Rebel love song

Sadly the weekend was over too soon, and I had to go back to New Jersey. I was sad to leave Amy and Josh, but glad to see my dogs again. Seriously, I don’t think I could’ve gone another day without them. Still, one of the good things about visiting Haverhill (besides seeing my best friends, of course) was that I was able to get my mind off Gerard for a while.
But tomorrow, I was going to school again, and honestly the thought of seeing him again made me really nervous. It wasn’t just the fact that we weren’t talking. It was Gerard himself. I thought I couldn’t have a bigger crush on him than I already do, but turns out I was wrong. Just his cute little smile and his fucking perfect hazel eyes and how he made my heart race when he was in the same room. It was simultaneously the best and the worst thing ever.

Luckily, I only had one class with him tomorrow, and that was after lunch, so I had extra time to mentally prepare myself for seeing him. But I forgot one important thing and that was that we had lunch in the same room.
And as soon as I saw him, my heart began racing. The first thing I noticed was that he was trying not to look at me, but he wasn’t exactly successful. His eyes kept glancing at me, but he quickly averted his look. The second thing I noticed was that he looked really fucking tired. Not just the sleep-deprived tired but the bone deep sort of tired. I wanted to ask him if he was okay, but he had earphones in and probably wouldn’t hear me.
I was looking at the thin black earphone cord that disappeared under his hoodie when I noticed a lovebite on his neck. I felt my heart pang in my chest and I looked away.
Right. He was with someone else. Was that why he didn’t want to be with me? He could’ve just told me the truth.
I could feel his look on me which only made me angrier. I didn’t even know why I was so angry; we weren’t dating so he could see whoever he wanted to, right? If so, why the fuck was he looking at me?
I tried my best to ignore him and follow the conversation Ray, Sean and Ella were having, but it seemed like all the words were just floating around my head. I looked at him again, cursing myself for doing so, and he quickly averted his eyes, his cheeks turning slightly pink.
What the hell? If he was with someone else, why was he looking at me like that? I sure as fuck didn’t want to be that person he was cheating with! As much as I wanted to be with him, that just wasn’t right!
God, I couldn’t even look at him. I stood up and left the cafeteria, ignoring the questioning look I got from Sean.
I didn’t know where to go. I could go wait in front of chemistry, but Gerard would be there. I could go to the music classroom, that was open for anybody during lunch breaks, but other people would be there. I headed to the balcony, hoping it was empty.
Luckily nobody actually liked coming up there, so I was alone. I sat down and took my earphones out. I needed to calm down somehow. My hands were shaking while I was trying to untangle the cord. Fuck, why was I so angry?
I gave up on my earphones and shoved them back in my pocket. I could listen to music without earphones – it’s not like anyone was here to complain, right? I hit shuffle on my phone. I didn’t bother checking or remembering what the song title was, but it was angry and there was loads of screaming involved, which was surprisingly really good for calming down.
I was halfway through the song when the balcony door opened and through came the last person I wanted to see right now.
“Frankie? Are you okay?” Gerard asked. Why the hell did he care? “I saw you storm out of the cafeteria and I just wanted to check if everything’s alright…” He said, his cheeks turning bright pink color. God, how could he make me want to punch him and kiss him at the same time? “Yeah, I’m okay.” I said. He sat down next to me.
“You really can’t lie, you know that?” He said. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing. I’m perfectly fine.” I said. He might actually believe me, if there wasn’t a sharp edge to my voice. He sighed.
“Yeah, right.” He said. “That’s a good song.”
“Why are you avoiding me?”
“I already told you. I need to sort something out with myself and my family too, and it’s easier to not talk…”
“Why are you talking to me then?”
“Because I was worried about you.”
“But why?” I asked. He sighed.
“Why do you have to question everything? Because I care about you.” I felt my heart flutter, even though I was still mad at him.
“Who gave you those?” I pointed to his lovebites. His face turned bright red.
“Just some guy.” He said.
“Right. You care about me.”
“We’re not together. It shouldn’t bother you.” He snapped.
“Is that why you don’t want to be with me?” I asked.
“What? That guy and I aren’t together. He was just a hookup. I don’t even remember his name.”
“Oh.” I said, not feeling any better.
“We didn’t even do anything.”
“Right.” I bit my lip.
“You don’t believe me.” He said. He was right, I really didn’t. “Look. He was going to suck me off but I… uh… told him to stop.” I looked at him. His face was completely red.
“Look, it’s none of my business. You said we’re not together. You can fuck whoever you want to.” I said, trying to ignore the tears that started to swell up in my eyes. Goddammit, now really wasn’t the time for crying. I looked away, hoping he wouldn’t notice them.
“Yes but I don’t want to. I don’t want anyone but you.” I felt my own face flare up and I was temporarily out of words.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” He said softly. “I’m not dating anyone else, okay? But I still need to sort that thing out.”
“And you still won’t tell me what it is?”
“I’d rather you don’t know. I just don’t want to get anyone else involved in it. I’ll tell you when it gets better.”
“It will get better, right?” I asked, suddenly worried.
“Yeah.” He said. We sat in silence for a while when he suddenly took my hand. “You didn’t have these before.” He observed. I realized he meant the letters on my knuckles.
“Yeah, I got it done on Saturday.” I said.
“That’s awesome. I love tattoos.”
“You should get some. They’d look good on you.” I said, smiling when I noticed the light blush that spread across his face.
“Um, not really my thing… I hate needles.”
“Oh.”
“What does it say, by the way?” He asked, looking at my fingers.
“Halloween.” I put my other hand next to the one he was holding.
“Awesome. Why did you get that tattooed, if I may ask?”
“My birthday’s on Halloween, so why not?” He let out a soft laugh.
“Good idea.”
We sat in silence for a while, his hand still holding mine.
“We missed like half of chemistry already.” Gerard scoffed.
“Can I ask you something?” I blurted out.
“Sure.”
“Do you hookup with guys often?”
“No. That dude was the first one after I met you.”
“Why did you tell him to stop?”
“I told you already. I don’t want anyone else but you. It just felt wrong.” I felt my cock twitch at his words. “But I need to get better for you.”
“You don’t have to –” I was cut off by Gerard’s soft lips pressing on mine. I was surprised for a second, before wrapping my arms around him and pulling him closer. It wasn’t like any of our kisses before, just our lips pressed together, but it was amazing. He pulled away too fast.
“I shouldn’t have done that.” He muttered while getting up. “I’m sorry.” He looked at me almost sadly.
“No, don’t be!” I began, but he already left the balcony.

Notes

First off: I'm so sorry for not updating! (i haven's since last year technically :P)
Also happy 2016 i hope you enjoyed xmas and new years :)
Nina xx