It'll turn okay (maybe)

Hey y'all. I'm still alive. This is a long life story real quick. Basically, my last update, I felt like shit, I had lost my friends due to my boyfriend at the time, who I chose over them. They were pretty shitty friends anyway. That was the summer between freshman and soft more year, and through the year. He had graduated the year before, so all of my old friends left and I was almost alone. I had 2 friends, Grace and Matt(This one has no connection to the one in the story at all) and they were both seniors in my soft more year. We were all really good friends and I was getting happy again, and I got a job with Grace at a local pizza place. Continuing, I actually got less and less depressed when I was with those two, and we would all have fun. End of the year comes around, no more school, but that meant more time hanging out with them, a job, a boyfriend, and I kinda lost myself in confusion on what I wanted more. I worked decently (looking back, I got shit hours.), hung out with my boyfriend a lot, and with Grace and Matt whenever I had time. Then fucking pokemon go comes around. I chose Grace and Matt over my boyfriend during this time because he was very anti-everything and they both vaped and It was fun and I loved it. Looking back more, I really fucking liked Matt (dont tell anyone). My boyfriend and I got into a fight about the beginning of August, right near my birthday, and I chose to spend that day with Matt Grace and another one of our two friends Aiden and Delmar. After that, my boyfriend basically said choose me or them, and I chose him. I lost almost all contact with Matt and Grace, since I got fired from my job. The day I got fired, I had to walk home after dark about 3 miles, and I guess I chose the wrong path..... I didn't get home until 1pm the next day..... after a while of coping, I got a new job at Sonic, my relationship was good, and I had new friends up on smokers hill at my school. This was all 2016 btw. Anyway, christmas time comes around and at sonic we had 2 managers quit same day, and then everyone left except 6 of us. We were very understaffed for a long time, and thats when i started actually smoking instead of just vaping. My depression came back harder than ever and it was getting really hard to do anything except sleep and work. I lost a lot of weight. My boyfriend and I were still pretty fine during this time, until almost exactly a month to when I write this (the date of the 15 of April is when this is going down, its the 18 of may rn) in which i was invited to a party by one of my friends on the hill. It was a Saturday, which was my boyfriend and my day to hang out. I told him a week in advance, and he said its alright, he could go hang out with Matt (the previous Matt I mentioned before). I was all for it, and I went to the party and I texted my bf and he didn't reply so I texted Matt but they weren't together. My bf canceled his plans and went to hang out with one of his ex's. I didn't think much of it, and I trusted him. I was wrong. Next Saturday rolls around, and I figure we're hanging out but he has some all the sudden random family plans so I cant, and then i had something, he had something, we stopped hanging out. Last week, he calls me, saying we need to talk. I head over, and he tells me he's cheating on me for the past almost month and that he's dumping me.... We've been together for 2.5 years... I haven't felt this broken hearted in so long. The next day, my best work friend Nick asked if I needed something. I answered weed. I had only been high twice, but I was shaking so hard trying not to cry at work. It's become habit now to get high together, sometimes accompanied by our manager or our other good work friend Travis. Last Tuesday was when he told me, Thursday I got in Nicks truck after work and we stayed there till the morning people came in. Friday I got high with Matt, who I still desperately adore, Saturday I spent with Nick again, Sunday I left work early and after getting home I did shit I thought I'd never do again. But I was an addict to self harm for so long, its hard to quit. Monday I got high as fuck with my friend Tristan who i set up with my other friend Annika , and Tuesday I had a band concert in which Grace came too and we're planning on hanging out again. Wednesday, I spent with Nick at work. Today, I sat down, and i got back on here. It hurts to read my old writing, when I was happy, and see the people I let down. I'm gonna start writing on here again, I'm sorry I've been absent for so long. My last final is wednesday, and after that I'll try to be posting scheduledly. It will either be too perfect, or too depressing, but I'll try to keep it in that middle line. It'll be okay (maybe). I'll be okay (maybe)

Notes

To everyone that actually fully read that, I promise I'll try to get better and become a better person. I've been stripped of my entire personhood, and I'm trying. Someone should give me ideas on what to write about because I really wanna get this story going again. <3 you all. If you wanna know more about what's happened, ask and I'll answer.