Their Hearts Don't Beat Like Ours

Sun shining through the curtains wakes me up, I open my eyes and look at the other side of the bed. Where’s Lindsey? I always wake up first-
Oh.
Last night’s events come rushing back through my head, and I cringe. Anger rushes over my body again. I grab the phone and check the time. It’s 11. I get out of bed, and go down stairs to make coffee.
My phone buzzes at the same time that the coffee maker beeps, telling me my coffee is ready. I grab my phone. I don’t recognize the number. Should I answer it? Eh, why not.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Gerard. It’s Frank. From last night?” Well, I wasn’t expecting a call from him.
“Oh, hey.”
“I didn’t see you after I told you what I saw, and I wanted to see if everything’s okay?”
“Well, if okay means I’m now single because the women I thought I was gonna marry has been fucking her so called gay best friend for the past year behind my back. Then, yep. Everything’s great.”
“I’m so sorry.” He sounds so sad.
“It’s alright. The relationship has been shit lately. I kinda feel like I got over her months ago.”
“Well, that’s good, I guess… Do you maybe wanna get some coffee or something?”
I look down at the full pot I just made.
“Frank, I really don’t feel like going out.”
“Oh, yeah. I understand. Sorry, I shouldn’t of asked.”
Shit, I feel bad. I didn’t mean for that to sound so rude.
“I just made a fresh pot of coffee. Do you wanna come over here? If that’s not weird, or anything.”
“Nah, that’s not weird. Yeah, I’d love too. Where do you live?”
“You know the apartment buildings on 9th?”
“No way!”
“What?”
“We live in the same complex, dude.” That’s odd. I’ve never seen him before.
“Really? I didn’t recognize you last night.”
“Me and mom moved over here a week ago.” That would explain it.
“Oh, well. 24C.”
“Cool, I’ll leave in a minute.” He hangs up.
Okay, that’s weird. But cool. I like having friends nearby. Yeah, he’s seven years younger, but I’ve always had friends younger than me. Mostly because Mikey, but also because I tend to appear and have interest a lot younger than me.
I poor my cup of coffee and sit at the island. I take a few sips and just begin to process everything. I am now single. But I’m okay. I really am okay. I didn’t drink last night. If I was really upset I would have drank. I was around plenty of alcohol.
I hear a knock on my door. Frank. I open the door to see him grinning at me. He’s shorter then I realized. A lot shorter. It’s cute. Wait, what? Anyways. I gesture for him to come in. He’s wearing gray skinny jeans, an Iron Maiden shirt and the same red converse. Without the hoodie, I see all his tattoos. He has one arm practically covered. Tattoos on his knuckes. An anchor on the other arm, and a scorpion on his neck.
“How do you have so many tattoos at 17?” I ask.
“Well, hello to you too. And my best friend’s a tattoo artist. My mom was cool with it, so I started my collection early.”
“What does your knuckles say?”
He holds his fist out to me. Halloween.
“Why?” I ask.
“Halloween is awesome. And it’s birthday.” Oh, that’s fucking sick.
“That’s kinda really fucking cool. Coffee?” He grins up at me.
“Yes, please.”
I poor him a cup and go to the fridge to get the milk, but he stops me.
“I like it black.” My kinda guy.
“So,” He begins. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
“Eh, like I said, I’ve kinda been over it for a while. I’m just fucking pissed. A year? How could I be so stupid?”
“Blinded by love.” He says.
“Hah, I guess. She told me he was gay. Really? God.”
“It’s all good. I’m guessing you get the apartment?”
“Yeah, I’ve lived here since before Lindsey. She moved out of her parents to here.”
“Well, that’s lucky.”
“Tell me about it.”
“I didn’t drink though.” I barely mumble. Kind of to myself.
“How long have you been sober?” He asks. Holy shit. This kid’s smart.
“A little over a year.” I say. For someone reason, I trust Frank. I don’t normally trust strangers. But something about him, tells me I can trust him.
“Congrats, Gee.” What did he just call me?
“Gee?” I look at him, confused. He puts his coffee down.
“Sorry, I have this habit of making of knit names for people. I won’t do it again.” He tries to laugh it off.
“No, it’s fine. I like it.” I offer him a smile, and he returns it.
We change the subject to music, and music goes to art, and art goes to movies. We have a lot in common. I tell Frank about my comic career, and he tells me about his music career, and his band, Pencey Prep. He got the scorpion on his neck so he’ll never have to have a real job. Which is half stupid, half awesome. We both like the same books, and movies. We both love horror. And we have the same favorite band: Smashing Pumpkins. This beyond awesome.
Somehow, the conversation gets back to Lindsey and Frank admits something.
“I was cheated on two years ago, when I was 15. Her name was Jamia.” Her? I thought he was gay.
“I thought you were…”
“Oh, I am. But I wasn’t always. I was bi. But it was like Jamia was the only girl I was attracted too. I tried to hook up with a few girls, but my dick fell soft, and then I woke up next to a guy after one drunken night, and we had a thing for 6 months, and during that 6 months I realized I didn’t even find Jamia attractive anymore, so I thought I must be gay. And I am.” He laughs awkwardly.
“Dude, don’t think I have a problem with it. I wouldn’t have asked you over if I did. My brother’s bi, his boyfriend’s name is Pete.”
“Way?”
“What?”
“You’re Mikey’s brothers?”
“Yeah! How do you know Mikey?”
“Pete is the guy I had a 6 month thing with. We’re best friends now, and he’s brought Mikey around a lot.”
“Huh, what a small world.”
“Nah, there’s just not a lot of gay’s in Belleville.”
“True.”
That’s weird. But this is awesome. We have the same crowd.
We continue to talk about music, and people we know. He tells me about his family, and I tell him about mine. We talk about bull shit. We talk about politics. We go through 2 pots of coffee. By the time one of us picks up our phone we notice he’s been here for four hours.
“Gerard, it’s almost 4.” Frank laughs.
“Holy shit.”
“My mom wants me home for dinner at 5, so I gotta get going soon.” No. I don’t want him to leave.
“Oh. Okay. Thanks for coming over.”
“I had fun, Gerard.” I smile at him.
“I had fun, too, Frank. Thanks for getting my minds off things.”
“It was my pleasure.” He replies.
He stands up, and I stand up too. He starts to walk to the door, and for some reason I want to stop him. But I don’t. He opens the door and waves to me before disappearing. The room suddenly feels empty. I want to call him back, I don’t like watching him walk away.
What is wrong with me?
I think we’re best friends now. It’s weird. I feel like I’ve known him my whole life. I started to notice how his eyes glisten when he talks about music, and how his lips go to one side of his face first when he smiles. How his hands move when he talks. I found myself just staring at his lips when he speaks. They looked soft. I try to push these thoughts away, but they keep coming back. I’m not gay. I’m not. I’m straight. I just had a three year relationship with a women. I enjoyed fucking her just a week ago. It felt good. I like it. What if I’m bi? Mikey’s bi. What am I saying? I’ve never been attracted to a man. But, Frank is so cute. The way his fringe falls in his face. His smile. His piercings.
Gerard. Stop. No. I don’t have a crush on Frank.
Okay, so, what if I do? That doesn’t mean I want him sexually. I just like his personality.
But I wanna know what he taste like. I wanna run my tongue over his tattoos. The scorpion on the side of his neck that I’m dying to put a purple hickie over.
Oh, my god. I want frank. I want him. I like Frank. He’s smart, witty, and funny. And he’s adorable, but he has this sex appeal to him.
He’s gay. I could give it a try. I could see what it’s like to kiss him. Am I sure I wanna do this? Yes. I do. But, I don’t at the same. Do I want to be gay? I don’t know. I don’t have anything with gay people. They’re awesome, but me. Liking guys? But what if it’s just Frank. I bet if I just kiss him, I won’t feel a thing, and all this can be over with. But what if I do? I just need to kiss him. I need to kiss Frank Iero, right now.
I grab my phone off the table and go to text Frank.
To Frank:
Can you come over again after you eat?

From Frank:
Yeah. Sure. Is everything okay?
To Frank:
I’m not sure.
From Frank:
Okay… It’ll be ‘bout an hour.

An hour. I’m kissing Frank in an hour. I need a cigarette.
I smoke in the living room. I end up smoking three, and drinking another cup of coffee. Frank will be here soon. He’ll be here soon. There’s a knock on my door. He’s here. It hasn’t been an hour.
I walk to the door and open it, plastering a smile on my face. Frank walks in.
“Gerard, is everything okay? What was the “I’m not sure” about?”
“Uhm. Frank. I- shit.”
I don’t know how to go about this.
“Gerard, sit down. You look like you’re gonna faint.” Is it that obvioius?
I move over to the island and sit at the bar stool. It’s tall, so sitting down, I’m the same height as Frank. Perfect.
“Frank, come here.” He steps closer to me. He’s still not close enough.
I reach out and grab his hand and pull him to me. He’s standing in between my spread legs. His eyes widen.
“Gee, what are you doing?” I snake my hand up his arm, my eyes following my hand. I trace over his tattoos, and move my other hand to his waist.
“Frankie.” I barely whisper. “I just need to try something, okay?”
He nods, and my hand on his arms move up to grip around his neck. I pull his face to mine. And hold it right in front of me, we don’t lose eye contact. His eyes are filled with happiness. He doesn’t look scared. He doesn’t look worried or grossed out. He looks happy.
I close the distance and attach his lips to mine. He shows no hesitation in kissing me back. His lips are soft, and I can still taste the coffee on his breathe. I like Frank. I’ve never felt this before. This kiss may be the best kiss of my life. He stays sweet. Neither one of us tries to tongue each other. We just kiss. We become one. And it’s making me happy. One of franks hand is running up and down my spine and the other is cupping my cheek.
I’m the first to release, panting even though it wasn’t intense. He just looks at me and moves his hand from my cheek to run up and down my arm. His other hand follows. He just stares at me. He doesn’t say anything, and I’m glad.
“Did you feel that, too?” I ask him. I don’t know why. It sounds stupid, but the smile that spreads across his faces tells me it wasn’t to him.
“Yeah, Gee. I did.” I smile.
“Frankie, I’m scared.”
“It’s okay. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“Will you help me understand this?” I ask him. I’m so confused. I just kissed a boy, and loved it.
“Ofcoruse, Gee.”
“I like you.” I tell him.
“I like you.” He replies. I smile.

Notes

yayaya. fluffy shit.
thanks for reading! stay lovely!