To see the world through human eyes.

Being lost and reunited. Every time again and again. A few centuries in between of even just a mere dozen years. It’s something I will never get used to.

I never thought this would happen to me, let alone that I heard of something like this. There was no explanation for the gift I had (although I called it merely a curse). There was one person that stood out to me the most and looking back, it was the same person over and over again. It was still the same man I met in the pub at the harbour, but every time we met, he was in another body. Still being the same soul, I recognized him every time by the gaze in his eyes.

Every time we became best friends for life, but not in this particular life. Connecting to him was difficult and it took years for me to have him trust me completely. I knew it was worth it in the end, but at some times I questioned myself. I went through all this trouble to connect with someone I would always seemed to lose. Always.

Like the moment he cursed my wellbeing after opening up to me. He suddenly had a total meltdown. I knew it wasn’t personal, but it still hurt. He had a rough life this time, and trusting people was not one of his daily activities, so I kind of understood why he did it. He always was a troubled soul, creating tornadoes out of a little summer breeze. He could light an entire fire by just being.

He always was the kind of person to hurt the people whom he loved the most and push the people who were closest to him away as far as possible. He hurt himself the most while doing that, but he somehow thought he deserved all this pain. He even tried to push me away, although I didn’t allow him to. He did almost everything to hurt my feelings or break my heart, but I stood my ground. When he tried to burn everything to the ground, I was the one who was waiting with buckets of water. Yes, he was like a raging forest fire when he was angry, but to me he was the most beautiful forest fire someone could be.

When he was younger, his parents abandoned him. He was always left alone or dumped by family members or friends, even when he was still very young. This gave him severe attachment problems and so he taught himself he could never really trust somebody. It was a sad case.

It always blew my mind how he could not remember me, even though I knew, deep inside, he couldn’t. We always had the most amazing friendships and relationships in every lifetime, it somehow occurred to me he must’ve remembered something too. Sadly, he didn’t.

Except one time.

I repeated a joke we always had in a previous lifetime and suddenly it looked like a lightbulb was turned on in his head. The look in his eyes was so deep, like he had to dig into his memories to remember where he heard that joke before. It was like a millisecond or so, then it was gone and we laughed about the joke like it was the first time we heard it, but I just knew he remembered. I just knew he must’ve remembered it somehow. That day, I gained hope of him ever recognizing me. I wanted to make him remember.

Notes