But You're Beautiful To Me..

Once we got to the restaurant, (which was about 25 minutes away) I squeezed Gerard's hand. We walked in, and got seated right away. Our waitress, who's name was Elise, (she told us) kept staring at Gerard and blushing. So, out of pure jealousy, I grabbed his jaw in both of my hands and kissed him roughly once we sat down. She looked angry, and very envious.

"W-what would you like to drink?" Elise stammered. I looked at Gerard, but he was so mesmerized by the elegance of the restaurant that I answered for the both of us.

"I think we are fine with water for now. But, thank you." I say with confidence. Elise hands us our menus and we begin looking.

"Frank! Everything on here is so expensive! I can't let you pay for this!" Gerard gasps. I laugh and take a look at the prices. Sure, mostly everything on here is above $30 but I have been saving money since I was seven years old. Almost have $6,000 in cash in my safe at the bank.

"Gee, don't worry. I have enough. This is only like $100 in all from the two of us. Gerard still looks worried, but I keep my eyes locked to his, assuring him we are fine. Once we know what to order, we wait for Elise to come back. I can't but to notice his hands when we are sitting at the table. They are folded together, trying to hide something, but even close together I can see what happened and why he is trying to hide them.

Gerard cut himself.

And when I say 'he cut himself', I don't mean like from paper or a tool or something. There were long, red streaks up and across his wrist. Purple and blue stained around the slits, and I could feel my heart beat faster and faster the more I looked. My chest fogged up and it was almost hard to breathe. I could feel the lump forming in my throat and my eyes becoming glassy. Once Gerard noticed me, he quickly put his hands to his lap.

"Show me." I command. Gerard shifts in his chair, tears forming in his eyes.

"No! You already saw them, there's nothing more to see!" Gerard whimpers, as one tear trickles down his cheek. I softly move my hand to his cheek, and wipe it away.

"Gerard, why did you hide this from me? I care about you so much, why did you do this to yourself?" My voice dangerously wobbles. Tears are now pouring out of Gerard's golden eyes, and I just want to kiss his wrists and anywhere he is hurt.

"Frank please! I don't want to talk about it. I, I have to go back to the dorm. I can't breathe in this place. I'm leaving now. Please, stay Frank, find another boy to sit and eat with or call Erica or someone. I need to be alone right now, but I will tell you what happened in a couple hours, I, I just need to be alone right now." Gerard shakes, and he tries to wipe his hair out of those gorgeous eyes he has. I can't let him go, I just can't. I stand up, following him out the door. I softly grab his wrists and kiss them, gently but still showing him I care. I wipe the tears off his face and tuck his hair behind his ear. I hold both his hands and look at those eyes.

"Gerard, I will not let you leave alone. I care about you too much to let you go through this by yourself. I, I love you. I love you so much Gerard." I breathe, letting my emotions take control over what I say now. He takes a step closer.

"I love you too Frank, thank you." Gerard cries as he pulls my hand towards the closest cab.

Once we get back to the dorm, I sit down with him on his bed. I hold his hands in mine and look into his eyes.

"Gerard, please tell me. There must be something I can do to make this better." I plead. He looks the the floor, and I can tell he is thinking of ways to explain this to me.

"I-it happened earlier. I didn't want it to be this bad, I accidentally took it too far." Gerard stops as if he is done. I lock eyes with him and look to him as if he needs to continue.

"Well, when you were at Erica's, I was walking back from the showers, I, I took a long one. I wanted to relieve some of the stress, from, you know? From Alex. So, when I was walking back, I heard someone running up from behind me. The guy caught up with me and started to shove me against the wall, until my shoulder was sore. He kept calling me a 'fag', and that 'I didn't deserve to live', and many other things. It didn't bother me too much, but then he brought up you. He said that if I wasn't so much of a fag, you wouldn't be in trouble with him. I could feel a panic attack coming so I started hurrying to my dorm. He then grabbed my arm and threw me against the wall, and pushing me so I couldn't escape. He started kissing me, and feeling me up, and I kept trying to move but I-I couldn't and he kept calling me a slut, and a whore because I kept telling him no and finally I got away and ran to the dorm. I locked myself in there and cried while I took a razor from my bag, and took out the blade. I brought back my old habits, and I just didn't want to tell you because, I didn't want you t-too think I was a slut like he said I was." Gerard wails. I could feel the tears streaming down my face, and a deep burning sensation in my chest from the hatred I have for the person who did that. But I had to ask.

"Gerard, who did this to you?" I say with a fierce tone.

"Fr-Frank it doesn't matter." Gee says in a hushed voice.

"Gerard. Who did this to you?" I gulp, but still in a stern, demanding voice, even though tears are pouring out of my eyes.

"Alex," was all Gerard could get out.

I could feel the blood through my veins, my heart pumping, and everything around me start to blur. No, it couldn't be. Wasn't Alex just my best friend? Didn't we used to hang out non stop and laughed about random crap until we cried? Why is he doing this? I think to myself. I don't want to believe this, but what's not to believe. He did this to Gerard, he made him feel this way. He made him feel dirty. When he, was the one who sexually assaulted my boyfriend.

"Gerard, he abused you. He sexually assaulted you. You said no, you didn't want it. You are not a slut, you are not a whore. You are perfect. Absolutely perfect. But Alex isn't. Alex is a fucking sick bastard, and I need to see him. Please, please Gerard. Don't ever do that again. Please don't ever hurt yourself, you could've ran to me or called me. Please, if anything like that happens again, report him. He needs all the jail time he can get. Promise me Gee?" I comfort him, desperately hoping he agrees.

"O-okay." He finally whispered.

"It is ten o'clock right now. I want you to go to sleep, but first I'm gonna clean your cuts and bandage them up. They are dangerously bruised, I don't want them to get infected." I whisper to him. He whimpers, but understands. I take him down to the bathrooms and wash them out. Gerard hisses at the pain, and flinches each time I stroke the cuts with warm water and soap. Soon, they are fully clean, and I take him back to our dorm. I pull out the first aid kit, and wrap his delicate arms in soft, white gauze. I then secure the gauze with large band-aid. I walk him back to our dorm, help him get into his pajamas, and tuck him into bed.

"Goodnight Gerard, I love you." I say, kissing his head.

"I love you too Frank." He says, his eyes fluttering closed. I lay in my bed, waiting until I know for sure if Gerard is asleep. Soon, I hear the blissful peace of his calm breathing, and know it is time to leave.

I, am going after Alex.

Notes