Death is Inevitable

Gerard pov

It's been two days. Two LONG days without anyone else in my room. I've been secluding myself from everything and everyone. I haven't come out of my room for the past two days and I'm starting to get tired of the same old boring white walls, and having no one to talk to.

Damn Gerard, you literally had Frank in your room for a few days and when he leaves, you feel lonely? Get a fucking grip. I hear a knock on my door and flinch, after not hearing anything but my own thoughts for days. I look out the window that is on the door and it's Dr. Rider. The last person I wanted to see.
"Gerard? Can I come in?" He asks. I glare at him through the window and he walks in anyway. We would like to start putting you through therapy, since you seem to have such violent thoughts. It may help you." He says putting a thoughtful look on his face.

Is this guy serious? I'm not crazy! Why doesn't anyone understand that? I have my theories and you have yours, mine are just the polar opposite of most people's. I give him another death glare, and he just looks back at me before writing something down in his clipboard.

"I have you signed up for therapy three times a week with Dr. Bryar. You'll also have therapy with a few other people, so it will be a group, not just you. I let out a sigh, dreading the therapy sessions, but happy that I wasn't the only one in them.

"You have a session tonight at 5. Be ready for it, and I expect you to be there, no locking yourself in your room for days again. I glance up at him again before looking at the floor. He stands up and walks to the door. I smirk as I begin to plot exactly how im going to see our files

******

For the first time in a while, I take a step out of my room, heading down to the cafeteria before I go to my therapy. Once I get there, I look around for Frank, but I can't find him. I'm a little worried because honestly anything could be happening to him right now. He could be dead, or being tortured to death, at exactly this moment. I try to push those thoughts in my head away. They're the reason I'm here, it's the thoughts not me! They take over me, forcing me to do things. Things that I would never do if I was in my right mind. Well, I'm never in my right mind.

It's like they control me, I'm not exactly sure how, but they do. I'm a different person when they're in charge. A deadly person. I'll even admit it im murderous when These thoughts take over. I've just learned over time to accept that my thoughts are the ones in control, and that death is a good thing. It's what my thoughts tell me. Maybe that's why I feel a connection to Frank. Like I need him. He's my only friend, the only one that is there for me, even if it's only been a few days. I feel like we've known each other forever.
I sigh a little, wishing Frank was here so I could explain my plan to him. I wasn't going to go through with my plan tonight because I was still working on it and also it's just not the right time yet. I continue to eat my food, as I get lost in thought trying to plan it out exactly.

******

I slowly walk down the hallway to a room I've never been in before, even in a part of this huge prison like building I've never been to before, and I've been here for what seems like forever.
I walk into the room and feel everybody's eyes on me. I begin to feel self conscious and my thought begin to cloud my mind again before I shake them away, trying to focus on what's going on now, not going to let my thoughts take over right now.

I sit in a chair next to a boy with dark hair and tattoos covering his body, even some on his face. "Hello everyone." Dr. Bryar begins. "Let's start with saying our names." He points at the boy sitting next to me, and he begins to speak. "I'm Ronnie." The boy says and when Dr. Bryar smiles, he just rolls his eyes at him and gives him the middle finger. He then points to me. "I'm Gerard." I say. We go around the rest of the circle and he stops at the last chair, which is empty. "So, Mr. Iero is also going to be joining us im these sessions he just..couldn't make it today." That's when I begin to panic. What's wrong with Frank? I jump out of my seat and run out of the room. I run down the long hallways trying to find Franks new room, even though I have no clue which one he is in.

I search for what seems like hours, before I finally find his room. I open it up slowly to find Frank passed out on his bed, and covered in bruises and cuts. His whole body is practically purple, and bleeding. His lips are cut up and his eyes are bruised. I sit down on the bed next to him, and just stare at him spontaneous sure what to do since he's passed out. What if he's not passed out..he's just dead? I start to worry even more and then let my thoughts cloud my mind.

Just kill him. Kill him so he'll never wake up, or just kill myself right now. The doctors here obviously didn't care about him, why should they care about me. I take a jagged piece of glass and bring it down on my wrist letting it cut open a vein, so I see a waterfall of blood come pouring out of my wrist. It's a nice feeling to feel like your letting out all of this blood, like you're letting all your lies go.

******

I wake up and im next to Frank, but this time he's awake and leaning over me, tears in his eyes. "I thought you were dead." He says, still crying a little bit. "I'm not though. What about you? What happened?" "One of the other patients did this to me. I think his name was...Ronnie, but I'm not sure." He says shaking a little bit.

"Well, I'm going to go clean my wrist in the showers, you probably need to take a shower too. I'm not even going to bother asking for anything anymore since the doctors here obviously don't give a fuck about either of us.

We walk to the showers and I step under the water where I was the cut. I can see the veins, purple and filled with blood. I wonder what would happen if I cut it one more time...NO! I scream pulling on my hair and yelling at myself. "I can't do this. You can't control me like this it's not fair!" I scream and Frank rushes over. "Hey, what's wrong?" "My thoughts. Taking over. They're telling me to kill myself again." I say closing my eyes and breathing heavily.

"It's going to be ok." Frank says putting a hand on my back. We just sit together in the floor of the bathroom, me with my eyes closed and still breathing heavily as I try to block out the voices and Frank tries to calm me down.

Notes

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