Their Hearts Don't Beat Like Ours

It was the day, the day we’ve been waiting weeks for.
Frank and I get to take Bandit home today. We get to start a normal, perfect life. Then again, I’m not quite sure how normal my life can be.
We’ve signed all the papers, Brendon’s has given us a run through on what to do and what not to do. He came over this morning to make sure we have everything she will need. I’m glad this experience has brought Brendon to us, he’s a great friend.
Frank and I walk into the nursery hand in hand. The nurse is there, with bandit in a bead, all covered up. She’s smiling and he little head turns to us and I swear her smile gets bigger and her eyes gleam when they make contact with mine. My little pride and joy waiting to be took home.
The nurse picks her up and kisses her forehead. “Finally, huh, boys?” I nod. “Here you go.” She says holding her arms out to us. I unlock my hand with Franks moving it under Bandit’s head, and moving my arms to surround her. I look back up to the nurse. “Thank you, for everything.”
“It was my pleasure. I just ask one thing…”
“What’s that?” Frank says.
“Bring that little angel into visit me when she gets stable enough!”
“That will definitely happen! Let’s stay in touch and maybe we can have you over for dinner!” I say. Frank nods and smiles and starts to exchange numbers with the nurse. I look down and Bandit’s already sleep. I can’t help but smile.
“She hasn’t had a nap yet today, she’ll probably sleep for the next hour or so.” The nurse tells me.
We thank her again and leave the nursery to find the car. I haven’t really walked with Bandit much yet so my grip on her is tight, but not too tight of course. I’m so scared of hurting her. She’s so fragile.
We get to the car and Frank opens the back for me, I gently lay her down in the car seat, buckling everything and making sure she’s as secure as possible. I now realize why my mom is so paranoid. She’s a mom.
Frank gets in the passenger seat and I get in myself. I drive agonizingly so slow, being extremely safe and so the 5 minute drives takes about 10 minutes. But Bandit makes it home safe so no one is complaining.
Frank’s the one who gets her out but not before snapping a quick picture on his phone.
“You’re gonna be a picture whore, aren’t you?” I joke to Frank.
“I’ll probably be worse than the grandmothers so yes.” He laughs in reply. I unlock the front door and Frank takes her to the nursery with me following. We lay Bandit in her bed and, of course, he takes another picture. I better get used to it, they’ll be a lot of first in the next few weeks.
We watch her sleep peacefully for a few minutes before we decide to retire to the living room.
Lately, when I’m not thinking about Bandit, I’m thinking about Frank, and how much I love him, but I’m also thinking about that I still love Lindsey. I don’t want to with her. But I’ll always love her and care for her, especially now, with us sharing a child. I know Lindsey’s not really her mom, but they have the same blood, and Bandit looks like Lindsey. I can’t look at Bandit and kind of think of Lindsey. And that’s okay. But I need to make sure it’s okay with Frank.
“Hey, baby.” I say as we sit on the couch. I move to curl up into his side.
“Yeah?”
“I love you, Frank. I-“
“I love you too.” Frank cuts me off.
“Let me finish.” Frank gives me a concerned look, his eyebrows furrowed. “I love you, but I love Lindsey, too. I’ll always love her, and you need to know this. Bandit looks just like Linds, and she has her blood. I know Lindsey has done a lot of shit to us, but look what that shit got us. It got us a beautiful little girl. It’s not like I see her a lot. You need to trust that I love you more, and I love Linds in the way that I always will. I don’t want to be with her. I want to be you. Hell, I’m not even attracted to her anymore. I’m pretty sure I’m full on gay now. So, please, if I talk about Linds, don’t get mad. I won’t talk about her often. But she’s done a lot to us, but even more for us in the most fucked up ways.” I think that’s all I have to say. This could either end horribly or perfectly.
“I know, baby.” Frank grabs my waist and pulls me to his side tighter. “It’s okay. You should love her. You’re right, she’s given us a lot. And I’ll always love Pete. He took my virginity, he’s the one who showed me the friends I have and if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have went to that party and met you. I understand. I don’t want to be with Pete. He is pretty much the uncle to my child. I’m gonna see him and talk about him, but I don’t want him. I want you. I get it, Gee. I’m sorry I got so mad. I was just jealous.”
Well, okay. I wasn’t expecting all that. But it’s okay. I think everything’s okay now.
“It’s okay, Frankie. Our forever can begin now. I love you.”
“I-“ Frank’s interrupted with crying. Bandit’s awake. I smile wide at him and get up and walk to the nursery.
I walk in to see Bandit stirring around. Crying her beautiful little eyes out.
I reach down and pick her, and the crying magically stops. Completely. Wow.
“You little stinker, you’re so spoiled already, aren’t ya?”
“She alright?” Frank comes in, smiling.
“She just wanted to be held.” I reply.
“Like father, like daughter.” Frank winks. I laugh.

Time Lapse – 2 weeks later.
Frank just got home for work. I’m making stir fry and he’s feeding Bandit a bottle.
We’ve finally gotten the hang of things.
Frank works 7 hours a day, and I take care of Bandit during that time. When she sleeps, I write my comics, and after she goes to bed around 8 each night, I write for another hour or two, hang out with Frank and then we’re in bed by midnight. Me and Frank still get time, we all get family time. It’s kind of perfect. Frank likes to do all the ‘hard’ stuff with Bandit when he gets off, to take stress off of me. On weekends is when I work the most. Frank will do what I do when he’s at work to let me get a lot done. We take turns waking up with her in the middle of the night. We’re both making great money. Frank’s been able to do more difficult tattoos, meaning more money. And my books have been selling pretty well.
We’ve went to the hospital the past two Sunday’s. Mikey and Pete have came over to watch Bandit, and me and Frank go to visit Linds and then we get lunch with Brendon. Lindsey’s condition hasn’t changed that we know of. It’s Tuesday. I’m guessing it can’t change much in two days.
Boy was I wrong.
It’s about 7 at night and my phone starts going off. It’s Brendon. For some reason I don’t into it.
“Talk to meh.” I say.
“Gee, Lindsey is awake.”
“I’m on my way!”
“Gerard, no! I’m sorry. There’s a guard here now that she’s awake and no one can see her.”
“She needs to meet Bandit!” I yell.
“I’m sorry. I’ll ask him, but I’m not sure the response will be yes.”
Frank comes up to with a sleepy looking Bandit in her arms.
“Everything okay?” he mouths. I hold my pointer finger, asking him to wait, he nods.
“Okay.” Brendon comes back on the line. “You have 10 minutes to get here and 10 minutes with Lindsey.”
“Thank you.”
I hang up the phone.
“Lindsey’s awake and we have to go so she can meet Bandit because my child is not stepping foot into a prison.” I rush out before Frank can ask. He just nods and grabs my keys. I put my shoes on and take Bandit so he can do the same. I grab Bandit’s shoes and we’re out the door. We make it to the hospital in perfect timing and practically run to the elevator.
In no time, we’re at Lindsey’s room door. The guard has moved out of the way and we’re about to walk in. My heart stops.
Frank opens the door, because I’m carrying Bandit. There she is. Sitting up. And honestly, looking like she wasn’t in a coma for the past 2 months.
“Hi, Frank. How ar-“ Her words stop when her eyes see the little girl I’m holding. Bandit turns her face too look at Lindsey.
“Bandit,” I say, walking closer to Lindsey. “This is your-“ Shit, what do I say. “Uh..”
“Linds. I’m your Linds.” Lindsey tells her. “Hi, Bandit. It’s so nice to meet you. I’m sorry I’ve been away, I couldn’t help it.”
“Do you wanna hold her?” Frank ask from beside me.
“Yes, please.” I hand Bandit over, slowly and gently.
Bandit smiles at Lindsey, and I watch a single tear fall from Lindsey’s face before it’s followed by more.
“Linds… It’s okay.”
“No, Gerard. It’s not. I could have been her mom. I could have been your wife. If I wasn’t stupid. I don’t know why I cheated on your with Jimmy, I just didn’t realize what I had. I’m sorry. I fucked us up, I’m sorry I drugged you. I’m sorry, Gerard.” She looks down at Bandit.” And I’m sorry, Bandit. I know that you have the greatest parents in the world, but I’m sorry one day you’re going to have to ask what about my mom or if you were adopted and I’m sorry if the truth confuses you or hurts you. Just know I wasn’t thinking, and I love you and if I could and actually deserved to be your mother, I would. I promise.”
At this point, I’m crying. And franks holding me. It complete silence when she’s done talking besides a few sniffles and breathes. The guard comes in to tell us time is up.
“I love you, angel. So much.” Lindsey whispers to Bandit before kissing her forehead and handing her to me.
“I’m sorry. I love you, Gerard.” Lindsey says, playing with her fingers.
I look down at Bandit and back up at Frank. He nods, reading my mind.
I lean down and kiss Lindsey on the forehead, just a peck. She smiles at me. “I love you too, Linds.” And I walk out the door without a second look.

Notes

because the last chapter was shit and short and i'm sorry.
i wanted to post something that wasn't (complete) shit.
expect smut in the next chapter, cause i'm a slut and wanna write some.

OH, and i don't think i ever told y'all what came of my gender identity crisis. i'm still not certain, i still get confused, but i feel i am gender fluid and i prefer the pronouns they/them.
thank you to all of y'all who commented and offered help and told me they're hear. it meant so much and made me so happy. and special thank you to someone who should know who they are for helping me through that and for helping me everyday. i love you guys to the moon and back.

thanks for reading, guys.
i hope you like this.
comment and subscribe and shtuff.
stay lovely.