Disenchanted

Once again it's 3:00am and here I am again feeling very strange. I thought to myself how come I keep having this dream? It makes me feel like something terrible is going to happen to someone I love very soon. Its uncanny how I always seem to wake up at the same time almost every night because of this dream. I cant sleep i'm too worried about what this might mean. Maybe if I make some tea and take a hot bath I will feel better, after all It is freezing in my room. I went downstairs to make some tea. The house was cold, dark, and empty as if no one has lived here for months. The window was wide open letting in a freezing cold breeze. The air smelled great though. I have always loved the smell of morning air. I shut the window inhaling deeply, the cold air felt nice in my lungs. I was staring at the dark grey wall in the kitchen while my tea was heating up, It was depressing, I couldn't help but think about my family and how they practically live in France, I never see them ever.But, it's not like they care about me. Alexander gets paid to make sure I'm not dead but I bet he doesn't actually care for me at all. All of this thinking is just making me feel worse. I made my tea and went back upstairs to draw my bath. I was so upset when I got home I turned my phone off and threw it across the room. I got undressed and sat in the tub as my phone was turning on. The hot water soaking into my skin felt amazing. It made me feel more human and less sad and worthless. The feeling reminded me of Gerard. He is also very warm and he just smells so good. I began to smile just thinking more and more about him. I imagined him sitting in the tub with me, holding me in his arms. Then it hit me and I remembered Gerard was in the hospital! I checked my phone and I had gotten three calls from my parents and one from Gerard. I would call back but it's the middle of the night Gerard is probably asleep. So, i sent gerard a text saying...

To Gerard: Hey sorry i missed your call, I hope you are feeling better! Mikes told me you were in the hospital :(

I wasn't expecting to get a reply but within seconds I received a message back

From Gerard: Hey Frankie! Can't sleep either ?

Frank: wow? I totally wasn't expecting a reply from you :) but i'm glad you did reply.

Gerard: Can I call you ?

Frank: Yeah sure! Is everything alright ?

my phone started to ring and I got very nervous! It felt like there was a rock in my stomach. I had a feeling Gerard was going to tell me something bad.

Notes

Hey :) Its been a while since I updated to I have to get in the hang of writing again. Im very excited though to be back! Last year when I started writing this, it was an escape from reality for me. It helped me through a lot and I based Frank's character lightly off of my myself because it was a way to indirectly get all my feelings out. I got soo busy with school and a job that i had at the time that i just had no time to update. I had just completely abandoned this story, during the time I was gone I had become even more depressed because I wasn't letting my feelings out in a positive or creative way. I felt like something was definitely missing. I had so much negative energy around me and it wasn't good at all. I ended up quitting my job for many reasons which I might talk about later or even in the story, and i just started shutting everyone out. So then I started thinking about ways to get these feelings out again and this was one of them! I also love drawing and painting so i have been doing a lot of that also which has helped a lot! I will try to update as much as I can :)

Title is from the song Mourning Air by Portishead

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xoxo- desi