Their Hearts Don't Beat Like Ours

Bandit's growing well. Better then well. Fucking fantastic.
Maybe I shouldn't but, Frank's okay with it, and that's all that matters.
I send weekly pictures to Lindsey. She can have as many as she wants in her cell. She sometimes writes back, telling me how happy they make her. And that makes it completely okay. I don't tell anyone, not even Mikey, no one else has forgiven her. Frank has, not to the extent I have, but enough to approve the thought that Bandit will have her “Aunt Linds”.
We talk about her some, I show Bandit pictures so she won't be completely scared of her when she meets her.
Bandit hates strangers. She even sometimes cries when we take her to the store. Frank and I have started to takes turns going to the store now, or drop Bandit off at moms if we want to go together.
Bandit is 6 months and 9 days now.
She has the biggest brown eyes, just like her moms. And she has dark brown hair, just like mine, Frank's and Lindsey's. Her noes is turned up slightly, like mine. She's beautiful. I find myself watching her sleep at times. Frank has to come and get me for bed, I'll be in there so long. Shes the perfect size. Wearing exactly 6 months, just like she should. She's healthy. You wouldn't be able to guess she was so premature.
Frank has been as perfect as ever.
We're making great money, enough to put loads back, because we're not really big spenders. We have nice clothes then we've ever had, and Frank has gotten tattoos out the ass, and Bandit has so many toys, it's like we invaded Santa's workshop. And we replaced my car with a new SUV, a family car. Frank didn't wanna let his go, and I've had my piece of shit since I was 18. Also, it gets pretty shit gas mileage, and I don't drive much because I work at home. Besides that, all the money that's not for living, goes to Bandit's college fund and savings for the future.
Frank's also sweet, he treats me like a king, and I do my best to return it.
He treats Bandit like a queen. She's his pride and joy. You would never know there was no blood relation. She even reminds me of him all the time. It's incredible.
“Gerard, look at her!” I hear Frank say through a laugh. I turn my head and my face lights up. Bandit is sitting in front of the TV looking thought this little fabric book. She's making little noises while smiling. She's so cute.
“She's gonna love reading one of these days.” I say to Frank as I sit next to him on the couch.
“I know, just like her parents.” Frank replies, looking at me. I lean in and kiss him quickly.
“What do you want for dinner?” I ask.
“Do we have the ingredients for those stuffed tomatoes you made once? They were incredible.” Frank ask, biting his lower lip.
“I think we do, babe.” I smile. I've started eating vegan. I still eat meat for lunch sometimes, since Frank is at work during that time. But nothing but chicken really. “I'll start cooking in a minute.” I say as I settle into the couch.
My phone starts ringing. From the kitchen.
“Or I'll start cooking now.” I say, reluctantly getting up.
Who would be calling me. Must be mum or something. I get to the island in the kitchen and grab my phone, looking down at it.
My breathe hitches. It's Lindsey's lawyer. Why the fuck is he calling me? I slide the green button, answering the call.
“Hello?”
“Gerard?” Why does he sound like he's been crying.
“Yes. Is everything alright?”
“It's... It's Lindsey. I was called to the prison a few hours ago. Gerard, I-I'm sorry.”
“What? What are you talking about?” I'm in a panic now, almost yelling. Frank is turned around watching me.
“She, Gerard, Gee, She- Killed herself. C-cut herself with a broken mirror shard. They couldn't get to her before she... Before she bl-bleed to d-death.”
No. Lindsey wouldn't do that. I'm dreaming. This isn't real life. Lindsey's not dead. She can't be.
“I have her things from her cell. I can drop them off, if you'd like.” I hear words from the phone, but I can't really pay attention. This isn't happening.
“Leave them at the door.” I say, abruptly hanging up.
Here comes the pain. I cry out, falling to the ground. I can't breathe. I can't feel anything. I see a figure walking towards me and I think someone's yelling, but I'm not sure. A blurry face in front of me is the last thing I say before it all goes black.

“Gee, baby, wake up.” I hear Frank say, and the smell of coffee fills my noes. I shake and turn over on to my back, opening my eyes. Frank's face is sad. “Are you okay, babe?” He ask me, concern filling his eyes.
It wasn't a dream. It was real. Lindsey's dead. I fill a tear escape my eyes. “What time is it?”
“It's noon.” Frank replies. That sad voice is still there.
“Her- uhm, Lindsey's Lawyer stopped by. He gave me this box along with the pictures and books she had. Gee, there's a letter to you. And me and many to Bandit. My eyes go wide.
“Where?” Frank gestures to the bedside table. I grab the box. Seeing my name on the first letter.
“I read mine. It just said to take care of you and Bandit and other little things. Would you like to be alone to read yours?”
I'm barely paying attention, I'm looking through all the letters that has Bandit's name on them.
“Frank, look. There for her different stages in life.” I let out a soft smile. There's so many.
For your first day of school; First day of high school; When you start your period; Wedding day; First heartbreak; First boyfriend; First time; First kiss. So many more first. But one sticks out to me, it's not a first, and has a longer title: “For when your fathers feel it's the right time for you to know about your mother.”
I gasp, and feel tears fill my eyes. “Frank, I'll be down in a moment.” Frank nods, getting the point, and leaves the room.
I hesitantly open the letter addressed to me.
Gerard, my beloved Gerard.
I'm so sorry I had to do this. I've said everything I have to say in the hospital, but in the moment, I didn't realize this: I couldn't continue living with myself. First, know this is not your fault. This is mine. I destroyed my life, and I know it. I was a monster. I know Bandit will have a wonderful life. I'm so glad she has you and Frank. Take care of them. Please tell Bandit about me, tell her the bad things I did, but tell her the good. About all of our good memories. Please tell her I wasn't as horrible as my last years made me out to be. I know what life will be like after I get out of this hell hole. I'll be alone. I won't even be able to hear my own daughter call me mama. I'll never find anyone to love.
You were it for me, Gerard.
I'm so sorry.
I love you.
Linds

Notes

again, sorry if you read this before I fix the format.
if you clicked on this chapter first, theres one before this.
its juat smut though.
heres two pretty long chapters to make up for my absensce. I hope I can update more frequently from now on. thanks for all the awesome comments. you guys are the only reason I haven't given up on writing.
hope you enjoy! thanks for reading!
stay lovely.