikey." Frank said.

"Yes?"

"Is it bad that I wanna kiss you?"

"You're only saying that because you're sad."

They both looked at each other intensely. "Please just kiss me."
"Frankie, I can't. It's not right."

"It's not right for Gerard to go get a hickey from someone else but he fucking did it anyway."

"Don't stoop to his level then."

Frank was crying now. It was from a mix of physical pain in his hand, sadness, betrayal, and complete frustration. "I just want to feel wanted."

Mikey ran his hands through his hair. "I have a girlfriend, Frank. The feelings mutual, I'd kiss you but I can't do that to Kristin and you can't do that to Gerard."

"But he already did it to me!" Frank spat. "It's not fucking fair."

"Please don't be sad."

"Yes, because telling me not to be sad is totally going to fucking work. Emotions don't have a fucking 'off switch', Mikey."

"I don't want to see you like this. You don't deserve to feel like this, you know that? None of this is your fault, you treated Gerard like he was on top of the damn world." Mikey whispered.
Frank leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Mikey's neck, planting his face into his chest and allowing himself to cry. Mikey rubbed his hand across his back, feeling his whole body shudder as he sobbed. "Frank, look at me." He said and pulled the smaller boy off him, bringing him to look into his eyes. Mikey sighed when he saw his tear strained cheeks and his red, puffed up eyes. It was rare for Frank to express so much emotion around him. "Don't cry, please. I know telling you to stop doesn't really help anything but-"

Mikey was cut off by Frank grabbing his face and smashing their lips together. Mikey didn't kiss back, as much as Frank was trying to get him to do so. It went on for about five seconds when Frank pulled away, his face covered in even more tears as he only whispered out the word, "Please."
Mikey exhaled, knowing that what he was about to was completely fucked. He tilted Frank's chin up and stared into his eyes, "I'm only doing this to make you feel better, it doesn't mean anything."

Frank nodded desperately, waiting as Mikey hesitated before connecting their lips gently. It was strange. His lips weren't as soft as Gerard's, and he had stubble. Gerard was too feminine to get stubble. Mikey moved his lips, unsure of what to do, he didn't even close his eyes. On the other hand, Frank's eyes felt like they were super glued shut and he moved his lip harshly, he kept trying and trying to imagine Mikey as Gerard, but it wasn't working.

Frank pulled away abruptly. He felt completely disgusted and found himself apologizing to Mikey over and over again. Mikey kept assuring him that it was okay while rubbing his back until he was having a full on anxiety attack.

Thirty minutes passed without Frank calming down. The pizza eventually came but Mikey told the pizza guy to fuck off and get away from his house. Frank couldn't regulate his breathing, his body wouldn't stop shaking. Mikey knew exactly what was happening, his heart was breaking and his body didn't know how to handles the emotions in a normal way. It was overwhelming him to the point of panic.

Frank let out a hiccup then let himself collapse in Mikey's arms. His body was mentally tired and had just given up. Mikey didn't know what to do, he brushed Frank's hair with his fingers which somehow brought him to sleep. Sleep was well deserved for him, a forty minute anxiety attack is usually quite exhausting, if he had gone on any longer he probably would've thrown up right on Mikey's carpet.

Mikey listened to him snore softly. He switched his arm with a pillow from under Frank's head, then left himself fall back into the couch. He actually wanted to punch Gerard, his own brother, in the face for this. He glued his eyes to the TV in hope that Frank would stay asleep for awhile in case Gerard decided to walk through the door with his fuckbuddy.

Speak of the Devil.

Mikey heard the lock of the front door being opened with a key, the door swung open with a heavy push. "Hey Mikes." Gerard's overly friendly voice called out as he strode into the living room. He was alone, thankfully.

"Be fuckin' quiet." Mikey snapped. Gerard froze when he saw the boy sleeping on the couch next to his brother.

"What happened?"

"You happened." Mikey said. "Also cover up your damn lovebites, they aren't something you should proud of."

Gerard's face turned red and messed with the collar of his hoodie to try and cover the bruise on his neck. "Why is he here?"

"Cause he's your boyfriend and you screwed him over." Mikey answered bluntly.

Gerard stared down at Frank. He was rested on his side with his hand rested on the pillow next to his face, his heartstrings ached when he saw the hand twitch as he slept. The bruise on the side of Frank's face was a faded purple color, but far from being completely healed. It saddened Gerard beyond expression. Looking at Frank's usually tan skin look like blank paper. He noticed that his hair had grown in the two weeks he hadn't seen him, it almost reached his shoulders now.

"He had a forty minute anxiety attack." Mikey sighed. "You need to talk to him when he wakes up, but until then just leave me alone. I have a massive headache."

Gerard bowed his head and wandered into his room, thinking about the pain he had caused Frank.

Notes

THIS IS SUCH A MESS I HATE THIS