THE BADLANDS [ON HOLD]
Death Of A Bachelor
“Put my heart on my chest, so that you can see it too
I'm walking the long road, watching the sky fall
The lace in your dress tangles my neck, how do I live?” - Death Of A Bachelor, Panic! At The Disco
My alarm rings next to my ear and I swat at it, swiftly turning it off. I sit up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, and see that, outside the window, there's clouds hovering above the skyline.
I get out of bed, trying in vain to remember what's stuck in the back of my mind. Something's sticking, but I can't place it. Shrugging it off, I make my way downstairs to try to get something to eat.
The phone rings as I enter the kitchen and I rush to answer it. "Hello?" I ask, my voice craggy from sleep.
"I'm picking you up, right?" Mikey Way's voice bleeds through the receiver and he adds "In 20 minutes."
"Why're you picking me up?" I ask, rubbing my eyes. "What've we got going on today?"
"Oh, you know, lunch, a movie. Let's see, what else...? Oh, yeah, Gerard's court date!" Mikey yells and I stumble. How the hell did I forget?
"Okay, yeah, 20 minutes," I say, abandoning my search for food. "20 minutes is good."
"Alright, just wanted to touch bases with you," Mikey says and promptly hangs up. Crap, crap, crap. I fly back up the stairs and see the outfit that Mikey's girlfriend, Kristin, helped me pick out for court. I slip the black lace shirt-dress on over a slip dress, and rush into the bathroom, dragging my brush roughly through my hair. I quickly pull it up into a horribly messy ponytail, but I don't bother with it any further.
A few minutes after putting on my makeup and slipping into the black heels that were waiting for me, my doorbell buzzes. That's one difference between Gerard and Mikey: while Gerard comes in through the side door, in the kitchen, his baby brother uses the front door.
"Hey, Ash," Mikey says when I open the door. "You look nice."
"Thanks," I say. "You look nice, too." I'm not lying either— a short-sleeve, white button down underneath a black vest. That's the only thing that's different from his normal outfit— his black jeans and black skateboard shoes are still there.
"Thank you," Mikey says and hugs me tightly, burying his face in my shoulder. "God, we have to go to fucking court. Because of Gerard, of all people."
"I know," I say, trying to help comfort him. "We'll be fine, though. We can do this."
"I know, it's just..." Mikey starts and sighs, standing up slightly. Even though he's two years younger than I am, and I'm wearing heels, he's still a good few inches taller than I am. I usher him into the house and he sits down on the couch, burying his face in his hands. "It's my brother, you know? I never thought I'd have to go to court for Gerard, much less for Gerard's pills bullshit."
I sit down next to Mikey and say "We'll be okay," I tell him softly, hugging him again. "Mikey Way," I say, turning his head to look at me. Gerard never refers to his brother by just his first name; it's always his first and last. "You're a strong dude. You can do this."
Mikey nods, pushing his glasses higher up on his nose. "I can do this," he repeats in a meek voice, not sounding entirely confident.
"You can," I tell him, rubbing his knee. "You can totally do this. You'll be fine."
What I neglect to consider, at least until we got to the courthouse, is me. I never thought about myself; I was always worrying about Gerard and Mikey and everything but myself. Now, my fingernails are short stubs from nervously biting them and I'm jittery.
"The trail for Mr. Gerard Way will now commence," the judge says and bangs his gavel, making both me and Mikey jump. The courtroom is pretty empty, except for a few stray people in the jury. "Mr. Way, how do you plead?"
Across the room, Gerard swallows hard and struggles against the handcuffs on his wrists. He leans forward in his chair and says into the microphone a single word.
"Guilty."
An incoherent noise comes out of Mikey, and I stare wide-eyed at Gerard. I understand why he would do this— there's too much evidence to say otherwise— but that doesn't stop me from crying.
"Alright, that makes my job easy," the judge says. "Guilty as charged, and sentenced to three years in federal prison."
"Three years?" Mikey whimpers. "Th-that's too many."
I need to protest, at least for Mikey's sake. "I object!" I shout, standing up. "Why is he getting three years? He should only be getting one year, or less than that!"
"Ms. Frangipane, Mr. Way was also convicted of rape," the judge tells me. I'm suddenly furious— I told Byrar that Gerard hadn't raped me. I told him but he lied. That bastard.
Mikey, sensing what I want to do to the blond lawyer next to Gerard, grabs my arm with shaking hands. "Just stop, you'll make it worse," he whispers in my ear and pulls me back down to the bench. I glance over at Gerard and almost sob at his state.
He looks like his normal self— his hair unkempt and sitting slightly bent forward, like he was self-conscious of his height. His tan face is streaked with tears and the black suit he's wearing is wrinkled in multiple places. He stands up from his chair and a security guard leads him out.
"We should get going if we want to visit him before he gets detained," Mikey tells me, his voice hitching. I nod in agreement, afraid of what will come out of my mouth if I open it.
"Do you want me in there with you guys?" Mikey asks.
"No, it's okay," I say. "I can do it alone. I'm sure you don't want to go in there again." Mikey nods silently, sweeping his hair out of his eyes. After a few silent moments, the door to the waiting room opens and a security guard enters the room.
"Ms. Frangipane?" He asks. I never want anyone calling me that again for a s long as I live.
I stand up, straightening my dress, and follow the man down the hallway. "You have 5 minutes," the man tells me, approaching a door. It's not special at all, just a wooden door with a silver doorknob.
As soon as the door opens, a whimper escapes from the back of my throat. Gerard is waiting in the room, his hair still unbrushed and still slouching. The only difference is that now he's in an orange jumpsuit, with a black and yellow I.D badge on the chest. He's handcuffed to the table and he looks up at me with pain in his eyes. The door closes behind me and he says "Ash, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," I tell him. "It's not your fault."
"It hurts," he says in a small voice, straining against his restraints. "It hurts really bad."
"The handcuffs?" I ask.
"No," he says. "Everything. I just..." He sighs and says "How am I convicted of rape? I never raped anyone. Hell, I ask people if I can just make contact with them."
"Bryar," I say, disdain rising in my throat like bile. "He asked me about it, but I said no. He lied."
"My lawyer, Bryar?" Gerard asks. "But he's supposed to try to help me not go to jail."
"He's an employee for Better Living," I shrug. "And he gets paid either way."
"Oh, God," Gerard mumbles, rubbing his face with his free hand. "The druggie and convicted rapist. That's the title that Mama and Papa wanted for me."
After a moment, I sit down on Gerard's lap, placing a kiss on his forehead. "I'm gonna miss you," I tell him and hug him tightly. "You're my best friend. How am I going to survive three years without you?"
"I don't know," Gerard whispers, hugging me back as best as he can. "You're practically my sister, Ash. How can I live without you and Mikey?"
"You're too nice and sweet," I say. "Prison isn't for you."
"I know. But it's for the best, I guess," Gerard says, shrugging.
"I love you," I tell him. "I love you so much."
"I love you too," Gerard tells me, placing a chaste kiss on my lips. "Tell Mikey that I love him too."
"He already knows," I say. "You tell him everyday."
"Well, that's 1098 'I love you's' that I'll be missing," Gerard says, trying to smile. "I'm gonna miss you so much, Ash."
The door opens again and I give Gerard one more kiss, pulling away much sooner than I'd prefer. I stand up and, as I'm walking out the door, peeking behind me at Gerard. He has a slightly dazed look on his face and tears streaming down his cheeks again.
Almost as if a miracle occurred, Bryar is talking to Mikey when I go back into the waiting room.
The anger is back again, making my blood boil. "Oh," Bryar says, noticing me. "Hello, Ashley."
I slap him, his head snapping to the side with the force of my hand. "How could you?" I seethe. "How could you do that to Gerard?"
Bryar's cheekbone is sliced from my fingernails and he stares at me incredulously.
"God, fuck you," I growl, unable to hold back the profanity any longer. "Gerard is practically my brother! He would never lay a finger on me, let alone rape me!"
Mikey's mouthing something behind Bryar, trying to tell me something. Finally, after a second of deciphering what he said, I say aloud "Eat shit, Bob."
I'm walking the long road, watching the sky fall
The lace in your dress tangles my neck, how do I live?” - Death Of A Bachelor, Panic! At The Disco
My alarm rings next to my ear and I swat at it, swiftly turning it off. I sit up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, and see that, outside the window, there's clouds hovering above the skyline.
I get out of bed, trying in vain to remember what's stuck in the back of my mind. Something's sticking, but I can't place it. Shrugging it off, I make my way downstairs to try to get something to eat.
The phone rings as I enter the kitchen and I rush to answer it. "Hello?" I ask, my voice craggy from sleep.
"I'm picking you up, right?" Mikey Way's voice bleeds through the receiver and he adds "In 20 minutes."
"Why're you picking me up?" I ask, rubbing my eyes. "What've we got going on today?"
"Oh, you know, lunch, a movie. Let's see, what else...? Oh, yeah, Gerard's court date!" Mikey yells and I stumble. How the hell did I forget?
"Okay, yeah, 20 minutes," I say, abandoning my search for food. "20 minutes is good."
"Alright, just wanted to touch bases with you," Mikey says and promptly hangs up. Crap, crap, crap. I fly back up the stairs and see the outfit that Mikey's girlfriend, Kristin, helped me pick out for court. I slip the black lace shirt-dress on over a slip dress, and rush into the bathroom, dragging my brush roughly through my hair. I quickly pull it up into a horribly messy ponytail, but I don't bother with it any further.
A few minutes after putting on my makeup and slipping into the black heels that were waiting for me, my doorbell buzzes. That's one difference between Gerard and Mikey: while Gerard comes in through the side door, in the kitchen, his baby brother uses the front door.
"Hey, Ash," Mikey says when I open the door. "You look nice."
"Thanks," I say. "You look nice, too." I'm not lying either— a short-sleeve, white button down underneath a black vest. That's the only thing that's different from his normal outfit— his black jeans and black skateboard shoes are still there.
"Thank you," Mikey says and hugs me tightly, burying his face in my shoulder. "God, we have to go to fucking court. Because of Gerard, of all people."
"I know," I say, trying to help comfort him. "We'll be fine, though. We can do this."
"I know, it's just..." Mikey starts and sighs, standing up slightly. Even though he's two years younger than I am, and I'm wearing heels, he's still a good few inches taller than I am. I usher him into the house and he sits down on the couch, burying his face in his hands. "It's my brother, you know? I never thought I'd have to go to court for Gerard, much less for Gerard's pills bullshit."
I sit down next to Mikey and say "We'll be okay," I tell him softly, hugging him again. "Mikey Way," I say, turning his head to look at me. Gerard never refers to his brother by just his first name; it's always his first and last. "You're a strong dude. You can do this."
Mikey nods, pushing his glasses higher up on his nose. "I can do this," he repeats in a meek voice, not sounding entirely confident.
"You can," I tell him, rubbing his knee. "You can totally do this. You'll be fine."
What I neglect to consider, at least until we got to the courthouse, is me. I never thought about myself; I was always worrying about Gerard and Mikey and everything but myself. Now, my fingernails are short stubs from nervously biting them and I'm jittery.
"The trail for Mr. Gerard Way will now commence," the judge says and bangs his gavel, making both me and Mikey jump. The courtroom is pretty empty, except for a few stray people in the jury. "Mr. Way, how do you plead?"
Across the room, Gerard swallows hard and struggles against the handcuffs on his wrists. He leans forward in his chair and says into the microphone a single word.
"Guilty."
An incoherent noise comes out of Mikey, and I stare wide-eyed at Gerard. I understand why he would do this— there's too much evidence to say otherwise— but that doesn't stop me from crying.
"Alright, that makes my job easy," the judge says. "Guilty as charged, and sentenced to three years in federal prison."
"Three years?" Mikey whimpers. "Th-that's too many."
I need to protest, at least for Mikey's sake. "I object!" I shout, standing up. "Why is he getting three years? He should only be getting one year, or less than that!"
"Ms. Frangipane, Mr. Way was also convicted of rape," the judge tells me. I'm suddenly furious— I told Byrar that Gerard hadn't raped me. I told him but he lied. That bastard.
Mikey, sensing what I want to do to the blond lawyer next to Gerard, grabs my arm with shaking hands. "Just stop, you'll make it worse," he whispers in my ear and pulls me back down to the bench. I glance over at Gerard and almost sob at his state.
He looks like his normal self— his hair unkempt and sitting slightly bent forward, like he was self-conscious of his height. His tan face is streaked with tears and the black suit he's wearing is wrinkled in multiple places. He stands up from his chair and a security guard leads him out.
"We should get going if we want to visit him before he gets detained," Mikey tells me, his voice hitching. I nod in agreement, afraid of what will come out of my mouth if I open it.
"Do you want me in there with you guys?" Mikey asks.
"No, it's okay," I say. "I can do it alone. I'm sure you don't want to go in there again." Mikey nods silently, sweeping his hair out of his eyes. After a few silent moments, the door to the waiting room opens and a security guard enters the room.
"Ms. Frangipane?" He asks. I never want anyone calling me that again for a s long as I live.
I stand up, straightening my dress, and follow the man down the hallway. "You have 5 minutes," the man tells me, approaching a door. It's not special at all, just a wooden door with a silver doorknob.
As soon as the door opens, a whimper escapes from the back of my throat. Gerard is waiting in the room, his hair still unbrushed and still slouching. The only difference is that now he's in an orange jumpsuit, with a black and yellow I.D badge on the chest. He's handcuffed to the table and he looks up at me with pain in his eyes. The door closes behind me and he says "Ash, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," I tell him. "It's not your fault."
"It hurts," he says in a small voice, straining against his restraints. "It hurts really bad."
"The handcuffs?" I ask.
"No," he says. "Everything. I just..." He sighs and says "How am I convicted of rape? I never raped anyone. Hell, I ask people if I can just make contact with them."
"Bryar," I say, disdain rising in my throat like bile. "He asked me about it, but I said no. He lied."
"My lawyer, Bryar?" Gerard asks. "But he's supposed to try to help me not go to jail."
"He's an employee for Better Living," I shrug. "And he gets paid either way."
"Oh, God," Gerard mumbles, rubbing his face with his free hand. "The druggie and convicted rapist. That's the title that Mama and Papa wanted for me."
After a moment, I sit down on Gerard's lap, placing a kiss on his forehead. "I'm gonna miss you," I tell him and hug him tightly. "You're my best friend. How am I going to survive three years without you?"
"I don't know," Gerard whispers, hugging me back as best as he can. "You're practically my sister, Ash. How can I live without you and Mikey?"
"You're too nice and sweet," I say. "Prison isn't for you."
"I know. But it's for the best, I guess," Gerard says, shrugging.
"I love you," I tell him. "I love you so much."
"I love you too," Gerard tells me, placing a chaste kiss on my lips. "Tell Mikey that I love him too."
"He already knows," I say. "You tell him everyday."
"Well, that's 1098 'I love you's' that I'll be missing," Gerard says, trying to smile. "I'm gonna miss you so much, Ash."
The door opens again and I give Gerard one more kiss, pulling away much sooner than I'd prefer. I stand up and, as I'm walking out the door, peeking behind me at Gerard. He has a slightly dazed look on his face and tears streaming down his cheeks again.
Almost as if a miracle occurred, Bryar is talking to Mikey when I go back into the waiting room.
The anger is back again, making my blood boil. "Oh," Bryar says, noticing me. "Hello, Ashley."
I slap him, his head snapping to the side with the force of my hand. "How could you?" I seethe. "How could you do that to Gerard?"
Bryar's cheekbone is sliced from my fingernails and he stares at me incredulously.
"God, fuck you," I growl, unable to hold back the profanity any longer. "Gerard is practically my brother! He would never lay a finger on me, let alone rape me!"
Mikey's mouthing something behind Bryar, trying to tell me something. Finally, after a second of deciphering what he said, I say aloud "Eat shit, Bob."
Notes
I originally planned for all of the chapter titles to be Halsey songs, but she only has so many, so P!ATD it is. Another update should be tonight.
rate/comment/subscribe. Stay lovely xo
The last line of every chapter is always great.
And happy birthday Hesitant Alien!
10/1/15