It's all tøø real

"Where the fuck are you, Frank?!" Mikey screamed into the phone.

I signed rolling my eyes, "I'm fine. We're fine. I don't need you fucking this up again."

"Fucking what up? He's not really there, Frank!! You know that! Just stop! You can beat this. Come home and take your medicine and everything will be okay.

I felt a lump form in my throat. Memories from when Gerard left came flooding back.
"No! I'm not losing Gerard again! That was fucking hell! Im not going to let you tear us apart again. Just. Just because you're jealous!"

"Jealous? Are you serious?"

"Why else would you be doing this Mikey? The second Gerard walked out you immediately jumped in on the opportunity of us being together."

"For fucks sake, Frank!" Mikey suddenly shouted, "I'm trying to fucking help you! Why would I make up such a thing? Huh? Do you honestly think I would keep up some charade about my brother being dead just so I can be with you are you fucking serious??"

I felt tears swell up in my eyes, "I won't lose him again."

"Frank." Mikey spoke softly now, "He's already gone. I know it's hard. It's been hard on all of us. I don't want it to be real either. I miss Gerard more than anything. Fuck. If I could switch places with him I would with no hesitation. But that's not how it is. And I'm sorry."

I looked over at small man asleep in the passenger seat, "He can't be gone. He's right here, Mikey. He's real. I can touch him. I can feel him. He's real."

Mikey sighed softly, "I know it may seem like that Frank, but just please listen to me. I wouldn't hurt you like this if it wasn't true."

I gulped harshly, "I'll talk to you soon, Mikey."

"Frank please don't hang-" I clicked off the phone quickly throwing it into the backseat.

I soon pulled over at some random gas station, leaving Gerard asleep in the car, running into their bathroom.
I clasped my hand over my mouth and just began sobbing.
None of this was adding up.
Fuck!
Mikey's right! he has no reason to lie to me.
And Gerard gives off so many weird signs.
I rarely actually see him eat anymore.
He doesn't drive anymore. Even though he always made sure he was the one driving before we got engaged.
He doesn't answer the door anymore.
He'll just 'disappear' at times and show up again whenever he wants.
No one else really acknowledges his existence.
He rarely acknowledges others existence too.
Fuck.
What if he's really not here and it really is just all in my head?
I gulped back a few more sobs as I clutched onto my chest. It was like I could actually feel my heart breaking. The pain was nearly unbearable.
But I've kissed him.
Ive touched him.
Fuck, I've even made love to him.
There's no way he can be fake.
He's here.
He's fine.
Im not crazy. Mikey's just jealous! Yeah that has to be what it is! Right?!

I cleaned off my face before quickly going back to the car. I ignored all of the concerned glances. I must've been pretty loud.
I sighed softly jumping into the car and immediately drove off. Gerard was still passed out. Im not quite sure how. He drank a large coffee just twenty minutes ago.
All I knew is I had to keep driving.
We needed to get away from Jersey.
Im not losing him again.



--



I don't know how long it's been.
I think we're in New York.
Im not quite sure.
The whole drive has been sort of a blur.
My heads a mess.
I don't know what I can believe anymore.

I looked over at Gerard. He looks so real. Fuck. Everything that's happened in the last six months has been so real.
It's all too real.

Notes