Until My Heart Explodes
you're okay!
Don't cry. Damn it your mikey way the one who keeps everything under a simple poker face!
These thought fled through my head as gerard and frank made out.
It hurt. My heart ached.
I remember the first time I saw this shit on stage it left me in depression. No body noticed though. I always kept my emotions bottled up.
°°°°°°°°°°°°flash back°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
This was it! After this concert I was going to finally ask frank to be my boyfriend! I had never told anyone who I liked. I had a vase full of roses in my bunk that I hid. I dried them up so that they looked super cool! I had it all set up. I even learned a song on GUITAR. Not bass. An actual GUITAR. I was gonna give Frankie the roses, play the song I spent weeks writing and learning then ask him out.
This was gonna go smooth.
"Mikey c'mon the shows starting!" Gerard yelled and I ran onto stage stupidly looking down at my feet almost falling off stage. It was dark and I could hear the cheers "MCR!MCR!MCR!MCR!" I smiled knowing we had fans.
The whole concert was fun for everyone. There was reddish lighting and Gerard's voice was perfect. The crowd was happily cheering.
gerard walked towards the front of the stage and walked backwards singing. Frank walked slyly in front of gerard facing him.
Huh?
As ray played his solo frank smashed his lips onto Gerard's. Gerard backing away but yet kissing back.
I wanted to cry.
Suddenly I felt dim. The crowd didn't seem as happy to me and gerards singing was horrendous.
After the concert I was the first to reach to van so I grabbed the vase and ran behind the van smashing it into bits and crunching up the beautiful roses. I saw that the rest still werent here so I grabbed the guitar that I saved up for SPENDING EACH AND EVERY DOLLAR for it and smashed it. I smashed it pulled the string and then carefully laid it down.
THEN TOOK A BRICK AND FUCKING SMASHED IT AGAIN AND AGAIN
AND AGAIN
AND AGAIN
AND AGAIN.
tears were filling up my eyes but I just wiped them away and went back to the van ignoring everyone "mikey where were you?" Gerard asked.
I shrugged and hid in my bank staring blankly at the wall.
Frank opened the curtain to my bunk later. I was hoping for him to tell me he loved me but thats obviously the stupidest fantasy ever.
"hey someone smashed a guitar behind the van! From whats left me and ray could tell someone mustve payed over 500 for it! Wanna see?" He said cheerfully. I groaned and rolled over "turn off the light please" I said quietly. He turned off the light and shrugged walking out "well be at the bar if you need anything."
I heard the door shut and I gasped for air. Grabbing my chest and wheezing horribly. I started crying
He just did that. He didn't ask anything just shrugged. he SHRUGGED. I was crying and yelling "he fucking shrugged!"Nothing could ever fix my heart. No matter how many stitches it would still be tearing apart.
Over and over.
*******couple of weeks later
we did a show for who knows what but towards the end someone asked a question.
"so how did it feel when frankie here kissed you?" I wasnt paying attention but I immediately piped up "uuh well, it felt like fireworks." by then my depression was going away and I had gotten over it. But this just.
Ugh. I hate Gerard.
I hate Frank.
i hate life.
They are both dead to me. I fucking hate them.
So what I wasn't always the closest and loudest. And maybe I didn't pull any pranks. So what if I only could play bass and ONE song on guitar. A song I wrote. Maybe I wasn't as amazing at singing, so what if I hadn't been in a billion bands like frank. That didn't mean frank wouldn't see the good in me. That didn't mean he COULDN'T. but I'm guessing he didn't see anything in me. Maybe I'll always be that kid with the awkward knees. Or just the everyone's little brother. I guess I will be. I have no choice anyway. It hurts.
I'm snapped back into reality when I'm literally being dragged away from where we were doing the performance "Mikey you have to stop zoning out like that" I heard ray say. "Whats going on with you? Ever since that night on stage you've been weird. Are you sure you're okay with this whole frerard thing?" He asked. "Yeah its fine. I support my friends, loved ones and frank and Gerard." I practically whispered. "Wait are Frank and Gerard separated from your friends and loved ones? It sounds like it" he said as he set me down. I don't answer and he just shrugs and walks into the van. "Hey Mikes!" Gerard said happily as he hops over me into the van.
"I'm.nothing." I whisper to myself in sudden realization "I'm nothing to this band." I really am nothing. I'm just here because they need a bassist.
This is not how I wanted this to turn out.
These thought fled through my head as gerard and frank made out.
It hurt. My heart ached.
I remember the first time I saw this shit on stage it left me in depression. No body noticed though. I always kept my emotions bottled up.
°°°°°°°°°°°°flash back°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
This was it! After this concert I was going to finally ask frank to be my boyfriend! I had never told anyone who I liked. I had a vase full of roses in my bunk that I hid. I dried them up so that they looked super cool! I had it all set up. I even learned a song on GUITAR. Not bass. An actual GUITAR. I was gonna give Frankie the roses, play the song I spent weeks writing and learning then ask him out.
This was gonna go smooth.
"Mikey c'mon the shows starting!" Gerard yelled and I ran onto stage stupidly looking down at my feet almost falling off stage. It was dark and I could hear the cheers "MCR!MCR!MCR!MCR!" I smiled knowing we had fans.
The whole concert was fun for everyone. There was reddish lighting and Gerard's voice was perfect. The crowd was happily cheering.
gerard walked towards the front of the stage and walked backwards singing. Frank walked slyly in front of gerard facing him.
Huh?
As ray played his solo frank smashed his lips onto Gerard's. Gerard backing away but yet kissing back.
I wanted to cry.
Suddenly I felt dim. The crowd didn't seem as happy to me and gerards singing was horrendous.
After the concert I was the first to reach to van so I grabbed the vase and ran behind the van smashing it into bits and crunching up the beautiful roses. I saw that the rest still werent here so I grabbed the guitar that I saved up for SPENDING EACH AND EVERY DOLLAR for it and smashed it. I smashed it pulled the string and then carefully laid it down.
THEN TOOK A BRICK AND FUCKING SMASHED IT AGAIN AND AGAIN
AND AGAIN
AND AGAIN
AND AGAIN.
tears were filling up my eyes but I just wiped them away and went back to the van ignoring everyone "mikey where were you?" Gerard asked.
I shrugged and hid in my bank staring blankly at the wall.
Frank opened the curtain to my bunk later. I was hoping for him to tell me he loved me but thats obviously the stupidest fantasy ever.
"hey someone smashed a guitar behind the van! From whats left me and ray could tell someone mustve payed over 500 for it! Wanna see?" He said cheerfully. I groaned and rolled over "turn off the light please" I said quietly. He turned off the light and shrugged walking out "well be at the bar if you need anything."
I heard the door shut and I gasped for air. Grabbing my chest and wheezing horribly. I started crying
He just did that. He didn't ask anything just shrugged. he SHRUGGED. I was crying and yelling "he fucking shrugged!"Nothing could ever fix my heart. No matter how many stitches it would still be tearing apart.
Over and over.
*******couple of weeks later
we did a show for who knows what but towards the end someone asked a question.
"so how did it feel when frankie here kissed you?" I wasnt paying attention but I immediately piped up "uuh well, it felt like fireworks." by then my depression was going away and I had gotten over it. But this just.
Ugh. I hate Gerard.
I hate Frank.
i hate life.
They are both dead to me. I fucking hate them.
So what I wasn't always the closest and loudest. And maybe I didn't pull any pranks. So what if I only could play bass and ONE song on guitar. A song I wrote. Maybe I wasn't as amazing at singing, so what if I hadn't been in a billion bands like frank. That didn't mean frank wouldn't see the good in me. That didn't mean he COULDN'T. but I'm guessing he didn't see anything in me. Maybe I'll always be that kid with the awkward knees. Or just the everyone's little brother. I guess I will be. I have no choice anyway. It hurts.
I'm snapped back into reality when I'm literally being dragged away from where we were doing the performance "Mikey you have to stop zoning out like that" I heard ray say. "Whats going on with you? Ever since that night on stage you've been weird. Are you sure you're okay with this whole frerard thing?" He asked. "Yeah its fine. I support my friends, loved ones and frank and Gerard." I practically whispered. "Wait are Frank and Gerard separated from your friends and loved ones? It sounds like it" he said as he set me down. I don't answer and he just shrugs and walks into the van. "Hey Mikes!" Gerard said happily as he hops over me into the van.
"I'm.nothing." I whisper to myself in sudden realization "I'm nothing to this band." I really am nothing. I'm just here because they need a bassist.
This is not how I wanted this to turn out.
Notes
Remember this?Okay so i am crying because I honestly think frank and Mikey would make a cute couple.with Mikey being shy and cute and frank there to defend him if he ever needs to.
Okay NewBoy out!
@Turts_182
@Clockwork.Sanity
gah so sorry im super super late gosh i need to update this asap and i will thank you for not killing me!!
Lol i wuv you guys
1/22/16