Their Hearts Don't Beat Like Ours

This time it’s not sun that wakes me up. It’s something warm pressed to my mouth. Lips. Someone’s kissing me. I know it’s not Lindsey. Luckily, I don’t wake up looking for her like yesterday. Those thoughts are not in my head. That’s when yesterday comes back. Frank. Frank’s kissing me. I like a boy. I start to kiss back and I feel Frank smile against my lips. He’s leaning over me and his face is blocking out the sun from the curtain so his face is dark, but his features are highlighted and his tattooed arm is next to my face. He’s smiling down at me.
“Good morning, beautiful.” Frank says.
“Mmm, ‘morning.”
“C’mon,” he says as he leans off of me and gets off the bed. “I want coffee.” The thought of coffee makes me jump up and chase after him. He walks out the door, and he’s still in his boxers. I stay behind, and grab my favorite sweat pants. Luckily, I have a pair that are way to small for me. They should fit Frank. I put on the pants and walk down stairs. Frank is playing with the coffee maker. Putting grounds in a filter. His back is facing me and I can’t help but to notice how perfect his back is. It’s so sexy. And the way his boxer briefs shapes his butt perfectly. Damn. I go up to him, and wrap my arms around his waist. He hums in reply.
I kiss his neck for a second before going to stand beside him.
“These should fit you.” I say while holding out the pants I found.
Frank looks down at my legs and then at the pants and frowns. “I wanted to be naked.”
“I don’t know what I might do to you if I have to see you like that all day.”
Frank smirks and takes the pants. He pushes the button to make the coffee start brewing and slides the pants on. “Fine, but I’m not putting a shirt on, and neither are you.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” I laugh.
Me and Frank talk for a moment until the coffee maker tells us it’s ready. I watch Frank poor to cups and hand one to me. We go to sit on the couch.
“So,” Frank begins. “I was thinking, maybe you should tell Mikey. You know he’ll understand, and me and him are really cool, so there should be no drama.”
I look at Frank, with wide eyes. He’s right. But I still can’t admit it out loud.
“And what do I say you are to me?” I question. Frank just nods, like he was prepared for this.
“Well, you’re not ready for a relationship. You just found out your girlfriend of 3 years was cheating on you. Yeah, you may be fine, but it’s the principal. And if you can’t admit what you think you are out loud, then you’re not ready for a gay relationship. So, we tell him the truth. I’m a friend. I think I consider you a best friend now, Gee. I know that’s weird. But,”
“No, I feel it too.” I interrupt him. He smiles before continuing.
“We tell him I’m your friend, who’s trying to help you understand yourself, and when you find that understanding, then hopefully something more can arise from us.”
I smile at that. The thought that Frank didn’t say ‘maybe’ or ‘possibly’ us will be a thing. He said hopefully. He want us to be a thing. It makes my heart beat faster, and I feel butterflies in my stomach.
“He’s your brother, Gee. He’ll understand. I’m sure he went through the same phase, where he couldn’t say it. But telling someone like family will help. I promise. I told my mom when I first had thoughts of this, and she helped me come to understand.” Frank’s words reassure me and I nod.
“Okay. Let’s get dressed and go over to Mikey’s.”
As we get dressed I realize something.
“Frank, Mikey doesn’t know about Lindsey. He’s friends with Jimmy. Shit.”
“Don’t worry about that. You have too much other shit to worry about other than your slutty ex girlfriend.”
I laugh at this. Normally I’d get furious at someone calling Linds a slut, but I finally see the truth in the sentence, and it’s such a relief.
Images from the party rush back to my head, but this time there good. It’s the first time I saw Frank. Wait.
“Frank, when you saw me at the party were you coming to flirt?”
Frank freezes, giving me my answer. I laugh, but it’s out of pure joy. The fact that Frankie wanted to hit on from the get go made me blush and smile like an idiot.
“Well, look at you, Gee. You’re hot.” I blush even more. “But I promise the asking for coffee was just me thinking you might need a friend. I figured you were straight when you didn’t really realize I came over to flirt.”
“I was.” I laugh. “Two pots of coffee and a great conversation changed that pretty quickly though.”
Frank laughs too, which makes me laugh even more. I’m not sure why we’re laughing. Maybe its because no matter how weird that statement I just made was, it’s the truth.
We get dressed and go downstairs. I text Mikey to let him know I’m coming over. I poor a cup of coffee in one of my thermoses and we head out the door. I put in my Smashing Pumpkins CD once we’re in the car and after I start driving, Frank reaches over and grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers, over the emergency break. We stay that way the entire drive.
Once we get to Mikey’s I suddenly can’t breathe. I have nothing to be afraid. This is my brother. My bisexual brother. I know he won’t judge me. I get out of the car and jolt to the door, and knock quickly before I can change my mind. A few seconds later it opens to reveal my brother. Mikey Fucking Way in all his glory. He’s in skinny jeans and a black muscle shirt.
He smiles and then his eyebrows furrow.
“Frank?” Mikey questions.
“Hey, man.” Frank replies cheerfully. Mikey gestures for us to come in, so we do.
“I didn’t know you two know each other.” Mikey begins.
“We met at Jimmy’s party.” I explain.
“Oh, hey, speaking of Jim. I went over there yesterday cause I forgot my jacket, and Lindsey was there. She looked horrible, a crying hot mess. Did y’all get in a fight or something?” I cringe.
“Uhm, well… Frank here informed me that he saw her going up stairs with a guy after trying to molest Frank.” I laugh coldly. “Jimmy. He’s not gay. He’s not her best friend. He’s her fuck buddy. And has been for probably a year now.”
Mikey eyes widen. His jaw drops. “Gerard, I’m so sorry.”
“Eh,” I brush it off. “You know we went to shit months ago. I’m fine. Really.” I give a reassuring smile to my brother. Him, knowing me as well as he does, catches the honesty in my voice and eyes and relaxes.
“Well, that still sucks.”
“I guess.”
“So, what did I do to earn this visit?” Mikey looks between me and Frank.
“I gotta tell you something, Mikes.”
“Oh, god. Who did you kill?” Mikey laughs.
I don’t know how to say this, so I grip Frank’s hand, and he squeezes, calming me. Mikey notices and give me a strange look. I decide to just say it. Bluntly.
“I like guys. Or, at least Frank.” I say, while holding up me and franks intertwined hands.
Mikey breaks out in a shocked smile. “I fucking knew it! Me, having my homosexual tendencies and all, have this thing called a ‘gaydar’ and I always sensed you had something in you. Even if you didn’t see yourself. I never told you, cause straight Gerard would kick my ass. So, are you bi? Or full on gay?”
I didn’t expect Mikey’s response. Do I look gay? And then the last question. I tense up at it. And Mikey looks at me concerned. I look over to Frank, who shoots Mikey a glance as if telling him everything. Is this some psychic gay thing I should know about because what Mike says next seems like he understands everything? Or maybe he just knows his big brother.
“Oh. It’s okay, Gerard. It really is. There’s nothing to fear. Our family accepted me. Shit, Dad loves Pete. They’ll accept you. And you have one hell of a guy to help you through it.” He gestures to Frank. I smile and squeeze Frank’s hand as to say “I know” silently. He looks at me with a huge grin on his face.
“I told you, Gee.” And he leans over to kiss me softly on the mouth. I kiss back for a second before he pulls away.
“Ah! What a magnificent day! What a great day to be alive!” Mikey is way to fucking happy about all this.
“Mikes, calm down. I’m not… positive yet. I still have things to figure out.” I tell him, honestly. It’s the truth. But, then again, it’s really not.
“This gaydar of mine can do more than more than just tell who likes dick. You are way too comfortable holding a dude’s hand, after only knowing you like dudes for a day, especially one you just met, if you haven’t seen his dick. And probably touched it. Or maybe he touched you. I don’t know, but y’all have made each other cum.”
Did I mention how blunt my lovely little brother could be? I blush, turning into a firetruck. Goddamnit, I gotta stop that. Mikey just smirks. He know’s what I’m thinking. I look at Frank, who’s also smirking. Mikey’s gaydar probably just told him that I touched Frank.
“But, Gerard.” Mikey interrupts my thoughts. “I like Frank, but no serious funny business until he’s 18, alright?”
I nod. Frank speaks up. “We’ve already established that.” Frank’s face kinda sinks. Like he just wants to be 18 already. I can’t help but to laugh. Frank shoots me a confused glare.
“Someone’s impatient.” I say between laughs and Mikey starts laughing, too. It takes moment but soon Frank’s also laughing.
We stay over for another hour, Pete comes over and we all talk. Mikey takes Pete aside to explain my situation to him, and Pete’s all for it. He reassures me Frank will treat me right, too. Which makes me curious. Six months is a decently long relationship. Long enough to fall in love. Why did Frank and Pete break up? Pete is 3 years younger than Mikey, which makes him only 2 years older than Frank. So that couldn’t have been a problem. It couldn’t have been that bad. They really are like best friends, and it’s obvious Mikey and Frank have nothing against each other. I plan on finding out.
And find out I do, when me and Frank pull out of Miley’s apartment complex, I ask him about it.
“What broke you and Pete up?” I question. I never expected his reply.
“Mikey.”
“What? You and Mikey seemed okay.”
“It’s not what you think. Pete came over one morning, hysterical. He told me he kissed his friend at a party. He tells me who it was. And tells me nothing more happened, and that they were drunk. He’s not shy about who it was, and I sort of knew the name. He’s honest with me, so I tell him it’s okay. But he tells me that he’s been developing feelings for Mikey. And so I made the decision to recommend we take a break. I wasn’t really feeling it anymore, and obviously he wasn’t. We said break, because we knew we could possibly rekindle the flame, but Pete gets with Mikey, and when he told me, I was fine. We decide it’s an official break up and then we just kept on being Pete and Frank, just without the relationship shit.”
That’s understandable. Okay. But the next question burns in my head. And I say it before I can stop myself.
“Did Pete take your virginity?”
“Well…” I look over to see him fidgeting with his hands awkwardly. “No, well, I- I lost my virginity to Jamia at 15. And I lost my gay virginity to Pete. But Pete prefers to bottom, and I never felt exactly ready.”
“So, you’re, like a half virgin.” Frank laughs at my words awkwardly.
“Yeah, I guess. I mean. I’ve been fingered. And I’ve fucked Pete and this other guy, Ryan. He was a one-weekend-stand kinda thing. But,”
“You’ve never been fucked.” I cut him off. The thought makes me happy, but I hold back a smile to not seem creepy.
“No.”
“Who’s Ryan?” I ask.
“I met him at a Starbucks. He was in for a business meeting that got canceled, but he had a hotel for a weekend, and one thing led to another, and we ended up spending the whole weekend having sex. It was a few months after Pete.”
“Business trip? How old was he.” Frank laughs.
“Only 22, his dad owns this big company or some shit, and he would sometimes take his place on trips.”
“You have a thing for olden men, don’t you?”
“Boy’s my age are exactly that. Boys. I like men.” Frank looks over at me and I catch his eyes, and his biting lip. I immediately looked away, focusing on the road, trying to get that image out of my head before my dick takes over. I hear him chuckle.
“I don’t appear as a kid to you now that you know me, do I?” Frank asks, almost nervously.
“Honestly, if we would have just had a phone conversation, without knowing what you looked like, I would have pinned you as at least 21.” It’s the truth. Frank doesn’t act like some punk 17 year old kid. He’s mature. He’s helping a 24 year old man helping him find himself, for crying out loud, he has to be. I see Frank smile, and I smile back while pulling into the complex.
“I hate to ask this, but can you drop me off at 14G? I have lots of homework, and mom will want me home for dinner. I can only skip if I tell her in advance so she doesn’t cook for two and waste food.”
I smile. I like how he cares about his mom. “Of course.”
I drive around the complex to the G building and Park outside number 14.
Frank looks over at me. “Thanks.” He murmurs. I lean over and kiss him softly.
“Bye, Frankie.” I whisper against his cheek. I feel his cheek go hot on my lips and blush myself. He gets out of the car and leans down before closing the door.
“Bye, Gee.” He smiles, shuts the car door and walks away. I stare at his ass as he walks. The way it goes from side to side as he walks, and how the skinny jeans perks it up.
‘What the fuck, Gerard?’ I think, but this time I don’t force the thoughts away. I just drive to my apartment with a smile on face that I can’t seem to get rid of for the rest of the night.

Notes

sorry for the short wait, i was gone to a friends for the weekend. but enjoy! thanks for reading! stay lovely!