The first thing I felt when I woke up was a hand gently rubbing my side, slowly, as though whoever it belonged to, didn't want to wake me. Next, I could hear voices in the distance and the sound of pots and pans clanging loudly against surfaces. I knew where I was because the smell of Gerard was filling my senses and subconsciously, I leant towards him, my eyes still closed.

I knew the reason I was here too but I was trying to hold onto that ignorance for as long as possible before my mind fully woke up. So much had happened in the last twenty four hours and I was slightly worried as to how Gerard would be but I just wanted to bask in this moment for as long as I could. Everything felt calm, there was warmth and it had been so long since Gerard had held me like this. Maybe it was selfish, but I just wanted to be here with him, without having to speak or worry about what was going to come next.

I knew Gerard was in pain right now but I hope that being like this was as comfortable for him as it was for me – no matter how long it lasted.

While I was still half asleep, there was a soft knock against his door and before Gerard could say anything, I heard it creak open as he shifted, his hand still placed on my hip.

“Hey...” it was Mikey and he sounded just as tired as I felt, my eyes still refusing to open. “Ma's making pancakes. She told me to come get you and Dakota.”

“What time is it?” Gerard asked in a whisper.

“Just gone eight.”

“Okay, we'll be down in a sec. She's still kinda passed out.” I could hear the humour in his voice and it made me inwardly smile.

“Okay...”

“And Mikes-”

“Yeah?”

“I'm sorry about yesterday.”

“Don't be, Gee.” Mikey chuckled. “I'm just glad Dee was here to help.”

Before he could reply, the door shut once more and Gerard moved back to his original position, his nose brushing against my own and sigh escaping his lips. I knew I should wake up but it was as though my body refused to move – like I was grasping onto Gerard as if there was no tomorrow. Maybe that was the reason – we were so up and down, I simply didn't know how long we'd be able to stay like this.

I'd hoped forever.

“Dee.” He whispered after a few minutes, his nose rubbing against my mine again. “Wake up.” I groaned in response and he laughed, his breath brushing against my lips.

“Wake up.”

“I can't.” I whispered back.

“Why not?”

“I'm too comfortable.” he laughed again and his hand moved from my waist and to my cheek, his thumb gently stroking my skin.

“So am I.”

“So lets just stay like this all day.”

Now that I was waking up and beginning to be fully aware of Gerard, I could feel my heart pounding at the closeness of our bodies and I hoped he couldn't hear it.

“I wish but everyone's waiting for us downstairs.”

I groaned again and opening my eyes slowly, I found his hazel eyes staring right back at me and there was a softness to them that I hadn't seen in a while.

"Hi."

"Hi." I smiled sheepishly at him and moved my hand to brush away the stray hairs covering his eyes. He smiled back.

“Did you sleep okay?” I asked.

“Better than I have for a while.”

“Me too.” I replied, enclosing my hand around the hand that was on my cheek.

“I think we both needed it.”

“Yeah.”

We stared at each other a while longer and maybe because it felt like we were the only two people on earth, for once I didn't panic and look away, his own intense stare keeping me locked in place.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Not really, no."

"I'm sorry. Stupid question." He chuckled at me.

"It means you care." He whispered, a strange expression crossing his features.

"A lot. I care a lot about you Gerard." That, I suppose, was the closest I'd ever come to telling him that I loved him and...if Grandma Way hadn't just been lost to him, I probably would've told him. He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the sides.

"I care a lot about you too." Allowing my mind to be naive, I let it feel as though he was telling me he loved me back. My heart swelled and I pushed back the rush of emotions that came crashing around me. We continued to stare at each other for a while before he spoke.

“We should get up.”

“Yeah.” I sighed but still, neither one of us moved.

Something changed in the air but I couldn't pinpoint what it was - Gerard began to look at me differently, more intense if that was even possible. His smile left his face, his thumb stopped rubbing my cheek and his eyes flickered to my lips. I caught his Adam's apple move as he swallowed, his brow furrowing. He almost suddenly seemed nervous.

"Dakota." He whispered.

"Gerard?" I whispered back, concerned about what he was going to say next. A stupid rush of thoughts flashed across my mind and I could almost feel myself panicking.

But...

...then, he did something I didn't expect - closing his eyes, he brought our faces together, closing the ten centimeter gap between us, and his lips gently touched mine. I froze, my eyes wide open as I felt the smoothness of his lips against my own, my heart racing and my brain scattered.

His lips lingered far longer than I thought they would and, overcome with such emotion, I closed my eyes and kissed him back, tentatively at first but suddenly, at ease, moving my hand to grip the back of his shirt tightly, as if us kissing each other was the only thing that made sense right now.

Gerard then removed his hand from my cheek to run his fingers through my hair and deepened the already spine tingling kiss.

This was different from our first kiss, it felt more meaningful, intense.I was so aware of him, aware of his body, his hair brushing my forehead and his mouth against my own. My nerve endings felt like they were on fire and that every part of me that Gerard touched would explode in flames. He moved slowly, pushing me back into the mattress as he hovered over me, his lips still against my own, his tongue urging me to open mouth. I did.

I'd never kissed anyone like this before and above everything else, it was exciting. Not seeming to control myself, I ran my hands through his hair, down his back as he placed his arm under my neck, pulling me even closer to him. There were no gaps between us – it was as though we were molding into one. My emotions were on a high and I felt guilty almost that we were doing this in the situation we were in but I couldn't seem to stop. I didn't care. I wanted him to keep kissing me and holding me as if I was giving him air. And he did.

Feeling light headed, I moved my lips away from his, gasping but he didn't stop kissing me, he moved his lips to my neck causing me to shiver as our feet tangled together.

I gripped him tighter to me, never wanting this feeling to leave - I was elated with such emotion, I wanted to cry, but suddenly Gerard's lips on my neck were replaced my his forehead, his breath caressing my collarbone as he tried calming himself.

Still wanting this closeness, I ran my hand through the hair at the nape of his neck and began twirling his soft waves between my fingers. Gerard did the same, burying his face deeper into the nape of my neck as...well as I certainly recovered.

We stayed like this for what felt like forever until he moved to rest both of his arms by the side of my face – his expression torn between sadness and something I couldn't pin point.

“Thank you.” He whispered and I furrowed my brow. Was he thanking me for kissing him? If anything, I should be thanking him for kissing me like that. He chuckled then and leant down to kiss my forehead. “Thank you for being here.”

Then, the warmth and weight of his was taken from me as he got out of bed and began shuffling about his room. I sat up, crossing my legs as I watched him dig through his wardrobe for something. I placed a hand against my chest, willing my heart to slow down and also willing my brain to stop thinking about wanting him to kiss me again. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to do it when we did. Gerard's emotions were all over the place and I suddenly felt guilty for encouraging the kiss.

It was selfish of me.

I wanted to bash my skull against the floor for how inconsiderate I was being. Of course this wasn't the main priority on his mind - maybe it was a comfort kiss like the first kiss we shared was to just shut me up?

While I continued to give myself a mental beating, I was side tracked when Gerard was suddenly standing in front of me, holding out one of his maroon over sized jumpers and a pair of socks. He shrugged, smiling softly at me.

“I thought you might want something clean on. Sorry I don't have trousers or anything that would fit.”

“That's okay. Thanks.” I said, blushing slightly as I took the jumper and socks from him. Moving to pick up his own pair of clothes he gestured to the door.

“I'll just change in the bathroom quick.” Before I could tell him that I'd go, considering it was room, he was already gone and had shut the door behind him.

Calm down Dakota.

I slowly got out of the bed, stretched and heard my back crack and sighed appreciatively. Removing my shirt and replacing it with his jumper, that was too big for me, I moved onto to placing his socks on too – which were also to big for me but I didn't care. I brought the jumper to my nose and inhaled, feeling that wave of calmness wash over me. Even if that kiss didn't mean as much to him as it did to me, it felt right being here.

I then moved onto making his bed, something I wouldn't even do with my own bed and as I was fluffing up his pillows, he came back in.

“You don't have to do that.” he smiled running a hand through his damp hair. He must have had a shower.

“I want to.” I replied, placing the pillow down as I turned to face him.

“Thank you.”

“You don't have to keep saying that you know.” I smiled as I walked over to him, crossing my arms over my chest.

“I just need you to know how much I appreciate everything your doing.”

“I'm not doing all that much.”

He shook his head as he pried my hand away from being hidden, to hold it in his own, lacing our fingers together.

“Your doing more than you could possibly know.” I was hoping there would be a smile on his face when I looked up at him but he was serious, truly and it made my heart flutter all over again.

Calm down Dakota!

“You'd do the same for me.” I whispered. The left side of his mouth quirked up into a half a smile.

“I'd do anything for you.”

I couldn't reply. I simply stared at him, almost dumbfounded by his choice of words.

"My jumper looks good on you by the way." He smirked at my embarrassment and with that, he pulled us out of his bedroom and straight down the stairs, his steps slow as the sound of the voices got louder. Usually I would scold him for embarrassing me but if it was taking his mind off of the obvious, I could spare my dignity for him.

Before I could stop myself, I pulled on his hand, causing him to stop ahead of me as I used my free hand to try and control my bed hair. Gerard laughed, patting my hair down too.

"It's not as bad as you think." He whispered and with the feel of his hand on my hair, I almost wanted to pull him down to kiss me again. I shoved his shoulder instead, trying to turn him away from my bright red face. He smiled and shook his head before walking with me behind him.

We entered the room and I expected Gerard to let go of my hand but he didn't. He squeezed it reassuringly and moved us further into the kitchen. Frankie and Vee were still here, sitting at the table, anxiously waiting for their pancakes while Mikey and his mom stood by the cooker. Vee's eyes flickered to mine and Gerard's hand and she smiled knowingly, also raising a brow as she gestured to her hair. My eyes widened and I went back to patting the mass of curls.

Although the circumstances were horrible, I wanted to smile back at her and tell her I'd just experienced the most amazing kiss in all of human history. I could already feel myself blushing again at the mere thought of it.

Stop it Dakota.

“Mornin'.” Gerard said which caused his mom to stop mid conversation and to turn around and smile sadly at him. Either she didn't notice our hands or she didn't care but she moved forward regardless and held Gerard against her tightly, kissing his cheek.

Taking his hand from mine, he held her back just as tight and I couldn't help but smile at them. Mikey caught my attention and smiled back, holding out his fist. I laughed, while Vee and Frank still talked animatedly and bumped my fist with his.

Donna, moving away from her sons, turned to me and held out her arms. Without any hesitation, I moved into her embrace and she hugged me almost as tight as Gerard.

“I'm sorry.” I said softly to her. She pulled back and placed her hands on my shoulders.
“She was an amazing woman, it's going to hurt us for a while but we'll get through it.” She replied, her eyes flickering to the Way boys behind me.

“Now...” She sniffled, moving back to the cooker. “Who want's pancakes?”

We all sat down at the table together, a mix of melancholy and laughter filling the small kitchen and I was thankful to Frankie's ability to keep talking – making sure the subject never got heavy, even though we were all feeling our own grief. I didn't know Grandma Way long at all and I felt like a imposter really, feeling as sad as I did but there was just something about that woman that made you feel complete. Gerard was so much like her – in the way he spoke, his action and gestures. Mikey too and I knew this next week or so was going to be difficult for them.

At some point, Ray came over with, for some reason, doughnuts, but he'd said even in the darkest of times, they make him feel better. The thought was appreciated by Donna nonetheless and she gave him another tight squeeze before she set out a plate of pancakes for him as he sat down next to me.

"I swear to god it was the craziest shit I've ever seen." Frank continued, holding out his hands dramatically.

"Frank." Donna sighed at the language he used yet she still smiled.

"Sorry." He cleared his throat. "It was the craziest bull crap I'd ever seen!" Donna sighed again which caused me, Vee, Ray and Mikey to laugh.

"Everything you see is apparently crazy bull." Vee said, shoving the last of her pancakes in her mouth.

"What can I say? I live an interesting life." He shrugged.

"In your imagination, sure." Which resulted in a pout from Frank.

I could feel Gerard quieten beside me as I tried joining in the conversation with Frank and the others and, without thinking, I removed my hand from my lap, to find his and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Without missing a heart beat, he squeezed mine back but kept our hands together under the table. I sighed in content.

Promising silently to Gerard as I continued to hold his hand, I swore I was going to get him through this. Mikey too.

If it meant I had to be near day or night, I was going to help.

I refused to let this break them.

---

An hour later I thought it best I go home. Donna apparently had already gone over to tell my dad where I was this morning but I felt like I needed to see him. It had been days really since I last saw him, considering all the time I spent with Vee that week and I missed him.

Saying goodbye to everyone, planning to meet maybe later today or tomorrow, Gerard took hold of my hand again, right in sight of everyone,(my red face too obvious that it hurt) and lead me out of the kitchen and down the hallway to the front door. My heart starting having palpitations purely knowing I was going to be alone with him - even if it meant for a minute.

Why, for one second, couldn't I be normal and tell my heart to give it a rest - the situation was completely inappropriate for me to be feeling this way.

With one hand on the door, he turned to look behind us, making sure we were alone, before he brought an arm around my neck, pulling us close for quick kiss. Although it was gentle and unlike the one we'd shared an hour ago, the effect still felt the same, only this time, I had to hold onto Gerard's shirt for fear of loosing my balance, instead of wanting to hold him closer.

“I'll see you later?” He asked quietly, pulling away with his arm still around me.

“I'm there if you need me.”

I caught his smile, just before he leant down to give me another short (yet sweet) kiss.

"Bye." I said as he opened the door and handed me my bag.

"Bye, Dee." He said softly. Without being able to stop myself, I leant in a gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, blushing stupidly, before rushing out to the porch and across the front lawn to my own house. I was like some kissing maniac this morning.

I looked behind me as I stood outside my door to find him still outside and leaning against the porch beam, watching me with a small smile.

I waved stupidly at him and pushed my door open, having the strong smell of coffee hit my senses. I shut the door quietly and I walked into the kitchen finding both my parents at the kitchen table, talking quietly and weirdly, looking amicable. I stopped for a second, almost wanting to laugh really at how strange they looked. The last time I'd seen them like this was when I must have been about ten.

I cleared my throat and they both turned when they saw me approach, my dad smiling at me and my mother not exactly looking angry but certainly not looking happy either.

“Morning Dee, need some coffee?” My dad asked as he rose from the table, placing a quick kiss on my head.

“Please.” I smiled, moving to sit beside my mother who was still watching me.

“Hi.” I said to her. She gave me a quick smile before taking a sip from her mug. There was silence as my dad went about sorting out my coffee and just as he placed the cup in front of me, my mom finally spoke.

“Donna kindly came over and told us where you were last night.” her voice was calm but I wasn't sure if she was leading me in a sense of false security or if she was angry. By my dad's response, I was able to pick up on it being the latter.

“Please Jane-” My dad sighed but mom cut him off.

"You were with Gerard." She didn't have to say it but I knew she would've continued on with - 'Someone who I told you to stay away from'.

“Yes, I was with Gerard last night.” My mothers eyes widened. "And the guys!" I added quickly but I could already see the amount of possibilities by what that statement meant rushing across her mind. It seemed no matter what Gerard was going through, she still didn't want me anywhere near him.

“How are they?” Dad asked, glaring at my mom. She glared back at him. I swore they acted more like teenagers than I even did.

“Mikey and Gerard are...well, they both handle their grief in different ways. Gerard was a mess last night.” I shrugged

“Poor Donna...What did he do?” my mother demanded and I rolled my eyes.

“He didn't do anything.” I lied, not daring to mention the broken things down in the Way's basement or of our...time together. “His grandma just died so he's not really in the best place right now.” I started feeling guilty again about the kiss.

“Maybe you shouldn't stay near him then, while he's trying to figure out his emotions.”
I heard my dad scoff just as I laughed.

“So, I can't be friends with him if he's supposedly sane and when he needs a friend, you don't think I should be there for him?”

“Listen Dee...”

“No mom.” I said, my voice as soft as it could possibly be with the frustration I was feeling. “I understand exactly where he is right now. Both him and Mikey but I had no friends there for me when Grandad died and I know how painful it is. The worst thing for him is to be left alone.”

I let the statement hang in the air, knowing that my mother already knew I was right. I was left alone with my grief and look what happened to me. A month in a ward followed up by medication and therapy.

“I want you to be careful.” she whispered, not looking at me.

“You don't have to like him mom but I do. He's one of the best people I've ever met and I want to be there for him and Mikey. They're important to me.”

“We understand that Dee.” My dad said, smiling at me. “Your mother's just...worried, although I've told her not to be. You're smart and you know what you're doing. There's nothing wrong with being there for a friend.”

I smiled, silently thanking dad for his input.

Friend, maybe, but I'm pretty sure how we woke up this morning didn't class as friendship to my parents and in my books, it didn't either but...I wasn't going to look into it further. I wasn't going to pressure Gerard into anything.

I was going to be there.

For Mikey.

For Donna.

For him. In whatever situation and...as long as he wanted me in his life, I was going to stay there, to put the past behind us and start again.

Notes

Thank you so much for the wonderful, kind words that I have received with this story. Of course, I hate leaving things unfinished but life is so crazy and annoying that I hadn't found time or the words for the rest of the story but, I have now written drafts for the other chapters so I should already be on a head start to another update, hopefully.

Thank you again and thank you for bearing with me. It means a lot to me. I hope you enjoy this chapter.