Their Hearts Don't Beat Like Ours

Two days went by peacefully. Frankie stayed with me, not having school, and he was even really good about leaving me alone when I had to do comics.
“Frank! Can you come here?” I called from my office.
Frank comes walking in. He walks towards me and kisses my cheek. “What’s up, babe?” He ask, grinning.
I smile back. How can I not smile around that face?
“I was just wondering… Are you gonna go to college?” I ask. I’ve been thinking about it all day.
“Well… I kinda wanna do music, see where that goes, and be a tattoo artist so I have a job.” Frank looks down at his hands, speaking nervously.
“Frankie! That’d be so cool!” He smiles up at me.
“Really? I can start and internship and classes when I turn 18. I didn’t know how you’d feel about it.”
“Why would I not like that?”
“Because sometimes money on my part could be tight, and, I,” I kiss him, shutting him up.
He wraps his arms around my neck and I stand up from my desk chair, moving my hands to my hips. I pull away before it gets to intense. “Never think you have to have money. That will never change how I feel about you.”
I realized, what we were talking about has to do with the future. That we were talking as if we had a future. I want one with Frankie. I love him. No, I still haven’t said it. Frankie says it before we go to bed, but he doesn’t get upset when I don’t say it back. I look at him, and it’s like that’s enough for him. It won’t be for long, but I’m glad it’s enough for now.
He kisses me again, and I feel the smile on his lips.
The kiss interrupted by my damn phone.
I sigh and release Frankie, reaching down to get my phone. I don’t recognize the number.
“Hello?”
“Gerard?”
“Speaking.”
“This is Officer Stump. We got Lindsey down to the station.”
“Oh..” I mouth who it is to Frank and put it on speaker.
“Yeah, uh. Well, she refused to admit that she saw you that night. But, we were able to get search warrant. We found the ecstasy. And other drugs. Lindsey confessed, and she’s getting charged for drugging you, rape, and possession of some pretty hard stuff.”
My mouth dropped. Lindsey doing drugs? It has to be Jimmy. That asshole. She barely touched anything other than alcohol. God. How long has she been doing this? And what hard stuff is he talking about? Meth? Heroin? Crack? Lindsey’s going to jail. Lindsey Ballato. The girl that I looked at as my future wife just 2 months ago is a jail-bound druggie. I haven’t replied to Patrick yet.
“Uh, thanks for letting me know.”
“Yep, no problem. She won’t be around for a while. She’s getting atleast 18 months. And when she gets out, you can put a restraining order on her.”
My jaw dropped. Linds is gonna die. She won’t be able to handel that. I find this quite cheerful.
“Thanks so much, Officer Stump.”
“Frank’s boyfriend should call me Patrick, just not in office hours. You treat that boy good, alright?” I blush. Frank just smirks at me.
“I will, Patrick.” I smile at Frank, who is now blushing.
“Have a good one.” And the line goes dead.
“Baby! This is great! We have to celebrate! I’m calling Pete and Mikey and we are going out because we never have to worry about that crazy bitch ever again!”
I just smile at him, shaking my head. Yeah. We should go out. A few minutes later Frank comes in with a phone to his ear.
“One sec, Pete. Gee, baby? Would you be okay with going to a bar?”
“Yeah, Frankie. I’ll be fine.” I’ve been around plenty of drunk people and parties and bars since getting sober. Lindsey didn’t care if I was to relapse or not. Sometimes, I think she wanted me to become a drunk again. Looking at the time frame. Linds met Jimmy right after I got sober. Did she only love drunk me? That had to be it. Huh. Epiphanies.
Frank smiles at me and walks back into the hall way.

Later that night, we meet Pete and Mikey at bar down town. It’s little, but loud. There’s this okay band playing on stage. We find a table and we order drinks. The guys get a beer, and I get a coke. The night goes by pretty uneventfully. We just all sit around and talk about life and shit. I notice the guys getting drunk. Mikey first, and then Pete catches up, and then Frank is the last to get bad. Which is weird, Frank’s the youngest. Not even supposed to be drinking, but apparently, Pete knows the bartender which means, Frank does too. Wow, he sure made some friends in there 6 month relationship.
Even though Pete is trashed. He’s still smart. And horny.
“Okay, I think it’s time for me and Mike’s to get home before we drink more. And I’m in the mood to top.”
“Oh, you wouldn’t top for me!” Frank yells. My eyes widen. I don’t wanna hear this.
“Frank, I only do it from time to time. I liked bottom to much. And you’re too big to be a bottom. Sorry.” Pete winked at Frank who scoffed in return.
“Well, for your information.” Oh, no. Don’t, Frankie. “I bottomed for this hunk a man beside me.” He leaned over and kissed my cheek.”
“Finally! Go, Gee!” Mikey and Pete both exclaim. I guess this isn’t weird. I know there’s not feelings, but I wish Frank would’ve kept that to himself.
I laugh awkwardly.
“C’mon, Frankie. Let’s get you home.” I say, to the leaning tower of Frank beside me.
I grab his waist and start walking towards the door, following Pete and my brother.
We all pile into my car. The sober one is always the DD.
I put Frank in the passenger seat and make sure everyone’s buckled up.
The drive to Mikey’s is quick, and soon it’s just me and Frank in the car.
“Gee, will you fuck me when we get home?” Frank ask. Completely casual. Nothing even seductive in his voice.
“Uh, maybe if you sober up a bit, babe.”
“But I want you to fuck me like this. You won’t have to prep. The alcohol will numb the pain. I think. My friend told me it did. I don’t know. I’m drunk.”
I laugh at Frank’s babble. Even though I’m slightly annoyed at his state, he’s still cute.
“Yeah, you are, Frankie. But that numbness thing kinda got me thinking.” I give him a wink.
“Mmmm, let’s get home. Please.” He says as he palms at his dick. Holy shit. I normally don’t like to fuck people so drunk, but by the time we get done, he’ll be sober enough to be coherent. And I can only imagine the way he screams when he has no control. Oh, man.
I pull outside my apartment and run out the car, Frank stumbles out the car and I grab his waist. He puts an arm around my shoulders. When we get in the house I expect my face to be attacked but, instead, a very drunk Frank goes into the kitchen.
“Gee, make me coffee, please.” I look at the clock. It’s one in the morning. Okay. Maybe he can sober up. We’ll have a long night.
I go into the kitchen and start a pot of coffee. I watch it drip until Frank speaks up.
“I wish you loved me.” Frank mumbles. Okay. That hurt.
“Frankie..” I tried to reason but he cut me off.
“No, Gerard. Don’t. I think you do, sometimes. But if you loved me as much as I love you, you’d say it back. I know we haven’t known each other long, but Goddamn, Gee! Just say it!”
“Frankie, I can’t!” I yelled. I though he understood. Gerard, he’s drunk. Calm down. Even intoxicated he still flinched at my loud words.
“Then at least tell you don’t love me! Stop stringing me a long! Why can’t you be a man! You’re fucking 24. Just say it. I love you, Frankie. I’m gay, Frankie. I’m gay. I’m fucking gay!” He screams again. Why is he doing this? He’s supposed to fucking understand. I lose all my reasoning and forget he’s drunk. I burst into tears at this point. I don’t know what to say. Frank doesn’t look at me, I think he’s too drunk to notice. That makes me feel better. Because if he noticed and didn’t do anything, I think it’d be worse.
“You like it when I fuck your mouth like a whore. You like shoving your cock up my ass and hearing me scream for more. A guy. A human with a penis. You’re gay! Just say it, please!” His words are slurred, but I understand everything. I don’t know how to react so I just keep crying. His words aren’t necessarily mean. He just stated facts. I do like him thrusting up into my throat. A lot. I do like fucking him. I am gay. I like Frank. But still, his words come off harsh and they sting.
“Just leave, Frank! If you can’t understand and wait for me, then just fucking leave!” I say. I fall into the floor and curl my knees up, sobbing. I expect him to say no, to bend down and hug me, but instead I hear the door shut. My sobs get worst. He actually fucking left.
Because I’m fucking stupid and can’t say a few stupid words, I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. When did my life get like this? I sit and sob for at least two hours. I don’t move, I just cry, and think about everything.
I had the perfect like. I have a awesome career that I love and barely have to face people for. I had a gorgeous girlfriend that I was gonna propose to soon. I had a nice place. A great family. A good few friends.
The girlfriend cheated on me, drugged and raped me. I fell in love with a boy. I can’t come out for some reason. At least I still have my job. And my flat is just as nice. And my families okay.
But what is it without Frank? I need him. Need. No, I need to forget him.
And what’s the best way to forget someone? Alcohol. I don’t care right now. Fuck a year sober. Technically, it was ruined a few days ago. Thanks to Lindsey.
Lindsey. I never threw out her liquor. She’s a vodka person. Oh, vodka.
I stand up. My knees hurt and I almost fall over again. I glance at the microwave. It’s 3:30 am. Yep, sitting on the floor for two hours will cramp up the legs. I make my way over to the freezer. And thank Lindsey for liking her drinks ice cold. The coldness will help it go down smoother. I open the door, and pull out the bottle. I stare it for a few minutes before opening the bottle. I stop right before the lid pops up to a loud sound. My name.
“Gerard! What are you doing?!” I look in the direction of the sound. It’s Frank. My eyes widen. I look at the bottle. He’s here. I don’t need it anymore. Then I come to my senses. I was about to drink. I put the bottle down on the counter and run to Frank, sobbing at what I almost did to myself.
Frank opens his arms for me and I jump up. Wrapping my legs around the short body. He carries to the couch, staying silent. My occasional sob is the only sound for 15 minutes.
“Gerard. Please tell me you didn’t. Please tell me I got here in time.” Frank speaks. He sounds sad, defeated. And his words are slightly slurred. He’s probably a bit buzzed still. But definitely perfectly aware of everything.
“I didn’t. But that doesn’t matter. I was.” I say, defeated. I know the truth.
“But, why, Gee?” The pain in Frank’s voice is almost to much.
“I… I thought you were gone forever.” I look over at Frank. His goes from sad to completely devastated.
“Baby!” Frank exclaims while pulling me into his lap and wrapping his arms around me. “I’m so sorry. I was drunk. I wouldn’t leave you forever. I knew I needed to sober up so I wouldn’t be so mean to you. I’m sorry about what I said.”
“You didn’t mean any of it?” I question him. Frank sighs.
“It does bother me. Telling you I love you, and you not saying it back. I can only believe your eyes for so long. But you not coming out fully is fine. I promise. I know you’re struggling. And sometimes, yeah, I wish you’d just say it. But it’s not necessary. I love you. Even if you don’t understand who you are.”
I look at him. I don’t even try to say it back. I just look at him. Trying to convey all my feelings in my eyes. He stares at me for a few seconds before nodding, letting a smile lighten up his face and humming. “I know, baby. I know.” and kissing my lips sweetly. He pulls away from my face and pulls my body closer. I nuzzle my head in his neck as he runs his fingers through my hair, and that’s how we fall asleep.

Notes

sorry bout that, guys. i needed a filler chapter and i wanted to make in dramatic. but don't worry, gerard and frank are still happy. a chapter like this probs won't happen again.
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thanks for reading! stay lovely!