Hard To Explain

“Okay…” I answered hesitantly. After gauging my reactions she responded “I´ll start, okay… so do you usually always get hammered like you did last night?” Her eyes fixed on me as I reacted and responded. “Heh,” I chuckled softly. “Only on the weekends, and even then, occasionally, and usually only when Jake is involved.” I answered rushing my words. Sarie nodded understandingly her eyes lighting up with even more questions. “So, now it´s my turn to ask,” I said, my gaze wandering the room. “Why´d you pick me up last night?” I asked turning my gaze anywhere but to her eyes. “Well, as I was performing, I saw you downing shots like nobody´s business, and thought, “Look at that girl, she is as hurt and lost as I am, I want her to know that I am here, and I too am like her, I am here alive and unafraid.” To that, I turned my gaze to her hers, appreciative of the care she was providing, yet I hadn´t asked the question in the right way and would have to wait my turn again. “Hmm…” Sarie paused, thinking. “Okay, so you said “only when Jake is involved” why does Jake affect you so…erm…intensely?” I chuckled at her question, “It´s not romantic sentiment, if that´s what you´re implying…Jake and I…we´ve grown up together, been through the good and bad, lived through it all he´s like the brother I never had.” “Some brother,” Sarie said under her breath. I raised my eyebrow at that, “What do you mean by that?” I asked sounding a bit more severe than I had intended. “What kind of brother allows you to harm yourself to that extent, to that point of oblivion, to the point of returning to the stance of a scared child, he can´t be as supportive as you make him out to be.” Sarie stated matter-of-factly. “Jake….he…tries…” I trailed off. Well, you just used up one of your questions, so it´s my turn, Sarie said. “Who hurt you?” Sarie asked no louder than a whisper. At this I paused, caught off guard by the abrupt manner in which she asked. “Erm…well…I did.” Silently, she nodded, avoiding my glance. “Well I guess I could ask you the same, who hurt you Sarie?” Sarie paused looking me dead in the eyes, and said “this world has hurt me, it hasn’t been kind to me, but I continue to love it just the same.” The room was deafeningly silent; I shuffled awkwardly in my seat. My sudden discomfort outweighed any lingering curiosity in my mind. I made my way to her room, dressed, thanked her and made my way out.

Notes

Happy New Years, Killjoys!