The Majesty of Choice

Gerard is woken only about an hour after he’d fallen asleep but an hour was long enough for him to feel groggy, weighted with either too much sleep or not enough. He can’t tell which, but either way, it makes his eyes feel soar and unwilling to open to face the sun.

The sun is only just rising, dawn coming slowly but surely, and Gerard’s eyes don’t like the light, even though there’s only a crevice of it where Alex had stuck his head in to wake them.

Frank is very surprised when he wakes up because he finds a Gerard in his arms, one that was not there when he’d fallen asleep. He’s not exactly protesting, he just hadn’t expected to find anyone there. He would say that Gerard’s the last person he’d expect to find in his arms upon waking up, but that’s not true. He’d be way more surprised if Pete were there.

“Hi there,” Frank says. Gerard, still not entirely there, is confused by the tone for a moment until he gets a sudden wave of chills remembering that he’s all curled up in Frank’s arms and then he instantly tries to put as much distance between the two of them as he possibly fucking can. He’s throwing blankets everywhere, kicking his feet, flailing his arms, and then he’s grabbing blankets again because he’s got a sort of morning problem, and Frank can’t know about it, because he’s going to assume he had something to do with it, and Gerard cannot have that.

“Are you okay there?” Frank says, feeling dazed as Gerard thrashes around and then confused because literally a second ago Gerard was right there and now he’s sitting as far away as he can, looking like a scared chipmunk.

“Why the fuck are you looking at me like that?” Gerard says, overly defensive, and seriously wigged out.

“You just kicked me? And punched me? And scratched me a little bit?” Frank says, because it’s true, in his attempt to get away from Frank, Gerard managed to hit him with almost every single one of his appendages.

“Sorry,” Gerard says.

“So are you okay?” Frank asks again.

“Yeah,” Gerard says.

“Am I going to get an explanation about what all that was about?” Frank asks.

“Which part?” Gerard asks.

“Well when I went to sleep I was definitely not holding you,” Frank says.

“Oh. Well, I, uh, I sort of had a bad dream, and I… you were there so I, I just, well you know, and-”

“Okay,” Frank nods.

“You’re not angry or anything?”

“It’s fine, Gerard,” Frank says, smiling a little bit, “it’s kinda sweet.”

Gerard feels a little tingly inside and he can’t help it. Frank makes him feel little butterfly sensations in his stomach that he’s never felt before, and it’s nice, if not a little guilty feeling.

“So you’re not still completely freaked out about last night?” Frank asks, because Gerard had been totally petrified last night, and wouldn’t even really talk to Frank after they’d kissed. It took a little time for it to sink in that it happened, but he’s made a little peace with the fact that it happened after having slept on it.

“No, I’m still pretty terrified,” Gerard says, honestly.

“Would you totally object if I tried to kiss you again?” Frank asks.

“No,” Gerard says, before thinking about it. The word just slips out, and then he considers it and decides that he’d meant to say it anyway.

“Okay,” Frank nods, grinning. Gerard watches Frank intently as he gets nearer, mesmerized with his mouth, but his eyes close instinctually the second that Frank’s lips meet his. Gerard’s never imagined kissing anyone before, honestly. He never really considered it. He’d figured that it would happen someday but he didn’t really dwell on it too much, figuring that he’d just understand the hype when it happened.

He does understand now. There is something very raw and real about kissing someone. Or maybe it’s just that he’s kissing Frank. He thinks that must be the case because he doubts he’d feel half of the same things if he were kissing someone else. Frank just makes it seem worthwhile, whereas the prospect of kissing anyone else seems tedious.

Frank gets to him. Frank sort of digs at him, roots through his every thought and feeling and grasps at them. Gerard’s never known anyone who could do that. It’s like Frank is looking straight through to Gerard’s brain whenever he lays an eye on him. It’s startling, but not off-putting.

He shouldn’t feel like this. He’s never even liked anyone before, and all of a sudden he’s kissing a guy, emphasis on a guy, that he barely knows. And to make things worse, it’s the fucking prince. This guy is the future ruler of the kingdom, the man that will decide the fate of thousands of people just with a snap of his fingers, and Gerard is kissing him. In fact, he’s the only person who’s ever kissed this guy. Gerard has first and as of now, only dibs on the prince. His step sisters would skin him alive just for this opportunity, and so would just about anyone in the entire kingdom, because this is the most important man on the fucking planet, and he just so happens to want to kiss Gerard of all people.

The fact that he’s the prince however, it just seems inconsequential. It doesn’t even matter. If Frank were just some poor man on the street with the same personality, Gerard would still like him. He wouldn’t be entirely proud of himself for liking him, because he isn’t now, but he’d still be into it. He’d still like Frank. It’s not about Frank being the prince, and it honestly never has, it’s just about Frank.

In any situation, no matter where, no matter what, Gerard would still want to kiss Frank.

Frank is the one to break away, which is a surprise to the both of them. He’s grinning like a maniac and Gerard cannot believe that he actually kissed this guy. And that this guy is the prince. The world is weird.

“I’m never going to get used to that,” Frank says.

“Would you stop grinning at me like that?” Gerard asks, though he doesn’t actually dislike it. “You’re making me regret meeting you.”

“But like, in a good way, right?” Frank asks, and Gerard rolls his eyes before Frank leans in to kiss him again.

It’s a nice, sweet, little kiss, and Gerard is thoroughly enjoying it when someone peers into the tent and then Gerard all but starts screaming bloody murder. He pushes Frank away, falls on his back, takes the tent down with him and swears up a storm. All this as Travie just sort of stands there looking bemused and entertained.

“I was just going to say that you two need to hurry up and get ready to leave,” Travie says, “We want to get to Giantville this afternoon, and we need to start early in order to do so.”

Gerard, pulling the tent off of him, having lost Frank somewhere in the heaps of fabric, makes a plan to make sure Travie doesn’t say anything to the others, but when he gets his head out of it, everyone is looking at him. He doubts they know exactly what just happened but they sure as hell know Gerard made an idiot of himself.

“Uh, yep, will do,” Gerard says, turning the color of a tomato.

“Would someone help me?” A Frank shaped lump in the tent asks as it struggles to find an opening to climb out of.

Travie laughs, he doesn’t try to, he’s trying to spare Gerard’s feelings, but he really can’t stop it. He walks over to Frank and helps him find the opening so that he can pull himself out, all while giggling. His hair is a mess, static making it stick up everywhere, but he somehow looks more together than Gerard does.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Travie says, winking at Gerard, which makes even Gerard’s bones blush. Travie is still smiling a little bit, as he walks over to pack up everything into bags, and then begins to saddle up the horses. The others take a little longer to stop staring at Gerard, but eventually their eyes drift off to somewhere else.

Gerard’s pretty much mellowed down enough that he doesn’t need the blanket to hide anything anymore, because his complete terror pretty much destroyed the problem.

“You okay, Gerard?” Patrick asks as he walks over to Gerard, who is still pretty frazzled.

“Yeah, sure, totally,” Gerard says, very unconvincingly.

“Right,” Patrick says, but he just shrugs and starts to help fold up the tent anyway. Patrick is a good friend, even if he is a little cynical. He’s also able to entirely read Gerard’s mind at times so he knows that Gerard is definitely not as okay as he seems.

Gerard has a whirlwind of emotions honestly. He’s hungry, tired, embarrassed, ashamed, guilty, frightened, and slightly blissful from kissing Frank, and these all come together to make it feel like he is going to puke.

After about fifteen minutes of stowing everything away and passing out some more stale bread for breakfast, the party prepares to continue on.

Gerard finds Travie before he mounts his horse, though corners him with fiery intent is a more accurate way of putting things. Gerard is not intimidating through and Travie is quite the opposite, because he could probably squeeze your head into pieces with his bare hands, but he wouldn’t. He’s definitely got that power, but he’s way too nice to use it.

“Travie, you know you need to, like, keep what happened a secret, right?”

“What, the part about you kissing Frank or the part about you being really, and I do mean really into it?”

“What do you mean by that?” Gerard asks meagerly, even though he’s got a pretty good idea of what Travie means. Gerard can’t get any redder, he feels like he was just stuck in an oven, and you might believe it from the heat radiating off of him. It’s like he’s actually the sun itself.

Travie makes a face then glances down Gerard only for a moment, and even without words, Gerard can tell what he’s saying.

“Okay, you need to keep both a secret, obviously.”

“I figured as much,” Travie shrugs, before effortlessly climbing his horse, just like the last time. He’s so graceful, honestly, Gerard can’t even manage to walk without tripping over his own limbs, he doesn’t know how Travie can pull himself onto a horse who’s nearly five feet off the ground without looking stupid. It had taken Frank at least a couple of minutes to convince Gerard to even get on, and then another several minutes of actually getting him on.

“And by the way, it wasn’t Frank that caused that,” Gerard says, “it’s a morning thing. You know?”

“Whatever, Gerard,” Travie says, and if Travie weren’t so motherfucking slick and cool, Gerard would hate him.

Gerard, feeling only completely mortified, walks away from Travie to where Frank is standing watching the two of them.

“He probably kind of knew already, Gerard,” Frank says when Gerard walks over to him. “We don’t talk a lot, I don’t talk a lot to anyone really, besides you, but Travie is not an idiot. Everyone knows I like you. Everyone. Literally everybody. I didn’t even tell them, but like, I wasn’t super vague about the fact that I liked someone, and then you come along matching the description of the guy I told them about perfectly, so yeah, they all know.”

“Oh my god,” Gerard says, “even Pete and Patrick know! Am I that transparent?”

“Yes,” Frank says instead of reassuring Gerard.

“Well fuck,” Gerard says, “I still want to keep this between us for now though.”

Frank looks a little disappointed at hearing that, but he doesn’t refuse. He helps Gerard onto the horse, quicker than last time but not entirely smoothly like Travie or Hayley, or really anyone except for Pete. Even Patrick has kind of gotten the hand of it. Patrick is much less clumsy than Gerard though, he always has been. Pete is just a mess.

“Gerard are you… never mind,” Frank says.

“What?” Gerard asks.

“It was nothing,” Frank says as he turns to the others and gets an okay from them to start on a slow trollop until they find a clearer trail.

“Please?” Gerard asks, and Frank cannot say no to Gerard at all. Frank is driven dumbstruck at even the merest thought of Gerard.

“Well,” Frank says, “Gerard, are you ever going to be okay with this?”

Gerard doesn’t know what to say to that. He doesn’t have a clear answer for him. Gerard wants to say yes, but he doesn’t actually know. Right now the very idea of liking Frank makes him feel guilty and scared. He still likes Frank, he can’t deny or hide it, but he doesn’t like that he likes him. The fear of Frank doesn’t outweigh Gerard’s want for him though. He knows that he will never entirely be okay with liking another man, but at the same time, he thinks that he’s getting to be more okay with it than he was. It’s because Frank has awoken something in him, he doesn’t even know what yet, but whatever it is, it makes Gerard feel more alive. Not just that, it feels like he hasn’t even really been living until meeting Frank.

A week ago, the very idea practically repulsed him, so wrought with fear and guilt that he couldn’t bear it, but now that he knows what Frank is like, knows what kissing him feels like, he can’t stand to see him go. He can’t fathom Frank just moving on.

What if he’s never okay with it though? What if Gerard can never be entirely okay with the fact that Frank is a boy, and so Frank has no other choice but to let him go? He can’t have that. He’d never be able to live with himself if Frank gave up on him.

“Someday,” Gerard says, hoping that that turns out to be true.

Notes

The next few chapters should pick up a little, sorry this wasn't super eventful, but please leave a comment if you liked it anyway!