I hate that I love you

Gerards house was huge, I remembered seeing it on the web but in person it looked much more magnificent. Gerard led me up to his room, to be honest I can't help but be a little anxious. I mean I know nothings going to happen, but still I can't help to feel a bit worried. I've never been in anyone else's house except once, and if I never think about that time again it will be to soon. I felt my body tense up as he took my hand
"Frankie, are you okay?" Gerard said looking at me, worry in his eyes.
"Yeah, I'll be fine," i struggled to get out. His hand was warm, wrapped around mine. It felt nice, it made my stomach flutter. I don't know what this guy is doing to me, but I kind of like it.
We continued around the house, him still holding my hand. We finally walked into his room, it was huge, but oddly reminded me of mine, dark and covered in band posters.
"Make yourself at home," Gerard said letting go of my hand. The lack of contact made me feel empty, like the only thing that would make me feel anything right now was the dark haired boy standing across the room. He still seemed mysterious, there was a lot of questions that still needed asking.
"Let me get you a different shirt, you have a bit of blood on that one." he said walking over to his wardrobe. I looked down to see a few blood smears across me shirt, fuck, this was my new white bandshirt. I looked in the mirror he had in his room to see a huge bruise around my jaw and a few cuts, I think that asshole, Dahvie, was wearing rings.
"Shit," I exhaled, examining my face more closely.
"He got you pretty good, didn't he?" Gerard said handing me a shirt. I hummed in reply, feeling annoyed that my new shirt was ruined by some douche who felt the need to fuck my face up. Gerard walked over to his bookshelf and was looking through the CDs. I made sure he wasn't looking as I pulled off my shirt. Its not that I mined him seeing me, its just I hate my body; I was scared on how he would react to my scarred form. I pull his shirt over my head and I pull it down. I look up to see Gerard staring at me, a mix of shock and worry in his eyes. Shit.
"W-What are th-those?" Gerard said trembling. Before I could get a word out he engulfed me in a huge hug. I buried my face in his neck, god this felt so good. I was ashamed of what I had done to myself, I was a month clean though, which counts for something, right? Gerard held me tight like if he let go he'd lose me forever. He finally pulled away and looked into my eyes. His eyes were full of tears, why did he care about me.
"Gerard I-" I was cut off by Gerard kissing me. It was gentle at first but then he got more vigorous, like he'd been waiting for this moment for a long time. It took me a few seconds to process what was going on and then I kissed him back. This was my first kiss, and oh how I was glad it was with him. I moved my hands to the side of his face, playing with his hair. He put his hands on my hips and pulled me closer as he made the kiss deeper. We made out for what seemed hours, but really it had only maybe been a minute, but it was pure bliss, the way our mouths moved in sync and how everything in the world just seemed to fit together perfectly. He pulled away for air and I just stared at him for a few seconds before pulling him into hug.
"I'm okay now, I promise" I whispered.
"You're perfect." he said simply pulling me in tighter. I'm glad he couldn't see the blush that creeped along my face. I don't why but I feel like I can trust him, and I know I'm being stupid, but it just feels like we have a connection and I don't know why. I heard the front door slam and Gerard pulled away ruining our perfect moment.
"Gerard, I'm home! Is Frank still here?"I hear what I guessed to be Mikey shout as he runs up the stairs. Mikey comes into Gerard's room staring at us. "I'll take that as a yes," Mikey giggles "So, whats going on here?" Mikey raises his eyebrows.
"Mikes, just guess, let your crazy little imagination run wild cause you will never know." Gerard said
"Oh, well I think I already know, it doesn't take much imagination. But seriously Gee that was quick! did you but some magic spell on him, like I've seen some of the girls you went out with and you didn't look that kissable, no offence." Mikey giggled
"Mikey," Gerard said calmly walking over to him. "I still have to punish you for earlier and I really don't think Frankie wants to witness a murder so, I don't know, fuck off." Gerard goes to grab Mikey but Mikey slips away and approaches me.
"So, dude, why my brother? like seriously, he's a total ass!" Mikey laughed as Gerard goes to grab him again, and missing again. I couldn't help but laugh.
Gerard ended up chasing Mikey as I stood there pissing myself laughing at the two idiots. It seemed like the atmosphere completely changed. About 15 minutes ago Gerard had just seen my scarred torso and was close to crying, now he was chasing his brother over his huge room. I seen Mikey head for the door as he yelled
"Bye! Nice meeting you Frank! I hope to see you again if I'm not killed by then!" and Mikey ran down the hall snickering like crazy. I was still pissing myself barley able to breathe.
"You just wait!" Gerard shouted down the hall "Little bastard..." he said under his breath closing his door. By this time I was in hysterics. "Sorry, about him... He's the ass, I promise you that!" Gerard said sounding annoyed.
"I don't care, he seems like an interesting character" I laughed walking over to Gerard and kissed him on the cheek. He half smiled at me, and oh how his smile was beautiful, so fucking beautiful.
"Frankie, are you sure you're okay?" Gerard said looking up with concern in his eyes once again.
"I've been a month clean Gee, I should be okay," I interlocked our hands "And I feel things are going to get better from now on."

Notes

Okay, I'm sorry for my really crappy writing and grammar and stuff. I know its pretty crappy but thanks for putting up with it! It makes me so happy when I find out people actually like this crap. I'm sorry for my crappy updating too, its just my depression and anxiety have come back in full swing and I can't concentrate on anything. I cant even eat never mind sleep and its driving me crazy. Plus I've got really bad writers block! I've been concentrating so much to write new chapters which all suck and then forgetting to update it here, I am so so so sorry!! ugh... Plus hells starting again soon, no hells an understatement, I don't think ill mind hell but school? that's a whole other story... with the mood ive been in ill either have a panic attack and cry or punch some mofo in the face... fun times... ugghhhh....

also tell meh, would you rather I uploaded the rest of the chapters for this at once and get it up to date with wattpad ( if I do that the uploads will be slower in the long run as I cant write worth shit atm) or would you rather me upload them steadily and more spaced out until I get back in the swing of things or what?

I hope you enjoy another shitty chapter,
so long and goodnight guys!
xofkb