“Everything was blue,
his pills, his hands, his jeans,
and now I'm covered in the colors,
pulled apart at the seams...” Colors, Pt. 2- Halsey

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Before there were rebels; before Better Living Industries was the enemy; before I questioned what the blue pills did or why the red ones were illegal; before all of this, life was simple. It was routine, planned down to the second. If you stepped one toe out of line, B.L.I made sure that you were never heard from again.

We were oppressed. Not by our race or gender or social class, but rather by whether you took the little blue pills. If you took them with dinner every night, you had all of the freedom in the world. But your freedom came at a price: your emotions. The pills took every last one of your emotions, except for joy.

That's why the red pills were illegal. They were nicknamed 'Killjoy' pills for one simple reason: the taker's joy was killed, replaced with a myriad of other emotions, most of them sub-categories of joy. The red pills brought back all of your forgotten emotions, making you feel again and, while the market was small, Killjoy pills were in high demand.

My first experience with being a rebel came when I was 17. Gerard Way was my best friend and we were basically inseparable. We were both model citizens, never even considered doing anything illegal. Well, that was true of me; Gerard was different. He had been a rebel longer than I had and was trying to get me to take the Killjoy pill. He never forced me into it— he would ask if I wanted it, I would say no, and that would be it. He was always feeling hundreds of other feelings while I was stuck in my blue-pill trance.

A knock came from my window that night five years ago, making me jump with shock. Slowly, I crawled out of the nest of the blue blanket on my bed and crossed the room, wrenching my window open. Sitting there, on the roof in front of my window, was Gerard Way with a goofy smile on his face.

"Hey, Ash," he whispered. "I can come in?"

"Yes, hurry," I told him. "Someone might see you and they could report you for being out past curfew. Gerard, you have to be more careful." At this point, Gerard was already in my room, staking his claim on his usual place on my bedroom floor.

"I know, I know," he mumbled, distracted as he dug through his canvas messenger bag. His mousy brown hair fell into his eyes as he pulled out a translucent orange pill bottle. It resembled one that the blue pills came in, completed with the label on the side that displayed the B.L.I logo. My best friend unscrewed the white cap and dumped out two pills, each a gradient red color and smaller than his thumbnail.

I quickly closed my window back and locked my bedroom in fear of my parents barging in. "Do you...?" Gerard started as usual, offering me one of them. He always took his pill when he came to visit, and I was never sure of the reason.

I peered at Gerard's eyes, watching me carefully. Slowly, I offered my hand to him and watched as his face contorted into one of the emotions he was always talking about: surprise. "Are you sure?" He asked, gingerly placing the pill in my palm.
"It'll work, right?" I asked. "Because I only just took my mood-stabilizer an hour ago."

Gerard smiled warmly and nodded. "It takes about 10 minutes to work," he said and dry-swallowed the Killjoy pill. I looked at the pill, considering caution for a few seconds.

To hell with caution. I quickly swallow the pill, feeling it work its way down my throat. Gerard hugged me tightly, pressing a small kiss into my hair. "10 minutes," he repeated and crawled up onto my bed, pulling off his tennis shoes and discarding his army jacket next to his bag.

I sat down next to him and he pulled me into his lap. "I want you to be right here when it happens," he told me as I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I can't explain it, it just... Happens," Gerard said, shrugging. I nodded silently and listened to the sounds of my house settling, keeping my ears keen for any sign of my parents.

Suddenly, the world came into a sharp focus, making every color deeper and every light on my multicolored strand hanging above my bed even brighter. Instead of red and green and blue lights, I now saw blood red and emerald and lapis. It was beautiful.

"Gerard," I breathed in awe, sitting up. "It's gorgeous."

He nodded and I turned my sights on him, letting out a small gasp. He was still my best friend, but he was different. His hair was a hazelnut brown and his eyes, which were normally a faded green sort of color, were now a mix of juniper and tawny and graphite, with flecks of gold everywhere. His skin was a bit darker than before, and I could see his freckles even more clearly. It was mesmerizing.

Gerard nodded and said "This is how I see the world every day."

"Is Mikey a rebel?" I asked, thinking about Gerard's little brother, who was 15 at the time. Gerard shook his head, almost regretfully.

"He doesn't want to," Gerard said. "Which I respect. I just want him to see what we see."

After a moment, I asked "Is that why you're always taking pictures and stuff?"

"Yeah," he said. "In addition to, you know, going to college on a photography scholarship," he laughed and continued. "I want to save some memories. Keep them forever, you know?"

"Save memories," I repeated. "Do you think you can... Maybe keep this memory? For me, at least?"

"Of course!" He said, smiling widely. He pulled me off of his lap and scrambled to get his camera. "Okay," he said, turning off my overhead light, leaving my room lit with the Christmas lights. "So, sit like this," he instructed me and pulled my legs so that my legs were crossed over themselves, placing me in the center of my blue blanket. "And just look in awe. The face you made when the pill first kicked in? Do that."

I tried to recreate the face and Gerard cried "There! Hold that!" The room was filled with the few clicks of his camera and, watching his volume, said "Come here and look at this."
I made my way over to him and peeked at the small window on his camera. There I was, surrounded by the lights, which highlighted my chocolate hair. My carob-brown eyes sparkled with the green reflection of the lights and my face was etched in a mixture of awe and surprise. "It's amazing, Gee," I said. "Thank you so much."

"Anytime, Ash," he said, smiling at me. "Anytime."

From that day on, I was a rebel. I was addicted; and I never looked back.

Notes

Edited, not-shitty version of Chapter One.
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