Their Hearts Don't Beat Like Ours

Needless to say, I cried. I’ve been crying for hours. I always cry. I cry over everything from happy to depressing.
For once, I was thankful I knew Frank wouldn’t come back tonight. I rather hold that off as long as possible.
I can’t tell Frank. But I have too.
We just made our relationship perfect. He’s officially my boyfriend, I finally said I’m gay and told him I love him. How could things get better?
Things could get worst. He’s gonna hate me. He’s barely 18. He’s not going to want to be with a 24 year old with a kid.
“Hah, at least my mom gets her grandkid.” I said to myself. There’s one bright side.
I have to tell someone. Mikey. I need to tell Mikey.
I finally get off the couch and go to grab my keys. When I get in the car. I realize the time. It’s 10 at night. Already? What if Frank decides he wants to sleep here after his mom goes to bed. He does that sometimes.
Ugh.
I first text Mikey.
“Need bro time. Coming over.” I don’t even bother asking. If he says no when I get there, I’ll stay anyways.
Then I text Frank.
“Going over to Mikes. Might crash there. I’ll text when I get home. Love you. xoG.”
And then I drive to Mikey’s. How am I going to tell him this? What will he say? He can’t be mad at me. He’s my brother. I didn’t fucking do anything! This isn’t my fault! It’s no one’s except for that bitch. That fucking bitch.
Mikey’s outside… smoking? Mike doesn’t smoke. Uhm. Okay. I grab my cigarettes and light it up as I walk towards Mikey’s door.
“Since when did this start?” I ask, gesturing towards his cigarette.
“Uh, last week. A friend left his pack and I was curious.”
“Oh, well, welcome to the club.” I say smiling.
“So, what’s up? Why the late night house visit.”
How should I put this?
“Uh, something happened. Or more like something came from something that happened. It’s bad.” My voice cracks and Mikey’s eyebrows fold in concern.
“Gee, is it Frank?”
“No. Uh, actually Mikes. I said it. I’m gay. And I love Frank. I said it last night after… after. I,”
“You bottomed.” Mikey finishes, with a smirk on his face. I blush and laugh.
“Yeah. I bottomed.”
“I’m so goddamn proud of you.” He walks closer and hugs me. I hug him back, slightly clinging to him.
“It seems like everything’s perfect, Gerard. What’s the bad thing?”
“Mikey.” I whisper. I throw my cigarette to the ground. I take another one out and light it up. I just gotta say it.
“Lindsey’s pregnant.” His mouth drops, eyes wide. He’s staring at me. He snaps out his trance quickly. “It’s can’t be Jim-“
“I know. He’s infertile.” He cuts me off. I just nod.
“So… It’s yours then?” He ask. His voice is slightly shaking.
“She’s 5 weeks… the time frame is perfect. So, yeah. It’s mine. Or probably is.”
“You can have it tested once it’s born.” Mikey tells me.
“I know. But I rather just think it’s mine, so when it come’s I’m prepared.”
“You’re gonna keep it, right?” Mikey would hate me if I said no. Good thing I know my answer.
“Yeah. I am. And she won’t be able to get custody. Like, ever. Unless I become worst then she is.” I say, softly. That makes me happy to say. She can’t come near my child.
My child. I’m a dad. Or almost one.
“You haven’t told Frank?” Mikey ask. He knows the answer. I just shake my head.
“I found out a few hours ago. Lindsey’s lawyer called me. He went home to his mom.” I inform him. I take a hit of my cigarette and watch Mike pull another one out.
“I don’t know how to tell him, Mikey. He’s gonna leave me.”
“Gerard Arthur Way. No, he’s not. He loves you. This might be a big deal, but it’s not your fault. You were drugged. She raped you, Gee. This is only her fault.” He says, sternly. Staring through to my soul, reading me, like he always does. “But, I’m so happy you’re gonna keep it. You know how good of a person that makes you? Ma’s gonna be pretty happy, too, y’know.”
I laugh. “I was thinking that earlier.” I drop my cigarette. “You don’t think he’ll hate me?”
“No, Gerard. Frank could never hate you.” I just nod.
“Thanks, Mikes. I guess I’ll uh, go.”
“Hey! Stay! Pete’s at his grandmothers, helping her move. I’m alone. You wanna stay here tonight?” He ask. I just smile. I was hoping he’d ask. He opens the door and we go in.
We stay up for the next few hours talking about everything. New music we’ve been into, Frank, Pete, parents, old childhood memories. I forgot how good it feels to just spend time with Mikey. It’s good to know that we can always pick off where we left off. Like, he’ll always be my best friend. No matter how far apart we might grow. Which I hope is never that far.

I slept on the couch, and wake up to my phone going off. It’s a text from Frank.
I sigh, still scared of what I know I have to do later.
“I miss u. let me know when you get home. xofrnk.” The text read. I smiled. I hope Mikes is right. I can’t lose Frank. I love him too much. He’s become my lifeline.
I reluctantly get up and find pot of coffee made and Mikey standing in the kitchen.
“You slept all day, Gee.” He laughed while getting a mug out and pouring me a cup of coffee.
He handed over. “Thanks. What time is it?” I ask.
“2 in the afternoon.” I take a sip and just shrug.
“I guess I needed it. But I should get home. Frank texted me.”
“You gotta tell him.”
“I will, Mikey. I will.”
“Don’t worry, he might be upset. But it won’t be at you. I promise.” Mikey comforts me.
I drink two more cups of coffee and we talk about bullshit until I leave.
“Hey, Mikes?” I say, while opening the front door. He looks up at me. “I missed this.”
Mikey smiles. “Yeah, let’s do it more often. Let me know how it goes with Frank.”
“Will do. Love ya.”
I hear a love you too as I close the door.
I text Frank while at a red light 5 minutes away from the apartment letting him know I’m almost home, and low and behold and very handsome looking Frankie is waiting for me at my door.
I’m scared shitless, but I can’t help but to smile at his grin.
“Hey, baby!” He calls. I walk over towards him and lean down to kiss him. I’m probably to eager and I kiss him like it’s the last time I’ll kiss him. Because I’m terrified it will be.
“Whoa, I missed you too.” He giggles. I peck his lips again before I open the door. We go in. I have to get this over with. He’ll be angry if I tell him after a while. I have to do it now.
“I love you. I’m so in love with you.” I say, sounding desperate.
“I… I love you too. Is everything okay?” He ask.
“No.” is all I can reply with.
“What is it?”
I take a deep breathe in.
“Lindsey’s 5 weeks pregnant. And Jimmy’s infertile which means that its mine. And I couldn’t stand to give it away so I’m gonna raise it. Please don’t leave me.” I say, talking faster then I think I ever have, hoping he understood me so I don’t have to repeat it. I can’t stand to look at his face. I keep staring at my feet.
It’s awhile before he speaks or one of us moves. The only sign that he’s still here is the lack of foot steps and his breathing, louder then normal.
“I already got what I wanted.” He whispers. I shoot my head up. His eyes are wide. Full of sadness. No betrayal, maybe a little anger. I hope it’s not for me. I forgot I told him that she said that. We stare at each other, both of us barely breathing.
“Gerard.” He finally says. “I’m sorry.” Here it goes. He’s leaving me. I knew it.
“Fuck.” I say, under my breathe. I wasn’t supposed to say that aloud.
“I’m so sorry she did this. But… But… I. God. Oh, my god.” He puts his face in his hands. I think he’s crying but I don’t dare to touch him.
“Frankie… But what?” I get the courage up to ask.
He takes a moment to reply. “But, I’m not going anywhere.” He says. I try to fight back my grin.
“Really?” I say, sounding to enthusiastic.
“Yes. We can do this.” He said we. This time I smile. He continues, “I’m proud of you for stepping up and deciding to keep it. You’re such a good man, Gerard.”
I walk over to him and pull him into my arms. His arms squeeze my waist.
“We?” I ask him. He leans out of my touch to look up at me.
“Yes. I won’t let you raise a baby by yourself.” He says sternly.
“You don’t have-“
“I know. I want too.”
I smile.
Frank lets go of me and grabs my hand, pulling me to the couch. I sit down and grab his hips. He straddles my lap and kisses me gently.
He leans back, and his hand moves to my cheek, brushing my cheekbone with his thumb. He takes a deep breathe.
“Ever since I met you, I knew I wanted to fall in love with you. When I fell in love with you, I knew I wanted to have a future with you. A long one. With your comics, and my tattoos. Getting married. A brick house, picket fence, lots of dogs, and,” He kisses me. “Kids.” He says against my lips before leaning back. “So, maybe that’s starting sooner than I had planned, and not quite in the right order, but that’s okay. Because I still want it. Yes, I’m angry at Lindsey. And I wish she wasn’t the mother, but I’m so happy you’re the father. And if you’d let me, I’d like to be the father, too.”
I don’t know how to reply, except for grinning and pulling frank in for a kiss. I kiss him, with everything I want to say. This couldn’t have gone better. And as I kiss him I forget everything. This will be our child. Ours. I forget that I don’t know the first thing about being a dad. I forget that I don’t have another bedroom. I forget that I’m scared shitless. But none of that matters. Because Frankie will help me through it all, we’ll help each other through it all.

Notes

glad you guys are liking this. stay lovely!