“You're the reason he's in a good place at the moment.” She stated confidently.

“You're probably one of the most important things in his life right now too.”

“What makes you so sure Vee?” I asked, placing my pencil down on the table to turn my full attention on her.

“When you know, you know.”

School had finally ended and I couldn't wait to finally get home and simply rest. To feel the comfort of Bowie, Stevie Nicks or even Adam Ant. I didn't care. Anything, just to take my mind off of this hell hole. It was exhausting, constantly acting as though you were okay when you're just not. That's why I'm relieved to have people like Frank, Mikey and Vee in my life at the moment.

They know I'm not okay but they don't push me to explain everything to them.

It's probably because they don't know that I'm at a suicide help group therapy thing or whatever.

If they knew...I'm sure they'd be more vocal about it.

Lets just hope that Gerard doesn't tell that to Mikey.

This particular Tuesday had taken every single ounce of energy I had, leaving me weak as I leant against the lockers, waiting for Mikey with the others. Vee hadn't said anything more about Gerard since our conversation in Art which I was thankful for but now, she was just as tired as the rest of us, anxious to see Derek again, waiting for the week to end.

“What's taking him so long?” Frank whined as he rested his head against my shoulder. I patted it comfortingly, trying to hush him subtly as a headache was just around the corner.

“He's probably speaking to Kate or something.” Vee replied as she picked at her already chipped purple nails, obviously bored of Franks objections.

“I want to go home!”

“Well then go.” Vee reciprocated, copying Frank's tone. He glared at her before shutting his eyes, pouting and angrily shuffling his feet.

Frank could become extremely restless in a small amount of time which is why it was definitely difficult to sometimes keep up with him. I think he was still recovering from his hangover but his mom wouldn't let him have another day off.

This time however, I could understand his agitation.

The bell rang ten minutes ago.

I was too tired to actually show my agitation. I don't know why I'd become so fidgety myself (mentally in this particular circumstance). Although I was frustrated that Mikey was taking his time, it definitely had something to do with the conversation between Vee and myself in Art.

Say I did like Gerard (which I don't) more than what we were...it doesn't mean anything.

It won't go anywhere and I don't want it to. I'm just a fucked up kid, trying to survive with the constant thought of 'what if' always nagging me. He wouldn't want anything like that permanently in his life.

And what would Mikey say about it?

I don't need to even imagine it because nothing's going to happen. It was one kiss.

My first kiss.

No big deal.

Gerard said it wasn't a big deal.

And besides, Gerard doesn't think we should tell anyone about it.

“Hey losers.” A voice called from our left and I couldn't help but grimace, feeling my shoulders tense which caused Frank to lift his own.

Please...not today.

“Piss off Monica.” Vee answered, staring intently at her nails in annoyance.

“Nice to see you too.” She replied, her annoyingly preppy mood making me want to tear her hair out. She looked between the three of us until her lips began to curl into a smile once, I'm certain, she saw my bruise.

“Oh wow, Dakota...you really need to be a lot more careful.” She continued, acting as if she had concern but I could see right through her. I just didn't understand why her, Jason and the others couldn't just leave us be!

“You're right.” I sighed, shutting my eyes and leaning my head back against the lockers. “I should probably stop running into sluts in the hallway.”

There was silence. I don't know what came over me in that moment but I didn't care. I didn't even bother to move from my spot by the lockers. I would rather her just beat the crap out me as soon as possible and then leave me be.

“You bitch...” She snarled which caused my head to snap into her direction but before she could lunge at me, Frank stepped right between us.

“Don't you even think about it Monica. Touch her and you have to go through us.” Her mouth opened and closed shut, trying to come up with something to reply to Frank with.

“Ho-...How can you guys even deal with being involved with such a messed up little bitch?” She retorted, her hands balling into fists at her sides.

“We were once.” Another voice said. We all turned to find Mikey standing beside Vee with 'flames' burning in his eyes. “But she's long gone...”

The tension in the corridor kept increasing with each second that passed. In that moment of Monica and Mikey staring at each other, the story that Gerard had told me filled my mind. How could Monica have done that to the sweet, innocent Mikey?

“...things started to change from there. Weirdly enough when Mikey eventually asked her to be his girlfriend. About a month into their somewhat relationship, she backed off, disappeared and...changed. Like physically.She dressed differently, died her hair back to blonde and...started to ignore Mikey and the guys. Mikey was heartbroken.”

Monica stayed quiet, not even bothering to defend herself for she knew it was easily four against one and without back-up, she was screwed from the memories that were probably filling her mind.

“Come on guys.”

Mikey turned away with Vee following close behind him, quickly giving Monica the middle finger. Frank was still staring her down so I had to intervene by grabbing his arm and pulling him along to try and catch up with the others. He eventually gave in and took hold of my hand, skulking beside me.

---

As we were walking home, it had began to spit and of course we'd just missed the bus but it had made none of us walk any quicker. Mikey was pretty quiet on the walk back whereas Vee was talking constantly about her new beau, Derek with the little replies from Frank. Mikey didn't seemed to be distressed in any way but he certainly was in his own little world.

I'd hoped he'd had a nice time with Kate before Monica ruined whatever mood he was in.

About twenty minutes later, I hadn't even realised that we were all going over to Mikey's house until Frank had started to pull me towards his porch. I stopped, remembering Gerard's socks, thinking that this was the perfect time to just put them somewhere in the house, and turned to Frank.

“I just have to go grab something quick.”

He smiled, said he'd meet me in there and proceeded to follow the others.

After about five minutes or so, after writing a note to my dad and collecting Gerard's socks, I made my way back to the others.

Once letting myself into the Way residence, the welcoming atmosphere overwhelming and with Gerard socks held tightly in my hand, I began to make my way down the hallway. There were loud noises emitting from the living room so I assumed they'd already found their fixation on the new game Frankie had gotten for his birthday.

I peeked my head around the corner to see Frank and Mikey smiling brightly as they played the game, Vee once more hanging upside on the sofa and I couldn't help but just feel relieved. They were okay after the run in with Monica.

I had to remember however that they were optimists and would try and find the positives in most things.

I was the complete opposite.

I carried on through the house, just past the stairs and kitchen to find the door which lead to the basement slightly open. I edged my way towards it, hearing the muffled sound of music lightly floating it's way up the stairs. I smiled to myself before opening the door wider, remembering the way Gerard had told me in the coffee shop that while he was in deep concentration, he remained in the basement for hours on end.

I managed to get about halfway down before I noticed him lying across a sofa bed, his arm draped across his face causing his t-shirt to rise slightly showing his pale skin against the small lamp and little light emerging from the window. His arms and hands were covered with dried paint – blacks, red, purples and blues, merging into one unknown splash of colour on his skin and just to the left, I could see a half covered canvas.

I wonder how long he'd been down here listening to Bowie.

I carried on slowly until I was at the bottom of the steps. The floor creaked under my weight which caused Gerard to stir slightly before clearing his throat.

“Go away Mikey.” He murmured softly. “I need to concentrate.”

“I'll leave you be then.” I said which caused him to jolt upright with wide eyes, his legs uncomfortably hanging off the edge of the sofa bed.

“Sorry.” I giggled gently at him. He chuckled back shaking his head. “I didn't mean to scare you.” He ran a hand through his disheveled hair before standing up to stretch.

“Oh...you forgot these.” I under armed the socks at him before he could get a better look at my face and he was able to catch them swiftly.

“Thanks.” He smiled, which caused his small teeth to show.

“Your welcome.”

He looked up then and froze, his mouth hanging open and his eyes intent on my face. I was about to turn away and head back up the stairs but he was already walking towards me, determined, once he'd discarded his socks.

He did not look happy.

“What the hell happened!?” He asked angrily, cradling my face and turning it to the right slightly so he could get a better view at the bruise.

“Gerard, I'm fine-” I complained, grabbing onto his wrists, trying to pry his hands from my face.

“What happened?” He asked again, this time jolting my face directy into his gaze, making me look at him.

“Just the usual...” I grimaced, pulling my face free. “Would you just calm down, please?” I
took a few steps away from him but I could still feel his eyes following me.

“Who did this?” He near shouted.

“Who do you think?” I shot back.

“When did it happen?” He continued to interrogate.

“It really doesn't matter.”

“When, Dakota?” I sighed.

“Yesterday.”

“I leave you be for three days and then you get beat up...” He replied, almost as if he were talking to himself.

“I've been beat up before Gerard. Way before I even knew you!” I argued.


“Why didn't you come and find me, Dakota?”

His question made me pause. I turned, my brows furrowed, trying to place my attention on something else. I didn't want to argue or whatever it is we do. I just wanted to return his socks for christ sake!

I decided to just try and divert the conversation somewhere else.

“I washed your socks by the way.”

“Dakota...” He sighed, almost impatiently.

“And don't worry...my dad didn't suspect a thing.” I continued trying to lighten the mood as I walked towards a shelf in the far corner of the basement, keeping my distance. Gerard could get awfully close to the point where it should have been uncomfortable but I felt safe near him.

Maybe not at this moment however...

“You really don't trust me do you?”

“Trust has nothing to do with it.” I replied, grazing my fingers gingerly across the objects on the shelf.

“So why?”

“I haven't come to you about this stuff before so why does it matter now?” I half shouted. I was thankful then that Gerard listened to his music fairly loud.

“That's my point Dakota. You are my friend and I'm here to help you.”

Friend.

“So why don't you tell me things about you?”

I slowly turned to face him, his stance making him look agitated. It had clicked then in both our minds that we were practically repeating a conversation we'd had so many times before. What sort of 'friendship' can there be if we don't even tell each other about our problems? The things that worry us and might make us relapse? Gerard knew more about me than I did about him but he'd only make me try and talk.

I truly wasn't in the mood for this.

“Gerard...can we-...can we just forget about the bruise and pretend like I've just given you your socks back?” I asked, almost pleading.

He stared at the floor, shuffling his feet as he placed his hands on his hips. I thought he was going to shout something at me again or throw something. I remember Frank talking about how when Gerard gets angry or upset, he usually trashes a room.

“Fine.” He said so quietly, I almost thought I hadn't heard him say anything at all over Bowie.

“Okay.”

Neither of us said a thing as we stared at each other from different ends of the basement. I could physically see his mind working, trying to puzzle everything together, most likey just trying to put himself in the right frame of mind to carry on a conversation.

“Are you okay?” He finally asked, his voice laced with concern.

“I'm fine.” I nodded unconvincingly. “Are you?”

“I'm fine.”

I then made my way over to him slowly, his eyes still looking at the floor, and his lips pouted slightly. I stood only inches from him, watching his reaction in the dim light.

“I'm sorry I made you worry.”

“Forgiven.” He inhaled a deep breath. “I'm sorry I got angry.” He then shrugged, his hazel eyes finally meeting my own.

“Forgiven.” He lifted his hand tentatively to my face, his thumb grazing over the bruise ever so delicately.

“Does it hurt?”

“A little but I'm okay Gerard.”

“Really?” I simply shrugged in return.

With this, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, bringing my head to rest on his chest. I reciprocated by wrapping my arms around his waist, molding myself against his body. This is what I needed right now. Not the arguing of who does or doesn't say anything.

This is the aspect of Gerard I needed.

We stayed like this for what felt like forever when in fact it was a mere 15 seconds while 'Heroes' played, completely giving me time to just be.

“Your dad really didn't catch on?” He asked eventually, his voice sounding slightly muffled.

“No.” I laughed, pulling my face away so I could look at him. “I feel bad sometimes about how unobservant he is of some things but...what can you do?”

“Your dad seems like a nice guy.” He smiled, pushing my hair away from my face.

“He is. He cares, you know? But...in a more unconventional way.”

“Unconventional? Like what?” Gerard asked, intrigued.

“You'd have to meet him to find out.” I replied, patting at his waist before I made my way over to the bed.

“Well...maybe I should then. And your mom too.”

Oh crap.

Why on earth does he want to meet my parents? I couldn't help but laugh uncomfortably.

“Why do you want to meet my parents?”

“I dunno...you've met mine.” He deliberated before taking a seat beside me.

“Only your mom.” I argued. “Trust me, you'll do fine without meeting them.”

I loved my parents and of course I wasn't embarrassed by Gerard but...whatever situation Gerard and I were in...well it isn't a 'lets me the parents sort of thing'.

And also, the fact that my mum just doesn't trust him which will then radiate onto me.

I'd get in a lot of shit most likely.

“Vee and Frank haven't even met my parents...”

“Mikey has.” He shrugged.

“When we'd just moved in...it's...it's really not a big deal Gerard.”

“Fine.” He said suddenly flopping his whole body down beside me on the bed.

“Gerard-” I began but he cut me off.

“Like you said...it's not a big deal.”

I chewed at my bottom lip, anxious, hoping I hadn't made him mad again. I seemed to be doing a pretty good job of that at the moment. I followed him and laid down, my hands resting on my stomach as I waited for him to say something. Anything.

He never did.

We just stayed silent for at least a whole other Bowie song.

Without saying anything to each other, I got up and left, returning to the others shortly and it was if I'd never even left them. They were continuing to do their own things, Mikey and Frank completely focused on the game whereas Vee was half falling asleep on the sofa. To save any kind of drama, I sat there for another hour or so, without seeing Gerard and then proceeded to make my way home.

It wasn't even five o'clock but I really just wanted to go to bed. I tried to think of anything to distract me from the weird conversation Gerard and I had just had but nothing worked. We were completely fine Saturday morning and now it feels like there's something else to be pissed about with each other.

It feels like we have years of resentment towards each other when in reality, I've only known him for nearly two months.

Was it about my parents or the fact I hadn't gone to him when Monica had hit me? What did he expect? He knows I don't want to trouble him with anything to do with me and he doesn't want to do the same.

We'd both admitted that we hated talking about ourselves.

Why should he be angry with me for something that he also does?

Or am I overthinking this whole situation?

Maybe Gerard Way was just having a bad day?

Notes

Hope you guys are okay! <3