Live-in Nanny Wanted!

So far, Ray was a really awesome guy and a total badass on the guitar. I could see myself recording with him one day. During dinner, he told me all the crazy things he would talk Gerard into doing with him and all the things Gerard would make him do as payback. Like the time he dared Gerard to go to school dressed in drag and make out with any guy who hit him, this made my drink nearly come out my nose. Awesome thing was he actually fucking did it!

I could imagine the look on that guy’s face when he realized it was a guy and not the hot girl I know Gerard would make. I decided to stop all my thoughts right there for the fear of me imagining him in girl’s clothes.

As payback, Gerard signed up Ray for the science fair and he had to do an experiment on eggs hatching. Unfortunately, all of his hatchlings died and he lost the fair, but he was the only one to get a makeshift ribbon that said ‘HAPPY YOU TRIED’ from the school administrators. And I nearly lost it there.

“Are you serious?” I laughed as we took a break from playing. Ray nodded in agreement. He’d just told me that they once released rats into the boy’s locker room because they used to torment Gerard and all they heard from the room was guys screaming like little girls.

“Yeah! It was the best thing ever!” Ray laughed, finally able to get a word in from his laughter. I set my guitar down and went for my water bottle, taking a huge gulp and savoring the coolness of it. I was singing some of the songs we practiced together and it was great being able to play freely without having to worry if it was good enough for the band. Right now, we were just friends messing around on our instruments. Gerard was upstairs, quietly listening in case the girls woke up and I felt bad about it. I know he’s meant to babysit the kids, but this is his friend here and the dude is down in my studio with me. I spoke my worries to him and he shrugged it off, saying that it was definitely okay because he didn’t understand the technical side of music as much as Ray and I did.

“You know, Gerard talks about you a lot,” Ray said out of the blue when I set my water bottle down. I raised my brow.

“Oh, he does?” I asked, not really wanting to talk about it more. He seemed like the type of guy to just know by the way you behave. He nodded.

“Yeah. He says you’re really nice and committed to your daughters. That you’re great with music and you’re good looking,” he said. I gave a small smile, trying to remain calm because I was nearly a screaming girl on the inside. “He’s right about all of them.” My eyes widened slightly. Wait… Is this guy hitting on me?

“Thanks. I appreciate the compliments from you two. The same goes for both of you,” I say, returning the compliment. Ray laughs and thanks me and I’m left there, still shocked as before, as he goes back to strumming his guitar. I clear my throat, trying to burying the confusion. “So where did you learn to play?” I ask.

“Oh, um, self-taught. What about you?”

“Same. My father and grandfather originally wanted me to be a drummer, because they were, but the guitar was my calling. I’m glad they respected it,” I say. He nods in understanding and then I stand. “We should get back up there. I need to see if the girls are awake so I can video call Jamia.” We set my guitars away and head back upstairs.

“Hey, how did it go down there?” Gerard asked as I came in and took a seat next to him while Ray took the other one in the recliner.

“It went awesome. Ray’s really kickass on the guitar! Did the girls make a sound?” I ask him. He shakes his head, giving me a small smile.

“They’re sleeping so much; I am concerned to no end. Maybe I should start keeping them awake a little because my days are just torture when I wanna sleep but they’re awake and I can’t. Is that selfish? I don’t know, I’m really exhausted, guys,” I laugh, rambling. I feel like I’m walking on air and I lean my head back against the sofa and sigh. The guys laugh and I smile because I know it was due to my strange way of talking. When I’m extremely tired and sleepy, I start to slur my words and I lose the definitions of simple things and the sort.

“It’s all right, Frank. Is it all right if I drive Ray home? He lives on the other side of town. It’ll take almost ten minutes to get there,” he asks. I nod, mumbling a yes and to be safe.

“It was nice meeting you, Frank! Let’s play together some other time, yeah?” Ray says. I open my eyes with my struggle and smile up at him. I hold my hand out to shake and I remember him shaking it before my eyes fell closed and my body became too tired to move. All I heard is Ray say, “he’s exhausted. Poor guy.” And Gerard replying with, “yeah, he’s a good dad.” And that’s it. Knowing that Gerard thinks I’m a great dad makes me smile and I drift off.

“Will you marry me, Jamia?” I ask my then girlfriend at the time. I look at her beautiful smile and into her eyes full of tears as she nods excitedly and throws herself into my arms. This was one of the greatest nights of my life and it still is. Our divorce didn’t change things. She pulls away and suddenly I’m looking into the face of Gerard. His gorgeous smile has me mesmerized and, as if a bullet as hit me in the chest, I know that I can see this happening and I’m terrified because I truly only barely know the guy. He won’t be in my life for too long because who knows what’s going to happen to the band after we’re done touring. The guys are talking about marriage and families and just retiring, so where does that leave Gerard? He’ll probably just leave.

“Frankie, I want to be with you forever,” he exclaims happily before pressing his lips against mine in a tender kiss. I’m held back in shock before I tell myself to just fuck it, because this is only a dream.

My eyes snap open and I bolt forward hitting my head on something kinda hard. I groan in pain, clutching my head, but stop as I hear the same noise come from another person.

“Gerard? What the fuck?” I say.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were going to flip out and head-butt me,” he pouts, holding his head. I smile and stand up, but sway a little as I’m feeling kinda dizzy.

“I’m sorry. I hope your head doesn’t hurt too much. Go get some sleep,” I say as I kiss the small bump on his forehead and pat his shoulder. I was already turned away when I paused and looked back at him. “What the fuck did I just do?” I ask, rubbing my eyes full of sleep. Gerard’s cheeks were stained red and he was smiling.

“I think your papa bear side just came out,” he giggled. My pounded in my chest at the sound and I can only describe it as: Watch Tom & Jerry. Oh, well, he seems to think I have no idea what I’m doing, so I’ll just roll with it.

“I don’t see you as my kid though,” I slur slightly. My capability to speak isn’t back yet. I watch as he tilts his head in confusion, but I only give a small smile in return. “I should take a nap before the girls get up. You should, too. I’ll tuck you in, if you want,” I offer, holding my hand out to him. He laughs and takes my hand and I want to die on the spot. I feel like a schoolgirl with a crush on Bono or something.

“I think I should be the one to tuck you in, Frank,” he says as we walk up the stairs. I chuckle softly and pull him into my room. We silently walk over to my bed, careful not to wake my little sleepyheads and I start to undress to my boxers. When I turn back to smile on him, I freeze as his hands make contact with my chest.

“Gerard?” I whisper.

“Your tattoos are beautiful, Frank,” he whispers back. I look down at his hands running across every piece I have, shivering softly. “They fit you perfectly.” I pull his hands away by his wrists and step back.

“Gerard, I’m a man with needs, you know. Especially when I’m half-asleep, I don’t have a lot of self-control.” His eyes widened at my words and I find myself regretting them. I didn’t mean to make him feel uncomfortable. I was just telling him the truth and warning him, I’d say that was a good thing. I mean, he can’t just go around touching and running his hands over my bare skin and expect me to not react to it, right? I sigh inside my head at my thoughts. He’s an innocent man and he shouldn’t have to worry about something like this. He just likes my tattoos and was admiring them. He wasn’t coming on to me. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” I say, feeling terrible after scolding myself.

“Were you offering?” He says suddenly after a few moments of silence. I blink, confused.

“Wait. What?” I ask, because I don’t think I heard that correctly. It sounded like he’s about to go for me.

“Well, I’m trying to hit on you. Are you catching on?” My eyes widen. When the hell did he get so blunt? Nope, this has to be a hallucination from being sleep deprived. I chuckle softly, catching him off guard.

“Nice try, Fake Gerard. Man, I’m really losing it. You’d never want me,” I say to him as I climb into bed and curl up into the blankets, smelling the detergent I use on them. It’s a nice scent. I need to keep buying that kind. I feel lips press against my temple and I freeze once again.

“You have no idea how bad I want you. Good night, Frank,” he whispers right against my ear. Oh man, that’s hot. I feel myself become aroused and I put my hands between my legs, trying to contain my growing erection. I don’t have the energy to touch myself.

“Good night, Fake Gerard,” I mumble as my eyes become heavier. I catch a glimpse of his lovely smile before I can’t open my eyes anymore.

*

I bolt upwards as soon as I heard the crying coming from my babies and rush out of bed, to their crib. I pick them both up and glance at the clock. It’s three in the morning and I’m happy I managed to get a few hours of sleep in. I walk around my room, slightly bouncing in my step as I hum softly ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ to them. I think Cherry and Lily will grow into amazing women and even though they’re merely infants now, I can’t help but tear up at the thought of having to let them go, even far away in the future. It breaks my heart, and I suddenly feel so much respect for my own mother for letting my go without so much as a complaint. Even though I never missed the look of sadness in her eyes, she did her absolute best to hide it. I didn’t mention it for that reason. I should really give her a call.

“Frank?” I heard Gerard’s sleep-filled voice in my ear. I turned to him and gave him a sleepy smile. There he stood in a full pajama suit. He looked so cute and it suited him. He walked over to me and grabbed Lily from my arms and held her. Together, we sat on my bedroom floor with the girls in our laps, really looking like a family.

“Thanks,” I said, “for coming.” He gives me a small smile.

“I’ll be here for as long as you need me. Which brings me to ask,” he said, pausing. I gesture for him to go on. “What about when you come back from tour? Would you still need me?” He asked, looking down. He sounded sad and it hurt me.

“yeah, I’ve been meaning to mention that. Um, the guys have been talking about disbanding because they’re all getting married and starting families or, like, thinking about it,” I explained, also averting my eyes from Gerard’s fragile-looking frame.

“But that’s not fair, Frank,” he argued. “You were married to Jamia and you were still dedicated to your band. Not only that, but you’re a father of twins and your ex-wife is on the other side of the world and you’re still going on tour!” I looked back up at him, his words striking a chord with me.

“It’s okay, Gerard. Thank you for being upset for me, but I think they have the right idea. I mean, as much as I love performing, I need to be here for my girls. I don’t want to be the type that misses their first steps or their first words, or they have to start asking where I am. It would,” my voice breaks and my eyes fill with tears just thinking about being an absent father, “it would really break my heart, Gerard. I-I can’t do that to them. As much as I love making music,” I cried softly. Gerard, being the saint he has proven himself to be, scooted over and put an arm around me. He hugged me until I wasn’t even sniffling anymore.

“I’m sorry for crying like this.” He gives me a small smile and shakes his head.

“Don’t be. Crying is a good thing. And about you growing up not being here for them, I’m sure you’ll find a way to do what you love, Frank, and still be involved in their lives. You’re a good father and I wish my own dad was like you,” he said, ending the sentence rather bitterly. I leaned my head to nuzzle his neck to show I cared about his feelings and he tightened his grip on me.

“I’m sorry your dad is like that, Gerard. I don’t know the man, but if he makes you feel like this, then I don’t want to,” I admit. Gerard was a good kid. Graduated at the top of his class and he was very kind. He was the guy you see helping the little old lady across the street because he wanted to. He was so polite, he was the kind of guy that held the door open for anyone behind him, because he felt terrible if he didn’t. His dad missed out on knowing and molding Gerard into the man he was today. Yet, maybe Gerard would be as he was now had he been there. Thinking of the man sitting next to me as a completely different person was impossible.

“It’s okay. Are you feeling any better, though?” He asked. I pulled my body away from his and nodded, looking down at Cherry who was staring at me with her mother’s eyes like I was the wonder of the world. It warmed my heart and I never wanted that look to leave her eyes. I never wanted either of my girls to know the horrors of the world, but I also wanted them to do something with their lives. The feelings inside me all contradicted each other, but it was a good feeling.

“Yeah. As long as I have my girls, I’m the happiest man in the world,” I said softly, looking over at him. He pouted playfully.

“What am I, non-existent?” He said, huffing. I put my arm around his shoulder and pulled him gently into my chest.

“Ah, yes,” he said, a stupid fucking smile on my face, “how could I forget my savior? I would be utterly devastated if you left my home.” He giggled.

“Is that your way of confessing your love to me?” He joked. I laughed, leaning my head on his.

“Oh, no. My secret is out.” We sat there for a moment before I realized what was happening. This wasn’t right. We were too domestic for just being dad and nanny. I pull myself away from him and cleared my throat, not wanting to look at him. “Um, the girls seem to be falling asleep, so we should get them tucked in and turn in ourselves.”

I laid in bed for the rest of that morning until the sun came up thinking about the seemingly sad look in Gerard’s eyes. When he came into the room later that morning, around ten, I pretended to still be asleep. I couldn’t handle a conversation with him. It was draining. I liked him too much to be good for this family. Jamia liked him, yeah, but I have two kids. They aren’t old enough to understand and what about when they are? Will Gerard even want to stay and be with me and be a father to the girls? He loves them, yes, but being a full-time dad and everything is tough, nevermind trying to have a career. It’s wrong to think so, but let’s say he does want to be with me, I wouldn’t want him to work, so he could look after the kids. It wasn’t fair to him because he was the kind of man who liked to earn his keep. For example, even though I’d been trying to talk with him about how much he’d be paid, he always brushed it off and said that we’d talk about that after I came back from tour. He was so humble and I was envious of that.

I didn’t budge as I felt the covers slip up and cover my exposed chest. He was covering me and I wanted to melt. I nearly flinched when his hands stroked my hair, but, without my mind’s permission, my body moved into his touch. I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at him, which I guess caught him off guard because he stumbled back, stammering an explanation.

“I, uh, I… That was- I’m sorry. Th-that was really weird,” he stuttered. I waved my hand in a dismissive manner.

“It’d be worse if you were boring,” I yawned, stretching my body out and groaning softly.

“You know, Frank,” Gerard said, his voice getting slightly deeper and hoarse. “I am also a man with needs,” he said. I snapped my head at him and sat up quickly, my mind flashing back to the daydream I had last night just before getting into bed.

“What?” I said. He tilted his head, confused.

“I didn’t say anything?” He said, unsure of what I was talking about. I looked around the room, searching my mind. I think I’m losing it.

Notes

I'm winging this story, if I'm gonna be honest, but I still do care for it as much as the others, so don't worry. I'd never abandon it. I'm having fun writing this one because of its informality and I like being able to just write however I want in Frank's point of view. I hope you're all liking this story so far! Just a warning, I think this story will start containing some smut, so just wanted you all to know.

Leave me some feedback? :D

Also, it would mean tons if you could check out my good friend's story Deep breaths, we'll make it through tonight, if you haven't ran into this little gem yourself yet, because she writes so amazingly! Thanks, everyone, for sticking with this even though the updates aren't coming as fast as they should.

Much love
-OAIF <3