Letters from the Dead

Gerard was standing in front of the white door, his keys dangling in his right hand.

He was baffled.

He had made his way home, without even realizing it. In fact, he remembered nothing of his journey home. He looked back, slightly mystified, at his sleek and shiny black Toyota quietly parked in front of the house.

Dazed, he pushed the metal keys into the lock, hearing the soft familiar click as the door opened.

The sound of metal pots clanging in the kitchen drifted to his ear. He heard the sound of oil hissing against hot metal plates, of someone shuffling about in the kitchen, Converses squeaking against the marble floor, and an incessant string of profanities slipping from between those lips Gerard had grown to love. He sniffed the air, smelling the mouth-watering aroma of his favourite chicken casserole.

Agent Way frowned, his countenance somber as his boyfriend continued banging pots and pans in the kitchen, apparently oblivious to the fact that Gerard had returned home. He needed to do something about the security of the house. Maybe he would install the spanking new state of the art system that he had seen in one of the posh houses along St. James Avenue that he had visited in one of his cases. It’ll cost quite a fortune, but at least he would feel better about his boyfriend’s safety.

Gerard paused in front of the huge golden mirror next to the door, surveying himself. He was deathly pale. He looked like shit, and he knew it. His forehead was still encased in sweat, causing his jet-black hair to be stuck rather gawkily to his brow. He brushed the remaining cold sweat off his temple, before rubbing the palms of his clammy hands against his black slacks, drying them. He struggled in vain with his hair, trying to make himself presentable.

He still looked like shit, Gerard thought, as he finally gave up his attempt.

“I’m home!” Gerard called out, entering the living room, after determining that there was nothing else that he could do, except to pray futilely that his affectionate boyfriend would not notice his ghastly appearance.

He heard the quick tread of footsteps, the left step heavier than the right, a little tidbit that he had observed about his boyfriend. Gerard sucked in a breath, preparing himself for the sight of his gorgeous boyfriend that never failed to take his breath away every single time.

He wasn’t disappointed – he felt the steady whoosh as the air escaped from his lungs.

“Gerard!”

Frank Iero stepped into the living room, sending the huge jumpy butterflies fluttering wildly in Gerard’s stomach. They had been together since Gerard was twenty-seven, a good eight years, yet Frank still had that impact on him. Gerard’s eyes wandered from the floor, his hungry eyes making his way up Frank’s stature.

Frank was wearing his tattered orange Converse shoes, a pair of black jeans that was torn at the knees, and his favourite black Misfits tee-shirt, but that was covered slightly by a hot pink Hello Kitty apron that Gerard had bought for him as a joke.

Gerard suspected that Frank actually liked it, despite his dry comments upon receiving the gift.

Gerard’s eyes travelled slowly up the smooth curve of Frank’s hips and his firm and sexy ass, and then up Frank’s muscular chest that was unfortunately, currently partially hidden behind the apron. For a moment, Gerard detested the hideous apron. However, not allowing himself to be distracted, his eyes continued the intense journey up Frank’s tattooed neck… and finally fell onto Frank’s face. His eyes traced that sharp incline of Frank’s chin, the soft curve of his jawbone, and the even, smooth round-ness of his cheeks, his rosy lips… and finally landed on Frank’s eyes. As the remnants of the last rays of sunlight danced from the open window into Frankie’s eyes, the hazel in Frank’s wide, innocent orbs gave way to a beautiful emerald green, calming and soothing Gerard.

Your eyes are just like Lizzie’s.

You’re the first and last person I need to see right now.

Almost instantly, Gerard felt hot tears prickling at the edges of his irises.

Frank had been smiling widely, laughing and talking as he waved a wooden spoon animatedly in the air, unaware of Gerard’s despair.

The big smile fell from Frank’s pink, moist lips the moment he saw Gerard’s miserable face.

“Oh, Gerard.” Frank bit his lip ring as he whispered. He dropped the spoon on the floor carelessly, more concerned about his lover than anything else.

No other words were exchanged as the two men neared each other. There wasn’t a need for words. Frank took Gerard’s face gently in his hands, and brought it towards his own, so that they were looking at each other. In a quick yet passionate movement, Frank caressed Gerard’s right cheek gently with his thumb. Gerard felt his skin burn in response to Frank’s touch. Frank’s eyes never left Gerard’s as he nuzzled Gerard, bumping their noses together in an affectionate gesture. Gerard saw himself, reflected in the sea of innocent brown.

It was a routine they always carried out. Every day when Gerard returned home, Frank would greet him in this way, with a special look for Gerard. Sometimes it was a “I’m-proud-of-you” look. Other times, it was a “I’m-sorry-your-day-sucked” look, or a “It’s-okay,-things-like-that-happen-sometimes”. Today, it was a “I’m-here-for-you-and-I-love-you” look.

So tender and soft.

Gerard fell to his knees, his legs suddenly weak. His vision blurred as the blistering tears completely filled his eyes.

Frank kneeled too, pressing his lips gently against Gerard’s forehead. The fingers on his left hand threaded into Gerard’s dark locks, while his right hand pulled Gerard closer in an embrace. Gerard was unyielding at first. He fought against Frank’s efforts. Angry at himself for being so pathetic, he pushed Frank’s hand away, batting at it, but Frank was persistent. Frank’s gentle arms circled around Gerard’s chest, pressing Gerard’s shuddering body against his, despite Gerard’s struggles. Gerard’s tears dripped silently down his cheeks as he finally gave in to both Frank and his weakness, his head falling miserably against Frank’s torso. Frank cradled Gerard’s head as he leaned downwards; kissing the crystals that escaped the edges of Gerard’s eyes, like fugitives who had finally broken free from prison, liberated. Gerard seldom broke down like this in front of Frank. His body was just like a prison for his tears.

Gerard’s fists clenched tightly on the front of Frank’s apron, and he let out a soft whimper as he wrapped himself into a smaller ball, broken and helpless. Frank’s embrace tightened around him, as he whispered comfortingly to Gerard. Gerard heard nothing, but felt the force of Frank’s love for him. He felt as though he had been swimming in the ocean for so long, the waves relentlessly crashing against him, the waters pulling him down, and Frank was all he had, his life buoy; his solace; his savior.

It was a while before Gerard finally pulled away from Frank, dabbing furiously at his wet hazel orbs.

“Sorry.” He muttered under his breath, turning a delicate pink.

Frank merely nodded. He knew that his lover was proud, and rarely showed emotion like this. Something bad must have happened. His callused fingers traced a gentle path across Gerard’s face, trapping the last tears that stubbornly stayed on Gerard’s cheeks. Gerard gazed at his lover, thankful that Frank loved him.

“Better?” Frank asked.

Gerard nodded.

“Bad day?” he asked sympathetically and softly.

Understatement of the day.

Gerard nodded again.

“We… we caught the guy. Rachel’s case.” Gerard muttered, staring at the floor. His heart began to thud violently as he awaited Frank’s reaction.

“Good. I hope the fucker burns in hell soon.”

Gerard’s eyes shot up, his deep hazels instantly glued to his lover’s face, which was burning with intense hate. Though Gerard couldn’t and didn’t share information about the cases he worked on with Frank, Rachel’s case had attracted the attention of the media. The news carried information on her, and so Frank knew about it and had developed a huge interest in it.

“He’s only fifteen, Frankie!” Gerard protested.

So had Gerard when he had done the most terrible thing in the world.

“So what? That doesn’t make his crime any less despicable.” Frank spat, a little too harshly, his chest heaving slightly.

Gerard flinched.

Frank noticed this, and his expression softened. He didn’t understand why his words had hurt Gerard, but he apologized just the same. He couldn’t stand Gerard being upset.

“Sorry… I just…” He sighed. He rubbed his knuckles gently against Gerard’s cheek. “I miss my sister. She was…the same age as Rachel, you know? When she died.”

“I know.”

Silence. Then…

“Frankie?” Gerard’s eyes fluttered open.

“Yea?” His lover’s eyes wandered all over Gerard’s face, wordlessly conveying his apology.

“I think something’s burning…” Gerard smiled weakly.

“FUCK!”

With that violent curse, Frank turned and dashed into the kitchen.

Gerard turned, closing his eyes and immersing his face in the shadows. A single tear, burst forth beneath his closed eyelids, sparkling as it hit the floor.

Notes

Rev Theory - Broken Bones

Holding my head high in the rising tide
And I can't win
And I can't fight
I keep holding on too tight
Running away from the world outside